The Power of Service

There appears to be a whole world of people who find their meaning through service more than through personal achievement. This heartens me greatly, because the power of service seems to be losing its hold on the modern heart and imagination.

I can think of no value more needed in modern society than a belief in service to others. It is love made manifest, and virtue softly spoken.

There is nothing profound about this observation; it is simply a reminder of what we all know: car axles and medical bills are important, but they are not essential. What is essential is the human touch that we are able to share with our fellow travelers in our passage through life.

So join me today and perform some small act of service. The axle will get fixed, the heating system will get repaired, the bill will get paid, and the shelf will get replaced. In each instance there will be some measure of cursing, wailing, checking of account balances, and gnashing of teeth. But in the end, all will get resolved.
What I have to remember — what we all have to remember — is that problems end, but kindness carries forward. It spreads and grows and fills in the spaces around the hard-edged occurrences of the day.

Ultimately it is this simple: the person to whom I am kind — the person I serve — has his or her bad axle, unfair medical bill, broken heating system, or damaged shelf, too. And he or she may have a lot worse. My small act of service or kindness may be the best moment in that person’s day.

Such a possibility is good enough in our ordinary lives.

• http://kentnerburn.com/archives/date/2004/12/page/3

Mental Feng Shui

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams . People who don't have dreams don't have much .
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart

• http://greenreview.blogspot.com/2010/09/mental-feng-shui.html 
  
  
  

The importance of gentleness

Every impulse has its influence upon the word and upon the action. Therefore naturally every impulse exerts its full power through words and deeds unless it is checked.

There are two types of persons: those who have learnt to check their word and action when they exert their full power, and express themselves abruptly; the other kind of persons are those who mechanically allow this natural impulse to show itself in their word and deed without giving any thought to it. The former, therefore, is gentle, and the latter is man.


Gentleness is the principal thing in the art of personality; one can see how gentleness works as the principal thing in every art. In painting, in drawing, in line and color it is gentleness which appeals most to the soul. The same we see in music. A musician may be qualified enough to play rapidly and may know all the technique, but what produces beauty is his gentle touch.

It is mainly gentleness which is the basis of all refinement. But where does it come from? It comes from consideration, and it is practiced by self-control. There is a saying in Hindustani: ‘The weaker the person, the more ready to be angry.’ The reason is that he has no control over his nerves; it is often lack of control over oneself which is the cause of lack of gentleness.

No doubt one learns gentleness by consideration. One must learn to think before saying or doing. Besides one must not forget the idea of beauty. One must know that it is not enough simply to say or do, but that it is necessary to say or do everything beautifully. It is the development of the nations and races which is expressed in gentleness. Also it is the advancement of the soul’s evolution which expresses itself in gentleness. Nations and races, as well as individuals, will show backwardness in their evolution if they show lack of gentleness.


 … The delicacy of the human heart is not comprehended by everyone. Human feeling is too fine for common perception. A soul who develops his personality, what is he like? He is not like the root or the stem of the plant, nor like the branches or leaves, he is like the flower, the flower with its fragrance, color, and delicacy.


The Sufi Message of Hazrat Inayat Khan

7 Deadly Sins of Relationships

Written by Corey

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” – Emily Kimbrough

While I not going to claim to be the world’s foremost expert on relationships, I do have some training in what makes relationships work, and I know that my wife and I have worked hard (and continue to work) to make our relationship great.

Every marriage has its difficulties, and every marriage has its joys. But when you learn the deadly sins of relationships, you are more likely going to recognize them and then avoid them.

There are many people interested in tips and ideas on how to make marriage work. I wish I had a magic formula (if I did, I’d already be retired living as a gazillionare on my own island in the tropics – and of course you could come visit).

While there is no magic formula, it helps to keep in mind that marriage is designed to help you grow up into a better person. Here are a couple of other things to do as well:

• spend time alone together
• be kind and respectful to each other
• be intimate often
• love, give, and share with one another.

Just as important as what you should do is what you shouldn’t do — and I’m sure many of you have stepped into these pitfalls yourselves. I have. But I’ve worked to learn from my mistakes, and have learned to recognize when I’m making a fatal error, and then how to correct it.

If you can avoid these seven things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I’m not going to guarantee anything, but I’d give you good odds.

1. Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small (“He didn’t get a new roll of toilet paper” or “She doesn’t wash her dishes after she eats”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that you don’t even notice you have the resentment, and your partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse, because resentment turns into contempt. Marriage researcher John Gottman considers contempt as one of the deadliest things in a marriage. In order to have a great marriage you must have contempt for contempt within the relationship. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment before it evolves into contempt: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.
   
2. Jealousy. It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, leads to unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy, instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in something else that happened before your current relationship.
   
3. Unrealistic expectations. Often you have an idea of what your partner should be like. You might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of you first, to surprise you, to support you, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always you have expectations of your partner. Sometimes, without realizing it, you have expectations that are too high to meet. Your partner isn’t perfect — neither are you. You can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone is entitled to their moods. You can’t expect them to always think of you, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. You can’t expect them to be exactly as you are, as everyone is different. Plus, you wouldn’t want to be married to a clone of yourself. Expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially when not communicated. How can you expect your partner to meet your expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations, if not eliminate them entirely (expectations are really just planned disappointments) — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that.
   
4. Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.
   
5. Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship (and in a relationship, you cannot not communicate, so handle what goes on between you). If you have resentment, talk it out rather than letting it grow. If you are jealous, communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities.  Speak up about your wants and desires. If there are any problems whatsoever, communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below).
   
6. Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also little to no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things as well. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you – give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.
   
7. Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards roommate status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone desires it, especially from the ones we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often. Make eye contact throughout the day.
   
8. Bonus sin: Stubbornness. This wasn’t on my original list but deserves to be added. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — in fact these conflicts are part of the growing up process. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up, put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things.

*Taken and adapted from Zen Habits
(photo source)

Mother Teresa – 6 Key Life Lessons from a 100 Year Old Woman

http://www.arvinddevalia.com/blog/2010/08/26/mother-teresa-6-key-life-lessons-from-a-100-year-old-woman/

Today is the 100th anniversary of the birth of  Mother Teresa.

She would have been 100 years old today had she not passed away in September 1997.
A while ago I wrote about the 6 key lessons in life from a 140 year old man.

Just like Mahatma Gandhi, though Mother Teresa may not be around anymore, her legacy and message of peace and love live on – something that we need in our lives more than ever before.

A while ago, I wrote about Mother Teresa and what she had to say about loneliness, love and peace
We need more compassion, understanding and acceptance of other people and their cultures. As I wrote only last week, Muslims love their children too.

(As bloggers, a lot of us already know about love and being a great lover – check out my 12 reasons why bloggers make the best lovers).

On this day of celebration of her life, what inspiration and learnings can we take from her life?
To start with, check out this wonderful YouTube video which has set some of her most inspirational words to soothing music.


(For those of you reading this via email, please  click here)
No matter what your religious beliefs or your faith, we can all learn something from her life.

“There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless.
The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty. – Mother Teresa

Here are her 6 key lessons:-

1. Take up a great cause

Mother Teresa spent over 60 years of her life in the slums of Calcutta and devoted all of her life to service of the poor, especially lepers, the sick, the dying and the abandoned.

It took a lot of resolve, determination and faith to keep going in the face of incredible difficulties and challenges.

She put herself through a lot of hardships – or what would seem like hardships to me and perhaps you too.
Now I am not saying that you too should devote your life to those living in slums and give up your current life of relative comforts. You just have to find your own small or grand cause.

Learn to feel the fear and change the world anyway.

I for one do like my world comforts and I am sure you do too. And you know what, that’s perfectly fine. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Just don’t be wasteful.

2. Start with your home and those around you

You don’t need to go to a remote place to make a difference. Start with your own home and community.
Also, you don’t need to make huge sacrifices or give money. Learn to contribute from the heart and not just the pocket.

If nothing else, just spend a bit of time with those are lonely and alone. And of course, start in your own home:-

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start” – Mother Teresa

Finally remember that peace in the world begins with you, your home and your children:-

“Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents.
Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world” – Mother Teresa

3. Have a solid personal foundation

Mother Teresa had a solid foundation that kept her going through all the turmoil and challenges in her life – her strong faith.

It has been well documented how throughout her life she faced personal doubts about her faith and how she ran her missions. But her core values of love and wanting to serve others kept her going.

In your life, you too need a strong personal foundation to build your life on.

“In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love” – Mother Teresa

What are your core beliefs and values? What will you never compromise on?
And if you were to follow the path set by Mother Teresa, just what would you do?
(Please share your answers below in comments)

4. Create a tribe

Once you are aligned to a great cause and you have a core foundation, you would do well to create a following or as it’s more fashionably described nowadays, a  tribe.

I guess we have  Seth Godin to thank for that.

Mother Teresa was lucky in that she had the backing and resources of a vast and powerful organisation, her church. On the back of that she created  Missionaries of Charity – a group of devoted sisters who carried out work and spread her message of love and compassion around  Calcutta in India, and then ultimately around the world. A lot of work focussed on looking after the poor and unwanted.

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” – Mother Teresa

Part of creating a tribe is to be media savvy and Mother Teresa always capitalised on any opportunity to promote her cause and to raise funds.

Just think what she would have done with all the social media tools at her behest!

5. Ride through controversy

When you take on a big challenge or commit to any cause, you often run into controversy and conflict.
Mother Teresa went through a lot of  controversy and criticism about her style and method of helping.
But she rode through them and remained committed to her faith and work.

In your own life, you too may face some challenges to your authority and integrity. Learn to look through people’s hidden agendas and remain true to your cause.

If need be, take time out for yourself and reaffirm that you are truly on your chosen path. It’s also okay to change course if it feels like the right thing to do so.

6. Keep smiling and loving

Mother Teresa’s most endearing and enduring qualities were her ability to keep smiling and loving, even faced with the harshest of challenges.

If you come from a place of love and with a mindset of helping, then somehow you will find the ability and internal resources to do so. Somehow things will just work out for you.

“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” – Mother Teresa

Indeed, the key message of Mother Teresa’s life really was about love. As she said so eloquently:-

“If we want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

So how can you spread this love message around the world?

You can do so by following Mother Teresa’s 6 key life lessons and by looking to spread your love in whatever small or large way that feels right for you.

As she said, learn to do ordinary things with extraordinary love.

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. – Mother Teresa

Launch of “Love is all that matters”

As for my part, today I am delighted to announce the soft launch of my new website – Love is all that matters.
For now, this is only a simple page inviting you to sign up for my daily email messages about love. I am currently writing an ebook about love and relationships which will be available in a few weeks.

Please do sign up and on Mother Teresa’s 100th birthday, help me spread her message about love and compassion. This is just the sort of birthday present she would have liked!


By Arvind

Sawa Bona - Sikhona

Sawa Bona - Sikhona

View more presentations from Chris M.

Skillful Speech

by Allan Lokos

By working with the lay precept on speech, we can learn to say the right thing at the right time.

Years ago, when I began traveling the Buddha’s path, I was surprised by the emphasis placed on the practice of skillful speech. The Buddha considered the way we communicate with each other to be so important that he taught the practice of skillful speech alongside such lofty teachings as skillful view, thinking, action, and mindfulness as a pillar of the Ennobling Eightfold Way.

The Buddha saw that we are always engaged in relationships, starting with that most significant relationship: the one with ourselves. On the cushion we notice how we speak to ourselves—sometimes with compassion, sometimes with judgment or impatience. Our words are a powerful medium with which we can bring happiness or cause suffering.

Skillful speech begins by refraining from lying, slander, profanity, and harsh language. We should avoid language that is rude, abusive, disagreeable, or malicious, and we should abstain from talk that is foolish, idle, babble, or gossip. What remains are words that are truthful, kind, gentle, useful, and meaningful. Our speech will comfort, uplift, and inspire, and we will be a joy to those around us.

The pillar of skillful speech is to speak honestly, which means that we should even avoid telling little white lies. We need to be aware of dishonesty in the forms of exaggerating, minimizing, and self-aggrandizing. These forms of unskillful speech often arise from a fear that what we are is not good enough––and that is never true. Honesty begins at home, so the practice of skillful speech begins with being honest with ourselves.

The Buddha cautioned against gossip because he saw the suffering that this kind of unskillful speech causes. There is an old Hasidic tale of a villager who was feeling remorse for the harm his gossip had caused his neighbor. He went to his rabbi to seek advice. The rabbi suggested that he go to town and buy a chicken and bring it back to him, and that on the way back he pluck it completely. When the man returned with the featherless chicken, the rabbi told him to retrace his steps and gather every one of the scattered feathers. The man replied that it would be impossible; by now the feathers were probably blown throughout the neighboring villages. The rabbi nodded in agreement, and the man understood: we can never really take back our words. As the Zen poet Basho wrote:

Gossip is defined as speaking about someone who is not physically present. It doesn’t matter whether what is said is positive or negative. If the person is not there, it is gossip. If we have to speak about someone who is not present, we should speak of them as if they were there.

A word about teasing—don’t! Teasing is always at someone’s expense and often hurts more than the person being teased lets on. Simply stated, teasing causes suffering. The same energy used to create a tease can be used to create an honest compliment.

Skillful speech has a communicative partner called deep listening. No matter how unskillful their speech, people are often trying to communicate something hidden beneath their words.

When we listen deeply, taking time to breathe, we can avoid a conditioned reaction that could cause suffering and instead respond compassionately to what is beneath the harsh words. We can comfort our child with our love or assure our friend that she is important to us and that we will try to spend more time with her.

At times noble silence is the most skillful speech. Being truly present for another is the greatest gift we can offer. Sometimes people need to be sad, and noble silence can be truly ennobling.

The most important step in developing skillful speech is to think before speaking (or writing). This is called mindfulness of speech. Few things can improve the nature of our relationships as much as the development of skillful speech. Silence offers us, and those around us, the spaciousness we need to speak more skillfully. When we speak with greater skill, our true self––our compassionate, loving self––emerges with gentle ease. So before you speak, stop, breathe, and consider if what you are about to say will improve upon the silence.

Allan Lokos is an Interfaith minister, meditation teacher, and author. He is the co-founder and director of the Community of Peace and Spirituality and the founder and guiding teacher of the Community Meditation Center in New York City.

• http://www.tricycle.com/essay/skillful-speech

Twelve Points On Attitude

Twelve Points On Attitude

1. It is your attitude at the beginning of a task more than anything else that will determine your success or failure.
   
   
2. It is your attitude towards life that will determine life's attitude towards you. Despite many people's belief to the contrary, life plays no favorites.
   
   
3. You control your attitude. If you are negative it is because you have decided to be negative and not because of other people or circumstances.
   
   
4. Act as if you have a good attitude. Remember actions trigger feelings just as feelings trigger actions.
   
   
5. Before a person can achieve the kind of results he wants, he must first become that person. He must then think, walk, talk, act and conduct himself in all of his affairs, as would the person he wishes to become.
   
   
6. Treat everybody as the most important person in the world.
   
   
7. Attitudes are based on assumptions. In order to change attitudes one must first change one's assumptions.
   
   
8. Develop the attitude that there are more reasons why you should succeed than reasons why you should fail.
   
   
9. When you are faced with a problem, adopt the attitude that you can and will solve it.
   
   
10. We become what we think about. Control your thoughts and you will control your life.
    
    
11. Radiate the attitude of confidence, of well being, of a person who knows where he is going. You will then find good things happening to you right away.
    
    
12. In order to develop a good attitude, take charge first thing in the morning. Do you say, "Good morning, Lord" or "Good Lord, morning?"

Read these twelve points every day for the next 30 days and see how your life changes.

ATTITUDES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN FACTS

--- Author Unknown

• http://www.motivateus.com/newsletters/2010-8-newsletter.htm 

Hug for the world - Inspiring video

“Return To Innocence”

(Enigma)
That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love – Devotion
Feeling – Emotion
Love – Devotion
Feeling – Emotion
Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destiny
Don’t care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don’t give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Don’t care what people say
Follow just your own way Follow just your own way
Don’t give up, don’t give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destiny.

Quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

...You can't always control what's coming toward you. But you can, however, decide to respond instead of react. And the way you respond can make all the difference in the world. In the Proverbs 12:18 passage we saw earlier, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing," the latter part of the verse gives us the key.

There's a wise way to respond to whatever words may come your way. When the conversation starts to escalate, rather than allowing yourself to react, be intentional and determine to respond wisely. Instead of impulsively reacting out of habit, resolve to respond purposefully. By doing so, you can stay in control no matter what may happen. How?

Scripture offers us some wise counsel here, James 1:19 tells us: "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..." In other words, think...pause...then speak. It's a wise person who can communicate in this way. But all too often, in the rush to be heard, we speak first and then think next...and unfortunately with poor results.

We must measure our words carefully. Words are important: they can hurt or heal. Words can uplift us or discourage us, and reckless words, spoken in haste, cannot be erased. Respond carefully. Speak wisely, not impulsively. Stay calm. Pray. Slow down. Use words seasoned with grace, not words of criticism or insult. Remember you can steer out of a tailspin and build your spouse and your marriage up, rather than tearing them down. Decide and determine now, with God's help to respond wisely, with healing and comfort rather than escalation and anger.

"...be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..." James 1:19

• http://www.marriageministry.org/apps/articles/web/articleid/61660/columnid//default.asp