How To Make A Relationship Last

A happy relationship can be the most rewarding thing in the world. As anybody who’s ever been in one knows however, they aren’t always (or ever) easy. But they can be made a lot easier by following the advice outlined in these wonderful illustrations.

They come from the website Power of Positivity and they’re designed to remind you of the things that are easy to forget. The secret to a successful relationship lies in the details, the finer things that are often overlooked, especially when you’ve been together for a long time. Like showing appreciation and gratitude, even for the small things, and always supporting each other no matter what. It isn’t always possible to follow all of these rules, but even if you remember only one or two of them then you’re sure to have a happier life together.

How to Attract your Soul Mate

By Gloria Excelsias

Lots of people are looking for their Soul mate, for someone they feel connected and attracted to both on a mental, emotional, physical and also Spiritual or Soul level.

So I thought, today I share with you a few quick tips on how you can attract that special Soul into your life.

1: The first key to attract the perfect Spiritual romantic relationship is to be happy either way, with or without a mate.

The fastest way to repel a loving mate is to get attached to having one. Whatever we are attached to, we repel. So the first key is to be happy either way.

So you have to have a super strong preference to attract a perfect romantic relationship, that’s important, but if that special someone does not knock at your door tomorrow morning, you should still be happy.

If you make your own happiness dependent on someone else filling some kind of perceived lack inside of you, then you have just given your happiness out of your hands. And that will become an issue sooner or later.

If you can’t be happy with yourself alone, then you wont be happy with someone else either.

2: Now, the second key is to make a list of all the qualities you would like to see in your partner, and then getting busy developing all these qualities in yourself.

You cannot expect your partner to have qualities you don’t have yourself.

I remember when I was a teenager and listened to my friends describing Mr. Right, they always had a huge list of qualities that Mr. Right was supposed to embody. Mr Right had to look good, be athletic and well-conditioned, very loving, trustworthy, aspire a great career, and all the rest. And I remember, I would always ask them, okay, so let’s look at your list and let’s see which of the qualities you want to see in your partner you actually possess yourself. And usually, they hardly embodied anything on the list.

So if you want to attract someone into your life who is loving, God pure, right with himself or herself, who is abundant, has manifested a beautiful home and all the rest, then start working on yourself so you may become that kind of person yourself.

You won’t attract that kind of person if you are not that kind of person yourself.

3: Which brings us to key number three. Get right with yourself.

The most important relationship in your life is your relationship to yourself.

If you are right with yourself, you will be right with everyone else in the world because you won’t project your stuff onto others.

However, if you are not right with yourself, you will project your wrong relationship to yourself onto God and the world.

Why? Because you can’t exclude yourself from your own thoughts.

So if you are not right with yourself, you will end up seeing and hearing things that are not there except in your own fear-based mind.

So to get right with yourself, in essence, means to transcend your fear-based mind because once you transcend the negative ego / fear-based mind, you will remember what it means to live in love. To get right with yourself means to love yourself, to know that your worth comes from who you are – not from what you do, that you are an extension of a Divine Source and Cosmic Intelligence, that you are eternal and immortal, that all is forgiven, that your mistakes are not held against you, that this whole illusion of separation and the fear resulting from the illusion of separation is just a bad dream, and so forth. Anyway, that’s for another video.

4: Now, the fourth key to attract the perfect romantic Spiritual mate is to put all your energy and focus on Spirit and your Spiritual path.

When you are fully right with yourself and full of love and service and Spirit, then you will naturally attract someone who is also right with self and completely immersed in their Spiritual path. It could not be any other way because we attract what we send out.

And so, developing such an enlightened, loving consciousness is certainly a very promising basis for a mutually loving and lasting relationship.

Think about it. Obviously, there are many more things I could share with you, but these are just a few quick tips to help you get started.

The only thing I would like to add as I close this quick video is that as you search for, or more accuately, as you seek to attract Mr. Or Misses Perfect, remember, that no one is perfect. We are all in school here – everyone of us, without exception. We are all here to remember our divine perfection, but that is a process – and ideally we help each other though that process.

By Gloria Excelsias
Link: http://iamuniversity.org/how-to-attract-your-soul-mate/

 

Be Free from Unhealthy Relationships

by Rhonda Findling

If you want to be free from unhealthy relationships, then the first step is not to call, text, e-mail or even Facebook a person that you:

· Have broken up with or has broken up with you
· Have determined is abusive
· Are highly attracted to but they are not returning your level of interest (for whatever reason)
· Have an unhealthy connection or relationship with
· Is presently in your life but you’re trying to not act needy with

When you contact someone you're not hearing from or trying to let go of, there can be a pleasurable rush of adrenaline from the anticipation of seeing them, hearing their voice or reading their message. But this rush is just a temporary fix, which you may have to pay a tremendous price for.

Even if the person does respond positively when you contact them, it may be momentarily thrilling or electrifying, but soon the anguish will return, because the problem is still there. Nothing has really changed. You're still not a couple or the person remains emotionally unavailable. You'll just have to start detaching all over again, doubling your efforts.

If you've ended the relationship because someone was doing something that you experienced as hurtful or refused to tolerate any longer, contacting them would take away your credibility for the boundary you set. By initiating a contact you would also be colluding with the behavior that you already told them was unacceptable.

Impulsivity

When you contact someone you're trying not to act needy with, it's often impulsive. Acting on impulse can make life exciting and dramatic but it can also put you at risk because you are not reflecting on whether it's a productive behavior. You're not thinking of the future and consequences. You're just acting in the moment.

So if you're thinking of making a contact, take time to reflect. Sit on your feelings. Endure your anxiety. Don't just do something because you feel like it. There could be disastrous effects if you do.

Call people in your support system to discuss any impulsive urges that come over you- whether to see, e-mail, call, or text them. Discuss and process your feelings with safe reliable people Remember that feelings do pass. Feelings are only temporary, which is why it's important to hang in there even when the urge to contact them feels unbearable.
You have to do whatever it takes to endure urges to make a contact and move past them. As you do this more and more, you will feel yourself gaining emotional strength.

Clinging

Clinging is any behavior that demonstrates holding on, not letting go. This can be exemplified by activities ranging from a compulsive phone call, text, or e-mail when they haven't responded to any of your previous contacts. Contacting someone who is not reciprocating your interest, or has rejected you is a form of clinging. The urge to cling can be irresistible. You know with your rational mind that your behavior isn't appropriate, but you are driven by a compulsion you feel you can't control. You may experience actual discomfort when you don't carry out the compulsive act.

It's essential to remember that clinging behavior causes most people to distance themselves even further. If someone has issues about intimacy your clinging will make them feel closed in and claustrophobic. They may feel that they have no room to breathe from your relentless trying to get them to prove that they're not going to leave you. Your clinging also makes you look emotionally hungry making them feel that they'll have to endlessly supply you with reassuring love which will scare them off.

It's human nature to have a hard time falling in love with someone who's bombarding them with phone calls, texts or e-mails. A clinging person doesn't leave someone a chance to long and yearn for them. They are so available another person doesn't have the space to fantasize about or miss them, which unfortunately is sometimes what falling in love, is all about.

Why clinging is not productive

There are people whose psychological problems prohibit them from having a relationship. These people are married to their pathology. Your chasing them will not break through their defenses, resistances and impairment.

Sometimes their lack of response or reciprocating is not even about you. It's truly about them. It doesn't make a difference because no matter who it's about; they just can't do it. They can't be there for you. You must face the truth of their unavailability so you can let them go and move on. Bottom line, you can't force another person's feelings, motivation for relationship, or emotional health no matter how many rules and programs you follow or implement.

In fact if you don't chase them around you'll get an opportunity to see what they do when they don't get any prompts or reminders from you.

Action steps: What you can do when you want to cling

· Go on dating sites online. It will also show you the abundance of people out there. You might also meet someone new who is even better than your ex or a person you're trying to let go of.
· Distract yourself - do whatever it takes to not think about your ex or a person you're trying to let go of even if it feels counterintuitive.
· Call someone in your support system.

Writing exercises

-Think of a time you were clinging to someone you were in love with. What were you feeling? What was behind the clinging? Was there another action you could have taken to not cling?

-What does it feel like to show someone that you have been clinging to that you are now independent? Does it feel empowering?

Action step/ Writing Exercise:

·The next time you feel insecure or lonely, try not to reach out to the emotionally unavailable person you are currently attached to. Instead, see how you get through it on your own. Write about your feelings that come up in your journal.

·Try to imagine life without the stress of an emotionally unavailable person's confusing behavior. Get to know how it feels to have emotional space free of them. Write about your feelings in your journal.

·Visualize yourself in a relationship with someone who's sure of their love for you. Someone who makes you feel secure. Someone who has never disappointed or betrayed you. Describe your relationship in your journal? What is that person like? How do you feel with them?

Spiritual Tip #5: Surrendering To What Is

If you're trying to hold onto someone even though you know it's a hopeless situation then you are resisting the inevitable. When it's time for someone to go you can't fight it. The relationship time with them has passed, even if it hurts. Surrender to what is.

Perspective taking

"Perspective taking goes far beyond empathy; it involves figuring out what others think and feel, and forms the basis for children’s understanding of their parents’, teachers’, and friends’ intentions. Children who can take others’ perspectives are also much less likely to get involved in conflicts."

Children learn perspective taking skills when we are willing to understand their perspective.

When we are gentle with ourselves, especially when we feel we are at our "worst," we begin the process of moving through our past and creating a present with children where everyone's perspective and everyone's needs have value.

We go beyond the either-or mentality and open the possibility that we can meet everyone's needs.

Read more: How children learn perspective taking

Family Ceremonies Creating Connections while Apart

by Madisyn Taylor

Create a ceremony around nature to connect with loved ones that are far away.

Life’s journeys may sometimes take us away from our families and friends, but there are many ways to stay connected. Aside from making use of the technology available—speaking on the phone or seeing each other from across cyberspace—we can create simple ceremonies using nature and our own thoughts to connect our hearts across the miles.

The first step in creating your ceremony is to look to nature for similarities in the different surroundings. The second step is agreeing upon something that is meaningful to all involved. If your mother loves birds, then perhaps each time you hear a bird chirp, you can think of her and mentally send love. You may choose the sight of a butterfly, the feel of a breeze or raindrops, or the scent of flowers to remind you of a special someone. The pink glow of sunset might be your favorite time to send a thought, or perhaps the warming oranges of sunrise. We can all see the sun, the moon, and an array of twinkling stars when we look to the skies. The monthly full moon may be your time to connect with your loved ones, or the first star you see each night, knowing that they, too, are gazing into the night sky and sending love. You could choose a day that you would usually celebrate together, such as a holiday or a solstice. If you once shared Sunday brunches in the garden, you can! each seek out a garden on Sundays. Or you can choose a specific time and account for the time difference in order to connect by heart and mind at exactly the same moment.

With practice, we may learn to recognize the feeling that comes when a loved one sends energy our way, and the feeling of soul-to-soul communication. In this case, distance may indeed make our connections stronger. There is certainly much to make us think of our close friends and loved ones often, but when we decide upon a reminder together, we create a simple ceremony of connection that defies any distance.

When people walk away from you

let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn’t mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over.

The sacred art of listening – nourishing loving relationships

To listen is to lean in softly
With a willingness to be changed
By what we hear
-Mark Nepo

What happens when there’s a listening presence? When we’re fully in that listening presence, when there’s that pure quality of receptivity, we become presence itself. And whether you call that God or pure awareness or our true nature, the boundary of inner and outer dissolves and we become a luminous field of awakeness. When we’re in that open presence we can really respond to the life that’s here. We fall in love.

This state of listening is the precursor or the prerequisite to loving relatedness. The more you understand the state of listening– of being able to have the sounds of rain wash through you, of receiving the sound and tone of another’s voice– the more you know about nurturing a loving relationship.

In a way it’s an extremely vulnerable position. As soon as you stop planning what you’re going to say or managing what the other person’s saying, all of a sudden, there’s no control. You’re open to your own sadness, your own anger and discomfort. Listening means putting down control. It’s not a small thing to do.

We spend most of our moments when someone is speaking, planning what we’re going to say, evaluating it, trying to come up with our presentation of our self, or controlling the situation.
Pure listening is a letting go of control. It’s not easy and takes training. And yet it’s only when we can let go of that controlling that we open up to the real purity of loving. We can’t see or understand someone in the moments that we are trying to control what they are saying or trying to impress them with what we are saying. There’s no space for that person to just unfold and be who they are. Listening and unconditionally receiving what another expresses, is an expression of love.

The bottom line is when we are listened to, we feel connected. When we’re not listened to, we feel separate. So whether it’s the communicating between different tribes or religions, ethnicities, racial groups or different generations, we need to listen. The more we understand, the less we fear; the less we fear, the more we trust and the more we trust, the more love can flow.

Isn’t it true to that to get to know the beauty and majesty of a tree
You have to be quiet and rest in the shade of the tree?
Don’t you have to stand under the tree?
To understand anyone, you need to stand under them for a little while
What does that mean?
Its mean you have to listen to them and be quiet and take in who they are
As if from under, as if from inside out.

 
 by  Tara Brach
Adapted from her book Radical Acceptance (2003)

How to Create a More Loving Relationship

by Gina Lake

One of the most powerful things you can do to improve any relationship and to increase the amount of happiness you feel is to not get involved with your judgments. Be aware of judgmental thoughts (notice them when they arise in your mind), accept that they are there (don't think they shouldn't be there), and then choose to not dwell on them or give voice to them. Judgments are probably the one thing that interferes most with love and sustaining relationships. Judgments and the criticism that flows from them kill love. Even small doses of criticism when engaged in day in and day out can poison a relationship. They kill the love that is there and leave anger, resentment, and hurt in its place. So the very first principle for a more loving relationship is to ignore your judgments and don't express the criticism that is the natural result of judgment.

There are a several reasons why judgments are difficult to ignore. First of all, because they arise in our mind, we assume our judgments are true and meaningful representations of "our truth," while judgments actually come from a small, petty, and unwise part of ourselves: our conditioned self, or ego. Judgments never reflect our true nature, our essential self, or what I like to call Essence. We assume our judgments serve a purpose, but they don't achieve what we hope they will achieve, which is changing someone or something. People rarely change because they are judged, and if they do, that change comes at the expense of love and trust. Judgments are a way of bullying our partner to change in ways we want him or her to change, and that is not a loving act.

If love and relationship are important to you, which they must be, since you are reading this, love and relationship have to become more important than having your way, more important than your conditioning and how you like things done. The way you put love first is to refuse to get involved in the judgments that pop into your mind and, above all, don't speak them. The reason to not get involved with your judgments mentally is that doing so leads to believing them and speaking them. The more you dwell on a judgment, the more real and true it seems. Judgments cause us to feel bad about someone (and bad about ourselves), so we naturally want to do something to change that person so that we no longer have to feel bad.

There is a better and more effective way to feeling good, and that is to realize that you don't have to change anything or anyone except your relationship to your own thoughts. All that has to change is your relationship to the judgments that arise in your mind. You can believe them and try to change the world to fit them, or you can see the truth about them, which is that they have no intrinsic value or truth. If a judgment arises, notice it, recognize it as a judgment and as therefore not worth your attention, and then leave it alone. Put your attention on something else, like something you appreciate about your partner, or about anything else.

Another reason judgments are hard to ignore is that they give us a sense of being right and being better than or superior to another. This superiority and self-righteousness feels good to the ego. That is the payoff for judging and one reason we judge and continue to do so even when we see that judging and criticizing is not getting us what we want from the other person, including that person's love. When we choose to judge someone, we settle for this feeling of superiority and self-righteousness instead of love and the good feelings that come from being loving, kind, accepting, and understanding.

We tend to make this choice instead of being loving because it is our default position as human beings; it is the path of least resistance. We are programmed to not make the most loving choice, oddly enough. So to get what we all really want, which is to be loving and to be loved, we have to learn to overcome some of the negative programming we have that keeps us making choices that are destructive to our relationships.

A big reason we don't ignore judgments is that most of us are not that aware of what is going on in our mind. We tend to accept the thoughts that go through our mind and act on them or speak them without questioning them first. We don't tend to ask ourselves if what we're thinking is true or useful. We often don't question what the result will be if we believe our thoughts and act on or give voice to them. The trouble with this is that our thoughts are often unkind and untrue, and responding to them without evaluating them first results in a lot of trouble and pain to ourselves and others. Becoming more loving is largely a matter of becoming more conscious of what we are thinking, and then choosing a more loving response than the automatic one, which is likely to be the ego's response.

The ego is a primitive aspect of ourselves that is shortsighted and out for itself. It doesn't see the whole picture or value love's very important role in life. It is, in fact, the enemy of love. The ego's point of view as well as our conditioning are reflected in our thoughts about ourselves, others, and life. The ego's voice is the mental commentary we all are so familiar with, which seems at times like our own voice and at other times like someone else speaking to us. This aspect of the mind that chatters on and on is often called the egoic mind, and it reflects the false self, not Essence.

Another thing that makes judgments difficult to ignore is that we assume that judgments and criticism are a perfectly acceptable and valid form of communication, since they are so common. It is part of our culture to judge, to express opinions about anything and everything. It almost seems like it's our duty to judge, as if we are not being discriminating if we don't point out the flaws of something or someone. However, the truth is that pointing out flaws, criticizing, and having an opinion are the easiest things in the world to do. What's difficult is being loving, accepting, and moving beyond our judgments, beliefs, and other conditioned ways of being. That is our challenge as human beings—to become more loving, not to complain, judge, and try to change others to suit our preferences. Loving is a matter of moving beyond our personal preferences and judgments enough to let love flow to another, enough to allow ourselves to see another's beauty, not the flaws.

The truth is that judgments don't just hurt others, they hurt us to have them. When we are feeling judgmental and critical, we feel small, petty, unhappy, angry, and unkind, even though we may enjoy the feeling of being superior or right. Judging and criticizing others leaves us feeling bad about ourselves, and this may drive us to tear others down even more, creating a vicious cycle of negativity. This is not how we want to feel, and it isn't how we want to make others feel; and yet, that is what happens. Our judgments cause us and those we're judging to feel unhappy and unloving. That is the opposite of what we all want!

Notice how you feel the next time you catch yourself judging and criticizing someone, including those you aren't even close to, such as people in the media. Judgment and criticism don't feel good, and you don't have to feel that way. We have the power to choose not to judge and criticize (internally or externally), and when we make that choice, it is possible to get in touch with who we really are—with Essence. Essence is an experience of contentment, peace, joy, happiness, awe, love, gratitude, and wonderment. That is who we really are, and the only thing that can obscure our true nature is believing the ego's negative evaluations and stories about everyone and everything. Change in the world can still happen without our judgments because the wisdom that is our true nature moves us to act wisely and lovingly in the world. Our judgments only interfere with that.

Because judging and criticizing is the path of least resistance, it can take some practice to choose to be loving and accepting over the usual criticisms. But the more you choose love, the easier it becomes to choose it again, and the weaker the habit of criticism becomes. If you fully absorb this first principle, it will change your life. You don't need your judgments. You have never needed your judgments. They have never served you, but only obscured and undermined the love, wisdom, and happiness that are possible. Love and happiness are possible because it is your true nature to love and to experience happiness, peace, and joy.

Practices: To be done throughout the week:

1. Whenever you feel an urge to judge your partner, examine the conditioning (e.g., desires, beliefs, opinions, preferences, fears, expectations, demands) behind that judgment. Every judgment is a disguised "should" or "should not." What "should" or "should not" are you imposing on your partner? Our judgments are an attempt to get our partner to change his or her behavior so that we don't have to feel the discomfort that our own conditioning is causing. When others do things we don't like, that is, when they don't conform to our conditioning, we feel afraid, angry, ashamed, or embarrassed. In an attempt to get rid of these feelings, we try to change our partner by judging or criticizing him or her: "If only he or she would change, I wouldn't feel this way!" Notice how your judgments are an attempt to ease the discomfort that is caused by your own conditioning—not by your partner, but by your desires and demands that your partner be a certain way.

2. If a judgment arises, just let it be there without doing anything about it. What is that like to just let that judgment be there? Your ego won't want you to stay with this exercise. It may try to talk you out of just being with the judgment, or it might offer a more concealed judgment or one that sounds a little nicer. Are there feelings that accompany this judgment? Just let them be here as well without doing anything else with them. The more you practice noticing your judgments and feelings and just letting them be there without doing anything else, the weaker these judgments and feelings will become. What empowers our thoughts and feelings is acting them out. If you don't want to be at the mercy of your negative thoughts (judgments) and feelings, then just let them come and go in your mind without identifying with them or giving voice to them. Don't fight with them or push them away, but allow them the space to come and go, as all thoughts naturally do. Your thoughts c! ome out of nowhere and disappear into nowhere. You have the ability to empower them by giving them your attention or dis-empower them by not giving them your attention, which is accomplished by giving your attention to something else.

Explorations: Do just one of these explorations a day. When you've finished all three explorations, go back to each one and see if you can uncover any further insights.

1. There are certain judgments and criticisms you have about your partner that come up again and again and are probably causing conflict, stress, and a shutting down of love between you. What are they? Take some time to contemplate this. Make a list of them. What if you didn't have these judgments and the feelings that go with them? What would that be like? And what if you never expressed your judgments or criticisms? What would that be like? How would you feel? How would that change your relationship?

2. Look carefully at any resistances you may have to ignoring and not speaking the judgments and criticisms you have. What are you afraid will happen if you give up judging and criticizing? Are you afraid you will be a doormat, you will be unhappy, you will be taken advantage of, you will not be in control, you will lose power in the relationship? Is it your way of being strong? Is it your way of being smart? Is it your way of proving that you are an individual? How do you believe your judgments are serving you? What are you getting out of judging and criticizing? Spend at least ten minutes contemplating this question because it is a very important one. There are reasons, although mistaken ones, for clinging to our judgments and criticisms. Once we really see how ineffective and destructive our judgments are, they lose their power to capture our attention and make us do their bidding.

3. What are the negative ramifications of judging and criticizing? Does your partner fire back with criticisms? Does your partner withdraw, disengage? How does judging and criticizing make you feel about yourself? What is your self-image like when you are criticizing someone? Are you The Bitch, The Complainer, The Whiner, The Martyr, The Wronged One, The Raging Maniac, The Self-Righteous One, The Mother Hen, The Drama Queen, The Emasulator, The Boss, The Avenger, The Victim, or some other image? Our ego takes on these personas, but we are not our ego, and we can choose to not identify with and act out these personas. Our judgments cause negative feelings within ourselves and others—anger, resentment, hatred, desire for revenge, and even guilt and shame—and negative feelings are not only exhausting, but also can lead to physical illness. They shut down our own heart and the hearts of those around us. What price are you paying for your judgments and criticism? What is the cost! to your relationships? Is it worth it?

Daily OM

Clickability - A skill for Life

88.06.Clickability

Clickability: A Skill for Life
By Dr. Rick Kirschner 
 

“Most of what you need to know about success in life is personal in nature. I’ve learned, through my own experience and that of the people I’ve worked with, that people need each other to have fulfilling work, successful careers and meaningful lives. Regardless of your cultural background, your age group, or your social status, your need to get along with people is fundamental to your happiness. No matter how much technical skill you have in your particular field of expertise, no matter how smart you are, how capable you are, how gifted you are, if you don’t know how to connect, relate and communicate with people, there’s little hope for you.

Whether the times are great, or the economy is in the tank, the people who do the best, who prosper and advance, are the people who know how to connect with other people and have it matter. Whether you are a homemaker, a parent, a business owner, a manager, a waiter or a postal worker, your skill with other people determines everything. And when you have the skill to build relationships and networks of relationships, the world is your oyster, and all options are open for you. Being able to click is just a matter of knowing what to do, why to do it, and how to do it.”

Download |

About Dr. Rick Kirschner | As a motivational speaker and communication skills trainer, Dr. Kirschner delivers artful programs in venues ranging from conference halls to boardrooms to grand theaters, with groups as large as 6000 attendees or as small as 4 executives in an off the beaten track locale. Clients include the world’s best known organizations, from Heineken to NASA to Progressive Insurance to the National Association for Neonatal Nurses to Starbucks to Texas Instruments. He’s been interviewed on hundreds of radio and television programs, including on CNBC, FOX and CBC. His ideas are found in newspapers and magazines including USA Today, London Times, The Wall Street Journal and Executive Excellence.

http://theartofchange.com/

88.03.InnovationYou

Old Fashioned Values

by Sean Marshall of Family Rocketship.

So are old fashioned values still relevant today?

Is it possible to live with 20^th century morals and ideals in a 21^st century world?

Do these values really play a role in increasing the romance needed in marriage?

Let’s take a look at three key “old fashioned values” and see how they might help us today.

Chivalry

Chivalry is one of the easiest to indentify as being “old fashioned”. Guys, this is a message especially for us. What would it be like if we, as men, all stood up when a lady entered the room? What would it be like if we took her coat for her? What would it be like if she never had to open a door?

I know from personal experience that most women are a little shocked at first. Then, at a deeper look, you can see that it really makes them feel special – like it’s a way they’ve always wanted to be treated.

Just before my wife and I were married, a piece of advice someone gave me that really stuck with me is, “she never touches a door handle”. Meaning, I need to always be there to hold the door, open the car, and so on. By being chivalrous, you can bring back the true meaning of the word ‘gentleman’.

Even in our busy modern lives, there’s always time for a little chivalry. In fact, it’s one of the best ways to help the ladies feel grateful to you and induce more romantic feelings for you.

Respect

Tied closely to chivalry is respect. Respecting your spouse involves treating him or her the way that makes them feel important. The highest form of respect in marriage is seeing and treating each other like royalty.

One aspect of respect is agreeing to each other’s standards and values and acting accordingly. When my wife and I were engaged, one of my friends found out we were waiting until we were married to have sex. He couldn’t believe it.

“Don’t you want to give it a trial run before you commit?” he asked. “Isn’t that a little too old-fashioned?” My response was that I wasn’t getting married just to have sex. It was (and is) so much more than that. It ultimately boiled down to respecting each other’s values more than giving it a “trial run”.

By respecting one another, your love and admiration of each other will also increase. Then, as a positive side effect, your romance will also increase.

Service

Serving one’s spouse is one of the best ways to arouse romantic feelings. What is romance except the time and care you put in to impress your spouse?

Serving your spouse manifests itself in many ways. It could be picking up a chore they aren’t very fond of. It could be doing something they really enjoy. It could be just taking the time to be involved with them, whatever that may mean at the time. The ways to serve your spouse are almost infinite. It’s just a matter of actively looking for ways to help.

It’s my experience, that as you look for ways to serve your husband or wife and actually do it consistently, that love will be reflected back and yours will be a happy marriage.

So are these values too old-fashioned?

What if we just removed the word “old-fashioned” and simply called them values?

In reality, any value that encourages a more romantic, more loving marriage is never old fashioned.

http://www.simplemarriage.net/ignite-your-romance-with-old-fashioned-values.html

Twin Flames and Soul Mates

Soulmates by Artist Lena Reznikova

It always fascinates me to see what brings people together. Why are we drawn into relationships that have a certain destiny? Astrology reveals our psychology, spirituality, evolution, and astrology tells the story about karma and past lives, why we are attracted to specific people, our personal past-life patterns (personality and behavior) are being acted out in the here and now. In other words, time is an illusion your past and future lives are running simultaneously in the present. As an astrological intuitive, I see that no two people have identical astrology or past life history, not even twin flames.

What is a twin flame you may ask?

The term most often has been confused with that of soul mates the two are distinctly different. The greatest love story ever told is the one you have with your very own beloved twin flame. In the beginning we were created in God (Alpha and Omega) in an ovoid white-fire-spirit-light, the soul was split just like the atom (Adam Kadman) into two identical parts (twin flames) each with the same identical soul blueprint. The tai-chi is a symbol of twin flames. Twin flames in love spiraling in infinity.

Twin Flames in Love

Somewhere in cosmos, each one of us has our very own divine other, who carries either the feminine or masculine polarity. This soul memory of our twin flame is so powerful, that we can feel very alone in this world, as we search for that promise of that original perfect love, the twin. No other love can compare to your own twin flame. Twin flames throughout history and literature are seen as tragic love stories i.e., Cleopatra and Mark Anthony, Samson and Delilah. The dark forces of anti-love run rampant on planet earth, working to sabotage twin flames and keep them apart. Often twin flames do not have enough Self-mastery to maintain a healthy partnership. Thus, they seek solace with the next best alternative a soul mate.

Soul Mates Passionate Friends of Old

Soul mates and karmic relationships are the other two positions of partnership. Soul mates can create very happy marriages as they are working on similar soul initiations, life lessons, and projects in this life. Soul mates have been friends for lifetimes and may need each other in this life to satisfy a mission or complete a work. They may not experience the incredible, all-consuming, intense love dynamic as twin flames. Soul mates come in all shapes and sizes and as best friends. I find the very best marriages to be between soul mates they work very harmoniously together in business, raising children and contributing to the community. Soul mates make us feel happier, stronger and richer. President Barak and First Lady Michele Obama are an example of soul mates with a powerful mission.

Karmic Relationships

Karmic relationships are often confused with that of twin flames because they have the same intense attraction and emotional charge. I can’t get you out of my head thing, mental obsession. My body will not stop desiring you, the compulsive sexual attraction. In truth, these are often symptoms of a tragic past life experience from a prior life. Your soul is offering you as a warning Not a green light to get involved. Yet, people often ignore or mistake their Inner Being voice and jump in full speed ahead, only to become hurt, defeated and lost. Karmic relationships are where either the person owes you a karmic-debt or you owe them from a former life. The liaison ends when the debt is paid or when Spirit determines the time of opportunity to play the relationship out is up. We are fast approaching the end of karmic relationships in 3D (third dimensional consciousness).

Karmic Entanglements

All relationships are for mutual growth and personal evolution. How can you tell if you are in a karmic relationship? No relationship is perfect, but if you feel like you need therapy as a result of being with this person, then this could be an indicator. Feeling drained emotionally, physically, and financially are all indicators of a karmic entanglement. Are you doing all the giving and your partner is doing all the taking? Look-out it may be a karmic entanglement. We need to love Self more than the need for any relationship. You are having a relationship with You first. We need to be in a strong healthy relationship with Self in order to be healthy with another. The Age of Aquarius is the age of twin flames and soul mates coming together in love to anchor in our Golden Age. In truth, we are the forerunners of this Great Golden Age dawning. Karmic relationships are 3D egoic right fighting with an addiction to drama. They will not be around in the Age of Aquarius. We must become Self-masters and evolve into soul mate relationships. Saturn moving through Libra (relationships) until 2012 will be examining all of our relationship choices. Saturn rules integrity. If we are not with our true love we may be getting a divorce. If you know of many folks breaking up now it is a positive. This is not a negative for we need to be free to be in the new energy of healthy relationships. Fourth dimensional or quantum relationships are based on real intimacy, commitment, passion and allowing each person to be who-they-really-are.

Are you a ‘damsel in distress’?

“Some Lightworkers are behaving like a lady in waiting for their knight in shining armor to return from the Crusades and rescue them. The knight in shining armor may take the form of a soul mate, the government or even benevolent ET’s. In this incarnation we agreed to become our own savior, to willingly relinquish the familiar and comfortable role of victim with no responsibility that keeps our ego feeling safe.

As old souls, we volunteered to be role models for self-mastery and ascension, by healing our karmic past, standing in our Power, and being willing to step onto the world stage and make a difference in our chosen role as masters. Sabotaged by their ego’s fear-based conditioning and attached by an umbilical cord to the mass consciousness of fear, some Lightworkers will settle for an old knight in rusty armor riding a donkey just to feel safe and avoid fulfilling their soul agreement to be the master teachers, healers and leaders of our time..”-Tips for Transformation, Claudia Coleman

Have you been hiding your light in mediocre relationship? I know that thriving in uncertainty is not the most attractive offering as of late. However, it is what the universe is serving up. We must be willing to change our thinking, beliefs and practices to be at our best. 2010 will be a year of change and unpredictability, your success will be determined by your ability to be flexible and adaptable to changeful conditions.

S/HE WHO IS MOST FLEXIBLE WINS

If we are too rigid we will break in this new energy.

Practice being flexible

Practice being adaptable

Practice being mutable

Practice being grounded

Let go of Control

Flow with the Changes

Celebrate Change

So you can be:

Thriving in Transition

Thriving in Uncertainty

Thriving in Transformation

Sobering Saturn and renovating Pluto have just finished their second pass hitting the reset button on our lives. Forcing us to focus on what is truly valuable to our life path. Including, releasing that which no longer serves you, as you know, resistance is futile for change is inevitable. Patience and perseverance will pay off in the end, as the need to adjust our expectations becomes apparent. I have noticed that I am more fatigued. We are moving into higher dimension 4D and we have this intense astrology. The Shift is taking a toll on our physical bodies. These energetic transitions are causing ailments, sleep disorders, irritability, anxiety, and exhaustion I can’t push myself even if I want too. Get the rest you need be gentle with you. I work out at the gym, it helps me tremendously building strength, flexibility and releasing toxins.

Balance Is The Key to All Successful Relationships

The Universe works in a constant flow of figure eight energy. Giving and receiving equally.

All successful relationships are balanced in giving and receiving equally. It is not about the journey or event (getting with your twin flame of soul mate) it is about your process of growth and self-mastery.

Remember that the biggest relationship and the longest relationship you will have is with Self. If we are not healthy with Self we cannot be healthy with our true mate. Self mastery is the key to being united with your twin flame. The more Self-mastery you garner, the greater you’re light will be to elevate your twin flame up and out of his/her ego illusions of materialism, lesser relationships, distractions, etc and into their Divine Awakening to their True Self, True Purpose on Gaia and Original True Love (you).

The Age of Aquarius is the Age of twin flames and soul mates. That is why the collective negative forces want to sabotage the divine lovers and keep them apart. The power of true love to heal our economy, planet and people comes from twin flames and soul mates united in purpose. If we had a larger group of soul mates and twin flames joined today. We would wonder where all the problems we are facing had gone? Instead, we would be basking in the Sun of our dawning age of love, freedom and truth. “Develop your own following. Support everything you do and admire your efforts and actions. Your dedication to Self encourages you. Your belief in Self steadies you. Your trust in Self honors you. Everything you need, you can give to you. It is yours.”-Ivo/Lisa Dorr

Happy Valentine’s Day! Big hugs and kisses.

L OVE, Kelley

http://www.kelleyrosano.com/archives/1252/

"The healthy Eros/Psyche relationship is one of empathy and intimacy, safety and passion. It is joyful and totally relaxed. When conflicts come up, as they inevitably will, there are means of negotiation. This is "soulful" love which includes many results of self-consciousness. It is generative in nature. There is bonding, commitment rather than vulnerability, self-disclosure, sensuality, ecstasy, as well as respect, caring, belonging, togetherness, toleration, and constancy." ~ Iona Miller

Identifying a soul mate relationship

by Dorothy Thompson

THREE KINDS OF SOUL MATES

Did you know there are three main kinds of soul mates?

They are: Karmic, Companion and Twin Flames. Study the different kinds and discover which category your soul mate falls under. This will give you a broader understanding of why he or she has come into your life. To help you, I will explain the differences.

KARMIC SOUL MATE

The karmic soul mate experience is very common. You can have many of these in a lifetime. They enter your life to teach you an important lesson. Karmic soul mates can be co-workers, family members or close friends. One young woman particularly close to me comes to mind. Her name is Amanda Jane, and she is about twenty years my junior. She jokes that I must be her mother from another life. What makes our friendship special is that we touch on a spiritual level.

I often wonder why Amanda was brought into my life. We are very close, but what lesson am I to learn from her? To enjoy life again? Amanda comes from a dysfunctional family. Am I here to teach her a lesson? Am I to show her that she is loved and cherished? It can and does work both ways.

Sometimes karmic soul mate relationships can be romantic in nature; but if so, they won’t last long. That is because these relationships are solely meant for learning lessons and for growth rather than for obtaining a life partner.

Another thing we must keep in mind is that not all karmic relationships are human. Sometimes, pets we consider to be special members of our family can display the same karmic characteristics as humans. An example of this is Avis Townsend’s story “Back With Eli” in the karmic section of the book. Ms. Townsend’s story shows there are special relationships we can have with our pets to the point where the bond between pet and human becomes so deep it’s hard to dismiss it as anything other than the true karmic soul mate relationship.

Another point to remember about karmic soul mates, as well as other kinds of soul mates, is that each one, whether human or animal, comes into our lives for a reason and to teach us a lesson about ourselves.

COMPANION SOUL MATE

A companion soul mate relationship can be a relationship that is romantic in nature. It involves your wife/husband or someone you are intimate with. Oftentimes, these soul mates are not destined to be with us forever but, like Karmic soul mates, are brought into our lives for a purpose.

It is possible to spend a lifetime with your companion soul mate if you haven’t met your twin soul. However, when the twin soul is found, the companion soul mate relationship could suffer. When this happens, the companion soul mate relationship is generally short-lived or, if it continues, a non-satisfying one. However, this is no reason to jump ship when it happens. Remember, there is a reason your companion soul mate is in your life (for example, so you can raise children together).

When your twin soul comes into your life and you are in a companion soul mate relationship, it is important that you take things slowly. It may be that the companion soul mate relationship will come to an end—or it may not. One thing you must keep in mind is that ending an existing relationship solely because one feels one has found one's twin soul is never a good idea, because over time you will realize that both associations are meant to be and both have an important role in your life.

An interesting aspect of the companion soul mate relationship is that we put more of our energies into it. The karmic soul mate relationship tends to go at an easy pace, without much effort from either partner, as it does with twin souls. The companion soul mate bond requires more work on our parts to sustain a healthy, loving atmosphere.

TWIN FLAMES

This is the highest form of soul mate connection. Your twin soul is your other half; to find your twin soul is like finding yourself. We go through our life searching and searching, and what we don’t realize is that we are looking for someone just like us. Sometimes, we find them in this life and, other times, in other lives.

I believe they are always around, but for some reason it is not apparent. Perhaps we close our eyes to them. We don’t listen and observe. We go through life at such a hectic pace we don’t stop and take in things that would otherwise be apparent, so the presence of a soul mate could hit us flat in the face and we wouldn’t even know it. This is sad, because we have missed that one, rare opportunity for total bliss and happiness.

IDENTIFYING A SOUL MATE RELATIONSHIP

In order to find your soul mate, you must know what to look for. I have compiled the ten most important traits in recognizing your soul mate. Read them to help you decide who your own soul mate(s) is.

ACCEPTANCE

Your soul mate must accept you for who you are. He or she must accept your weaknesses as well as your strengths. Your soul mate does not try to change you, nor do you try to change them. He or she lets you be yourself, for the more you are yourself, the stronger your bond with your soul mate has a chance of becoming.

ENCOURAGEMENT

Your soul mate makes you feel good about yourself. He or she never criticizes, only encourages. If they cannot do this, then they are not your soul mate.

NURTURING

Your soul mate cares about you and what happens to you. He is the first to be by your side in accomplishment and defeat. She picks you up when others throw you down. He nurtures your spirit so you can roll with the punches, no matter where they fall.

FRIENDSHIP

Your soul mate is your best friend in the entire world. She or he laughs with you, cries with you, sings with you. They are there for you when life throws you those bad curves; they are there for you when you surpass your highest expectations of yourself. A soul mate will understand you and give you what you want and need without hesitation. She will make you feel at home, comfortable and at ease.

As you would with any friend, take the relationship slow. Savor each milestone of firsts: the first time your eyes meet, the first time his lips brush against yours, the first afternoon spent together walking through the park or along the seashore or even just in your own backyard. You have to remember that if you end up together, these “firsts” will be ingrained in your memory forever. Cherish them.

GENEROSITY

Your soul mate is generous. He gives freely of his time and his possessions. She will ditch whatever she is doing to be with you. He will give you your heart’s desires. She will give you her heart and soul, if need be.

CONVERSATIONALIST

Soul mates are interested in what each other have to say. My soul mate and I would spend hours contemplating the mysteries of the universe. Since we thought alike, we never did stop talking. We talked about our past, our present and our future. As we had so many things in common, each of us was interested in what the other had to say.

PREMONITIONS

You may have premonitions of your future soul mate in dreams. Whether they are when you are asleep or when you are in meditation, you will picture your soul mate as if he or she were standing in front of you. You will note the color of their hair, the sound of their voice, their way of walking. You will picture your soul mate as you want them to be. If you are fortunate enough to be able to do this—and it can happen anytime, anywhere—remember it. For, in time, your soul mate will appear in front of you just as you envisioned.

POSITIVE KARMA

One of the main ingredients for a successful soul mate relationship lies in the power of karma. In layman’s terms, karma is basically the theory that whatever you do, there will be another event to follow that is directly consequential to your actions. Therefore, the law of karma teaches us that what we do today may come back to haunt us tomorrow. How does this apply to the soul mate phenomenon?

If you are in a bad relationship, and you continue to remain in that relationship, you are setting up a path of bad karma for yourself because of the negative energies that arise. Once you learn to set up a shield against this negativity, good karma will infiltrate your life and open your soul to a promising and healthy soul mate relationship.

Not until this happens will you ever receive a satisfactory soul mate union. Both parties must bring good karma into the relationship. You have to remember that we are all souls, just pure energy “visiting” this planet; and we have been here many times. Neither partner can come from a place where negativity is present, or the soul mate experience just won’t occur..

SPIRITUAL CONNECTION

You will feel a connection with your soul mate, as if you had known him or her before. You will feel an energy radiating between you. You will look into each other’s eyes and see each other’s soul, for that is where the true soul mate connection lies.

Not enough can be said about the spiritual connection between soul mates. It is the most important quality in a soul mate relationship. You will feel this in the depths of your heart and soul. Without it, the soul mate relationship is doomed.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Your soul mate will love you more than anything or anyone he has loved in his entire life, although he will give you freedom to be who you are. “You cannot possess a soul mate any more than you can possess a person in your physical world,” says Robert Egby, author of Thank You For The Flowers. “Soul mates are free and must always be so. Love cannot be possessed or controlled. Soul mates are together because they share an unconditional love, a mutual vibration. There are no exceptions.”

PERFECT TIMING

Other things come into play in seeking your soul mate that you might not count on. One is perfect timing. If it isn’t the right time for you and your soul mate to be together, it will likely not happen.

DO YOU ONLY HAVE ONE SOUL MATE?

I have learned in doing research for this book that many people do not believe in soul mates. They say they have searched and searched for the one person who will make them happy, and have given up. They have come to the conclusion they do not believe there is one, and only one, person who is perfect for them.

They are absolutely right. There is no one person who is your soul mate because, as I noted earlier, there are at least three types of soul mates. Those who do not believe at all are missing an important part of their life experience, for it is our search for our soul mate that makes our spiritual journey complete.

The bottom line is, don’t give up. Our soul mates are out there. Perhaps, they are right under our noses and we don’t even realize it.

Dorothy Thompson