35 Gifts Your Children Will Never Forget

Becoming Minimalist

by Joshua Becker on November 26, 2010

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” – Kahlil Gibran

I have countless holiday memories. Most of them center around faith, family, and traditions.

Very few childhood memories actually include the gifts that I received. I distinctly remember the year that I got a blue dirt bike, the evening my brother and I received a Nintendo, and opening socks every year from my grandparents. But other than that, my gift-receiving memories are pretty sparse. Which got me thinking… what type of gifts can we give to our children that they will never forget? What gifts will truly impact their lives and change them forever?
To that end, here is an alphabetical list of 35 Gifts Your Children Will Never Forget.

1. Affirmation. Sometimes one simple word of affirmation can change an entire life. So make sure your children know how much you appreciate them. And then, remind them every chance you get.
2. Art. With the advent of the Internet, everyone who wants to create… can. The world just needs more people who want to…
3. Challenge. Encourage your child to dream big dreams. In turn, they will accomplish more than they thought possible… and probably even more than you thought possible.
4. Compassion/Justice. Life isn’t fair. It never will be – there are just too many variables. But when a wrong has been committed or a playing field can be leveled, I want my child to be active in helping to level it.
5. Contentment. The need for more is contagious. Therefore, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is an appreciation for being content with what they have… but not with who they are.
6. Curiosity. Teach your children to ask questions about who, what, where, how, why, and why not. “Stop asking so many questions” are words that should never leave a parents’ mouth.
7. Determination. One of the greatest determining factors in one’s success is the size of their will. How can you help grow your child’s today?
8. Discipline. Children need to learn everything from the ground-up including appropriate behaviors, how to get along with others, how to get results, and how to achieve their dreams. Discipline should not be avoided or withheld. Instead, it should be consistent and positive.
9. Encouragement. Words are powerful. They can create or they can destroy. The simple words that you choose to speak today can offer encouragement and positive thoughts to another child. Or your words can send them further into despair. So choose them carefully.
10. Faithfulness to your Spouse. Faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Your children will absolutely take notice.
11. Finding Beauty. Help your children find beauty in everything they see… and in everyone they meet.
12. Generosity. Teach your children to be generous with your stuff so that they will become generous with theirs.
13. Honesty/Integrity. Children who learn the value and importance of honesty at a young age have a far greater opportunity to become honest adults. And honest adults who deal truthfully with others tend to feel better about themselves, enjoy their lives more, and sleep better at night.
14. Hope. Hope is knowing and believing that things will get better and improve. It creates strength, endurance, and resolve. And in the desperately difficult times of life, it calls us to press onward.
15. Hugs and Kisses. I once heard the story of a man who told his 7-year old son that he had grown too old for kisses. I tear up every time I think of it. Know that your children are never too old to receive physical affirmation of your love for them.
16. Imagination. If we’ve learned anything over the past 20 years, it’s that life is changing faster and faster with every passing day. The world tomorrow looks nothing like the world today. And the people with imagination are the ones not just living it, they are creating it.
17. Intentionality. I believe strongly in intentional living and intentional parenting. Slow down, consider who you are, where you are going, and how to get there. And do the same for each of your children.
18. Your Lap. It’s the best place in the entire world for a book, story, or conversation. And it’s been right in front of you the whole time.
19. Lifelong Learning. A passion for learning is different from just studying to earn a grade or please teachers. It begins in the home. So read, ask questions, analyze, and expose. In other words, learn to love learning yourself.
20. Love. …but the greatest of these is love.
21. Meals Together. Meals provide unparalleled opportunity for relationship, the likes of which can not be found anywhere else. So much so, that a family that does not eat together does not grow together.
22. Nature. Children who learn to appreciate the world around them take care of the world around them. As a parent, I am frequently asking my kids to keep their rooms inside the house neat, clean, and orderly. Shouldn’t we also be teaching them to keep their world outside neat, clean, and orderly?
23. Opportunity. Kids need opportunities to experience new things so they can find out what they enjoy and what they are good at. And contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t have to require much money.
24. Optimism. Pessimists don’t change the world. Optimists do.
25. Peace. On a worldwide scale, you may think this is out of our hands. But in relation to the people around you, this is completely within your hands… and that’s a darn good place to start.
26. Pride. Celebrate the little things in life. After all, it is the little accomplishments in life that become the big accomplishments.
27. Room to Make mistakes. Kids are kids. That’s what makes them so much fun… and so desperately in need of your patience. Give them room to experiment, explore, and make mistakes.
28. Self-Esteem. People who learn to value themselves are more likely to have self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. As a result, they are more likely to become adults who respect their values and stick to them… even when no one else is.
29. Sense of Humor. Laugh with your children everyday… for your sake and theirs.
30. Spirituality. Faith elevates our view of the universe, our world, and our lives. We would be wise to instill into our kids that they are more than just flesh and blood taking up space. They are also made of mind, heart, soul, and will. And decisions in their life should be based on more than just what everyone else with flesh and blood is doing.
31. Stability. A stable home becomes the foundation on which children build the rest of their lives. They need to know their place in the family, who they can trust, and who is going to be there for them. Don’t keep changing those things.
32. Time. The gift of time is the one gift you can never get back or take back. So think carefully about who (or what) is getting yours.
33. Undivided Attention. Maybe this imagery will be helpful: Disconnect to Connect.
34. Uniqueness. What makes us different is what makes us special. Uniqueness should not be hidden. It should be proudly displayed for all the world to see, appreciate, and enjoy.
35. A Welcoming Home. To know that you can always come home is among the sweetest and most life-giving assurances in all the world. Is your home breathing life into your child?

Of course, none of these gifts are on sale at your local department store. But, I think that’s the point.

• http://www.becomingminimalist.com/2010/11/26/35-gifts-your-children-will-never-forget/

Be As You Are, The Teachings Of Sri Ramana Maharshi

by Akemi 

• http://reallifespirituality.com/ramana-maharshi/

This book has deepened my spirituality so significantly that I want to do a review. Ramana Maharshi is an Indian sage (1879 – 1950). At age sixteen, he ran away from school and home, and went to the sacred mountain of Arunachala, staying there for the rest of his life.

He wrote very little. This book is a compilation of this dialogues, with the editor David Godman’s introduction at the beginning of each chapter.

Nondualism

The main point of his teaching is that the only thing that ever exists is the one Consciousness. Individuality is only an illusion. Identification with the illusionary self is the cause of suffering.

He uses several words to mean this one Consciousness: Self, sat-chit-ananda (Sanskrit for being-consciousness-bliss), Heart (not the physical heart but the center), and God. So we need to be careful when he says “Self”. It’s not the Higher Self — it includes all Higher Selves. In his view, there is no difference between the Source (Brahman) and the Higher Self/soul (Atman).

For Ramana Maharshi, there is no creator and the creatures. This is the purest form of nondualism. Only one Consciousness being aware of itself.

Although on the surface his theory is different from my idea of how the Higher Selves and souls came to be from the Source, I actually agree with him. That story of creation is a layer of illusion, or what I call virtual reality simulation game.

Advaita

Even though Ramana Maharshi is often categorized as an Advaita (Sanskrit of nondualism and indicates a branch of Hindu teaching) teacher, this book explains the difference:

Advaita teaches “I am Brahman” whereas Ramana Maharshi maintains “I am”. The idea of “I am Brahman (or the Source or God)” is nice, it’s only a notion that is thought or believed. It implies there is “I” and “Brahman”. “I am” is a knowing. For Sri Ramana, there is no subject and object, the seer and the seen.

The “I” cannot become aware of the Self — I can only be the Self.

Self-enquiry

Self-enquiry is essentially a process of removing the illusions so you find what you already know. You are already the Self. There is nothing that is not the Self. But we all have so much gunk caused by the five senses and our conventional thinking that the truth may not be obvious.

When you release thoughts and be silent, you realize the truth, he says. And by silent, he doesn’t mean just shutting up your mouth. It’s a complete silence of the mind. It’s the stillness or non-doing.

I guess this is a tough idea for many. We are taught to think. We are taught not-thinking is ignorant and lazy. And here Sri Ramana says ignorance is holding onto the illusions and we are wiser when we release thoughts.

Self-realization

So what good do we achieve when we realize the truth of “I am”?

Well, none. Achievement is an illusion. We just realize all our problems are illusions and therefore be free from them. Ramana Maharshi says self-realization is bliss — the Self is bliss.

Quantum mechanics

Now here is how I interpret his teaching with what I know about modern science. We are all made of atoms. The atom is like 99% space with tiny subatomic particles flying around as possibilities. In our everyday life, we recognize there is a distinct difference between my body and the space around me, and my body and your body. But really, the difference is only relative. My body is relatively denser than the space around me, but no significant difference.

Energy continues beyond what we recognize as individual objects and life forms. Individuality is only supported by our five senses, which only registers energetic information in a gross, inaccurate way.

We are all one. One taking localized forms temporarily.

Accepting a layer of illusion

For those of you who think his teaching is too far off and impractical, Ramana Maharshi also modifies his teaching and says it is okay to assume some individuality.

So it’s okay to pray. When you know there is only one Consciousness — in other words, when you know you are God — there is no point of praying. I agree with him, but at the same time, I find comfort in praying. So at least for now, accepting this layer of illusion that there is God and me works for me.

Needless to say, when we realize our individuality is an illusion, then reincarnation is an illusion as well. So those of you who really grasp his teaching of nonduality (not just understanding it on the intellectual level, but really know it and live in bliss) don’t need my Akashic Record Reading. You are free already and you know it.

Renunciation

Also, I personally find it interesting that he discourages renunciation even though he himself abandoned his worldly life and led a very austere life. It is said his only personal possession was his loincloth. To his visitors, however, he explained self-enquiry alone is sufficient for self-realization.

So I guess I don’t need to move to India

This is the best book on spirituality I know. I don’t think you need to know anything else about spirituality. Read it, be silent, and realize.

Feel yourself in joy

Every day, or at the very least once or twice a week, take a few minutes and focus on seeing yourself in joy. Feel yourself in joy. Imagine only joy ahead in your life and see yourself basking in it. As you do this the Universe will move all people, circumstances, and events to bring you that joy. You can't be in joy if you have money worries, or health worries, or relationship problems with friends or family. So deposit some joy in the bank of the Universe as often as you can. There isn't an investment that is more worthwhile.

May the joy be with you,

Rhonda Byrne

Humility is Seeing Divinity in Everyone

• http://reallifespirituality.com/humility/
• By Akemi

Humility is the foundation of love

Humility is about clear seeing and acceptance. So humility is the basis of true love. How can I possibly love you when I see you above or below me? And which would you prefer, to be loved for the attributes you have or to be loved as a whole person just as you are?

Further, the apparent paradox is that, when you are humble, you attract true respect. One thing I really like about teachers such as Ramana Maharshi and Adyashanti is their lack of self-importance.

Even though it shares the same word stem, humiliation is vastly different from this voluntary and natural humility. Humiliation is about putting down someone below who he or she really is. It’s a form of manipulation. Humility is based on truth while humiliation is based on non-truth.

Loving all there is

By loving all there is as they are, with no judging, no resisting, no running around to fix it, no preventing it, and so on — everything becomes more or less okay and I end up in peace and joy. And the peace and joy are unaffected by the happenings in my life so they are stable.

When I get what I like, that is great.
When I don’t get what I like, I’m still okay.
When I get what irritates my feelings — ah, how interesting. (Hey, peace doesn’t have to be boring and monotonous!)

Or even better, just quiet my mind and don’t even notice what I am “getting”. Just accept what they are.

I’m going to try this nondualism approach to see how it fits me. 

 Akemi Gaines

• http://reallifespirituality.com/what-do-you-want-in-life/

Right Where We Are - Enlightenment At Home

You don't need to travel to a far away land to become enlightened; it isn't the place, it's the practice.

Many spiritual seekers feel called to far-flung places across the globe in the interest of pursuing the path of their enlightenment. This may indeed be the right course of action for certain people, but it is by no means necessary to attaining an enlightened consciousness. Enlightenment can take root anywhere on earth, as long as the seeker is an open and ready vessel for higher consciousness. All we need is a powerful intention, and a willingness to do the work necessary to moving forward on our path.

In terms of spiritual practice, at this moment, there are more tools available to more people than at any other time in history. We have access to so much wisdom through the vehicles of books, magazines, the Internet, television, and film. In addition, the time-honored practice of meditation is free, and sitting quietly everyday, listening to the universe, is a great way to start the journey within. There is further inspiration in the fact that the greatest teachers we have are our own life experiences, and they come to us every day with new lessons and new opportunities to learn. If we look at the people around us, we may realize that we have a spiritual community already intact, and if we don't, we can find one, if not in our own neighborhood, then on-line.

Meanwhile, if we feel called to travel in search of teachers and experiences, then by all means, we should. But if we can't go to India, or Burma, or Indonesia, or if we don't have the desire, this is not an obstacle in terms of our spiritual development. In fact, we may simply be aware that our time and energy is best spent in our own homes, with our meditation practice and all the complications and joys of our own lives. We can confidently stay in one place, knowing that everything that we need to attain enlightenment is always available right where we are. 

• http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2010/26204.html

Living From Your Heart

by Caroline Sutherland

If you've decided to get to the summit of your mountain and not just hang around base camp, then know that ascending to the highest level of living is going to involve your heart. Take a second to check how it's doing right now: Put your hand on your heart and ask, "Is my ‘love tap' flowing inside of me?"

You see, we all have a small but powerful golden tap inside of us -- while it might be covered over and obscured by leaves and twigs, it's still there. Get to know it, and check in with it on a daily (even hourly) basis. Is your tap turned on enough so that the love from your heart is flowing out to everyone you meet? Even though you may be taxed and burdened by a life that can be fraught with many disappointments, you can still love.


Every night before you go to bed, it helps to examine the day and review your thoughts and actions to find how they could be more loving. Ultimately, when you leave this plane of existence, that's what's going to count. In order to reach the summit of your own personal mountain, your mandate must be to love, inspire, and serve others in whatever you do -- not in some lofty purpose "over there," but in your daily life, right where you are right now.

Three Loving Techniques

Julie Anderson's book, The Heart: The Final Destination, seeks to provide insights, inspiration, and guidance about loving more. (Please visit: www.destinationheart.com.) Here are three techniques (in italics) to help open your heart center:

1. Welcome everyone with love. With everyone, including animals, I meet, I automatically say to them mentally, "I welcome you into my life with love." This technique has diffused so many situations I have been confronted with over the years. It puts out an energy and feeling of peace and understanding, whether the other individual knows it or not. 

Like Julie, whenever I meet someone, I always know that he or she is bringing me the next step. I stay aware, listen, and offer a greeting, knowing that out of his or her mouth will come the next piece of information that I need to know. Everything is connected. I bring something into the life of each person I meet, and vice versa. This is a loving, positive exchange.

2. Listen to others. Truly listen with your undivided attention when someone is trying to convey something to you. Then repeat back what you think was said. These two techniques not only clarify the information you are receiving but allow you to truly understand where an individual is coming from. So much of our communication between individuals is misunderstood. Listen with the heart into what someone is actually saying, as it may not at all be what you thought you heard.

3. Breathe in love and breathe out blessings. Make this a continual mantra throughout your day. This is a technique I start my day with and continually repeat. It reminds me to think well of others. Remember there is no time or space, and every time you say this you are actually emanating blessings and love to everyone and everything around you. This actually creates an energy field emanating from your heart like a beacon. Every second of every day, you always have a choice of how to be and how to react to any situation. Pick your choices well and bring harmony to all.

I've personally enjoyed the work of the Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. His books are filled with the central themes of peace, love, and compassion; and he teaches the art of mindful living and embracing our own reality, which can be tough to do when we're dealing with the effects of this world.

My Inspiration for You

I believe that diseases begin when we disregard the messages of the heart and deny what gives us happiness -- good things will come if we live in joy, harmony, and gratitude. Through any personal health challenge, the miracle of the body still prevails. With a little help, it knows what to do and can repair at any age -- I've seen it happen countless times.
When the body repairs, the energy returns, the lights go on, the vitality pours back in, and everything lines up! Then emotions take on a rational perspective and spirituality is aligned; thus, we witness the true miracle of the connection between the body, mind, and spirit.

I believe that we can slow down the aging process at this particular point in our history, and that there are tools available for us to do so. Because we're living longer, it behooves us to find these tools and use them. But our highest level of mastery is going to be our personal spiritual evolution -- the perfection of our soul.
This brings us to the art of surrender, or the top of the mountain -- that is, when you can accept, allow, and enjoy the mystery of life as it unfolds and then ends. I hope that you can look back on the piece of patchwork that you've left on the planet with a sense of pride and accomplishment. And, as you review the life that you've passionately lived, may you be able to say, in the words of the famous French chanteuse Edith Piaf: "Non, je ne regrette rien" -- "No, I do not regret anything."

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This article was excerpted from:
The Body Knows... How to Stay Young
by Caroline Sutherland.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Hay House Inc. www.hayhouse.com. ©2008. 
For more info or to order this book or the Amazon Kindle format.

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About The Author

Caroline Sutherland is an internationally recognized medical intuitive, lecturer, workshop leader and author of many books and audio programs on health, personal development, and self-esteem. She is the founder of Sutherland Communications, which offers Medical Intuitive Training Programs; intuitive assessments for weight loss, menopause and general health concerns; consultation services and related products for adults and children. Visit Caroline online at www.carolinesutherland.com.

Four Simple Keys to Transform Your Life

What’s Best for All

The Power of Choice. Every one of us makes countless choices every day. Every choice we make has an impact on our lives. Even insignificant choices can affect what we experience and how we feel. When hunger strikes, we can reach for a healthy, nutritious snack, or we can choose the sugar high of junk food. The more important the decision, the more profound its effect. For instance, how do I act towards that person who treated me badly? Do I generally choose to be passive, or do I actively set clear intentions and create what I want in my life? Every choice we make, however big or small, affects us in some way.

How Do You Make Choices? If you are interested in living a richer, fuller life, there is a foundation upon which you can base all of your decisions which can make life better not only for you, but also for those around you. This foundation is to choose based on what’s best for all. Imagine a world where every parent, spouse, friend, teacher, businessperson, and politician truly did their best to choose what’s best for all involved in every decision they made. We would certainly live in a more caring, supportive world.

It’s the Intention. “But how do I know what is really best?” you might ask. The answer is simple. It doesn’t matter. What matters is not the choice you make, but rather the intention behind your choice. What matters is that whatever decision you make, you are clear in your intention of choosing based on what’s best for all. If it later turns out that you made what appears to have been a bad choice, there’s no need for guilt. Knowing that you did your best to choose with a sincere desire for what’s best for all, your conscience stays clear and open. This then allows you to more easily learn from your mistakes, and to live with a clear heart and mind.

What’s Best for Me, Too! Choosing what’s best does not mean you have to always sacrifice yourself for others. An overly exhausted mother can lose her temper easily. Some time off for this mother might seem selfish, yet in the long run, it can help her to be a better mother to her children. So as we move through each day of our lives, let us remember to include ourselves as we do our best to choose what’s best for all.

Divine Guidance

Many Meanings for Divine. Guidance can come from many sources. Yet by opening to guidance from the divine, we open to the support of powerful forces greater than ourselves. The divine has different meanings for different people, whether it be God, Creator, Jehovah, Allah, or Great Spirit. Yet even if you don’t believe in any of these, consider the possibility that there is a very wise part of yourself—a higher self or a deeper self—which can provide you with guidance. What is important is that we open to this presence, however we choose to define the divine, and that we consciously invite this powerful guidance into our daily lives.

All Requests Only if it’s Best. When seeking divine guidance with a specific result, be sure to end with “only if this is what’s best for all.” There are times when what’s best is not what’s easiest or most enjoyable. Sometimes unwanted or unexpected challenges, difficult situations, and even pain can teach us important lessons that in the long run help us to enjoy life more fully. When we choose to see all experiences as gifts from the divine and opportunities for growth and understanding, we open to a deeper level of divine guidance.

Acceptance and Understanding

Our Core Essence. Deep down we are all beautiful beings worthy of love and support. The sweet innocence of babies and young children is a clear example of this. Yet for most of us, the shining essence with which we came into this life became obscured over the years as our family and others were unable to give us the kind of unconditional love and support we so craved. As children, when we were repeatedly told that we were not good enough or were punished just for being who we are, thick layers of confusion and doubt developed, clouding our divine essence. Layers of fear and insecurity were woven into our personalities.

The Mask. By the time we are grown, most of us have developed a protective mask or persona to hide these layers of fear and insecurity from others, and at times even from ourselves. Outwardly we might appear happy or content, yet on the inside most of us to varying degrees feel unhappy with who we are. Yet beneath it all, that shining essence is still there. No matter how much we may have forgotten, no matter how thick those overshadowing layers may be, our beautiful core essence is and has always been there.

Accepting and Understanding Myself. By choosing to accept and understand all of who you are—both your deep shining essence and the layers of dark clouds within—you can invite that beautiful inner essence to shine through the clouds and to shine again in your life. When fears, dark thoughts, or difficult emotions arise, first choose to accept that they are there. Then work towards understanding these dark clouds and where they came from. Ask for divine guidance as you explore and transform these dark places.

Courage. It takes courage to accept and work to understand our fears and weaknesses. Yet by doing our best to be fully ourselves in all our strengths and weaknesses, our relationships can grow richer, deeper, and more meaningful. This may be challenging, as some people are unable or unwilling to accept certain parts of us. Yet as those around us see us becoming more real and honest with them, many will also be inspired to be more real and honest with us. Thus, instead of continually avoiding or denying those clouds or dark layers in both ourselves and others, we open to a deeper, more authentic way of living and of relating to others.

Accepting and Understanding Others. As you develop greater acceptance and understanding of yourself, you will notice that others, too, have lost touch with their shining core essence. As you work to accept and understand yourself, it is most important that you choose also to give this gift to those around you. Acceptance of what is, coupled with understanding of what we can change and what we cannot, allows us to find the courage to be all that we can be, and to empower others in doing the same.

Love and Empowerment

Let me start with myself. I will do my best to love and empower myself to be the best I can be every day of my life. By making this commitment to yourself, it becomes easier to love and empower those around you. But do you really want to give this gift to all other people? What if you really don’t like someone? In this case, you can remind yourself that it is usually a person's personality that you don’t like—the mask or dark clouds blocking their deeper essence. Remember that beneath the mask is a shining divine essence. While acknowledging those parts you don’t like, do your best to empower the shining being hidden beneath the mask or personality that you don’t like. You can choose to love and empower the divine spark within all.

Negative Judgment. Judging someone to be bad as a person does not empower or inspire anyone to be a better person. When you find yourself feeling negative judgment, first acknowledge the part of you that wants to judge—the part that wants to be right or better than others. Then do your best to learn from your judgment and let it go. Open to finding first acceptance, and then understanding and love both for you and for the person you judged. Choose to let your last thought always be that of love.

Stopping harm. What if someone does something that is clearly wrong or causes harm? In this case, be firm and take whatever action you feel is best to stop harm. Enforcing a serious consequence with someone who has acted out of extreme self-interest may be the most loving, empowering action you can take. Yet even as you take action, open to seeing the inner turmoil that causes people to do harm. You can act from a place of love and support, even while firmly stopping someone from doing wrong or causing harm. Through choosing to see beneath all of the pain, suffering, and hatred, and to recognize and connect with the divine essence within even those who would do us harm, not only do we heal the world, we heal ourselves.

Imagine… Imagine for a moment a world where all people truly did their best to love and empower each other. Imagine if a significant number of the people on this planet truly did their best to live by these simple keys. You can choose to become one of those people right now. You can choose to make your life and our world a better place. It is fully possible. There are people of all races, religions, and beliefs around the globe already committed to living by these or similar ideals. Let us then choose with an open mind and heart to add to their numbers. Let us choose every day of our lives to do what's best for all, to open to divine guidance, to accept and understand, and to love and empower ourselves and all around us to be the best that we can be.

• http://www.weboflove.org/keystolife2

The Beauty of Imperfection

by Linda Johnson

Planet Earth is a place of learning and karma balancing.

While polarity can now be balanced out through ascension, humanity is a long way from 'perfection'. We, and all the other nature kingdoms, and the Earth herself have been traumatised, scarred and shattered for a long time and we are all in need of healing.

Healing, like all spiritual growth, begins within. It starts by looking within and taking charge and responsibility for your own life and happiness, without expecting something outside of yourself to do it for you. You are who you are... and who you are today is your starting point - with all your perceived flaws and imperfections.

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. What is perfect to one person may be flawed to another. But who says perfect is 'right' and imperfect is 'wrong' anyway? Things just 'are' - and you can find help and lessons all around you. Look at the nature kingdoms for example. Clover has three leaves. Occasionally a mutant comes along with four leaves. Is this imperfect?

Remember, imperfect flowers make great potpurri, and good-hearted people come in all shapes, colours and socio-economic backgrounds. What information, healing or love could you be missing out on if judgements are made on fantasy criteria instead of looking within, and following your heart and higher self in your life choices?

How to Always Speak With a Kind Heart

by Courtney Carver

Please consider this:

People may not remember what you said, or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

You may have heard that before, but when you really think about it, you will realise that you actually have great power and responsibility in each of your day to day interactions.

Whether it is a business or social conversation, by thinking about what you say, and how you deliver the message, you have the power to make a great connection.

You have the power to contribute something meaningful, and you also have the power to be hurtful.

Always use your power for good and speak with a kind heart.

Here are my 8 key tips to do just that:-

1. Speak Thoughtfully

While your words may not be remembered years later, choose them carefully.

If the saying “you are only as good as your word” is true, than it only makes sense to speak good words, or words that reflect who you really are.

“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.” –  Buddha

2. Speak Kindly

Being kind doesn’t mean that you can’t make your point. Being kind doesn’t mean that you can’t be direct. Being kind will show that you care, regardless of the message.

By sharing your compassion, you might change how someone feels about themselves or a situation.

3. Listen

If you are only thinking about what you are going to say next, you are missing half of the conversation!

If you ask a question, wait patiently for the answer. Even 10 seconds of no talking can seem like an eternity.

“The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.” –  Mark Twain

We often like to fill up empty space, especially quiet, empty space, but don’t be afraid of silence.

Sometimes, it is in that quietness that the really good stuff starts to happen.

4. Reserve Judgement

Before you enter a conversation, especially with someone you don’t know very well, it is easy to make a snap judgement.

Before words even come out of their mouth, you have likely formed an opinion.

This may be because of the way they are dressed, a look you thought they gave you, or a story you heard about them.

Make a point to let that go, so you can really hear what they are saying. Do what you need to do to think of them in a loving way.

It might help to think about their family. Are they a father? A daughter? Who loves them?

Giving 30 seconds to think this through will really humanise the conversation.

If you consciously think about the fact that they are in this world, trying to make a great life, just like you, then you will be more invested in the interaction.

5. Be honest

Speak with integrity and tell the truth. If the truth hurts, be compassionate, but be honest.

This goes especially for business conversations. It’s natural to want to be nice instead of honest, especially if someone is trying to sell you something you don’t need or want. Your honesty will save everyone time.

This is especially important in more serious conversations, for instance, breaking up business or personal relationships, when you say (in so many words), “You are not for me”.

Remember you aren’t saying, “You are not for anyone.” 

It is important to get that message across. Just because a person, business, or product is not right for you, doesn’t mean that they are not perfect for someone else.

Don’t say everything - some things really are better left unsaid.

6. Consider another opinion

Make sure your argument isn’t about being right. Perhaps there is an option or opinion that really is better than yours.

This doesn’t make your opinion less valid, and your openness to a new idea, will likely turn into a new opportunity.

7. Don’t yell

Once you raise your voice, your words become irrelevant.

Once you yell, you are talking at someone, not with them. When you yell, the only thing someone else is thinking is, “I can’t believe they are yelling.” or “What a jerk.” or some variation of that.

When you yell, you lose control and make the conversation about something completely different.

Instead, when you feel like yelling, lower your voice. Speak softly. You will likely get the point across in a more profound way.

If speaking softly doesn’t work for you, be quiet. Collect your thoughts, take a deep breath, walk away or do something that will distract you from yelling.

8. Say thank you

There is always time before, during and after a conversation to say thank you.

Thank you for meeting me here. Thank you for bringing that up. Thank you for taking the time to talk. Thanks for the inspiration.

If nothing else, a simple, thanks for your time applies every time.

The way forward – always walk and talk with a kind heart

Conversations happen all the time, but they don’t always happen with a kind heart.

“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.” – Gandhi

If you approach every conversation as an opportunity to learn something new and to treat someone with respect, instead of as a time to speak your mind, your message will be heard, loud and clear.

You will be trusted and more importantly, you really will be as good as your word.

Courtney is a writer and fine art photographer. She writes about simplifying and living life on purpose at Be More with Less. You can also follow her on  Twitter.

Image courtesy of Moriza

• http://www.arvinddevalia.com/blog/2010/10/29/how-to-always-speak-with-a-kind-heart