Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Is Laughter the Best Medicine?

by 
Feeling rundown? Try laughing more. Some researchers think laughter just might be the best medicine, helping you feel better and putting that spring back in your step.
"I believe that if people can get more laughter in their lives, they are a lot better off," says Steve Wilson, MA, CSP, a psychologist and laugh therapist. "They might be healthier too."
Yet researchers aren't sure if it's actually the act of laughing that makes people feel better. A good sense of humor, a positive attitude, and the support of friends and family might play a role, too.
"The definitive research into the potential health benefits of laughter just hasn't been done yet," says Robert R. Provine, professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County and author of Laughter: A Scientific Investigation.
But while we don't know for sure that laughter helps people feel better, it certainly isn't hurting.

Laughter Therapy: What Happens When We Laugh?

We change physiologically when we laugh. We stretch muscles throughout our face and body, our pulse and blood pressure go up, and we breathe faster, sending more oxygen to our tissues.
People who believe in the benefits of laughter say it can be like a mild workout—and may offer some of the same advantages as a workout.
Laughter Yoga
Laughter Yoga
A brief video intro to the steps used
in Laughter Yoga.
"The effects of laughter and exercise are very similar," says Wilson. "Combining laughter and movement, like waving your arms, is a great way to boost your heart rate."
One pioneer in laughter research, William Fry, claimed it took ten minutes on a rowing machine for his heart rate to reach the level it would after just one minute of hearty laughter.
And laughter appears to burn calories, too. Maciej Buchowski, a researcher from Vanderbilt University, conducted a small study in which he measured the amount of calories expended in laughing. It turned out that 10-15 minutes of laughter burned 50 calories.
While the results are intriguing, don't be too hasty in ditching that treadmill. One piece of chocolate has about 50 calories; at the rate of 50 calories per hour, losing one pound would require about 12 hours of concentrated laughter!

Laughter's Effects on the Body

In the last few decades, researchers have studied laughter's effects on the body and turned up some potentially interesting information on how it affects us:
  • Blood flow. Researchers at the University of Maryland studied the effects on blood vessels when people were shown either comedies or dramas. After the screening, the blood vessels of the group who watched the comedy behaved normally—expanding and contracting easily. But the blood vessels in people who watched the drama tended to tense up, restricting blood flow.
  • Immune response. Increased stress is associated with decreased immune system response, says Provine. Some studies have shown that the ability to use humor may raise the level of infection-fighting antibodies in the body and boost the levels of immune cells, as well.
  • Blood sugar levels. One study of 19 people with diabetes looked at the effects of laughter on blood sugar levels. After eating, the group attended a tedious lecture. On the next day, the group ate the same meal and then watched a comedy. After the comedy, the group had lower blood sugar levels than they did after the lecture.
  • Relaxation and sleep. The focus on the benefits of laughter really began with Norman Cousin's memoir, Anatomy of an Illness. Cousins,who was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, a painful spine condition, found that a diet of comedies, like Marx Brothers films and episodes of Candid Camera, helped him feel better. He said that ten minutes of laughter allowed him two hours of pain-free sleep.

The Evidence: Is Laughter the Best Medicine?

But things get murky when researchers try to sort out the full effects of laughter on our minds and bodies. Is laughter really good for you? Can it actually boost your energy? Not everyone is convinced.
"I don't mean to sound like a curmudgeon," says Provine, "but the evidence that laughter has health benefits is iffy at best."
He says that most studies of laughter have been small and not well conducted. He also says too many researchers have an obvious bias: they go into the study wanting to prove that laughter has benefits.
For instance, Provine says studies of laughing have often not looked at the effects of other, similar activities. "It's not really clear that the effects of laughing are distinct from screaming," Provine says.
Provine says that the most convincing health benefit he's seen from laughter is its ability to dull pain. Numerous studies of people in pain or discomfort have found that when they laugh they report that their pain doesn't bother them as much.
But Provine believes it's not clear that comedy is necessarily better than another distraction. "It could be that a compelling drama would have the same effect."
One of the biggest problems with laughter research is that it's very difficult to determine cause and effect.
For instance, a study might show that people who laugh more are less likely to be sick. But that might be because people who are healthy have more to laugh about. Or researchers might find that, among a group of people with the same disease, people who laugh more have more energy. But that could be because the people who laugh more have a personality that allows them to cope better.
So it becomes very hard to say if laughter is actually an agent of change, or just a sign of a person's underlying condition.

Laughing It Up for Quality of Life

Laughter, Provine believes, is part of a larger picture. "Laughter is social, so any health benefits might really come from being close with friends and family, and not the laughter itself."
In his own research, Provine has found that we're thirty times more likely to laugh when we're with other people than when we're alone. People who laugh a lot may just have a strong connection to the people around them. That in itself might have health benefits.
Wilson agrees there are limits to what we know about laughter's benefits.
"Laughing more could make you healthier, but we don't know," he tells WebMD. "I certainly wouldn't want people to start laughing more just to avoid dying—because sooner or later, they'll be disappointed."
But we all know that laughing, being with friends and family, and being happy can make us feel better and give us a boost—even though studies may not show why.
So Wilson and Provine agree that regardless of whether laughter actually improves your health or boosts your energy, it undeniably improves your quality of life.
"Obviously, I'm not anti-laughter," says Provine. "I'm just saying that if we enjoy laughing, isn't that reason enough to laugh? Do you really need a prescription?"

This article was reprinted with kind permission from Personal Safety Nets. It was adapted from Give Your Body a Boost—With Laughter, by R. Morgan Griffin (April 2009), WebMD. Reviewed by Michael W. Smith, MD.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Pause


Take a moment to pause
Be active in your pause, be aware, witness and connect with what is around you.
Then act… after the chaos shows what is next.
The times are getting chaotic, so let the times be chaotic.
It’s in your own heart that you reflect against the times with calmness.
In pause connect to your own strength.
This is the answer for how to work in these times of transition. You pause in the midst of the transition to best know your next steps. Never stepping to rashness, nor fear, nor anger, nor Nor NOR NOR NOR Nor nor any other judgement based action.
Be present and then as everything else releases, in your moment of pause, discover the strength to act as yourself and grow.
To Grow.
Namaste

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Unrequited Love

Question:

If love is the only reality and the biggest priority, what do I do with unrequited love? I have been let go by someone I loved deeply and wanted to share a life with. Now I am overcome with grief and am finding it difficult to move on.

Answer:

You will need time and the emotional support of family and friends to heal your heartache. The journey of love has many twists and turns in life. Try not to let your entire concept of love be defined by the behavior of another person to you. That universal value of love is the love that is the ground of your existence and all life. In time as your love grows bigger and stronger through the years, you will find that you are that love, and universal love is never unrequited.

Love,



A World in Confusion - Cultivating Inner Clarity


If we can locate the stillness at the center of our hearts, we can find composure in almost any situation.

People who maintain their sense of calm when things around them are in a state of flux and confusion are always wonderful to be around. We feel calmer just being near them, as if they have activated our own sense of inner peace. From them we learn that we can be calm, even when everything around us is in turmoil, because we know that no matter what happens, this inner sense of calm will help us to function well. Often, times of confusion are the times that enable us to find that part of ourselves that knows how to cope, and how to be a light to others in the storm.

If we allow ourselves to be thrown off balance by every piece of disturbing news that comes our way, we may be relying too much on our emotions. On the other hand, our thoughts may also be unreliable at times like these, as they chatter on endlessly about what might happen next. If our feelings and thoughts activate one another in a hectic way, then we become caught up in the confusion that surrounds us. However, if we can locate the stillness at the center of our hearts, we can find composure in almost any situation. In addition, we provide a safe place for our friends and family, who are also prone to taking on the confusion of a world in flux.

It helps to remember that we don’t need to completely understand what’s happening right now, nor do we need to be able to predict the future. Most of us just want to find our way to being at peace with whatever happens, and we can find this peace inside. Cultivating our inner clarity with meditation, journaling, and reading words that inspire us, will lead us to that place inside us that’s already there, just waiting.

From DailyOm



Top 10 Essential Family Values

 written by Sherri Kruger.

How do you define family values? In our home family values are rules or ideals that, as a family, we agree to live by and stay true to. The list of essential family values would be a mile long no doubt and the top 10 lists for each family would be as unique as the one that came up with it.
Having strong well defined family values helps solidify the foundation for a strong, tight knit family. When cultivated long enough this closeness provides a soft place to fall when life doesn’t go according to plan.  Strong and consistent family values are important in building trust and confidence in each family member.
Here are my top 10 essential family values.
1. Belonging. It is important that each member of my family feel that they are loved, that they belong and that they matter. Being a cohesive family could mean that you spend every spare minute together doing family activities but keep in mind that everyone is different. Creating a strong family unit is great but each person should be allowed the space and freedom to explore the activities they think they may enjoy. People are more courageous and more willing to take chances if they know they have a safe place to come back to when things don’t quite work out. Coming together for special occasions and holidays and just spending time together as a family is what helps build that sense of belonging.
2. Flexibility. I’m all for order, schedules and structure in my family to help maintain some level of sanity. But too much structure and the unwillingness to give a little can result in a lot of unhappiness and resentment. The more flexibility you have in decision making, for example, the happier your family will be for it. Imagine one member of the family always thinking they are right and enforcing their way of doing things. This certainly wouldn’t lead to much happiness within the family unit.
3. Respect. This is a bit more difficult to define. For my family, to respect each other is to take feelings, thoughts, needs, and preferences in to account when making decisions. It also means acknowledging and valuing everyone’s thoughts, feelings and contributions to the family as a whole.
Respect is indeed earned and there is a very fine line between it and fear. The only way to earn and keep someone’s respect is to first show them respect yourself. Respect as an important family value will extend out of the home and into school, work or other social settings.
4. Honesty. This is the foundation of any relationships that are meant to last. Mother-daughter, husband-wife, sister-brother. Without honesty a deeper connection will not form and certainly won’t last. Encourage honesty by practicing understanding and respect when someone tells you of their wrong doings. If we lose it and get angry when we’re told what has happened the other person will be more likely to hide it from you next time simply to avoid the disrespect.
5. Forgiveness. Forgiving people who have wronged you is an important choice to make. Yes, forgiveness is a choice. It is not some feeling that randomly washes over you when you feel the other person has “suffered” enough. This can be tough since a lot of us tend to equate forgiveness with saying what you did was okay. They are not the same thing. Holding a grudge, is not conducive to a close family with mutual respect.
Keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes, we all occasionally say things we wish we hadn’t and non of us are perfect. Refer to value 3 communication. Get issues out in the open, gain some understanding and move on. Life is too short.
6. Generosity. Giving without thinking “what’s in it for me” is an important value for anyone wanting to be a responsible, contributing member to society. Through generosity we build empathy since we tend to think more about what people want or need. Being generous doesn’t mean simply handing over money to someone in need. It can also include giving your time, love, attention or even some of your possessions.
7. Curiosity. Children have a natural curiosity. If you’ve ever watched a toddler even for a couple of minutes you’d see that quality shine through. For some that curiosity wanes. I think it’s important to encourage and push our kids and even ourselves to be curious about things. Rarely should we ever just take someone’s word for it.  How do we spark our curiosity? Ask questions. Lots of them. Read about a topic you know very little about and don’t be afraid to say you don’t know. Critical thinking is an important skill that can be learned and developed through exploring your own curiosity.
8. Communication. Communication is as much an art as it is a science. A failure to communicate will likely lead to unhappiness and misunderstandings. Small issues grow into larger ones and when they eventually boil to the surface it’s unlikely they will be resolved calmly. Communication is a lot more than simply speaking your mind. In addition to spoken words, communication also extends to tone, volume, expression, eye contact, body language and effective listening.
I would argue that this is the most important value for families to have. When people feel they can talk openly about anything – hopes, dreams, fears, successes or failures – all without judgment, it’s encouraging and strengthens the bond.
9. Responsibility. We’d all like to be considered responsible people. Some of us are and some of us are decidedly less so. Responsibility is something that is learned. As a child you may have been shown how to put your toys away after playing, how to tidy your room or how and when to feed the dog. This sense of responsibility extends well into adulthood. An adult who has an intrinsic sense of responsibility doesn’t require a lot of prodding to show up to work on time, return phone calls or meet deadlines. Setting out individual responsibilities for family members works to instill this quality in everyone.
10. Traditions. This is by far the most fun for me. I think traditions are what make a family unique, they draw people together and create a sense of belonging for everyone. Traditions don’t need to be expensive, elaborate or a lot of work. It can be something as simple as a lazy Saturday morning sipping coffee and chatting or an annual fondue dinner to ring in the new year. If you don’t currently have traditions in your family, create them! All traditions started with one person why not let your family traditions start with you? Get creative and have fun.
So those are my top 10 family values. Of course there are others I’ll be incorporating but these are the most important to me.

10 Parenting Traits for Happy Families

by Sharon Harlan at interior design degrees.
Happiness is an illusion for some and elusive to others, but for families who get their recipes right, happiness is an all-pervasive emotion that follows them wherever they go and whatever they do. So what exactly is the secret to their happiness? There are many, but they all start with good parenting, and if you’re looking for help in the parenting department and hoping to infuse happiness into your family, here’s what you need:
  1. Parents who love each other – Everyone has fights, but parents who minimize the fights in front of their kids and who genuinely love each other no matter what have the happiest kids.
  2. Parents who accept blame and responsibility – Kids are very perceptive, and if they find that one parent always lays the blame while the other has to accept it wordlessly, they’re bound to become bullies as well, like the more dominant parent. But when both parents accept fault where it is to be found, the kids learn to accept responsibility for their actions.
  3. Parents who laugh together – Nothing can beat the power of laughter; it makes even the darkest demons of despair vanish into thin air. Spend time with each other, laughing and having fun, and see how your smiles become contagious and latch on to your kids’ faces.
  4. Parents who share household work – Every family’s situation is different, so while dad may do much more in one home, he may be forced to do less in others because of work constraints. The best homes however are those that don’t have gender-defined roles and mom or dad does whatever work has to be done, be it professional tasks outside the home or domestic chores inside.
  5. Parents who don’t push their kids – Sure you want your kids to be the best, but that doesn’t mean you have to bully them and coerce them into tasks or activities that they have no inclination towards. Encourage your children to excel, but set limits for yourself when it comes to interfering in their lives, especially as they get older.
  6. Parents who spend time with their children – Television and computer games (or surfing the net) may take up most of your teenagers’ time and they may not want to hang out with you, but your younger ones are desperate for your attention and time. You may have spent an hour on homework with them, but they would sure appreciate 30 minutes of goofing around with you soon after.
  7. Parents who are their kids’ friends – As your child grows older, they’re going to need you to become their friends as well as continue to be your parents. You must know how to morph into their friend when they need someone to talk to – this can only be done if you encourage them to be open with you about their lives and you don’t judge them or say I told you so or take them to task for their lifestyle. However, it’s in their best interests that you guide them in the right path as much as possible.
  8. Parents who know their children’s friends – The people we interact with on a daily basis determine to a large extent the kind of person we are and become. Friends are a significant aspect of any child’s life, and parents with happy children must know who their friends are, and if they don’t have any for some reason or the other.
  9. Parents who know how and when to let go – The best parents know that as their child grows older, they need to start letting them go; only when they cut the apron strings is it possible to know if their child is capable of standing on his own two feet and becoming a strong and responsible adult. The key is to know how and when to let go, how and when to stop interfering in and micro-managing your child’s life.
  10. Parents who teach their children good habits – The best way to teach your child good habits is through practice; happy families eat healthy and wholesome meals and ensure that they get their daily dose of exercise. They value their health and they know that disease and illness detract from the overall wellbeing of a household.
Every parent must strive to be the best they can, even as they remember that parenting is an acquired skill, one you become more adept at as the years go by and you learn from your mistakes and successes.

The 5 Needs Of Every Relationship

Post written by Sherri Kruger. 

We’ve all had relationships that were easy, simple and seemingly effortless. You might even still be in one. I’m sure we’ve all had our fair share of relationships that tricky, awkward and downright difficult as well.
Positivity, encouragement and love are all things we need as people, as human beings. These positive feelings when expressed and projected on to others will help to form and maintain deep and meaningful relationships. Conversely, negativity detracts from this and creates a hostile environment in which relationships struggle and misunderstandings flourish.
This isn’t to say that if you are an overly positive, happy little ray of sunshine you’ll never encounter relationship issues. Even the best relationships have their ups and downs. No one is perfect and quite frankly it’s difficult to live with another individual with their own personality, unique history and life experience.
Here are five very basic needs when it comes to forming relationships with other people. If you find yourself in a relationship that is easy and effortless see how many of these needs you are both currently meeting. I’m willing to guess all if not a large majority of them. Similarly, if you are currently in a difficult relationship, which of these needs are not being met by your partner?  Which needs are you not meeting yourself?

5 things we all need in a relationship

1. To be heard. We all want to be heard. It’s what makes us feel validated and important. Think about the last time you spoke with someone and they were clearly uninterested. Maybe they were looking around the room, checking the clock, or constantly glancing at their computer screen. Whatever it was they were doing, it appeared to you as if they hadn’t heard a word you said and didn’t really care about what you were saying. It’s not a nice feeling. When you’re at home having a conversation be it with your spouse, partner or kids give them you’re undivided attention when possible. Get involved in the conversation show them you are really listening and that they are being heard.
2. To be valued. It’s difficult to get excited about being in a relationship with someone when you don’t feel you are being valued. If there is a lack of respect or little regard for your contribution to the relationship it can’t flourish. Are you valuing the person you are in a relationship with? Do you include them in decision making or planning for the future? Do you recognize their contributions to the family or home? Are you open minded and willing to accept a different point of view or idea even if it’s not your own? If not, your partner is likely feeling devalued and like their opinions don’t matter.   Try being more inclusive, show appreciation for the other person. A simple “thank you” when delivered in a sincere heart felt manner can go a long way.
3. To be an equal. This really ties into the need to be valued. As you enter into a relationship it’s clear that you are both individuals and bring a unique set of abilities, skills and talents to the table. A relationship without equality usually has one person trying to control the other. Equality in a relationship goes beyond splitting chores and other household responsibilities. It also includes:
  • making decisions together as a team
  • no one person being “the boss”
  • having and showing respect for the other person
  • giving space to the other person when they need it
  • asking – not telling or barking orders
4. To be understood. To truly understand someone we must be able to empathize, be willing to take a step back, separate ourselves from our own viewpoint and try walking in the other person’s shoes.  Truly listen when they are speaking and avoid getting defensive or becoming distracted by thinking of what you’re going to say in return. Spend time figuring out what makes them tick and understand why this relationship is important to them and to you. By trying to understand who you are building this relationship with you will be better equipped to make it work.
5. To feel safe. Safety in a relationship includes feeling physically safe as well as emotionally safe. Relationships don’t have to be about living in varying degrees of stress, apprehension or anxiety. Let people know that you will protect them, watch out for them and keep their best interests at heart – tell them. Let them know that you welcome them, imperfections and all and create a warm, secure place where you can just BE without judgement.
There are all sorts of relationships – marriage, parent-child, neighbors, employer-employee etc. and in each one the participants have these same basic needs.  If you have a strong relationship keep doing what you’re doing, don’t stop working at it since it’s all that hard work that made it so strong in the first place. Take a minute to think of the relationships in your life. Are there any that need to be mended? Are there some basic needs that aren’t being met, either by you or someone else?
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Elsewhere: Cultivating a Life of Kindness With Your Kids – Guest post at Simple Mom.

Friday, April 1, 2011

A Personal Tao

A Personal Tao

Discover the Tao and Taoism. This is a guide to the heart and a handbook for discovering the Tao. A Personal Tao mixes art, philosophy and stories into a mirror opening the soul for exploration. The pages explore spirit, love, going beyond death, immortality, finding happiness, changing the world and Taoist practice of release... All by embracing life now. Discover the Tao revealed by your life. A Taoist guide for seekers looking for ways to transform their life.


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Notes

“Do the things you used to talk about doing but never did. Know when to let go and when to hold on tight. Stop rushing. Don't be intimidated to say it like it is. Stop apologizing all the time. Learn to say no, so your yes has some oomph. Spend time with the friends who lift you up, and cut loose the ones who bring you down. Stop giving your power away. Be more concerned with being interested than being interesting. Be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it. Finally know who you are. ”

~ Kristin Armstrong

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury; and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable; and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart; to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasion, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious grow up through the common. This is to be my symphony." 

 ~William Henry Channing

Effective Communication with Mindfulness

Have you ever had the experience while talking to someone where the person is really not listening to you? They act like they are but it is obvious that they aren’t. The ironic part is that they probably think they are communicating with you but on some level you just feel that you weren’t heard at all.
Communication is something we all engage in on a daily basis but due to the pace of our lives, conversations become just formalities. It is like when you go to the store and the cashier asks you: “how are you?” It’s as if she was on cruise control as opposed to really being interested in how you are doing.
Living mindfully isn’t limited to meditation, but can also be applied to effective communication in our daily interactions with other people. This article takes a look at 10effective communication tips using the principles ofmindfulness.
In my work as an attorney, eighty percent of cases I have seen in my career are a result of some form of misunderstanding and lack of effective communication. People agree to do something. They sign papers and start working on a project. Eventually, it turns out that each party heard something completely different.

Communication Truth: We Hear What We Want to Hear

Let’s say someone tells you that they will talk to you later. Well, what does later mean? Does it mean five minutes from now? Does it mean five hours or five days from now? Or is that a polite way to convey that they have no desire to ever talk to you again? The possibilities are endless
I was recently talking to a friend about a problem that I had. I poured my heart out to her and when it was her turn to talk, she just gave me her thoughts which were mainly about herself and totally missed the point of what I was saying. I realize that my friend had good intentions but she was just not listening.
My initial reaction was sadness because I did not see how she could have misunderstood what I was saying. I started to wonder if maybe I did not express myself clearly. However, as I thought about what she had told me, I realized that she was listening to me from the perspective of her views of the world without placing herself in my shoes.
My friend was trying to find something in her life that made her feel the same way without truly understanding what I was feeling. It was like she heard only one word and was only focused on that one word but not the context.
The whole interaction fascinated me. Of course, that was not the first time I have had such an experience with someone. However, it was the first time where all the pieces fell into place and I realized the importance of applying mindfulness into my own communication.

Communication vs. Mindfulness Communication

Mindfulness communication is a term that originates in Buddhist philosophy and became popular in the West due to the work of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn. He is the person who is credited for introducing to the medical profession the concept that meditationhelps people reduce stress and other physical ailments.
Mindfulness communication means to listen and speak with compassion, kindness and awareness. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, regular communication is defined as “the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.”
As you notice in the above definition, there is no mention of compassion or kindness. If you watch any regular interaction between people, the form of communication will appear to fit the regular definition.
One person says one thing and the other person shares their thoughts. Most of the time, when someone is asked a question, they answer immediately. Not many seem to really think before speaking. In order to engage in effective communication using mindfulness, we have to listen mindfully and speak mindfully.

5 Tips to Listen with Mindfulness

1. Clear Your Head

When someone starts to talk to you, do your best to clear your head of any thoughts that are occupying your mind. Remove any sense of judgment about the person who is talking.
To listen to someone with a preconceived idea of who you think they are or what they are about to say, puts you at a disadvantage because you may miss what you could otherwise learn from the person who is talking.

2. Create a Safe Space

It is never easy for someone to open themselves up and tell you what is on their mind. If you really are attentive to what they are saying, it indirectly tells the other person that it is safe for them to be themselves with you.

3. Maintain Eye Contact

When someone is talking to you, do not look at your feet or the ceiling or whatever else is surrounding you. Just look into the eyes of the person who is talking. It shows that you care and wouldn’t you want someone to do the same for you?

4. Put Yourself In The Other Person’s Perspective

Experiences are relative; meaning people react and see things based on how they view the world. Put yourself in the shoes of the person who is talking and try to see the world from that angle.
Back in 2004, I was working in an office where everyone was a big supporter of a certain political view. I thought they were crazy but when I tried to understand why they all supported it, I saw that they really were good people who thought that the political idea in question would protect them. I disagreed but that was okay. I saw why they thought the way that they did. It made working with them so much easier.

5. Don’t Assume

If the person who is talking says something that you do not understand or is not very clear, don’t assume a thing but ask them to clarify their statement. Many times people assume that the other person means one thing when in reality they could be talking about something totally different. There is nothing wrong with asking questions as long as you ask them with compassion.

5 Tips to Speak with Mindfulness


1. Think Before Speaking

When someone asks you a question, don’t just immediately start talking. Take at least ten to twenty seconds (or more) to think about the question and how you want to answer.
When I first started dating my husband, I used to get impatient when it would take him a long time to answer my questions but then I realized he was thinking about what to say and I wasn’t used to someone actually taking the time to ponder the question.
It touched me so much, I started to do the same and it is amazing how much people really appreciate it when you take their questions seriously.

2. Choose Your Words Consciously

Just because something makes sense to you does not mean it will make sense to the other person.
I have a friend who has a very strange sense of humor. Most of the time, it sounds like he is insulting you but in reality he is not. I don’t think he is aware of what he does and he is always amazed that people get mad at him or feel hurt after speaking to him.
Painful words can cause more damage than physical pain, so choose your words consciously and carefully. Not everyone is willing to give another person a second chance. A sentence uttered without thinking can cause a person to lose their job orend a relationship.

3. Speak Your Truth

Many times when we talk to someone, we like to give off a certain image. We want to appear as perfect as possible. We want the other person to like us and to think highly of us. Therefore, many people try too hard to be something they are not and they end up acting that way through a conversation.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to be yourself. That means speaking your truth. This does not mean you have to be rude or mean. You can speak your truth with compassion and kindness.
For example, I once met someone who was very critical of people who were vegans. The funny thing was that the person had no idea that I have been a vegan (vegetarian) for 21 years. I had two choices. I could either play along or tell the truth. I went ahead and told the guy the truth.
I was calm and told him that I understood his point of view. I went on and shared with him my thoughts on the issue. We ended up having a really great conversation and neither one of us ever had to raise our voice. No one likes to be lied to so don’t lie about who you are.

4. Mean What You Say

If when talking to someone, you tell them that you will send them a certain document by a certain date, do keep your word. You will earn a lot of respect when you follow through with your promises.
If you have no desire to talk to one person ever again, then do not say you will give them a call sometime. Whether it is in business or romance or with friends, keeping your word goes a long way. A Buddhist master once said to me, “word, thought and deed have to be one”. So don’t say you will do something when you really don’t intend to do it.

Parting Words: Effective Communication

As a former “Type A” personality, I was always on the go and never really had time to talk to people. I always needed to be somewhere else or to do something. I am very well aware that the above steps may seem too time consuming but if you want to be successful in whatever you do and if you want to have meaningful relationships, you need people. As the saying goes, “it takes two to tango”.
The only way to have people respect you is if you respect them and engaging in effective communication using mindfulness is one of the best methods to earn that respect.
We all want to be heard and understood. Sometimes in order to have someone hear and understand us, we have to hear and understand them first.

About the Author:
Nadia is the VP of Spirituality on Think Simple Now. Nadia has worn many hats in her short life. She used to be an image consultant, political campaign writer and attorney. Writing and photography are her passions. Through her writing, she intents to help people see how Divine they truly are.