Heart Healers

By Sally Kempton

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/2535

Set Love Free

I am having trouble letting go of a relationship that is over. We had a soul-mate connection but an unsatisfying and stormy relationship, yet I keep hoping that it's not quite over. I am still in love, and my instinct is to nurture the love. How do I let go?

In our culture there's a basic assumption that being in love means we are supposed to walk off into the sunset together. The truth is that two people can be close, love each other deeply and romantically, and not be suited to have a long-term relationship. In fact, having a soul-mate connection is not necessarily a good platform for a permanent relationship. If you accept the idea of karma, you can view that strong sense of connection as a sign that you share an intense karma from the past. The feeling of being soul mates can actually be the karmas drawing the two of you together so that you'll work out some unfinished business or help each other in some specific but limited way.

Paradoxically, being willing to accept the fact that you may not be a couple is the first step toward keeping the love while letting go of the suffering. There may still be pain—loss and endings are painful. By accepting the loss, however, you open the door for a different kind of flowering, between either you and this person or you and someone else.

So, here's my suggestion: Every time you feel the love and pain of the relationship, formally offer it up to the universe or to God. Do this over and over, and you'll begin to notice that your love is being freed of its clinging, possessive quality and becoming more a tender feeling.

When this happens, another possibility emerges. The soul-mate quality in the relationship can develop into a deep friendship. You can then free yourself from romantic expectations and the pain they engender, and genuinely wish the person well. That takes time and attentiveness to your own mind. I'd suggest working with your mind and heart through the following inner practices.

Set aside 30 minutes when you can be alone in your room or in nature. Go into your heart center. Imagine that this person is there with you and say, as if to him, "I release you. I offer our relationship and the love I have for you to the universe."

Stay with this thought or prayer until you feel a shift or release. There may be tears, emotional release, and pain. At some point you should get a sense of letting go. It doesn't have to be a big letting go—just a small release will do. Then, whenever you think of him, have the thought, "I release you and our relationship to the universe." Send him loving kindness by saying or thinking, "May you be happy; may you be healthy; may you be free." Whenever you wish him happiness, wish the same for yourself.

Second, along with that, I strongly suggest that you keep noticing the thoughts and fantasies that come up around this person. Practice seeing them as passing thoughts, instead of identifying with the thoughts and the patterns of feeling. Once you can see a thought as simply a thought—not necessarily a truth—the next step is to let it go. In Sanskrit, certain kinds of thoughts are calledvikalpahs, sometimes translated as "dreams" or "fantasies." One vikalpah that really hooks us is the dream of the perfect love, the perfect relationship. If we identify with that fantasy, it can become an escape for us—a kind of alternate universe that we enter over and over again, effectively preventing us from inhabiting the places and situations of our "real" lives. Fantasy keeps us out of the present. When we practice the mantra If only I were with him, I'd be happy, we make our happiness unreachable, unattainable, outside ourselves, and outside the moment in which we are living. Working with the thoughts—noticing the thought arising, recognizing it as simply a thought, then letting it go—begins to break this pattern and takes us back into our present.

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The Bhakti Sutras, a great text of Indian devotional literature, teaches that any human emotion serves as a way to love God. God can be loved as a friend, as a parent, even as a child. And the sutras say that the most powerful form of devotional love is the romantic style of devotion, calledmadhura bhakti (literally, "sweet devotion"). The intensity and longing in romantic love creates a powerful fire in the heart. When that fire is turned inward and is directed toward God or toward the inner Self, then it can transform our character, open our heart, and move us into great depths of surrender and adoration. I'm telling you this as a prelude to suggesting a way to work with these fantasies.

There are two approaches to dealing with an impractical and potentially dangerous romantic passion. One way is through discipline, self-inquiry, and renunciation—in other words, by cutting off the fantasies when they arise. The other, more inclusive, path is the way of the ancient yoga philosophy known as Tantra. Tantra asks you to focus on the feelings behind the fantasies—the pure feeling of longing for love that we all possess. This longing is activated by our connection to another person, yet it is much larger than that individual. When we find it and follow it, the longing can lead us toward Essence itself.

Both approaches work: One uses discipline to remove the fantasy, and the other moves into and through the fantasy to the longing at its core. By attending to the call of your deepest desire, you can make your fantasies into pointers rather than ends in themselves.

The way of discipline is the basic practice of interrupting thoughts and fantasies, the way you would do in meditation. Begin by making a decision that when the fantasies arise, you'll interrupt them. You may have to do that again and again—perhaps every morning when you wake up. Remind yourself that you don't want to go down the road of fantasy. Explain to yourself that they distract you and ultimately cause suffering. Then, each time one comes up, imagine yourself offering it to a fire in your heart. Just keep offering your thoughts to the internal fire again and again. This is an essential meditative discipline that helps break any kind of cognitive pattern.

To try the Tantric approach, begin by finding a quiet place to sit that's free from distractions. Then spend some time bringing up the fantasies. Fully feel the emotions and inner sensations aroused by your fantasy romance: the pure longing, the pure sexual intensity, if that is how it manifests. Try to feel the sensation deep inside the core of your body. Then bring the sensation up into the heart area and hold your attention there, feeling the emotion expand. Imagine it as light.

At that point, totally remove the image or the fantasy of your dream lover. This is crucial. Instead, concentrate on the feeling state itself. Notice its flavors—perhaps aliveness, sadness, longing, heart-ache, love. Let yourself sit with the feeling state of your heart. 

Recognize that these are yourfeelings, your longings, your love. With that awareness, let the feeling state continue to shift and expand.

The result of this practice is the dawning recognition that what you really are after, what you really long for, is the felt state triggered by your romantic fantasies. The more you can touch the feeling state in your body while letting go of the image that triggered it, the more you'll begin to see that it is your own love, your own internally generated aliveness.

an your lover. Bring into your awareness the image of different people in your life—people whom you love, people whom you're annoyed by, people whom you've seen on TV, people who are suffering, people who are sick, people who are happy and well. One by one, bring those people into your heart space and hold them there within the feeling space that you've created. Or, if it feels more natural, imagine yourself breathing the feeling state into those people.

A second step with the Tantric approach might be to expand the feeling to include people other th

Let the romantic feeling spread to include as many others as you possibly can. Realize that the love you feel can be universal. When you allow your focused, personal affection to expand in that way, you can begin to recognize how many opportunities for loving there actually are in this world.

Take it one step further and acknowledge the truth that is at the heart of the bhakti or devotional path: Inside your feeling is God. A feeling of love—any feeling of love—is God. Be aware that this feeling within you is Divine Presence.

These two practices, the basic mind discipline and the Tantric, both help fantasies lose their stickiness. But the Tantric approach can help you open your heart to love's healing depths.

Bringing Yoga into Education.

How would you feel about yoga being part of the national curriculum?
If yoga could be recognised for what it is without all the mystical connotations then the schools and education authorities would realise how valuable it could be for the younger generation in todays society.
As a yoga teacher and mother who encourages the practice of yoga for children, I have come across a number of barriers within society which are based on pure ignorance. I strongly feel that it is important to educate authorities about what yoga has to offer, canceling out any fears and judgements.

Physical Education in Schools.

As part of the national curriculum here in the UK, physical education and sports are offered in the daily school program and as after school activities. The idea behind physical education is to attempt to make sport attractive to children of all levels, help to raise standards, improve behaviour and health, increase attendance and develop social skills. This was certainly not something I experienced at school. I remember clearly being taunted and teased for not being able to jump a hurdle, I don’t think I’ve attempted to run since.
Without sounding too bleak all this allows children to participate in a variety of activities including games, gymnastics, swimming, water safety and athletics. Many schools offer a chance for children to take part in outdoor pursuits which are offered as week – long residentials. Although these activities are part of the curriculum, physical exercise plays less of an important role in the education system than any other subject. Here I’m relating to sporting activities in the UK, so please feel free to leave a comment regarding your own experiences in another country, it’s great to acknowledge any differences that may occur throughout the world.
Children spend more of their time sitting at desks on poorly designed chairs instead of exploring the ability to move and to connect with their physical bodies.

Practice 1.

During lesson time in school or any other time when children are required to sit for long periods of time it’s good to encourage movement after 20 minutes. It’s usually after this amount of time that levels of concentration start to wane, causing tiredness. A simple solution would be to introduce stretches for approximately 2 -5 miuntes which would help reawaken the mind and body.

• Stretch the arms above the head and come up onto the tiptoes, stretch up high and keep lengthening upwards, feeling the stretch along the sides of the body.
• Place the feet a hip width apart and begin to circle the upper body 10 times anti-clockwise and 10 times clockwise. Make large circles very slowly, try to keep the eyes closed and listen to the sound of the breath. Oh and please don’t forget to smile!

This practice can be done in the work place too, so don’t just think it’s for the children.

Why Yoga?

Believe it or not children go through a lot of pressures and sometimes this can cause their lives to veer out of control. When they feel stress or anxiety how do they cope? What can they do to release their tensions? Many children resort to misbehaving only because they have no other way of dealing with the feelings that are inside of them.
Introducing yoga into daily school life automatically gives children the tools to be able to deal with their issues on all levels, physically, mentally and spiritually. Yoga asanas ( postures ) have been scientifically proven to increase circulation to all the internal organs including the brain. When oxygen is released around the body it reduces symptoms of fatigue and enhances concentration. Working regularly on yoga postures will increase flexibility and therefore enhance the practice of other sporting activities offered during school time. Flexibility of the body encourages flexibility of the mind and the importance of mind control and meditation skills for children during their school years and beyond. Relaxation and meditation incorporating breath control and awareness steer the mind towards a positive outlook. They give us the ability to sustain our feelings in a balanced way. This can be vital during the temperamental changes that children experience while growing into young adults and I’m guessing many of us will have experienced this, either personally or from watching our own children grow.

Practice 2.

This simple practice can be used during lesson times or children’s group sessions to bring harmony back to a hectic classroom environment.

• Create a circle with the class either sitting cross legged on the floor or in chairs. Each child should connect hands with the child on their left and on their right and take 5 minutes of silent time, watching the breath moving in and out of the body while breathing through the nose. After the practice there will be a noticeable difference, the class will be calmer and more attentive.

If working with children who have short attention spans then reduce the time of the practice by 1 or 2 minutes. In time as the children recognise the practice and it’s importance timings can be increased.
When we encourage awareness of the breath then the increase in oxygen around the body is profound, it can also help counteract childhood problems such as asthma and bronchial issues. However remember this is a support not as a total cure.

Yoga and Religion.

In some schools yoga is misjudged. This is due to lack of understanding on the subject. The quote below explains what yoga truly is:
” Is yoga a religion?
It is and it is not.
In religion you have to believe something
And in yoga you have to experience what you want to believe. ” – Yogi Bhajan.
It is about experiencing for yourself and acknowledging where you are at that particular moment in time, mentally , physically and spiritually and not about following a structured religion.
As a yoga teacher offering yoga to children in schools i have often experienced negative comments regarding yoga and it’s philosophy. A number of Christian schools have refused to acknowledge what yoga really is without any solid knowledge or information. Re – education is a necessity for teachers and authorities to gain some form of understanding on yoga and it’s benefits.
Yoga means to unite, to encompass everyone, not to exclude or segregate a particular race or religion. Everyone has the ability to make yoga part of their life and reap the benefits it has to offer.

Yoga Recognised in Education.

There are schools that recognise yoga as part of the education system, but it will often come under a different name such as movement therapy or self exploration. Putting yoga under another title makes it accessible to children of all faiths. One day this should change but at present due to lack of spiritual acceptance, knowledge and unity in certain communities it sadly seems a necessity to disguise the positive aspects that yoga can teach us all.

Miri Piri Academy, India.

The MPA was founded in 1997 by Yogi Bhajan, the first to publicly teach Kundalini Yoga when he arrived in the west in 1968. The study of Kundalini Yoga is a major part of life at the MPA. Until 10th grade children are regularly involved in classes in which they learn the fundamentals of  a yogic lifestyle. In the 11th and 12th grade students participate in Kundalini Yoga teacher training courses.
When one student was asked why she was at MPA she replied: ”
” MPA is certainly not a school you find everywhere,
you learn disciplines in mind and soul and that makes it special.
You put yourself in a situation where if you go through a challenge then anything else becomes easier. “

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Indra is a Yoga teacher and writer of various published articles across the globe and has over 22 years yoga experience. She loves the fact that she fell to earth and landed in the garden of a Punjabi man and an Irish women, later to be known as her parents. Indra has a multitude of life experience and has walked down many avenues to get where she is today. She teaches yoga to children of all ages in the UK or anywhere that will have her. Loves her kids, yoga, writing, traveling, reading, drinking yogi tea and the odd coffee, movies, fairy tales and tattoos. To be honest the list of loves is endless......... Love and lightness. website and become a fan on facebook. 

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/09/bringing-yoga-into-education