Be not of this world aka living from the inside out

Spiritual Living ExaminerTerri Fraracci

Most of us live our lives from the outside in. Live from the inside out!
Terri Fraracci

There are many passages in the bible that tell us to 'be not of this world'. Romans 12:2 says, "do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Jesus said that he was not of this world: "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place." - John 18:36. He also said, "The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, 21 nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you." - Luke 17:20-21.

But just what does that mean? Does it mean that you should turn your back on the world? Does it mean that you were given this earthly life only to be told not to live it? How do you live in this world without being of this world?

The answer is to live from the inside out. Most of us live from the outside in. We are happy if the weather is good, we got a raise, the kids are behaving, we have fallen in love, or the day is just going well. We are unhappy if the boss is not nice, the husband bought yet another frivolous gadget, our hair won't cooperate, someone was critical. When we live from the outside in, how we feel inside is based on what is going on on the outside; in the world.

Living from the inside out gives us a life free of being yanked back and forth by circumstance, the will of others, and life occurrences beyond our control because when we live from the inside out, how we feel about the outside world is based on what is going on within. Living from the inside out doesn't mean that you ignore life; it means that your joy and peace are not dependent on how a day or a situation is going, but rather on the constant assurance that the kingdom resides within you. It means that you accept the ways of the world as the ways of the world; not your personal spiritual barometer.

Allow yourself to be transformed through the renewing of your mind. Take what is inside out; sharing your peace, joy, love, and true spirit with others. You do not have to turn your back on the world. All you have to do is turn yourself around. Stop basing your happiness on what is happening in your life because nothing here lasts or stays the same. Base your happiness on the everlasting gift of the Kingdom of God; which resides within you. Live your life from the inside out.

Do Something You Love, Before You Have To Do Something For Money

This was my recent advice to a family member who still has his entire adult life ahead of him. Thankfully, he’s still debt free, which means he has plenty of options. He can choose to spend his income, pile up debts, and eliminate these options, or remain free. It really is that simple.

It felt a little strange giving this advice since from the time I was his age I have largely done what I had to, or whatever I could do, to earn money. That included staying at a particularly lousy job for over six years in my early twenties while working my way through the rest of school. As bad as that job was, I couldn’t afford to quit. After all, I had a wife, a baby, and student loans to feed!

Yes, I jumped onto the debt bandwagon in college, accumulating debt for schooling itself and credit card debt for the little “perks” that came with college life (college textbooks, late-night pizzas, and a few Sony Playstation games I just HAD to have). I spent the next decade working to pay off my years as a spendthrift.

But my cousin has the chance to take a different path. I’ve joked with him before that if I knew what I know now at his age, I’d be approaching early retirement. He laughed, until I told him he wouldn’t be laughing when he’s my age with very little savings, and a list of monthly obligations for which he trades in his free time to be in an office 40-50 hours a week. I told him to simply do something he loved, before he had to something for money.

Do Something You Love

I’ve never liked the “Do Something You Love” mantra, probably because I feel a little like I missed my chance to take that advice. I suspect there are plenty of 30-somethings out there who share this same feeling. But there is still time to reinvent ourselves. There is still time to chase our own dreams of what we want to be when we grow up.

The first step is to free ourselves from the financial shackles we voluntarily placed around our own legs years ago. So many people think a framed diploma and a job offer entitle them to a new car, a big house and new toys. Not so. It is far more important to build emergency savings, begin to invest for retirement, and save cash to pay for large purchases. But try telling that to your average 23 year-old.

We’ve all heard this before from parents and grandparents, but life really does have a way of sneaking up on you. After college there’s some single life to be enjoyed, but soon a spouse and child come along with a whole new set of financial worries.

You get your wills done (the first real wake up call that yes, you are mortal), buy some life insurance, look for a home, scan the safety ratings of a potential car purchases, and open a college savings account. And that’s just in the first few months of being a parent!

Over the years, you’ll celebrate certain milestones, which have a way of coming quicker and quicker the older your kids get. Before long you’ll be worrying about them driving (and worrying about what they will drive), wondering if you’ve saved enough for college, and then hoping they land on their feet, financially, instead of landing back in their old bedroom.

All that to say, if you are young, please choose to live frugal and do something you love. It’s a decision much easier made at 25 than 35.

By Frugal Dad

The Basics – 9 excellent techniques for developing Awareness

By Kaushik

The word enlightenment conjures up the idea of some superhuman accomplishment, and the ego likes to keep it that way, but it is simply your natural state of felt oneness with Being. It is a state of connectedness with something immeasurable and indestructible, something that, almost paradoxically, is essentially you and yet is much greater than you. It is finding your true nature beyond name and form. –Eckhart Tolle

Awareness feels like spaciousness.

Awareness is our basic state.

Awareness is innate, which means it is of its own, and does not need thoughts or beliefs or concepts to be. We may call it intuition or wisdom or clear-seeing or joy-peace-love or flow or consciousness or presence or Being.

Hubble telescope: NASA and H. Richer

To be effortless awareness, we have to see through our deep identification with thought and ego.
Source: Hubblesite.org

Observe thought – Be a passive witness of your mind. Observe, without judging or analyzing. Observe thoughts, emotions, and perceptions. Gaps will appear between thoughts, and thoughts will lose their compulsive momentum, and gaps of awareness will expand. These short gaps, repeated many times, is Awareness.

Be a gentle witness to the voice in your head—Watch the voice in the head. Watch it passively without judging it or analyzing it.

Observe emotions in the body—Emotions are the reflection of the mind in the body. When you feel an emotion, bring attention to its sensations in the body.

Direct attention in the Inner body—Feel the body from within. Feel life. Start with your fingers—when you keep attention in your fingers, you will soon feel a tingling. This is the subtle energy which gives vibrant life to every part of the body. Feel it, don’t think about it. Bring attention to the body when interacting with others. When you listen to someone, listen with your entire body.

Meditate—If you’ve never meditated, just sit comfortably and quietly, shut our eyes, and watch for five minutes. Some excellent resources for meditation are ARO (free email course), Vipassana (donation retreat), Adyashanti’s book, True Meditation, and the ebook, Effortless Meditation.

Use your inner stop—STOP. Watch what is going on in the mind and the body. Quickly, passively, with a smile, scan your mind and body. Relax and fall back into Awareness, even if it is just for a second or two. Use your inner stop particularly when you are lost in thought, agitated or in an emotional interaction with someone.

Breathe—Here’s a technique from my friend Wendy which is as excellent as it is simple: “ …I…lay down and breathe into every feeling, thought or memory that I am present to in that moment and as I do so, my breath becomes cyclic and full, (the in breath connected to the out breath, out breath connected to the in breath, breathing in the mouth and out of the mouth,  (NO BLOWING OF THE BREATH), I continue to embrace all of what comes up (no matter on what level of my being it is coming from) with every breath (regardless of the ego’s objections), whether it be numbness, sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, softness, peace or anything else (You may experience the same feeling coming and going).  There are no distinctions, just embrace what is with every breath till a natural release occurs and a return to a blissful state is yours.  Sometimes this can take 30 minutes or so, but other times up to 2 hours.  The body may shake, quiver, become restless, very hot or cold, you may become very emotional and cry,  feel like you have hit a brick wall or it has hit you, you may feel like you want to bellow.  (Make sure all the windows and doors are closed not to scare anyone that may be around.)  If you decide to do this process, remember to keep going to you feel the release.  You may feel very exhausted after this process, so just sleep when it’s complete.”

Be present—“Be present as the watcher of your mind — of your thoughts and emotions as well as your reactions in various situations.  Be at least as interested in your reactions as in the situation or person that causes you to react.  Notice also how often your attention is in the past or future.  Don’t judge or analyze what you observe.  Watch the thought, feel the emotion, observe the reaction.  Don’t make a personal problem out of them.  You will then feel something more powerful than any of those things that you observe: the still, observing presence itself behind the content of your mind, the silent watcher.” –Eckhart Tolle

Light up your chakras—Visualize bright light emanating from the base of the spine, and moving up rapidly along the spine all the way up and out the crown of the head. Visualize the light getting brighter and brighter till it lights up the whole body and through the body to emanate out and light up the universe. Straighten up and smile. Try it right now.

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   By Kaushik

How to Know What Your Life Is Missing

by Anastasiya Goers of Balance In Me

Do you sometimes get that feeling when you are leaving your house that you forgot something? You look around, check your pockets or your pocket book but you still can’t remember what you are missing. The thought that you forgot something important is driving you crazy, but still you leave the house and go on with your life.

Sometimes you feel the same way about your life (I know I do). You feel that you have everything and yet something is missing. This missing part keeps you from being happy and completely satisfied with your life. You keep searching for the right thing but you can’t find it. You then get frustrated about your life and nothing brings pleasure any more.

In Russian folklore there is a fairy tale that describes this situation. The main character, in order to get his princess, has to perform a very difficult task that the princess’s father gives him. “Go There, I don’t know where. Find That, I do not know what.” Do you feel that you have the same task in your life sometimes? Of course the guy in the fairy tale gets his princess in the end and they live happily ever after but his methods probably won’t work for you.

How do you know what you are missing in your life? There are two strategies that you can use in order to answer this question.

Strategy #1

Let me get back to the analogy about leaving the house.  A lot of times when I leave with that funny feeling that I forgot something, I realize that I actually didn’t forget anything. I had everything I needed and my trip (to whatever place I was going) was very successful. It was just an illusion that bothered me.
Look around your life. Are you really missing something or is it just an illusion? Do you set unrealistic goals for yourself?

If you think that you are not as happy as you want to be, please remember that even the happiest people in the world have bad spells in their lives (they just know how to deal with them.) If you think that you are not rich enough then remember that you cannot be rich if money is the only thing you are chasing after (even if you have millions, it won’t be enough).

You already have everything you need and everything you need is within you. Stop saying “I will be happy only when/if … ” Be happy and live your life right now. Be the person you are and stop chasing the phantoms of your past or your future.

Strategy #2

A few times when I walked out of the door, I realized that I had forgotten my cell phone or a letter that I had to drop off at the post office. A few times when I was still in college I forgot my homeworks papers (and I got into trouble because of that.) Somewhere deep down I knew that I was missing something, but my mind was so cluttered with millions of other thoughts that I could not dig it out at the right moment.
Your life might be really missing something and your subconscious is trying to tell you about it. It is great that you are paying attention to these thoughts and now is the best time to find out what you can do to make your life better.

1. Clear your mind. Let’s start by organizing your thoughts and giving you some clarity.
   • Set aside some time to meditate.
   • Go to a peaceful place without your cell phone or any other distractions (park, beach, art gallery or any other place that inspires you).
   • Allow yourself not to worry about anything (leave all your stress behind and grasp the moment).
   • Do not think about what your life is missing and just be grateful for what you have.
   • Walk, run, write, swim or do any other activity that you enjoy and that lets your mind relax.
   • Breathe.
   • Look around.
   • Breathe.
   • Listen.
   • Breathe.
   • Be present.
   • Relax.
   • Breathe.
   
   
2. Look at your life through the eyes of a stranger. Have you noticed how fast we can usually see what is missing in the lives of people around us? What would you say about yourself if you didn’t know yourself? Would you see a workaholic who spends every free minute working on a new project but forgets about his wife and children? Would you see a housewife whose life is limited to the house and taking care of her family? Would you see a person who desperately needs to take care of his/her health? Do not be partial to yourself, be honest.
3. Ask yourself “Is my life in balance?” Break your life down into these 7 areas:
   • Career/ business/ accomplishments
   • Money
   • Family/ romance
   • Social life
   • Spirituality
   • Self growth
   • Health
   Are these areas equal or do you see gaps in some of them? You can write down your accomplishments in each of the areas and this will help you figure out what you are missing in life.
4. Ask yourself “What can you do to fill in the missing part of your life?” This is the biggest question that we are afraid to answer sometimes. You already know what you are missing but you do not want to admit it because you are scared of changing your life. You do not have enough courage or will power to take steps that will make your life full. Break down your goal into smaller steps and start growing. Mary has just written a wonderful article about the concept of growth vs change. Follow her advice and start growing slowly into a better you, rather than changing the way you are.
5. You still didn’t find what your life is missing? Go back to strategy #1 and start living your life with the awareness and acceptance of who you are.

Have a full and balanced life everyday and every moment of your life!

Photo courtesy of Dia™

Anastasiya Goers is writing passionately at Balance In Me.

6 Life Lessons From a Dynamic Woman

 

 This Post by Justin Dixon Photo Courtesy of Adrienne Wright

Last night I received an email telling me that one of my favorite people in the world had passed on that morning. Now this isn’t my  first time dealing with death. I’ve lost a friend in high school, my grandpa Larry, my uncle Ben, and now Jean Airoldi. The best way I know how to handle death is to take your favorite parts of someone and add them to yourself, that way you make sure that the best parts of someone will always live on. Jean had no shortage of life lessons to choose from. She had lived intelligently, successfully and dynamically. There is not a person I can think of that did not love being around Jean. So how did she become dear to so many people, and what lessons can we all learn from her?



1. Always Look for a Way to Give Joy. At the retirement community I worked at and where I met this wonderful woman every employee knew where Ms. Jean’s door was. She always had something on her landing to give away. Often she would have a bowl full of candy, and when she didn’t have that she at least would have something there to make you smile. This went beyond her door though. No matter where you saw Jean you could be sure she would be finding a way to make you smile.

2. Age is Just a Number. The most lovable people at this retirement community who had lived the most dynamic lives all had this attitude of “I’m young and dumb till the day I die and if I ever forget it I’m asking for trouble.” Jean was no exception. She never let her age be a barrier. She neither looked down on the young or the old. She treated everyone no matter there age with the same respect.

3. Genuinely Listen to People. If anyone ever had something to say Jean always listened to the fullest. If you said something that she liked she would affirm it. If you said something she didn’t like she would let you finish, and then let you know with her reasons. No matter what you had to say though she really listened, and it made a huge difference.

4. Think For Yourself. Jean always looked for independent ideas. Not just because these ideas were different, but because she wanted to hear as many perspectives as she could, and she never took any persons word for what she should believe over her own mind. Because of this her apartment was full of books, and her mind was constantly active.



5. A Sense of Humor Can Go A Long Way Jean had these signs on her door that she would change every once in a while. One read “Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.” One would read “I’m smiling because I can’t hear you.”  She had a whole series of these comments about aging, and everyone who saw them enjoyed them. No matter where she went she kept a way to make someone smile or laugh.

6. Believe in Others. Jean believed in me more than I believed in myself some days, and she let me know it every time she saw me. It is far too easy to doubt what we can do, because we so personally know our own limits (or are illusion of limits). Jean was one of the main voices that made me feel like something I had to say could mean enough to people for them to want to hear it. She reminded me that I don’t know my own limits as these limits constantly change. The fact is that when you believe in someone you don’t just call out greatness from them, you make them greater. You give them courage, inspiration, and hope. Through little conversations in between walking her dog, and helping her at the cafe Jean made me better a little bit at a time. This was made all the more powerful by how much she chose to believe in me.

I can only hope that these lessons will spread because these are the best things I remember about Ms. Jean, and I want to make sure those live on.

Ms. Jean thank you. Thank you for all the reasons you gave me to smile. Thank you for all the salt water taffy. Thank you for believing in me and calling out my best. Thank you for being such a great person to be around.
I can only hope that as many people as possible can take on these lessons, and that I can demonstrate these things as often as possible. This world needs more Jean Airoldis.

Alittlebetter.net

Using the 4 D's to find more meaning and purpose in life

Using spiritual approaches to find more meaning, purpose, and vocation 

Many people desire more meaning, purpose, and calling in life. Spiritual and religious perspectives help to provide at least some answers to questions of meaning, purpose, and a sense of calling and vocation. Many people find that their spiritual and religious beliefs, traditions, and community help to frame these existential questions and issues in a way that provides direction as well as solace and peace of mind.

My colleague at Santa Clara University, Professor Diane Dreher, and I recently published a chapter in an edited book of mine entitled, "Spirit, Science and Health: How the Spiritual Mind Fuels Physical Wellness (2007, Praeger/Greenwood) that offers a "calling protocol." It uses the principles from the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius (founder of the Jesuits) to help people develop a better sense of vocation, calling, and purpose in their lives.

The calling protocol highlights the four D's: discovery, detachment, discernment, and direction. 

Discovery refers to the development of a better understanding of personal strengths or gifts. The positive psychology literature refers to these as "signature strengths." Getting a solid appreciation of one's gifts can then be used to determine how these gifts can best be enlisted to improve one's sense of meaning and purpose. For example, social skills, the ability to counsel others, musical talents, and organization skills are just a few examples of possible gifts or strengths that can be employed to improve quality of life and help find one's calling and vocation. It is important to have a realistic understanding of our gifts to maximize the odds that they can be used effectively.

Detachment refers to working to move away from problematic and sometimes debilitating behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes that prevent someone from understanding and nurturing their gifts. These behaviors and tendencies might include consumerism, greed, workaholism, alcoholism, dysfunctional relationships, low self esteem, fear, anxiety, and a variety of other damaging addictions and behavior patterns that distract us from our vocation and calling as well as prevent us from nurturing our gifts. These behaviors, attitudes, thoughts, and life circumstances are thus roadblocks to nurturing and using the gifts defined during the discovery phase.

Discernment refers to thinking through how we can best live our lives and use our gifts that might lead us to experiences of consolation rather than desolation. Consolation leads to peace, solace, and joy while desolation leads to depression, anxiety, and other damaging feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Thinking about and working through the process of discernment is needed to secure more meaning, purpose, and vocation in life. Discernment helps us to better appreciate how our gifts can be used productively and realistically in a way that gives us comfort and peace.

Direction refers to developing a vocational path to live a more meaningful and purposeful life. Direction is the action plan that emerges when the discernment process is complete. Spiritual direction within many religious traditions have used variations on these four steps to help their clients develop more calling, purpose and meaning in life. These strategies can also be used with people in general to develop a better life path.

Certainly the four D's defined above are not unique. Perhaps what is unique is the integration of a spiritual based mindset, in this example, within the Jesuit and Roman Catholic tradition, to help people find a way to better achieve a sense of calling, vocation, meaning, and purpose in their lives.

Doing the right thing for ourselves might include using the 4 D's to help us achieve more meaning, purpose, calling and vocation in life. Give it a try. What do you have to lose? 

Thomas Plante, PhD., ABPP is Professor of Psychology and Director of the Spirituality and Health Institute at Santa Clara University. See full bio

 

 

The Virtuous Marriage: Industry

by Corey

This is the sixth post in a series about living the virtuous life like Benjamin Franklin. We’re taking his life and applying it to marriage and relationships.

Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.

I enjoy being lazy as much as the next guy, perhaps even more than him, but the lazy life is not a life well lived. Time is a finite item in our life, and Ben Franklin had as one of his virtues the intent to make the most of it.
The following is taken from Brett McKay of the Art of Manliness, a case for industriousness.
Develops self-respect. Putting in an honest days work lets you look at yourself in the mirror without feeling ashamed. Think back to the last time you wasted an entire day playing video games. Sure, it was fun while you were kicking butt at Halo, but when you finally turned off the machine at 4 AM, how did you feel? If you’re like me, you probably felt like a useless bum. You realize that you spent an entire day doing something that didn’t contribute to making you or the world around you better. You have certain gifts and talents that should be shared with others. But when you waste the gift of time, you show that you are content to dwell in selfish mediocrity. Fulfill your true potential and make every hour of your existence count.

Do not live useless and die contemptible. ~ John Witherspoon

Fights Depression. Idleness may not be the devil’s playground, but it is quite possibly depression’s romper room. Have you ever known a man who was unemployed for a long period of time? Chances are he sank into a depressed funk. Men are wired to want to feel useful, to make and provide things for others. Deprived of work, men often feel lost because it robs of them of a sense of identity and purpose. Work provides a reason to get up each day and a sense of accomplishment.

The last time I went camping, I took a hike along a beautiful stream. I noticed that the parts of the stream where the water moved the fastest ran pure and clean. The parts of the stream where the current slowed and stalled were stagnant and cloudy. It is the same with life; to keep ourselves happy and motivated, we must always keep moving. Otherwise we will languish and become depressed.

More time for family and civic engagement. I have a friend at law school who has three kids. He’s always working and makes use of every minute he’s at school. I asked him once how he does it and he told me, “Every minute I waste here at school is one minute less that I’ll have time to spend with my kids when I get home.” By getting his work done at school, my friend is able to focus himself completely on his family when he gets home.

In addition to having more time for family, by being industrious you’ll have time to devote to your community. Developing the virtue of industriousness not only frees more time for civic involvement, but it also helps develop the work ethic needed to contribute to the public welfare. Community projects don’t get done by a bunch of lazy bums. It requires people who are proactive and on the move.

How to be Industrious

Plan. Before you go to bed, sit down and plan the next day. One reason people flounder around and waste time during the day is because they don’t know what they should be doing. You can avoid this by scheduling your day out. Find a system that works for you. Some people like to schedule every minute of the day, while others just like to have a list of tasks that need to be completed. Some people like online or digital planners, while others like paper based planning systems. Personally, I use a paper based planner that I designed myself using Excel. I like to plan exactly what I’ll be doing at each hour of the day. It helps keep me focused and on task.

It’s amazing how much you can get done if you’re always doing. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Eliminate distractions. While I don’t agree with Tim Ferris’s call to outsource every unpleasant chore in your life, I do like his suggestions on eliminating needless distractions. One suggestion of his that I like in particular is batching your email. Instead of incessantly checking your email hundreds of times throughout the day, pick two times during the day to check and respond to email.

If surfing the web is a major time sucker for you, turn off your Wi-Fi or disconnect your Ethernet cable while you’re working. If you have Firefox, you can block certain websites for a set period of time with Leech Block.

Have a worthy goal. You will always naturally spend your time focused on what your goals are at the time. Think about it. Why do some men spend hours a day playing video games? Their goal is to either beat the game or beat other players. They play nonstop until they accomplish their goal.

Imagine if these men had more lofty goals. Instead of wasting their time trying rack up more kills on a video game, they could be out improving their fitness through exercise or learning a new skill that will help advance their career.

Set worthy goals for yourself. A worthy goal is one that will make you or the world around you better. After you have written your goals down, carry them with you at all times. I have a section on my daily planning pages where I write down my goals each day. You don’t need a planner to do this. Just write your goals down on a 3×5 index card.

Every time you make a decision on how you’re going to spend your time, stop and ask yourself, “Will this action bring me closer to my goal?” If not, don’t do it. This will take some work and discipline in the beginning, but after a while it will become natural. Instead of wasting your precious time in frivolous pursuits, you’ll be focused on the things that will make you more productive and industrious.

Implement the 48/12 rule. Being industrious is good, but if you’re a human being, you’re going to need breaks to avoid a mental breakdown. One way to ensure that you get the breaks your mind and body needs is to implement the 48/12 rule in your life. Under the 48/12 rule, you work nonstop for 48 minutes. All your focus is on the task at hand for those 48 minutes. When the 48 minutes is up, take a break for 12. Surf the web or get up and go for quick stroll outside. As soon as the 12 minutes are up, get back to work. You’ll be surprised how much you can get done in a day by implementing this rule.

Find ways to be industrious, even in leisure. When you have time away from the work that earns you a living, make use of your leisure time by pursuing activities that will make you a better man. True recreation is an activity that leaves you energized and ready to take on the coming week. Instead of spending time sacked out in front of the TV watching the VH1 “I Love the 90s” marathon, find activities during your leisure time that will rejuvenate you.

The idea is to stay busy, but at much more relaxed pace. Remember that the longer you sit around and do nothing, the harder it is to get yourself motivated when you actually have to work. Avoid the rut by staying busy with relaxing, yet constructive recreational activities.

How to Find Inner Peace: 5 Timeless Thoughts

by Henrik Edberg. 

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wolfgangstaudt/ / CC BY 2.0

“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.”
Marcus Aurelius

 

“Possession of material riches, without inner peace, is like dying of thirst while bathing in a lake.”
Paramahansa Yogananda

Finding peace within is a wonderful but also a difficult thing. It is easy to go looking for it in the wrong places.

So here are 5 timeless thoughts to help guide you to the places where you can actually find it.

1. Simplify.

“The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace. A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being that places harmony in one’s life.”
Peace Pilgrim

Making thing simpler has certainly brought a lot of inner peace to my life. So, a few of my favorite suggestions on how to simplify your life:

• Use a limited to-do list. Only 2 or 3 of the most important things.
• Set limits. Set limits for daily checking of inboxes. I do it only once a day. Set time limits for small decisions and make them within seconds after you have thought about them to avoid procrastination and overthinking. Set time limits for tasks such as 15 minutes each day for answering emails or for using Twitter. Set a limit for commitments and say no to be able to feel less stress and produce better results.
• Remember to “keep things extremely simple”. I have written down that sentence on my white board and it is a daily and constant reminder that helps me when I lose my way.

2. Accept.

“Acceptance of others, their looks, their behaviors, their beliefs, bring you an inner peace and tranquility – instead of anger and resentment.”
Unknown

When you accept what is you stop feeding energy into resisting what is. You don’t make a problem more powerful and sticky in your mind. Instead, somewhat counter intuitively, when you accept what is it loses much of its power. It just is.

And you feel stillness inside. Now, accepting what is doesn’t mean to give up. It just means that you put yourself in a better position take action if necessary. Because now you can see more clearly, you can focus your energy towards what you want and take the appropriate action to change your situation.

3. Forgive.

“Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions.”
Gerald Jampolsky

By accepting what is it is much easier to let go of things and to forgive what has happened.

Forgiveness is important because as long as you don’t forgive someone you are linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what s/he did over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and – as a result of your inner turmoil – most often in other people around you too.

When you forgive you do not only release the other person. You set yourself free too from all of that agony.

One thing to keep in mind is to not just forgive others but also yourself. By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or 10 years ago – you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you. And so forgiving others becomes easier too.

Also, what you think is a question of forgiving others you may sometimes – after some time and inner struggle – discover is just as much, if not more, about forgiving yourself rather than the other person.

4. Do what you enjoy.

“Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you’ll have more success than you could possibly have imagined.”
Roger Caras

When you do what you enjoy there is a natural peace that arises within. You are in alignment with your outer world. This also leads to a lot more success than if you have a lot of inner turmoil and really don’t care that much for your work.

One of my favorite tips for finding things you enjoy or love doing is simply to explore life. To be curious and try things out and see what you think of them. This can bring many insights both about yourself and about how things really are when you do them rather than when they are just theories floating around in your head.

If you have read my ebook The 7 Timeless Habits of Happiness then you know that there is a whole chapter in it about finding and doing what you love with exercises and tips for further reading. So if you haven’t checked out the book yet, go to this page for instructions on how to get you own free copy.

5. Be careful with your inner peace.

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.”
St. Francis de Sales

By using the tips above and by living in the present moment you can find a lot more inner peace. Not only during days when things go as planned. But also on days when your world is upset and things aren’t so easy. On such days your inner peace will be very useful to help you make good decisions and to get things done. So be smart, stay calm and be careful with your inner peace.

Related Posts:

• 6 Timeless Thoughts on Forgiveness
• 9 Things You Can Do Today to Bring Peace and Calmness into Your Life
• 10 Inspirational Quotes on Forgiveness
• 5 Simple Ways to Increase Your Peace of Mind
• How to Break Out of a Victim Mentality: 7 Powerful Tips

Are you a Leader or just a Boss?

I often find that many people onfuse leadership with positional power. We tend to believe that a person in a position of authority or someone with a title, has their position or title due to their leadership qualities. However, in many cases there is no correlation between someone’s position and their leadership ability. Just having a title does not make you a leader, leaderships is about influence. Title only buys you time to exercise true leadership, and in this time your leadership either increases or diminishes and eventually fails. There is a huge difference between being a boss  and being a leader…! Consider the following…

“The boss drives group members; the leader coaches them.
The boss depends upon authority; the leader on good will.
The boss inspires fear; the leader inspires enthusiasm.
The boss says ‘I’; the leader says ‘we.’
The boss assigns the task, the leader sets the pace.
The boss says, ‘Get there on time’; the leader gets there ahead of time.
The boss fixes the blame for the breakdown; the leader fixes the breakdown.
The boss knows how it is done; the leader shows how.
The boss makes work a drudgery; the leader makes it a game.
The boss says, ‘Go’; the leader says, ‘Let’s go.’“

– Author unknown

People follow the boss because they have to if they want to keep their jobs. People follow leaders because of who they are and were they are going.  Too many leaders today rely on their position to lead. How about you?

From The Practice of Leadership

It’s only in the practice of leadership that we influence our world…

5 Steps to Stress Relief

If you often find yourself struggling with the effect stress has on your physical and emotional well-being, follow the following 5 steps to stress relief:

1. Acknowledge it. It sounds simple, doesn't it? It might even sound futile. But taking a moment to admit to yourself that something is stressing you out is the first step in letting go of it. As women, studies show that we often take on more than we can handle. By acknowledging that an extra activity will put more added stress on an already hectic lifestyle, you can balance out the pros and cons and make a decision that's right for you.

2. Get a massage. I don't mean one of those extravagant, $200 massages with a hunky Swiss masseuse (though that might be something to put on your birthday list!), but the kind of stress-relieving, muscle-relaxing rubs that husbands and boyfriends are great at providing. And don't underestimate the power of bribery in obtaining these... "If you rub my feet for 10 minutes, I'll... [insert pleasurable activity of choice] for 15." No man can resist!

3. Laugh. You've just had a huge argument with your boss. Your mother called for the third time this week to ask if you're pregnant yet. Your son's teacher called you in to discuss his habit of peeing on walls. When you're stressed, even the smallest annoyance can seem like one more added pressure that you're not able to cope with. So forget about it for a while. Grab a good friend or family member and watch a funny sitcom together. Or a romantic comedy. Or a cartoon. Read the funny pages, or share a good joke. The more you laugh, the more mood-enhancing endorphins you'll produce!

4. Sleep. Not getting 8 hours of sleep every night? You should. If you're already exhausted when you head in to work, you'll be less likely to be able to handle whatever life might throw at you that day. If you have small children, sleeping through the night might seem like a luxury you don't have. Try napping during the afternoon when they do, even if it's just for half an hour. It'll do wonders for your mood, your stress levels, and your patience.

5. Pamper yourself. Do something that makes you feel good, something only for you. Buy a new romance novel and curl up with it after everyone else is asleep. Garden, scrapbook, paint, write. Do whatever brings you joy.

By Ritu Malhotra