Gratitude and affirmation

Every night before you fall asleep, replay in your mind the good moments of the day, and give heartfelt thanks for each one of them. Think about the next day also, and intend that it is going to be amazing, that it is going to be filled with love and joy, and that all good is coming to you. Intend that it is going to be the best day of your life. Then when you wake in the morning, BEFORE you get out of bed, declare your intentions again for the day and give deep thanks as though you have received them all. 

May the joy be with you,

Rhonda Byrne

1. “He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”

- Socrates

If we appreciate the items in our life that are now considered "necessity" we will not appropriately appreciate those that are luxuries. Those luxuries that are now necessities (depending on your location and age) are cell phones, answering machines, email, warm water, indoor plumbing, cable tv, electricity and the list goes on.

If we don't appreciate how we live now or how we play, we become numb as new items, new ideas and new people come into our lives. We appreciate the moment or the item but then it becomes part of our everyday life and we then feel we deserved it in the first place.

2. "Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty."

- Doris Day

When I have paused and looked around me at my friends, family, and everything that is important to me I realize how truly rich I am. Appreciation for the birds singing in the morning as they wake me up makes me feel part of something bigger than myself. It takes the focus off of me and lifts my spirits.

Complaining simply drains the speaker and the listener mentally, putting a tarnish to everything we see around us. All we see is that nothing is good enough and has worth.

3. "Gratitude is the memory of the heart."

– French proverb

If I take a moment to be grateful for someone or something, I recall the original reason I appreciated that person or thing coming into my life. It is like taking a step back into time and the emotions that were there on the first meeting come flooding back. A smile may come to my face as I recall the importance it brought to my life.

4. "The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it."

- Richard Bach

We don't savor much anymore. We eat in our cars or standing over the sink, so we don't have to clean up as we head to somewhere else. We leave before the 9th inning or the final bow at the show to get to the car and beat the rush of traffic if we can. It seems the only time we slow down is to watch tv or go to sleep. Neither of which allows us to enjoy the moment of time, the people around us, or the world that moves on outside.

I sold a sofa to a man on Craig's List and before we even exchanged money for sofa, we talked, for a good hour. Initially, I was perturbed that he was so talkative and didn't just pay and leave me alone. I had to realize that this isn't always about me. Sometimes I need to slow down and go with the flow. I don't recall anything major about the conversation but I learned to make myself slow down and just enjoy the time I had in front of me.

5. "Real life isn't always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgment of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties."

- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sometimes I feel so horrible about life to really think of anything to be grateful for, so I go with the easy basics.  A roof over my head, a comfortable bed to sleep in, food to keep me alive, a group of family and friends that care. Eventually I start to remember more and more items and,  my attitude changes and in turn helps me through the day better than any shot of caffeine, pill, or ray of sunshine could do.

6. "No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night."

- Elie Wiesel

When good days, weeks, or years come, I must be appreciative. Not because I am doing well but because it is when I am doing poorly that the times I am good are that much sweeter. I need those valleys to help me appreciate those high hills and when I am on those high hills, I need to look on those valleys and be grateful for them as well. Good times are the other side of the coin to the bad times. We can't have the beautiful world in the daylight if we don't also have the night to make it so bright.

I hope these thoughts and quotes have opened up a river of gratitude for  you and I thank you for taking your time to stop and read. 

by Dawn  

• http://frugalforlife.blogspot.com/2010/06/6-ways-gratitude-makes-you-richer.html

Charity Begins at Home

excerpt from Arvind Devalia

What does the word “charity” mean to you?

No matter wherever you are in the world, there will always be something or someone whom you can support and help if you wished to make it a better world all around. One can support umpteen causes, most of which are worthy and deserving, whereas some can be rather frivolous and obscure.

There is only so much of you to give and only so many resources you can share.

There are a variety of things that drive people but a key one is this deep desire and longing to make a difference and contribute to others.

Ultimately we all want to help and make a difference, it’s a question of just how we choose to do so. Sometimes we are simply held back from helping others through lack of knowledge or even fear of stepping up.

What is your definition of charity?

Wikipedia offers a number of definitions but generally being charitable refers to providing help or relief to the poor and needy. On a broader scale it is about benevolence or generosity toward others and toward humanity.

The word “charity” is also commonly used to describe an organization that facilitates charity benefiting people in need. It also refers to the act of giving your money, time or resources to others without expecting a reciprocation or a direct return. Of course you go get the satisfaction and fulfilment of having helped someone.

Ultimately, charity is benevolence, or an act based upon a belief in the goodness and worth of other people.

There is literally someone you can help in every street, and sometimes in every nook and cranny.

There is this famous story of Mother Teresa holding and hugging a dying man in Calcutta rescued from a gutter. The man was not bitter, but happy and grateful that he was going to die with some dignity and love.

At least for the last few moments in his life, this man felt wanted and loved. And how amazing it is to be able to give such a gift.

Charity begins at home

There is this well known saying that charity begins at home – this really means that you should try to help your family and friends before you help other people.

Charity certainly begins at home – and it is key to understand and accept this. Once you accept that charity begins at home, you can then consciously look for opportunities in and around your home and not wait for one future day to pack your bags for Africa, or indeed anywhere else where a worthy charitable cause appeals to you.

Of course, charity at home is much more than giving donations and giving your unwanted clutter to others.

There is so much more we can all do for all the people around us – my friend John Sherry recently summed this up beautifully in his article about how to contribute to the world from the heart and not just the pocket.

So yes, contribute to the world from the heart and not just the pocket – and begin in your own backyard. Change the world around you first and one day you can take on the rest of the world.

Even more importantly, remember that “charity” begins with you. Look after yourself first and then the people around you and ultimately the world.

I am not advocating being selfish and ignoring others at all costs, but saying that you look after your own needs first – after all, if you can’t look after yourself, how will you look after anyone else?

Enjoy being charitable

At the same time enjoy all the abundance around you, both natural and material – it’s there to be enjoyed to the full and shared as appropriate and as much as possible.

I don’t belong to the school of thought that one should deprive themselves of material things, and suffer in sympathy with those suffering and who have less material goodness than you.

“No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he only had good intentions. He had money as well”. – Margaret Thatcher

Of course, don’t go too far the other way in terms of chasing and gathering materials and building up your clutter – keep your life simple. Learn to be a minimalist – please do check out this “Minimalist Guide” from my friend Leo Babauta.

To end, no matter where and how you are drawn to carry out an act of charity, always remember these famous words from St Francis of Assisi:-

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury,pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy

Read full article at http://www.arvinddevalia.com/blog/2010/06/23/why-charity-always-begins-at-home

Walk In Joy

by Alexys Fairfield


Remember when you were a child and people asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up?

You may have said a firefighter, singer, athlete, banker, artist, etc. You may have wanted to be more than one thing. 

You may have wanted to travel the world, explore new scenery, meet different cultures, and let life take you into it’s loving arms.

Whatever it was at the time sparked joy in you. You imagined yourself in that occupation and you felt that you could be anything. 

As you grew up, you may have gone in another direction by your own will or the wheel of life and something may have been left unsettled in your heart. Your joy may have been suspended.

I know people with multiple degrees and they still don’t know what they want to do. They search for contentment in the outer limits instead of the inner unlimited.

By reaching outside of themselves, they sometimes wind up in a sea of “iction;” addiction, confliction, affliction, constriction, infliction, fiction and transfixion.

My theory is that it can be traced back to the initial suspension of joy. That suspension subconsciously leads some of us astray and many of us never get back.

Until you know what you like - what you really like, you won’t be satisfied with anything else. Until you start making steps to feel joy, you will be floundering in dissatisfaction.

It takes real dedication and application to be happy and joyful. It’s a conscious accommodation. Reach for that childhood abandon to inspire you.

Change the “iction” for “ation;” cultivation, vibration, sensation, navigation, imagination, elation and animation.

If doing something is making you unhappy, stop doing it. If it is not that easy, take small steps until it gets easier. With each step, you are walking towards joy.

Small steps turn into big steps. Big steps turn into miles. Miles turn into journeys. Then you’re walking in joy.

 
What do you want to be when you grow up? The point is to be. Be joyful and just be. Walk in joy.

• http://soulmeetsworld.com/2010/06/walk-in-joy.html

Everlasting Tips To A Better Marriage Relationship

by Evelyn

 

Today happens to be my 10th wedding anniversary. We had a rocky start – one beset with frequent clashes over the silliest of things; our quarrels reflecting our very different thinking, upbringing and background. Yet, despite the rocky start, our marriage relationship is one that grows from strength to strength. So to have made through ten years is a celebration, don’t you think?

Different or the Same?

On first look, we cannot have been more different. My husband is of mixed parentage (half Caucasian – half Chinese) and myself, a typical Chinese family. Our individual upbringings were so different that they contributed to the beliefs we held about life and how we like to get things done.

Like most other marriage relationships, ours did not start out being disastrous. Romance began almost like a modern day fairytale over chat lines. When we first got to know each other through a mutual friend, he was in the States for a work stint of a few years. Our first meeting was in Washington D.C. I was holidaying in the States and decided to fly across from San Francisco to meet him.

It was a marriage fraught with many ups and downs – in fact, more downs in the beginning. A big part of it came with the stress of raising young children. With little awareness, we gave in to each of our individual egos. The result was drama amidst lots of tears, confusion and hurt. We had a lot of difficulty relating to each other. (We have better acceptance; now that we realize that we operate from very different Enneagram Personality Types).

We managed to experience a turn for the better in the last few years. The turn happened at a time when we started on our personal development journeys. There have been several periods in the past when both of us individually felt the despair of being with a partner who did not share the same ideas about life. In a funny sort of way, we now realize how similar we are – and in more ways than one. The best part of it all is that we are very serious about our personal growth. We see our ideas becoming more congruent with the passing of time!

Tips To A Better Marriage Relationship

The keys to relationship success are nothing new. Many of you probably already know them. Then again, knowing what these are and actually applying them can be a pretty separate thing in the lives of many married couples. The statistics are revealing: there is an increasing number of people filing for separation and eventually divorcing. Singapore – with an urban modern lifestyle that encourages both parties to work hard thus leaving little time for developing family life – is no exception.

I have often felt that I would be the last person to give any sound advice on marriage relationships. After all, with so much storm going on in my personal life previously, who am I to be an expert? However, I would like to make an exception today. I would like to think that my husband will be pleasantly surprised if he reads this post. After all, they are tips that he often espouses to me in his vision of what a marriage is. So here they are – a list of ten factors that have worked for us even though they have not been all that easy to apply –

Marriage Relationship Tip #1 – Spend Time Communicating.

In the dating phase, we found that we could never chat enough. We spent thousands of dollars on long distance calls! Then, as we took up more and more responsibilities that comes with a marriage and children, we found ourselves having less time for things. Yet I have come to realize that if I wish to know my chosen partner truly, I should never stop communicating. Getting to know someone – who happens to be your other half – needs your presence.

I am not that much of a talker but my husband is. He will insist on dissecting every problem or issue we have. While I have often gotten pretty worn out with his long analyses, I do acknowledge that it is through the communication that we found out more about each other.

My married friends tell me that their broken marriages are due to lack of communication. Well, no communication is also talking. When two persons in a marriage are not making an effort to talk through their problems, then each is silently saying that “I am not interested in building a stronger relationship with you.”

Marriage Relationship Tip #2 – Discover the Intent.

Have you heard of the NLP presupposition “behind every behavior is a positive intention”? NLP presuppositions are assumptions and beliefs that we work with in order to do change work. Should you apply it, you will find it easier to forgive anyone – including your partner.

I found myself being able to look beyond my feelings of hurt and to understand that there is a higher intent behind my husband’s words. So my perspective change from “he is criticizing me” to “he cares enough to share his honest opinion”. Sometimes his actions and behavior – though not totally acceptable – is a result of his own hurt. His higher intent is to manage his own pain with the only way that he knows best.

Marriage Relationship Tip #3 – Commit to Each Other.

In this day and age, divorces are taking place much faster than there are marriages. Don’t be part of a growing statistic! Intent for your wedding vows to be true. Feel the commitment deeply towards each other. Visualize being together in your future.

Marriage Relationship Tip #4 – Trust Each Other.

No marriage can sustain without mutual trust and respect. Either party can have opportunity to stray. However, have faith that your partner will make a wise choice in not attempting anything that will jeopardize what you have together. Trust and respect needs to be mutual.

Marriage Relationship Tip #5 – Go On Dates.

It is easy to drift apart when you don’t spend time together. Taking some time to having fun is important. Tease other good humoredly. Share a joke. Watch a funny movie. If you find your life constantly ruled by your day-to-day events, then you need to make an effort to set aside time. Obviously, your partner needs to do the same too!

Marriage Relationship Tip #6 – Admit and Take Responsibility.

We would not be where we are if each of us have not taken responsibility in the parts we play in the marriage. We took charge by each acknowledging that we have our own deeper inner issues. Then, we took the time to doing inner work; sometimes individually and sometimes together. And believe me….we spent hours and hours doing inner work. The hard work did pay off! In the process, we found ourselves inspiring and encouraging each other.

Experiencing delight in the joy of evolving together is a bonus that we never quite expected. Our aim was to resolve differences but in the end, by taking responsibility, we found a treasure of true love and compassion – a unique and special feeling in the oneness.

Marriage Relationship Tip #7 – Have Your Own Space.

While spending time together is important, it is also crucial that both parties find their own space. Space can be found through meditation, spending time individually with own friends or in some special hobby. My husband knows that I have a deep need for space and tries his best to give me allowance every week! Coming together after being apart for a while helps to reaffirm our relationship.

Marriage Relationship Tip #8 – Be Honest and Open.

In the beginning, I was afraid of being real. I was afraid that my husband would not like me for my vulnerability, weakness and faults. And so I was fearful of being truthful about what I really felt inside. Needless to say, not being totally honest created problems. I would say one thing but I really meant something else (more often, a deeper truth).

During my learning journey, I became more aware about the need to be honest. Initially, I faced a lot of difficulty in expressing myself. Raised in a typical Chinese family, I was never encouraged to speak up. So I had to learn how to speak as an adult! As I think about it now, it is like getting a stubborn mule to open its mouth.

In the end, I found out that it was far better to be let my partner understand my inner world. When he does, he is a much better position to understand some of my idiosyncrasies and be accepting of who I really am.

Marriage Relationship Tip #9 – Support Each Other.

I used to be selfish. I would be so wrapped up in my own little world that I would forget his needs. However, I have learned to give support to my husband by being present. Be kind to your partner’s needs and he or she will be thoughtful to yours.

Marriage Relationship Tip #10 – Show Appreciation.

Show your appreciation in little and big ways. Send an sms, write an email to make your partner smile or help in something. Showing appreciation keeps your relationship alive in its meaning for both of you!

Happy Tenth Anniversary

(Photo taken a few weeks ago in Tokyo DisneySea)

More than ten years ago, we got engaged over a Tiffany diamond ring while we were in Miami. To celebrate our wedding anniversary, my husband asked me to pick out a gift. As I ponder over what I would like as a gift, I realize that I have already been been blessed far more than I can ever imagine.

I take the opportunity to thank my husband – my soul mate across time – for being the special person he is. There is a lot that he has done for me!! I will be saving more words of appreciation for later in a special dinner date this evening.

In Celebration of Love and Romance,

• http://www.abundancetapestry.com/everlasting-tips-to-a-better-marriage-relationship/

Eye on the Path

“I know some people say “Keep your eyes on the prize,” but I disagree. When your eyes are stuck on the prize, you’re going to keep stumbling and crashing into things. If you really want to get ahead, you’ve got to keep your eyes focused on the path.”

~ Russell Simmons from Do You!

I love that.

And Russell follows it up with “Always focus on your effort, instead of the results of that effort.”

Brilliant 21st century application of the classic Bhagavad Gita wisdom: “The awakened sages call a person wise when all his undertakings are free from anxiety about results.”

How about you? Once you’ve frozen your ideal vision in your mind, do you obsess about the results or do you put yourself on “super pilot” (as John Eliot would say in his great book Overachievement (see Notes)) and completely immerse yourself in doing your best moment to moment?!?

Keep you eyes on the path and soon enough you’ll be holding the prize!!! :)

Brian Johnson

Quote from the Note

“In my experience, there’s only one thing that will always steer you toward success: That’s to have a vision and to stick with it… Once I have a vision for a new venture, I’m going to ride that vision until the wheels come off.”

~ Russell Simmons quotes from Do You!

The Greatness in Others

Recognizing Our Own Greatness

We cannot recognize greatness in others unless we too posses that same quality in ourselves.

A person who is said to possess greatness stands apart from others in some way, usually by the size or originality of their vision and their ability to manifest that vision. And yet those who recognize that greatness, whether they display it themselves or not, also have greatness within them; otherwise, they could not see it in another. In many ways, the achievements of one person always belong to many people for we accomplish nothing alone in this world. People who display greatness rely upon others who are able to see as they do, to listen, encourage, and support. Without those people who recognize greatness and move in to support it, even the greatest ideas, works of art, and political movements would remain unborn.

We are all moved by greatness when we see it, and although the experience is to some degree subjective, we know the feeling of it. When we encounter it, it is as if something in us stirs, awakens, and comes forth to meet what was inside us all along. When we respond to someone else’s greatness, we feed our own. We may feel called to dedicate ourselves to their vision, or we may be inspired to follow a path we forge ourselves. Either way, we cannot lose when we recognize that the greatness we see in others belongs also to us. Our recognition of this is a call to action that, if heeded, will inspire others to see in us the greatness they also possess. This creates a chain reaction of greatness unfolding itself endlessly into the future.

Ultimately, greatness is simply the best of what humanity has to offer. Greatness does what has not been done before and inspires the same courage that it requires. When we see it in others, we know it, and when we trust its presence in ourselves, we embody it.

• http://www.dailyom.com/

Give and Do What You Want To Be and Have

 photo credit: denise carbonel

Give and do what you want to be and have.

If you want a loving relationship increase your love of self and life.
If you want your teenager to respect you offer her acceptance and understanding.
If you want to make your dreams come true help a coworker or colleague with theirs.

If you want more calm and peace speak and treat others kindly.

If you want new friends become the one you wish to have.

If you want to be bold tell your fears you'll get back to them next Tuesday.
If you want to laugh learn to smile, lighten up and share your joy.
If you want to increase your abundance give freely with no expectations.
If you want to be healthy change your diet and exercise.
If you want to be more creative spend time in nature or learn something new.
If you want a more loving world live in a more loving state.

We create our own reality. To me this means we take responsibility and make the changes we want to see in our lives. When we change; our world changes. 
What changes are you making in your life today? Let me know how I can help.

• http://theboldlife.com/2010/06/give/

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• Book Give Away From Artist Marylou Falstreau
• 51 Tips for Living The Good Life
• Celebrate Your Growth In 2009
• 26 Ways to Love Life
• How To Make It A Great Day
  
  

Be Patient

When you plant seeds in the garden, you don’t dig them up every day to see if they have sprouted yet. You simply water them and clear away the weeds; you know that the seeds will grow in time. Similarly, just do your daily practice and cultivate a kind heart. Abandon impatience and instead be content creating the causes for goodness; the results will come when they’re ready.” 

- Tibetan Buddhist nun and author Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron, "Meditator's Toolbox" (Fall 2007)

Good judgment

“Success is the result of good judgment, good judgment is a result of experience, experience is often the result of bad judgment.”

~ Tony Robbins

Hmmmm…so if success is the result of good judgment, and good judgment is a result of experience and experience is often the result of bad judgment, then…

Where do we start?!!? Well, failing, of course! :)

We need to quit taking ourselves so seriously and get on it! Emerson tells us that all life is an experiment anyway, so what’re we worried about?!?

Brian Johnson

Quote from the Note

“The only people without problems are in cemeteries. If you don’t have problems, get on your knees and pray.”

~ Tony Robbins

On Praise and Blame

The Dalai Lama reflects on praise and blame in his commentary on lines from Longchen Rabjam's Finding Comfort and Ease in Meditation on the Great Perfection.

By The Dalai Lama

See the equality of praise and blame, approval and disapproval, good and bad reputation,

For they are just like illusions or dreams and have no true existence.

THIS VERSE REFERS to the Eight Worldly Concerns: wanting to be praised and not wanting to be criticized, wanting happiness and not wanting suffering, wanting gain and not wanting loss, and wanting fame and approval and not wanting rejection and disgrace. We all experience these, don't we? Even animals probably have them in some slight measure.

I think all of us are concerned in particular about maintaining a good reputation. For example, when I am up here on this throne teaching, from time to time, somewhere in the back of my mind, there appears the thought: How am I doing? How are people going to react to this? Are they going to praise me? Maybe not . . . Oh! That did not go well. Will people criticize me? Whenever this happens I need to catch myself and say, Look, now that I am here on this throne transmitting the dharma teachings, I should not allow myself to be affected like this by the eight worldly concerns.

However, we will find that hopes, fears, and discursive thoughts of every description will come into our minds. Even very pure monks might sometimes harbor a concern in the back of their mind about whether or not people give them a few words of praise. Even worse, they might start trying to impress others in order to receive offerings or be invited to perform rituals. Thoughts like these are really dreadful. The Eight Worldly Concerns can creep up on us, quite stealthily and sneakily, and even when we do something virtuous, they will try to find a way to slip in.

As it says in The Way of the Bodhisattva, praise and a good reputation do nothing to increase our longevity or good health. Maybe if lots of people praised us we might get a bit richer! But apart from that, praise does not make us live longer or in better health or help us in any other way. If people criticize us, it does not make us sick or unhealthy and nor does it shorten our lives. It does not affect us in any substantial way at all.

If we really stop to think about praise and criticism, we will see they do not have the least importance. Whether we receive praise or criticism is of no account. The only important thing is that we have a pure motivation, and let the law of cause and effect be our witness. If we are really honest, we can see that it makes no difference whether we receive praise and acclaim. The whole world might sing our praises, but if we have done something wrong, then we will still have to suffer the consequences for ourselves, and we cannot escape them. If we act only out of a pure motivation, all the beings of the three realms can criticize and rebuke us, but none of them will be able to cause us to suffer. According to the law of karma, each and every one of us must answer individually for our actions.

This is how we can put a stop to these kinds of thoughts altogether, by seeing how they are completely insubstantial, like dreams or magical illusions. When people praise us and we glow with delight, it is because we think that being praised is beneficial. But that is like thinking that there is some substance to a rainbow or a dream. However much benefit appears to accrue from praise and acclaim, actually there's none at all. However convincing it seems, it is as unreal as a magician's illusion. And so Longchen advises:

Learn to bear them patiently, as if they were mere echoes.

In exactly the same way, when somebody says something unpleasant or hurtful to us, we need to learn to be patient and forbearing and remind ourselves that their words are just like the sounds of an echo, equally insubstantial and unreal.

From Mind in Comfort and Ease, © 2007 by H.H. the Dalai Lama. Reprinted by arrangement with Wisdom Publications, Inc., wisdompubs.org