Seven Ways to Foster Gratitude in Kids

The GGSC's coverage of gratitude is sponsored by the John Templeton Foundation as part of our Expanding Gratitude project.

By Jeffrey Froh, Giacomo Bono

Research has shown that gratitude plays a major role in an adult’s well-being and success, but there has been little corresponding research addressing its development and enhancement in children’s lives. 

In fact, until 2005, we know of no studies that examined gratitude and well-being in young children. Then, in 2006, psychologists Nansook Park and Christopher Peterson conducted an analysis of parents’ descriptions of their children’s strengths—and found that gratitude had the strongest relationship to life satisfaction.

In more recent years, two long-term studies have shown why gratitude may be particularly beneficial to youngsters.

One study linked gratitude to greater social support and protection from stress and depression over time. A second study, involving gift-giving in sororities, showed that beneficiaries (new pledges) were most grateful when they felt understood, valued, and cared for by a benefactor (veteran sisters), and that this predicted a sense of connection to each other and to the sorority overall.

These results suggest that gratitude not only helps people form, maintain, and strengthen supportive relationships, but it also helps people feel connected to a caring community.

Evidence from our own research suggests that grateful young adolescents (ages 11-13), compared to their less grateful counterparts, are happier and more optimistic, have better social support, are more satisfied with their school, family, community, friends, and themselves, and give more emotional support to others. We’ve also found that grateful teens (ages 14-19) are more satisfied with their lives, use their strengths to better their community, are more engaged in their schoolwork and hobbies, have higher grades, and are less envious, depressed, and materialistic.

Knowing the benefits that practicing gratitude bestows on kids begs the question: How can we foster more gratitude in children? From our experience as researchers and as parents ourselves, we believe that gratitude is born of a loving connection and grows from a loving connection. When parents tune into an infant’s needs and curiosities and satisfy the infant patiently with love, they’re planting the seeds for gratitude to grow.

Our book, Making Grateful Kids, contains 32 concrete, scientifically-based strategies for encouraging gratitude in children—that is, appreciation for when somebody has done something kind or helpful for them or recognition of the good things and people they have in their lives. While each strategy is important in isolation, here are seven essential themes that underlie the strategies.

1. Model and teach gratitude

Our children want to be like us. We provide the blueprint for what to say and what to do and in what contexts. Expressing gratitude through words, writing, and small gifts or acts of reciprocity are all ways to teach children how to become grateful. Doing this will help make your appreciation for the goodness in your life more public, showing your kids that blessings abound and that being thankful is a valued attitude. Adults can promote gratitude directly in children by helping them appraise the benefits they receive from others—the personal value of those benefits, the altruistic intention of people providing them, and the cost to those people. This helps kids think gratefully.

2. Spend time with your kids and be mindful when with them

Another way to spell love is T-I-M-E. Believe it or not, children and, yes, even adolescents, like being with their parents. Giving a child a lot of quality time with you teaches them the language of love—life’s greatest gift. Savor every moment together, big and small, and rid yourself of distractions at such times, including your smartphone. Being mindful helps you maintain empathy toward a child, and this provides important modeling of empathy, the most important emotion for developing gratitude and moral behavior. It will also give you and your child a heightened sense of appreciation for the things both of you love and for your relationship.

3. Support your child’s autonomy

Using an authoritative or democratic parenting style, which is firm, yet flexible, sup- ports children’s autonomy. This will enhance family relationships, improve the atmosphere at home, and help bring out their strengths and talents, all good for making grateful kids. By taking ownership over their skills and talents and being responsible for developing them, children gain things to appreciate in life and make it easier to attract support from others, thus inviting gratitude into their daily life. Also, limiting children’s media consumption and guiding them to use media in prosocial ways protects them from commercial influences that discourage the development of the authenticity, self-development, and social interaction necessary to grow into positive, purposeful, grateful individuals.

4. Use kids’ strengths to fuel gratitude

After you’ve identified your children’s top strengths and you know their unique strengths profile, you should encourage and help them to use those strengths whenever possible. Not only does this open up opportunities for others to contribute to the things your children love, but it also enables your children to strengthen their ability to be helpful and cooperative toward others, which will make them more grateful. To directly promote gratitude, encourage and help your children to use their strengths to thank and be kind to others.

5. Help focus and support kids to achieve intrinsic goals

It’s very easy for people, especially youth, to pursue extrinsic—or materialistic—goals such as desiring or having possessions that show wealth, status, or convey a certain image. This usually leads to less fulfilling social relationships and forecloses prospects for developing deep connections with others and genuine gratitude. It’s our job to steer them away from pursuing extrinsic goals and toward pursuing intrinsic goals, such as engaging in activities that provide community, affiliation, and growth. Not only will successfully achieving these goals fulfill children’s fundamental human needs of competency, belongingness, and autonomy, but their personal development, happiness, success, and gratitude depend on it. To amplify their gratitude even more, remember to savor their accomplishments with them along the way, and encourage them to thank those who’ve helped them meet their goals.

6. Encourage helping others and nurturing relationships

Helping others and being generous are two key ingredients for making grateful kids. When children lend a hand, especially while using their strengths, they feel more connected to those they’re helping, which helps them to develop and nurture friendships and social relationships. A great way to do this is by teaching them through your actions that other people matter and that tending to relationships should be a priority. To help children strengthen their relationships, you should encourage them to be thoughtful of others, to thank others regularly, and to be cooperative, helpful, and giving.

7. Help kids find what matters to them

Having a sense of purpose in life gives youth a compass for creating a meaningful life. As adults, it’s our job to help kids discover their passions and to find a path to purpose that resonates with them— with their values, interests, and dreams. This starts with feeding their interests in the social issues they care about and pushing them to learn as much as they can about those issues and discover ways they can make a difference. The deepest sense of gratitude in life comes from connecting to a bigger picture, to an issue that matters to others and doing things that contribute to society down the road.

Trying to make grateful kids isn’t just an issue for families; it’s an issue for society as well. Society desperately needs to harness the power of gratitude. As our world becomes more culturally diverse and digitally connected, and as complex societal problems mount, gratitude may help catalyze the motivation and skills youth need to succeed not just academically but in the “life test” too. We must all do our part to help kids develop into moral adults, who will contribute to a world of compassion and care. But, while there’s no quick fix for cultivating gratitude in young people, the more we remain committed to it, the more rewards we’ll reap. Indeed, by bringing out the best in our kids, we can only imagine what blessings Generation Grateful could bring. Anything worthwhile takes a lot of time and effort. It’s up to all of us to make it happen.

 More on Gratitude

How grateful are you? Take our quiz.

Not very grateful? Check out the six habits of highly grateful people.

Teachers: Discover gratitude activities for the classroom.

Read a round-up of research into gratitude in school.

Explore what gets in the way of gratitude.

About The Author

Jeffrey Froh, Psy.D., is an associate professor at Hofstra University. Giacomo Bono, Ph.D., studies positive youth development with an emphasis on prosocial behavior and relationships. Froh and Bono are working on research funded by the John Templeton Foundation to examine the measurement of gratitude in children and teens, developmental factors of gratitude, and intervention strategies and applications for promoting gratitude in youth. They are co-authors of Making Grateful Kids: A Scientific Approach to Helping Youth Thrive, from which this essay is adapted.

The World in a Bright Light

by Madisyn Taylor

There is always something to be grateful for even when life is hard and times are tough.

Everyday is a blessing, and in each moment there are many things that we can be grateful for. The world opens up to us when we live in a space of gratitude. In essence, gratitude has a snowball effect. When we are appreciative and express that gratitude, the universe glows a bit brighter and showers us with even more blessings.

There is always something to be grateful for, even when life seems hard. When times are tough, whether we are having a bad day or stuck in what may feel like an endless rut, it can be difficult to take the time to feel grateful. Yet, that is when gratitude can be most important. If we can look at our lives, during periods of challenge, and find something to be grateful for, then we can transform our realities in an instant. There are blessings to be found everywhere.

When we are focusing on what is negative, our abundance can be easy to miss. Instead, choosing to find what already exists in our lives that we can appreciate can change what we see in our world. We start to notice one blessing, and then another.

When we constantly choose to be grateful, we notice that every breath is a miracle and each smile becomes a gift. We begin to understand that difficulties are also invaluable lessons. The sun is always shining for us when we are grateful, even if it is hidden behind clouds on a rainy day. A simple sandwich becomes a feast, and a trinket is transformed into a treasure.

Living in a state of gratitude allows us to spread our abundance because that is the energy that we emanate from our beings. Because the world reflects back to us what we embody, the additional blessings that inevitably flow our way give us even more to be grateful for. The universe wants to shower us with blessings. The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

The Little Guide to Contentedness

by Leo Babauta

There has been little in my life that has made as much an impact as learning to be content — with my life, where I am, what I’m doing, what I have, who I’m with, who I am.

This little trick changes everything.

Let’s take a look at my life before contentedness:

I was addicted to junk food and fast food, and overweight and unhealthy. I bought too many things on impulse, owned too much clutter, and was deeply in debt and struggling to make it to the next payday. I was unhappy with who I was, wanted desperately to change, tried a thousand different programs and books. I was always worried I was missing out on exciting things, and wanted so much to be out doing the fun things everyone else was doing. I was always changing the way I did things, because it seemed everyone else had a better system or tools. I strove to meet goals, because they would get me to a better life.

And as I learned to be content, here was what changed:

I learned to be happy with healthier food, with less food, and my health improved and waistline shrunk. I relied on a good book, spending time with people I loved, going for a nice run … and my debt began to be reduced as I learned I didn’t need to spend money to enjoy myself. I learned to be happier with who I was, and what I was doing, and so no longer needed self-improvement books and programs, no longer needed to try all kinds of new systems and tools. I became happy with myself, with those around me, and with what I had — and so didn’t need to strive to change everything. Letting go of goals helped me to simplify things so I had less to worry about, less to do.

That’s just the start. There is no way to account for the tremendous change that happens when you learn to accept who you are, when you tell yourself you are perfect just as you are, when you love yourself and everything about yourself. You stop criticizing yourself, you are happier, you are a better person to be around, and you can now help others and work without the insecurities you had before.

This is not a magical state, and doesn’t require any new tools or books. It’s simple, and I’ll share what has worked for me.

Learning to Be Content 

If you are in a bad place in your life, and are unhappy with everything about it (job, relationship, yourself, house, habits, etc.), it can be a miserable thing. But here’s something interesting: it can also be a happy thing.

I’ve been in situations where you might think things were bad, and sometimes I was very unhappy, and other times I was happy. The difference wasn’t in the external circumstances, but in my mindset — I learned to appreciate what I had, instead of focusing on the things I didn’t have or didn’t like. I was grateful for my health, for the people in my life, for having food and being alive.

If you can learn to develop the right mindset, you can be happy now, without changing anything else. You don’t need to wait until you’ve changed everything and made your life perfect before you’re happy — you have everything you need to be happy right now.

The mindset of waiting for happiness is a never-ending cycle. You get a better job (yay!) and then immediately start thinking about what your next promotion will be. You get a nicer house and immediately start looking at how nice your neighbors’ houses are, or the faults in the house you have. You try to change your spouse or kids, and if that works (good luck), you’ll find other things about them that need to be changed. It keeps going, until you die.

Instead, learn that you can be content now, without any external changes. Here’s how to start:

1.  Take a moment to be grateful for something. What in your life is amazing? Even if everything seems to suck, there must be one good thing. It might simply be that you have beauty somewhere nearby, or that you are alive, or that your kids are healthy. Find something, and give thanks for that.

2.  Catch yourself thinking, “This sucks.” It’s amazing how often people think this thought. “This sucks!” “My co-worker is the worst — he sucks!” “My wife doesn’t understand me — this suuucks!” It might be in different words, but if you catch yourself thinking something like that, pause. Reverse the thinking. Find a way to be thankful for the situation. “My wife is a caring and sweet person — maybe I should give her a hug.” “My co-worker might be annoying sometimes, but he has a good heart, and maybe I should get to know him better.” “My room might be messy but at least I have a roof over my head.”

3.  Find the little things that can give you simple joys. What do you need to be happy? I love simple things, like taking a walk, spending time with a loved one, reading a book, eating some berries, drinking tea. These cost very little, and require very little, and can make me very happy. Find the simple things that give you similar happiness, and focus on those rather than what you don’t have.

4.  Find the things about yourself that you’re happy with. We tend to criticize ourselves easily, but what if we turned it around and asked, “What do I do right? What am I good at? What is loveable about me?” Make a list. Start to focus on these things rather than what you’re unhappy with.

5.  Do the same with others in your life. Instead of criticizing them, ask yourself, “What is good about this person? What do I love about them?” Make a list, and focus on these things above all else.

6.  Assume that you, others, and life are perfect. You are great, and don’t need improvement. You aren’t a piece of clay that must be shaped and molded into something better — you are already perfect. Other people are also just as perfect, and don’t need improvement. You just need to appreciate them for who they are. The moment we are living in is not a stepping stone to something better — it is exactly wonderful, and we have already arrived at the perfect moment.

The Contented Life

It might be useful to look at what life would be like if you learned to be content:

1.  Self image. We compare ourselves with the images in our head of perfection — movie stars, models in magazines, other people who seem to have it all together — and we can never measure up to those perfect images. But those images are not real. They are an imagined ideal. Even the beautiful people have bad hair days and feel flabby, and if you take away their photoshopped and heavily-made-up façade, you see that they are every bit as human as you are. Even the people who seem successful, living exciting lives — they have the same self-doubts you have. So if they don’t live up to this ideal image, why should you? And even if they did (which they don’t), why would you need to? When we let go of this image of perfection, we realize that we are already exactly who we should be. And then, all our need for self-improvement, and all the activity and effort and pain that implies, fades away. We are happy with ourselves, and nothing else is needed.

2.  Relationships. If you are content with yourself, you are more likely to be a good friend, partner, parent. You are more likely to be happy and friendly and loving, more likely to be as accepting of others as you are of yourself. Relationships improve, especially when others learn to be content with themselves, from your example.

3.  Health. Much of our culture’s unhealthiness comes from unhappiness — eating junk food to give ourselves comfort and relieve stress, not exercising because we think we can’t (because we have a bad self-image), being glued online because we think we might miss something if we turn off the computer or iPhone. When you realize that you aren’t missing anything, and you don’t need junk food to be happy, and you are good enough to exercise, you can slowly return to health.

4.  Possessions. The overload of possessions in our lives comes from unhappiness — we buy things because we think they’ll give us comfort, coolness, happiness, security, an exciting life. When we become content with ourselves and our lives, we realize none of that is necessary, and we can start getting rid of these extraneous crutches.

5.  Busy-ness. Much of our busy-ness comes from fear that we should be doing more, that we might be missing out, that we aren’t enough already. But we are enough, and we don’t need more, and we aren’t missing out. So we can let go of a lot of unnecessary activity, and just focus on doing what we love, and give ourselves the space to enjoy a contented life.

This is all just a few scratches on the surface of a contented life, but it gives you a picture of what might be. And the truth is, once you learn the simple trick of contentedness, it’s really a picture of what already is. You just need to let go of the fears, and see what is already here.

‘Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’ ~Lao Tzu

Source: http://www.dailygood.org/story/311/the-little-guide-to-contentedness-leo-babauta/

A true message that should be taught in schools across the world

Timber Hawkeye has a very simple guide to happiness - 2 words: be grateful. Gratitude turns what we have into enough. In this TEDx talk, Hawkeye observes that all of our suffering is self-inflicted, and that we have a misguided notion that happiness is something we have to "pursue." He shares some simple prescriptions for inner peace and tranquility: slow down, sit. There is nothing you need to buy; nowhere you need to go. Just spend a few minutes each day taking inventory of everything in your life that is worth appreciating.

Source: http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=3631

The Practice of Gratitude

Make a Difference...... 

1. Start a thankfulness ritual. At dinner, breakfast or just before bed have each family member share three things that made them happy, or that they're thankful for. 

2. Track your gratitude. Doing this creatively can make your efforts more focused and fun.

• Keep a family gratitude journal. Decorate a spiral notebook
  where everyone can write or draw things they appreciate. Choose a day (perhaps Thanksgiving) to read all the entries aloud.
• Create a gratitude jar. Place a glass jar alongside colorful strips of paper and fun pens on your kitchen table. Family members can deposit their gratitude ideas in the jar. (Or, alternatively, hang them on a tree branch.) Invite visiting family and friends to contribute as well. When the jar is full, read them to one another, and then make the strips into a paper chain. Hang the chain from your kitchen ceiling or along a window.
• Cover a window or wall with sticky notes, each expressing appreciation for something.

3. Focus on thank-yous. Encourage your children to write notes, not just for presents, but also for the people who make a difference in their lives - teachers, coaches, babysitters, bus drivers, etc.

4. Model gratitude. Compliment the chef when you have a nice meal out, express gratitude to a friend who lends a hand, thank your spouse for cleaning the bathroom, and express appreciation for that crazy, mild winter. Especially thank your children when they do something you appreciate. You'll you notice them following your example.

5. Slow down. This is probably the most difficult step, but it's hard to be grateful if you're rushing around. Take time to realize how much you appreciate the things one might easily take for granted - clean water from the tap, the smell of a flower, a warm house, a new pair of shoes. Express your thankfulness out loud so your children become attuned to the value of gratitude for everyday wonders.

doinggoodtogther.org

When you have really found true gratitude

When you exist in the great state of gratitude, you become a person who only wants to give. You become so grateful that it takes over your life, and you can't find enough opportunities in a day to give. You give joy, you give love, you give money, you give appreciation, you give compliments, and you give kindness. You give the best of yourself in your job, in your relationships, and to strangers.

You will know when you have really found true gratitude, because you will become a giver. One who is truly grateful cannot be anything else.

May the joy be with you,

Rhonda Byrne

Thanksgiving Week Lessons

by Arvind 

• http://www.arvinddevalia.com/

How To Embrace What You Already Have

Can you feel the magic in the air?

It’s thanksgiving week and I can already feel a sense of anticipation and excitement in the air.
This week, as is the tradition in the USA and other countries around the world, people will celebrate with their families and loved ones.

Here in London, over the last few years, thanksgiving is being celebrated more and more. I feel it’s a truly wonderful way of getting reconnected to what really matters in our lives.

For the first time ever, I may even host my own thanksgiving dinner in my home – vegetarian of course:-)
To mark and celebrate this special time, I am writing a series of 5 articles this week, one article a day for the next 5 days.

Today I will start with gratitude.

As you spend time with your loved ones over the coming days, just what are you grateful for in your life?

Gratitude is all about appreciating the things you have in your life. Are you even aware of all the goodness around you?

The fact that you are breathing and reading these printed words is a marvel in itself. How often we take something for granted and then miss it as soon as it has gone. Many a time a loved one has left us, only for us to wish we had told them just how much they meant to us.

Gratitude is a way of reaching back to our natural state of happiness.

You get to notice what’s right instead of what’s wrong and begin to see every “problem” as an opportunity for growth and development. Is your glass half full or half empty?

I challenge you during this special week to begin to value all the goodness and beauty around you. This can be as majestic as a sunset or as simple as the feel of the clothes you wear.

Be thankful for a gift from a friend, a child’s smile, a stranger’s kindness, having got home safely today and simply to be alive.

Appreciate the weather too wherever you are. Here in the UK it seems to rain a lot and so many people dampen their moods due to this natural phenomenon. I simply suggest to them that they appreciate the rain – after all, it is the rainwater that sustains all the nature around us.

Some of the happiest people I know live with an attitude of gratitude.

Adopting such an approach is a life long commitment and here are my tips to get you started this thanksgiving week:-

1. Count your blessings and create your gratitude list


List the things in your life to be grateful for and which you take for granted, such as your health, home, family, friends, work colleagues, car, and so on. Add all the things that you could not survive without, such as sunlight, air, water and food.

See how many things you can come up with. Keep this list with you, and refer to it anytime you get upset. See how long you remain upset!

2. Do something kind randomly

Do something for someone for no reason other than simply wanting to do it. Have no attachment to the outcome. Pay for someone’s parking, or compliment a stranger.

Always remember my 31 ways of carrying out random acts of kindness.

3. Send a note of appreciation to your loved ones

Post a card of appreciation to someone whom you have not been in touch with for a while.

Go one step further and send cards to five people and tell them how much you appreciate them being in your life.

If you don’t do this during thanksgiving week, when will you?

4. Write a thank you note

Send a thank you note to someone who has done something for you, significant or not.

Get into a habit of sending such notes by post. Most mail nowadays is junk mail or bills.

Light up someone’s day. Create a trail of happiness behind you, as you go forward in your life.

With the advent of email and social media, people have almost forgotten the art of writing thank you notes. But this thanksgiving week, why don’t you reconnect with this traditional way of spreading goodness?

5. See the magic all around you

See things as if for the first time ever. For instance, imagine just how fascinating a dog would look like to a child when seen for the first time.

Slow down and notice the beauty around you. Literally stop and smell the roses.

Remember that you can always choose to live your life as if everything is a miracle.

6. Live in the present and accept where you are

Accept things as they are. No matter how much the situation has turned out differently to your expectations, it is the way it is.

You don’t know how much worse off you could have been, had things gone differently. Savour the current moment and be grateful for what is.

7. Count your blessings, not your negatives

Since we are so conditioned into noticing the negatives, we often overlook all the good in our life. Count your blessings and be thankful.

8. Go around thanking everyone

Say “thank you” as often as possible to all the people who make your life what it is. A smile and a simple thank you will do. This will have a magical effect on the person receiving your appreciation. They will feel that their efforts have been noticed and appreciated.

Play the game of living with an attitude of gratitude!

From today onwards, play a game and count the number of times you say “thank you” – this is where you get to thank the universe and all the people who make your life what it is.

Then increase this number tomorrow. The opportunities to genuinely thank people and the universe are endless.

For example, next time you are at a checkout desk, show your gratitude and appreciation to the cashier. He and his colleagues have probably been up since the crack of dawn to make it possible for you to have your daily groceries and for you to eat.

Acknowledge your postman. Do you even know his name? See how his face lights up when you show an interest in his life. Very few people know the name of the postman who may have been delivering their mail for years. Ask him his name and make his day!

If you work in an office, acknowledge and get to know the cleaning staff. If they didn’t clean up, you would soon know that it is not fun to work in a rubbish tip.

Thank the men who collect your domestic refuse every week.

All the people you acknowledge will be truly touched.

And best of all, you will feel great too.

From this thanksgiving week onwards, learn to always live with an attitude of gratitude.
Appreciating what you have and being thankful isn’t just for this week – make it a life long habit.

How to Let Yourself Give and Receive

How good are you at giving?

And just how open are you to receiving?

As a lot of people around the world celebrates  thanksgiving week, I am marking this special time with a series of articles.

This is the second in my series of 5 special posts for thanksgiving week.

Check out the first post here

Thanksgiving Week Lesson 1 – How To Embrace What You Already Have

Being based in the UK, I am not that familiar with the celebration of thanksgiving but I really love the whole concept of sharing with your loved ones and expressing your gratitude for all the goodness in your life.

From what I understand, part of this tradition of thanksgiving is to give and receive gifts.

It is therefore important to learn to give and also to receive. And the second of my series of 5 articles for thanksgiving week is all about giving and receiving – and how to become really good at both.

Do you look to help others in any way you can?

Or do you tend to look out just for yourself?


Most cultures and religions emphasise that life is all about giving. You reap what you sow, and by being generous and sharing your goodness is how you become happier.

We have a choice in how we behave towards others – we can be generous, considerate and caring to the people around us. Or we can be mean, self-centred and petty.

Every human interaction is an opportunity for giving and receiving a gift, such as love, friendship, honesty, support, thoughtfulness, generosity, humour and fun.

When you give to another, you receive the blessings of what you have given them – such as pleasure, satisfaction and joy.

What goes around comes around, and once you put the balance cycle of giving and receiving in action, you will receive as surely as you give.

Receiving is just as important as giving.

At the same time, be open to receiving. If everyone was giving, and no one was receiving, to whom would we be giving?

Recognize that by being open to receiving, you are giving the other person an opportunity to be blessed by their giving. It is a great thing to give… and to receive.

I recently heard Sadhguru Vasudev explain in one of his discourses that it was far important to receive than to give. We have all this goodness around us – and if we don’t acknowledge and accept it, what’s the very point of our existence?!

Most people are better at giving than receiving – and this thanksgiving, learn to receive openly and graciously. If someone gives you a gift or even a compliment, just say thank you.

There is so much you can do every day in terms of receiving and giving.

For example, every time you meet someone, ask yourself – what can I do for this person? A sincere compliment or even just acknowledging their presence can make a huge difference to them – and you.

Do not confuse giving compliments with flattery. Compliments should be positive, sincere and focused on achievements. For example – “You look radiant today. You must really be taking good care of yourself”.

In any situation, ask yourself – how can I help? How can I contribute here?

In the same way that  bees contribute to the pollination of flowers, what can you do to help others blossom?



Here are some simple ways you can begin to contribute to the people you meet every day.

1. Just smile!
Smile – and see how others respond.
Give someone the gift of your smile and kindness. It is amazing how easily you can uplift someone with a smile.

2. Help someone lost or in some trouble.
Look for the proverbial damsel in distress. Even giving directions to a lost tourist will lift your spirits.
In our society today, it’s come to a point when we are almost too scared to even ashamed to get involved.
Remember the silent people – and why you should not be one of them.

3. Help someone just to make their life easier.
For example, next time you are in a traffic queue, give way to other motorists. Count the number of times each day that you do something for others simply to help them.

4. Make a monetary contribution to a good cause.
Nowadays there are so many worthy causes clamouring for our loose change, such as the Haiti earthquake or the Pakistan flood appeals. But you will be surprised how far a little change can go.
Know that whatever you give does ultimately make a difference. And you have a vast number of charitable organisations to choose from – do your research and choose the one that appeals the most to you.

5. Say something positive to at least 3 people every day.
This could be your neighbour, a work colleague or the newsagent.
The opportunities of brightening up someone’s day are endless once you begin to look out for them.

6. Recommend someone’s services or products.
Help other people grow through your recommendations and look for opportunities for connecting people.
A lot of business is done through personal recommendations and we all know someone who is excellent at what they do. Recommend that plumber or decorator who did such a great job for you.
Or simply get like minded people together. Hook up people who you feel may have some synergies.

7. Talk in glowing terms about someone to a third person.
Instead of gossiping and “bitching”, stop and get in to the habit of only saying positive things about other people.
I recently found myself gossiping about a neighbour to a friend and stopped myself just in time. Clearly I still have some way to go too.
The trick I have learnt is to imagine that the person being talked about can actually hear what I might say about them!

8. Acknowledge at least three people daily.
This could be by sending them a greeting card or a “thank you” note, telephoning or emailing. Perhaps an sms text message. Do something for them which you know they will appreciate.
Three people might seem like stretching it a bit, but once you get into the habit, it does get easier – and becomes fun too.

Saying thanks is for everyday, not just thanksgiving!
Remember, you are a gift bearer and a gift receiver in every relationship. And the key to creating the life you love is contribution.
Make this thanks giving week, the week when you truly begin to contribute and give.
Make contribution to others a life long mission – your life will change dramatically and your interactions with other people will become more satisfying, enjoyable and fun.

Make it Thanksgiving Day, every day!
Have a wonderful life of giving and receiving.

Now please share how you give and receive in your life

Also check out the other article in my series of 5 articles for thanksgiving:-
Thanksgiving Week Lesson 1 – How To Embrace What You Already Have

 Thanksgiving Week Lesson 3 – How To Add a Little Sizzle to Your Relationships

show your loved ones you truly care for them everyday and not just on a few special occasions each year.

This article is about much more than just the relationship with your loved ones – I am covering the whole spectrum of all your relationships.
I believe that if we improve the one to one relations with all the people around us, ultimately relationships on a global level will also improve.
Ultimately, we all do want to have great relationships with everyone in our life.
People will come and go, but their impact on your life and their special essence remains with you forever.
Every person has a “gift” for you – a lesson – ask what you can learn and receive in each relationship.
The key is to know that people really appreciate honesty and openness in relationships. Always be true to your word and tell it how it is for you. Speak the truth directly and authentically.
This doesn’t however, mean being brutally rude. It is important to also be respectful of other people’s feelings and opinions.
Be tactful as appropriate to the situation!

This thanksgiving, assess where improvement is needed in your relationships, and get committed to improving them.

Here are my tips for doing just that:-

1. Show your appreciation in all areas of your life.
Keep a count of the number of times you say “thank you” every day and keep increasing.
Say your thanks genuinely and whole heartedly in your relationships with your partner, colleagues, family and especially the strangers who do so much to make your life convenient and easy, such as shop assistants, the postman and the dustman.

2. Listen to other people.
The greatest gift you can give people is your undivided attention. Practice listening skills and be completely present for that person.
When people are talking to you, stop what you are doing, look straight at them and avoid distractions and interruptions. Your undivided attention tells the other person that you genuinely value them.

3. Be interested in other people.
The emphasis here is on being interested rather than “interesting”. People can tell when you are genuinely interested in them or when you are just faking it.
It is what you put into a relationship that ultimately determines the quality of that relationship.

4. Make other people feel important.
By showing everyone that they count, you raise their self esteem. And you will raise your own self esteem too.
Help other people feel important and valued, and they will be willing and ready to do anything for you. It really is no rocket science.
Of course that shouldn’t be your underlying reason for wanting to make them feel they count!

5. Don’t take things personally.
What anyone says or does to you is merely a reflection of their own reality. Become immune to what others say and do, when it’s negative or hurtful.
See it as a gift to you and an opportunity for you to help them.

6. Stop criticising others.
Criticism can be so demoralising and destructive for adults and children alike. Become aware of how you speak to the people you care about, and recognise when you are being critical.
Ask people around you to give you genuine and open feedback about your habits of criticism (if any) and be big enough to change your ways.

7. Empathise with other people.
Start to listen and understand the other person’s point of view. This will help avoid arguments and save you from draining your energy.
Anytime you are in a tricky situation, put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself how you would like to be treated in this situation.
Remember the old saying – do unto others what you would have done to you.

8. Stop dumping on others.
Don’t relieve your own stress by taking it out on someone close to you. This doesn’t help either of you!
When you catch yourself about to dump on someone, just pause, have a deep breath and find some space your own. Reflect on what’s really going on for you.
Ask how sharing your woes with others will really help you or them.

9. Focus on changing yourself, not other people.
Accept and realise that you can’t change anyone else. If a situation bothers you so much, then change it or change your attitude to it.
It is all about you and what you bring to any relationship.

10. Don’t make assumptions about other people and situations.
Communicate with others clearly so as to avoid misunderstandings and conflict.
Remember that everyone is doing the best they can with their current level of knowledge, awareness and understanding.
Ask for clarification any time you are not clear about something. Speak up even if you feel you might sound stupid or naïve – better to be clear now, than to have a fall out later. The other person will also appreciate where you are coming from.
Apply the four agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz in your life to get personal freedom.

11. Stop gossiping and bitching about others.
It will inevitably come back to you and affect your relationships.
Learn to only say good things about others and your relationships will soon improve. To help you, just remember this quote:-

“Improve your relationships with others by assuming that they can hear everything you say about them.” –  Stephen R Covey

Make it Thanksgiving Day every day. 

Just imagine what your life would be like if all your relationships were to be just as warm, close and loving as they are on Thanksgiving Day.
And you know what, they can be!

Start today with these simple tips for improving all your relationships and adding a little sizzle to them:-)
It is of course not enough that you just read these series of articles for thanksgiving week – you do have to take some action and commit to bringing about positive changes in your life.

Today, you will be glad you have done so, as almost immediately you will notice that your relationships with all the people in your life begin to improve.

As usual, do share your thoughts below – and especially please share the one thing you will do differently on this thanksgiving to improve your relationships with your loved ones.

 Thanksgiving Week Lesson 4 – How to Harvest the Wisdom from My Top Blogger Friends

What is the greatest gift you can give to the world on this day?

I asked my blogger friends exactly this question and invited them to share their favourite articles from their blogs for today and explain why they had chosen that particular post.

The outcome is that they have a contributed an awesome bounty of wisdom that will stand you in good stead always and not just today.

I am not given to exaggerating, but your life will never be the same again!

Please do bookmark this page and take your time to go through their articles. Reflect on and absorb their wisdom and teachings into your life. And let me know how you get on.

I feel fortunate to know and call all these bloggers my friends; though amazingly from the list below I have only ever met two of them in person – John Sherry and Jennifer Gresham.

I know that this will change over the years to come as I intent to meet to them all:-)

All these bloggers are committed to making a difference and I invite you to explore their work and also subscribe to their blogs.

As I think about these blogger friends, the words that come to my mind are inspirational, caring, passionate and fun.

I am proud and honoured to present to you these pearls from these friends.

Here they are in alphabetical order, except I chose to put Zeenat at the top as with a name beginning with Z, she usually ends up at the bottom:-)
Enjoy!
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Zeenat Merchant-Syal – How to be YOU no matter what – 7 simple tips
“Being authentically YOU is not always the easiest thing to be and I know this cause I’ve had a hard time in the past just being me until I found out who I was – sharing this article in your thanks giving post is just my way of acknowledging and giving thanks for the uniqueness of each and every beautiful individual.”
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Abubakar Jamil - An Open Letter to Sabrina – A Departed Soul
“My open letter to Sabrina shows the value of accepting and being thankful for the people that come into your life for some unknown reason and change your life forever.”
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Alex Blackwell – The Best Things in Life
“The best things in life aren’t the things we have, but rather who we get to share these things with. The best things in my life are sitting with me on Thanksgiving Day.”
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Amit Sodha – 10 Magnificient Messages to Spread Across the Globe
“I want to share this article with the world as it encompasses every core belief that you, I and most other people in the world of personal development will hold dear.“
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Anastasiya Goers - Inner Peace: Your Simple Guide
“If there is one thing you can make happen today – let it be a step towards your inner peace. Everything else – happiness, balance, serenity – will sprout from it.”
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Andrea DeBell – A Brief Guide to Loving Everyone
“Besides giving thanks, the Thanksgiving holiday is also an opportunity to express love since we’re grateful for the love the Indians showed towards the pilgrims and the love we share with our dear ones.”
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Angela Artemis – Always Keep Your Dreams Alive.
“On Thanksgiving, remember to give thanks for your dreams because whether we realize it or not, dreams fuel our lives; without them there’s no passion and not much point in going on.”
SPECIAL BONUS Article from Angela for thanksgiving – The Amazing Grace of Thanksgiving
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Barrie Davenport - Make 2011 the year of you
“I chose this post because this season is a time of reflection and preparation for a new beginning, and I want to support readers in making bold, positive changes for 2011.”
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Chris Guillebeau - The decision to be remarkable
“Because the world is waiting.”
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Courtney Carver – Lessons from love and marriage
“I am most grateful for love and hope my story inspires others to think about the love in their lives.”
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Dave Ursillo – 11 Ways to Pay Daily Alms Without Paying a Dime
“A piece that expands upon the religious rite of alms-giving and turns the idea of giving to very human, spiritual, non-financial ways.”
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Dragos Roua – Why Less is More
“Because we really need to focus more on what we have, and less on what we don’t.”
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Farnoosh Brock – Celebrating 100th post with 100 lessons about life and blogging
“I never thought I’d feel so grateful about blogging and that I would learn so much about life through blogging, so I marked the occasion. Here I share a milestone celebration with my readers and reflect on the 100 lessons I have learned along the way.”
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Gail Brenner - Generosity Unleashed – Everywhere
“When we are able to be generous with ourselves, our hearts are full, and we naturally express generosity toward everyone and everything.”
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Henri Junttila – How to Enjoy Life
“Thanksgiving is all about enjoying life. Life is about enjoying life, but especially thanksgiving, and sometimes we need to be reminded of the fact that we’re here to do stuff we love”
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Jai Kai – The Art of Sustainable Giving – Enhance Your Success and Wellness
“We should all learn how to give in a sustainable way because giving sustainably is about creating and sustaining relationships with people and all other living things.”
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Jennifer Gresham - Don’t Go Don’t In Fame: 5 Warning Signs You’re Too Ambitious
“When we take time to reflect on what makes us most grateful, we usually credit the people who surround and support us, not the accomplishments we achieved in hopes of impressing them.”
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John Sherry - Why I Want Love
“I believe in love and as a man, it is said we don’t show it enough. I want to stand up as a male not afraid to show it and want it and welcome it in my life. I want to do more in the name of love.”
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Karol Gajda – How To Stop Having Problems or “The Eighty-Fourth Problem”
“For whatever reason the Holidays, while bringing out the best in people, also bring up a lot of “problems” and “situations.” This article can help.”
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Katie Tallo – How to Be A Girl
“I am thankful that I grew up free to go to school, free to choose when I married, free to decide when to have a child — choices some girls don’t have.”
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Leo Babauta – Breathe
“I think with the busy-ness of the holidays, it’s good to remember to breathe.”
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Linda Hewett – Thanks Dad for the Memories
“I was blessed to have my lovely, modest dad and I know he would be touched and surprised that I’ve written about him for all the world to read.”
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Lisa – Monograms and Doc Martens

“I wish for everyone the chance to become friends with their inner goblins, especially those who cannot be defeated.”
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Lisa H (RunningBear) – Be Grateful for What You Have
“I have selected this article because it is a good reminder for us to be grateful for what we have and to give to others on this day. To me, that is what Thanksgiving is all about.”
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Lori Deschene – 50 things to love about life that are free
“There’s a lot to appreciate in life that doesn’t cost a dime.”
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Mary Jaksch – How to Make a True Friend (Worth More Than 14.6 Cents)
“Because making true friends and nurturing bonds of love and affection is a priceless gift to others, as well as to ourselves.”
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Sandra Lee - 101 Rays of Gratitude
“Inspiration for exercising your gratitude muscle.”
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Satya Colombo – On building a juicy container for getting amazing sh** done + extreme gratitude
“Because it’s juicy and delicious, it has a mouth-watering picture, and it’s the only post I’ve written that mentions making-love on a bed of orange blossoms.”
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Scott Dinsmore – The Beginner’s Guide to Being Congruent
“Few people take the time to truly figure out who they are, why they’re here and how they should spend they’re time, but without this understanding, this congruency, it is almost impossible to make the dent in the world you are designed to make.”
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Stacey Curnow – Thanks for the Memories: How (and Why) to Keep a Special Memories Journal
“The Special Memories Journal serves the same purpose as a gratitude journal—the mere act of writing down precious moments reminds you that they have happened, and that your life is full of them.”
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Tess Marshall – On a Rampage of Gratitude and Appreciation
“The exercise I offer in the article takes the focus off our own greed and puts it on giving to others who have less.”
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There you are – hearty contributions from bloggers around the world to add that extra zest of wisdom and gratitude to your Thanksgiving Day and indeed any day.
Please do check out their generous contributions to you and me on Thanksgiving Day – and also share their work with the world.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, today and everyday.
And a happy life:-)

Thanksgiving Week Lesson 5 – How to Serve Others at the Global Table

So how was Thanksgiving Day for you?

Whatever you did and whoever you shared the day with, I bet you experienced some moments of gratitude for what you have and the people in your life.

But what about the people sitting around the global table? What can you do from now on to contribute to them?

This is the fifth in my series of five special posts for  thanksgiving week – and this article is all about serving others.

We all have deep within us this calling and a capacity to help others, to make a difference in some way and to make ourselves count.

I always had this urge even when as a child but the urge got submerged as I got on to the treadmill of life. But in recent years, I have got involved with Nirvana School and other charities, directly and indirectly.

Also, through my work and my writing I would like to feel that I am doing my bit for the world.
However, service is not just about doing charity work, or even “looking good”. It is about creating something sustainable and leaving a legacy for those to follow.

Service is about empowering people and giving them their dignity.

So what’s stopping you from doing even more for the world? Are you fearful of changing the world?
Then feel the fear and change the world anyway!

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” – Winston Churchill

The beauty of being of service is that anyone can serve. You just need the willingness and the desire to make a difference. You don’t need much to get started. Just ask Dr Martin Luther King:-

“Everyone can be great, because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace – a soul generated by love” - Dr Martin Luther King

I am not sure who said this but I remember these poignant words – if you serve wholeheartedly, you are bound to succeed as there is so little competition.

It is not even about “succeeding” – it is about doing what you can to make a difference to others.

At the same time, there may be little competition right now, but I really believe that this is changing rapidly.

I am meeting more and more people who want to serve and make a difference. You only have to check out my last post and read about all the amazing bloggers committed to making a positive change in the world.

There is definitely a change in the air and a major shift happening in the world, as we all wake up to the realization that we are all one, and serving each other is the least we can do for humanity.
So ask yourself:-

How can I begin TODAY to serve others wholeheartedly?
What ONE thing, small or big, can I do today that will make someone’s life easier?
What can I do EVERY day from now onwards to serve others?

The Art of Thanksgiving

The art of Thanksgiving is gratitude in action.

It is giving thanks for the gift of life

by living it triumphantly.

It is giving thanks for your talents and abilities

by accepting them as obligations to be invested for the common good.

It is giving thanks for happiness

by striving to make others happy.

It is giving thanks for beauty

by helping to make the world more beautiful.

It is giving thanks for inspiration

by trying to be an inspiration to others.

It is giving thanks for opportunities

by accepting them a challenge to achievement.

It is giving thanks for the creative ideas that enrich life

by adding your own creative contributions to human progress.

It is giving thanks for each new day

by living it to the fullest.

It is adding to your prayers of thanksgiving, acts of Thanksgiving.

--- Author Unknown

Gratitude and affirmation

Every night before you fall asleep, replay in your mind the good moments of the day, and give heartfelt thanks for each one of them. Think about the next day also, and intend that it is going to be amazing, that it is going to be filled with love and joy, and that all good is coming to you. Intend that it is going to be the best day of your life. Then when you wake in the morning, BEFORE you get out of bed, declare your intentions again for the day and give deep thanks as though you have received them all. 

May the joy be with you,

Rhonda Byrne

1. “He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”

- Socrates

If we appreciate the items in our life that are now considered "necessity" we will not appropriately appreciate those that are luxuries. Those luxuries that are now necessities (depending on your location and age) are cell phones, answering machines, email, warm water, indoor plumbing, cable tv, electricity and the list goes on.

If we don't appreciate how we live now or how we play, we become numb as new items, new ideas and new people come into our lives. We appreciate the moment or the item but then it becomes part of our everyday life and we then feel we deserved it in the first place.

2. "Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty."

- Doris Day

When I have paused and looked around me at my friends, family, and everything that is important to me I realize how truly rich I am. Appreciation for the birds singing in the morning as they wake me up makes me feel part of something bigger than myself. It takes the focus off of me and lifts my spirits.

Complaining simply drains the speaker and the listener mentally, putting a tarnish to everything we see around us. All we see is that nothing is good enough and has worth.

3. "Gratitude is the memory of the heart."

– French proverb

If I take a moment to be grateful for someone or something, I recall the original reason I appreciated that person or thing coming into my life. It is like taking a step back into time and the emotions that were there on the first meeting come flooding back. A smile may come to my face as I recall the importance it brought to my life.

4. "The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it."

- Richard Bach

We don't savor much anymore. We eat in our cars or standing over the sink, so we don't have to clean up as we head to somewhere else. We leave before the 9th inning or the final bow at the show to get to the car and beat the rush of traffic if we can. It seems the only time we slow down is to watch tv or go to sleep. Neither of which allows us to enjoy the moment of time, the people around us, or the world that moves on outside.

I sold a sofa to a man on Craig's List and before we even exchanged money for sofa, we talked, for a good hour. Initially, I was perturbed that he was so talkative and didn't just pay and leave me alone. I had to realize that this isn't always about me. Sometimes I need to slow down and go with the flow. I don't recall anything major about the conversation but I learned to make myself slow down and just enjoy the time I had in front of me.

5. "Real life isn't always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgment of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties."

- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sometimes I feel so horrible about life to really think of anything to be grateful for, so I go with the easy basics.  A roof over my head, a comfortable bed to sleep in, food to keep me alive, a group of family and friends that care. Eventually I start to remember more and more items and,  my attitude changes and in turn helps me through the day better than any shot of caffeine, pill, or ray of sunshine could do.

6. "No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night."

- Elie Wiesel

When good days, weeks, or years come, I must be appreciative. Not because I am doing well but because it is when I am doing poorly that the times I am good are that much sweeter. I need those valleys to help me appreciate those high hills and when I am on those high hills, I need to look on those valleys and be grateful for them as well. Good times are the other side of the coin to the bad times. We can't have the beautiful world in the daylight if we don't also have the night to make it so bright.

I hope these thoughts and quotes have opened up a river of gratitude for  you and I thank you for taking your time to stop and read. 

by Dawn  

• http://frugalforlife.blogspot.com/2010/06/6-ways-gratitude-makes-you-richer.html

Gratitude

I would like to express my gratitude with today’s post. Let me first start by sharing what gratitude really means.

(A heart-shaped leaf from the Hibiscus Tree)

Gratitude Definition

Gift of giving
Remembrance of all that is good
A touchstone of global transformation
Transition of greatness
In acts of kindness
True wealth and abundance
Unyielding compassion
Divine clarity
Everlasting commitment to appreciation

Well, tomorrow is New Year's Eve.  2009 is coming to an end.  Let's make the last day a meaningful one.  How about making a prayer of intent for inner peace, love and abundance? As the clock turns into year 2010, let us release all old energies that have kept us in fear but let us retain the lessons that have helped us evolve.  We also make the intent to shift vibrationally upwards and in closer alignment to the quality of who we really are - pure love and abundance! Finally, we hold the thought of sharing our light with others.

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will never be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." --- Buddha

Happy New Year, everyone!  

Love and light to all,

Evelyn

Gratitude: Commit Random Acts of Art

This post is a response to Growing gratitude creatively by Maureen Healy

Gratitude is a practice of giving thanks, appreciating others, and acknowledging the wonders of life. It's time to make a gratitude adjustment and carry out random acts of art - a commitment to compassion in action through creative imagination.

In Buddhism, a powerful expression of compassion in action is given by the bodhisattva, a person who has dedicated his or her life to the service of others and vowed to ease suffering of others whenever possible. The Dalai Lama points out that taking the bodhisattva vow doesn't force one into a life of service to others, but it does set a life path for offering acts of charity. It can also involve "random acts of kindness," simple actions on behalf of others, often performed anonymously. To me, these are also acts of gratitude -- the belief in both the goodness of others and yourself.

Since childhood, I have been engaged in what I now call "random acts of art." My mother started me on this path by encouraging me to make artistic creations for others, including the homeless, residents of nursing homes, and patients in hospitals. She was not an artist by nature, but she taught me that sharing the creative spirit with others is a random act of art that lifts one's own spirit in the process. I myself have been the delighted recipient of many random acts of art from others over the years. A dear friend who makes beautiful decorated gourds embellished with African designs surprised me with one of her creations in the mail; other friends send a cartoon on a Post-It Note, a collage of photos, or a treasured painting, altered book, or handmade object commemorating events in our lives.

The gratitude we extend to others through these random acts of art reminds me of the standard operating procedures of guardian angels. According to religion, guardian angels are beings who appear on the scene, give assistance, and then disappear as mysteriously as they arrived. The anonymity of angels has inspired my own random acts of art on behalf of others over the years. Once a month for a year, I sent hand-painted and collaged postcards anonymously to an old college friend who lived out of state. At the time of his retirement from teaching, I wanted to thank him for his friendship and help during graduate school. Those simple handmade postcards carried my gratitude-and he was baffled but pleased to keep finding the mysterious art pieces in his mailbox that I sent from different cities to keep him guessing. To this day, we still surprise each other with little pieces of art, keeping up the guardian angel tradition.

Jazz musician Lionel Hampton once said, "Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind." Neuroscience might argue about the actual storage, but a growing body of research on positive psychology tells us that "gratitude is good" for body and mind. Random acts of art are examples of the true purpose of imagination-making day-to-day life special through creativity and in doing so, sharing our thanks. In making art for others, I am also doing a service to myself because it gives me the grace to find forgiveness and understanding and let go. And move forward in gratitude.

Adapted from The Soul's Palette: Drawing on Art's Transformative Powers for Health and Well-Being.

Cathy Malchiodi is an art therapist, visual artist, independent scholar, and author of 13 books on arts therapies, including The Art Therapy Sourcebook. See full bio

© 2008 Cathy Malchiodi
http://www.cathymalchiodi.com