Saturday, December 28, 2013

A guide to life for my kids

by Leo Babauta


These are the key life skills I'd like to teach my 6 wonderful kids (and anyone else who's interested):

Mindset
  1. Flexible mind
  2. Embrace discomfort
  3. Deal with anxiety
  4. Learn self compassion
  5. Learn contentment
  6. Limit possessions
  7. Have a daily gratitude session
  8. Learn how to change/create habits
  9. Have confidence that you're awesome
  10. All you need for happiness is within you
  11. Savor life
  12. Play
  13. Meditate
Health
  1. Eat whole foods
  2. Exercise almost daily
  3. Make your exercise social
  4. Consider a vegan diet, for reasons of compassion
  5. Limit sugar/flour
  6. Learn to cook, & cook meals at home
  7. Floss before bed
Relationships
  1. Build relationships
  2. Open your heart
  3. Let love be your rule
  4. Be trustworthy
  5. Deal with anger
  6. Coping with loss
  7. Learn how to meet people
  8. Meeting new people: be curious
  9. Surround yourself with positive friends
  10. Let go of jealousy
Work
  1. Love what you do
  2. Take pride in what you do
  3. Start your own business
  4. Limit how much you do
  5. Learn to beat procrastination
  6. Help others
  7. Become great at a skill you love
  8. Good writing is clear thinking
  9. Blog -- as a way to reflect, and share
  10. Failure is just a lesson
Finances
  1. Spend less than you earn
  2. Avoid/eliminate debt
  3. Save/invest automatically
  4. Don't put off taxes & accounting
  5. When you have kids, create a trust
Parenting
  1. Be there
  2. Teach, don't control
  3. Model the behavior you want them to learn
  4. Read to them regularly
  5. Love them without qualifications, unconditionally
  6. Be patient & compassionate
  7. Consider unschooling
Source: http://leobabauta.com/kids


Friday, December 27, 2013

The Joy of Being Alone

by Leo Babauta

A surprising number of people fear being alone. Maybe just about all of us do to some extent.

We fear being without a partner, or friends and family. We fear traveling alone in strange places, lost without anyone to ask for help. We fear taking on life without help, for fear of failure.

This is natural, this fear of being alone. We’ve all felt it, deep within us, though we try desperately to avoid this fear.

And this is the cause of our misery: to avoid this fear of being alone, we will socialize endlessly, including on social networks and email. To avoid being alone, we’ll end up with someone who isn’t really good for us, just to have someone to cling to, someone to rely on. We’ll eat junk food or shop to comfort ourselves, because these things are replacements for love.

But here’s the secret: being alone is empowering. The quiet of being alone is joyful.

We tend to see aloneness as bleak, depressing, scary. But it can be seen as freeing, as an opportunity for growth, an opportunity to get to know yourself.

This is something I’ve been learning the hard way. I had the fear of aloneness for many years, but learning emotional self-sufficiency is one of the best things I’ve done.

Sit quietly for a minute, now, and turn inward. Who are you? What are you capable of? What do you think about?

Can you accept yourself, when you look closely at yourself?

Can you see the beauty in yourself, as you learn something new? As you contemplate life?

This is nothing to fear, but to celebrate. Aloneness is beauty.

Traveling Through Life Alone

But isn’t it scary to travel the world alone? To go through life alone if you feel unprepared?

Yes, it can be scary. That’s the reason to learn to do it.

Don’t know how to find your way in a strange city? Start with the place you live — get lost and find your way back. Learn to use Google Maps, then learn to find visual landmarks. Now branch out into nearby cities. Now take a trip armed with your new skills. Ask for directions. Learn to be OK with getting lost.

Don’t know how to pay bills and manage your life? Start with one bill. Teach yourself life management skills one at a time. Become self-sufficient. It’s better to learn to stand on your own two feet than to have to rely on someone else. If you can be self-sufficient, then relying on someone else is an act of strength, not of weakness.

Don’t know how to protect yourself? Learn to avoid bad situations. Learn to be aware of your surroundings. Learn how to get away. Learn how to defend yourself, at least enough to call for help. You’ll feel more confident in going places alone.

Traveling through life alone is a learning process, but you become stronger as you go. It’s like a child who can’t find his way home alone — doing it the first time is scary, but he’s safer and better off having learned the way.

Relationships and Aloneness

Does learning to be OK with being alone mean you can’t be in a relationship? Not at all — but if you aren’t OK with being alone, then being in a relationship is going to be fundamentally flawed.

Why? Because you become dependent. You need the other person, not only to pay bills and help you manage, not only to protect you and provide for you, but for emotional needs. You need the other person to pay attention to you, to give you validation and comfort and love. Now, all of those things are nice, but needing someone else for them means you become needy, desperate, and those aren’t attractive qualities. Who wants to be in a relationship with a needy, desperate person?

Much more attractive is confidence. And self-sufficiency. And strength.

So learn to be OK with being alone. Learn to provide for all of your emotional needs. Learn that you are OK, just as you are, without anyone else to “complete you”.

What if you’re already in a relationship? This is what I’ve been dealing with myself — it’s still doable. It means noticing when you’re being needy, and backing off. Taking care of your needs yourself. This is a slow process, but it works.

Once you’ve got that down, you are in a much better place to be in a relationship. You’re now two whole people, coming together for the benefit of the both of you.

The Joy of Being Alone

Aloneness can be a scary thing, but it can also be a joyful thing.

You can celebrate the times when you’re alone. Get to know yourself. Do things that rely on very little — reading a good book, writing, playing music, dancing alone, sketching, learning a new skill. Go for hikes, discover the world without needing to instantly share it online.

Be alone and be happy with yourself.

You deserve it.

Source: http://zenhabits.net/joy-of-one/

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Timing Can Be Everything

by Madisyn Taylor

Every person fulfills their purpose when the time is right.

Since human timetables quite often do not correspond with universal timetables, it’s common for people to feel that life is progressing too slowly or too quickly. We draft carefully composed plans only to find that they fall into place when we least expect. Or, conversely, we are thrust into roles we believe we are not prepared for and wonder how we will survive the demands imposed upon us by unfamiliar circumstances. When delays in our progress kindle pangs of disappointment within us or the pace of life seems overwhelming, peace can be found in the simple fact that we are exactly where we need to be at this moment.

Every person fulfills their purpose when the time is right. If you have fast-tracked to success, you may become deeply frustrated if you discover you can no longer satisfy your desires as quickly as you might like. Yet the delays that disappoint you may be laying the foundation for future accomplishments that you have not yet conceived. Or the universe may have plans for you that differ from the worldly aspirations you have pursued up until this point. What you deem a postponement of progress may actually represent an auspicious opportunity to prepare for what is yet to come. If, however, you feel as though the universe is pushing you forward at too fast a clip, you may be unwittingly resisting your destiny. Your unease regarding the speed of your progress could be a sign that you need to cultivate awareness within yourself and learn to move with the flow of fate rather than against it. The universe puts nothing in your path that you are incapable of handling, so you can res! t assured that you are ready to grow into your new situation.

You may feel compelled to judge your personal success using your age, your professional position, your level of education, or the accomplishments of your peers as a yardstick. Yet we all enjoy the major milestones in our lives at the appropriate time—some realize their dreams as youngsters while others flourish only in old age. If you take pride in your many accomplishments and make the most of every circumstance in which you find yourself, your time will come.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

A Citizen of the World

by Madisyn Taylor

An aware traveler sees each new journey as an opportunity to gain a greater understanding of humanity.

As the technology of travel grows ever more refined, the world grows smaller. Whereas a journey of a hundred miles once took many days, we can now travel across the globe in mere hours. The four corners of the earth are accessible by plane, train, and ship, and there are few pleasures in life as soul-stirring and transformative as travel. In a new land, the simplest of joys can be profound—meditation takes on a new quality because the energy in which we are immersed is unfamiliar. Our sensory experiences are entirely novel. Yet the relative ease with which we can step out of our own culture in order to explore another means that we are ambassadors representing not only our own way of life but also the culture of the traveler. As a conscious citizen of the world, you can add value to the locales you visit while simultaneously broadening your own perspective.

A truly aware traveler sees each new journey as an opportunity to improve international relations, spread goodness, and gain a greater understanding of humanity. To immerse yourself in foreign cultures is to open your mind to fresh ways of being. Your natural curiosity can help you navigate the subtleties that define a culture. While you may not agree with all the traditions or laws of a country, abiding by them demonstrates that you understand and respect their value. Staying centered in another culture is often simply a matter of learning about your destination, being patient with yourself and others, and accepting that people may treat you as an example of your country’s attitudes. New worlds will open to you when you take part in the everyday life of a locale—the reality of a destination is in its markets, its streets, and its people.

Traveling presents a wonderful opportunity to practice being open-minded and grounded. The voyages you make help cultivate a worldwide community in which we as humans can acknowledge and appreciate our differences as much as we recognize and appreciate our similarities. Though you will eventually return home, the positive impression you leave behind will remain as a testament to the respect and amicability that marked your intercultural interactions.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Karaniya Metta Sutta




Karaṇīyamatthakusalena, yanta santaṃ padaṃ abhisamecca;
Sakko ujū ca suhujū [sūjū (sī.)] ca, sūvaco cassa mudu anatimānī.
Santussako ca subharo ca, appakicco ca sallahukavutti;
Santindriyo ca nipako ca, appagabbho kulesvananugiddho.
Na ca khuddamācare kiñci, yena viññū pare upavadeyyuṃ;
Sukhino va khemino hontu, sabbasattā [sabbe sattā (sī. syā.)] bhavantu sukhitattā.
Ye keci pāṇabhūtatthi, tasā vā thāvarā vanavasesā;
Dīghā vā ye va mahantā [mahanta (?)], majjhimā rassakā aṇukathūlā.
Diṭṭhā vā ye va adiṭṭhā [adiṭṭha (?)], ye va [ye ca (sī. syā. kaṃ. pī.)] dūre vasanti avidūre;
Bhūtā va sambhavesī va [bhūtā vā sambhavesī vā (syā. kaṃ. pī. ka.)], sabbasattā bhavantu sukhitattā.
Na paro paraṃ nikubbetha, nātimaññetha katthaci na kañci [naṃ kañci (sī. pī.), naṃ kiñci (syā.), na kiñci (ka.)];
Byārosanā paṭighasaññā, nāññamaññassa dukkhamiccheyya.
Mātā yathā niyaṃ puttamāyusā ekaputtamanurakkhe;
Evampi sabbabhūtesu, mānasaṃ bhāvaye aparimāṇaṃ.
Mettañca sabbalokasmi, mānasaṃ bhāvaye aparimāṇaṃ;
Uddhaṃ adho ca tiriyañca, asambādhaṃ averamasapattaṃ.
Tiṭṭhaṃ caraṃ nisinno va [vā (sī. syā. kaṃ. pī.)], sayāno yāvatāssa vitamiddho [vigatamiddo (bahūsu)];
Etaṃ satiṃ adhiṭṭheyya, brahmametaṃ vihāramidhamāhu.
Diṭṭhiñca anupaggamma, sīlavā dassanena sampanno;
Kāmesu vinaya [vineyya (sī. syā. pī.)] gedhaṃ, na hi jātuggabbhaseyya punaretīti.


This is to be done by one skilled in aims
who wants to break through to the state of peace:
Be capable, upright, & straightforward,
easy to instruct, gentle, & not conceited,
content & easy to support,
with few duties, living lightly,
with peaceful faculties, masterful,
modest, & no greed for supporters.

Do not do the slightest thing
that the wise would later censure.

Think: Happy, at rest,
may all beings be happy at heart.
Whatever beings there may be,
weak or strong, without exception,
long, large,
middling, short,
subtle, blatant,
seen & unseen,
near & far,
born & seeking birth:
May all beings be happy at heart.

Let no one deceive another
or despise anyone anywhere,
or through anger or irritation
wish for another to suffer.

As a mother would risk her life
to protect her child, her only child,
even so should one cultivate a limitless heart
with regard to all beings.
With good will for the entire cosmos,
cultivate a limitless heart:
Above, below, & all around,
unobstructed, without enmity or hate.
Whether standing, walking,
sitting, or lying down,
as long as one is alert,
one should be resolved on this mindfulness.
This is called a sublime abiding
here & now.

Not taken with views,
but virtuous & consummate in vision,
having subdued desire for sensual pleasures,
one never again
will lie in the womb.


KARAṆĪYAMETTASUTTA
BÁC-ÁI KINH
Karaṇīyamatthakusalena,
Yantaṃ santaṃ padaṃ abhisamecca,
Sakko ujū ca suhujū ca,
Suvaco cassa mudu anatimānī.
Người hằng mong an tịnh
Nên thể hiện pháp lành,
Có khả năng, chất phác
Ngay thẳng và nhu thuận,
Hiền hòa không kiêu mạn,
Santussako ca subharo ca,
Appakicco ca sallahukavutti,
Santindriyo ca nipako ca,
Appagabbho kulesu ananugiddho.
Sống dễ dàng, tri túc,
Thanh đạm, không rộn ràng.
Lục căn luôn trong sang
Trí tuệ càng hiển minh
Na ca khuddaṃ samācare kiñci,
Yena viññū pare upavadeyyuṃ,
Sukhino vā khemino hontu,
Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā.
Chuyên cần, không quyến niệm
Không làm việc ác nhỏ
Mà bậc trí hiền chê,
Nguyện thái bình an lạc,
Nguyện tất cả sinh linh
Tròn đầy muôn phúc hạnh
Ye keci pāṇabhūtatthi,
Tasā vā thāvarā vā anavasesā,
Dīghā vā ye mahantā vā,
Majjhimā rassakā aṇukathūlā.
Chúng sanh dù yếu mạnh,
Lớn nhỏ hoặc trung bình
Thấp cao không đồng đẳng
Hết thảy chúng hữu tình,
Lòng từ không phân biệt
Diṭṭhā vā yeva adiṭṭhā,
Ye ca dūre vasanti avidūre,
Bhūtā vā sambhavesī vā,
Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā.
Hữu hình hay vô hình,
Đã sinh hoặc chưa sinh
Gần xa không kể xiết,
Nguyện tất cả sinh linh
Tròn đầy muôn phúc hạnh.
Na paro paraṃ nikubbetha,
Nātimaññetha katthaci naṃ kiñci,
Byārosanā paṭighasaññā,
Nāññamaññassa dukkhamiccheyya.
Đừng lừa đảo lẫn nhau,
Chớ bất mãn điều gì,
Đừng mong ai đau khổ
Vì tâm niệm sân si
Hoặc vì nuôi oán tưởng.
Mātā yathā niyaṃ puttaṃ,
Āyusā ekaputtamanurakkhe,
Evampi sabbabhūtesu,
Mānasaṃ bhāvaye aparimāṇaṃ.
Như mẹ giàu tình thương
Suốt đời lo che chở,
Đứa con một của mình,
Hãy phát tâm vô lượng
Cùng tất cả sinh linh
Mettañca sabbalokasmiṃ,
Mānasaṃ bhāvaye aparimāṇaṃ,
Uddhaṃ adho ca tiriyañca,
Asambādhaṃ averaṃ asapattaṃ
Từ bi gieo cùng khắp
Cả thế gian khổ hải,
Trên dưới và quanh mình
Không hẹp hòi, oan trái
Không hờn giận, oán thù.
Tiṭṭhañcaraṃ nisinno vā,
Sayāno vā yāvatassa vigatamiddho,
Etaṃ satiṃ adhiṭṭheyya,
Brahmametaṃ vihāraṃ idhamāhu.
Khi đi, đứng, nằm, ngồi
Bao giờ còn thức tỉnh
Giữa niệm từ bi này,
Thân tâm thường thanh tịnh,
Phạm hạnh chính là đây.
Diṭṭhiñca anupagamma,
Sīlavā dassanena sampanno,
Kāmesu vineyya gedhaṃ,
Na hi jātu gabbhaseyyaṃ punaretīti.
Ai xả ly kiến thủ,
Giới hạnh được tựu thành,
Chánh tri đều viên mãn
Không ái nhiễm dục trần,
Thoát ly đường sanh tử.


Wednesday, October 30, 2013

12 Indispensable Mindful Living Tools

By Leo Bauta

The focus of my life in recent months has been living mindfully, and while I don’t always remember to do that, I have learned a few things worth sharing.

The first is a mindful life is worth the effort. It’s a life where we awaken from the dream state we’re most often submerged in — the state of having your mind anywhere but the present moment, locked in thoughts about what you’re going to do later, about something someone else said, about something you’re stressing about or angry about. The state of mind where we’re lost in our smartphones and social media.

It’s worth the effort, because being awake means we’re not missing life as we walk through it. Being awake means we’re conscious of what’s going on inside us, as it happens, and so can make more conscious choices rather than acting on our impulses all the time.

The second thing I’ve learned is that we forget. We forget, over and over, to be awake. And that’s OK. Being mindful is a process of forgetting, and then remembering. Repeatedly. Just as breathing is a process of exhaling, and then inhaling, repeatedly.

The third is that mindful living isn’t just one thing. It’s not just meditation. Nor is it just focusing on the sensations around you, right now in this moment. I’ve found mindful living to be a set of very related tools, perhaps all different ways of getting at the same thing, but each useful in its own regard.

I’ll share them in this post, and hope that you’ll consider each in turn.

Why You Should Care

Why bother to spend the time learning these tools? Is it just for some ideal of living a peaceful, stress-free life?

No. A stress-free life doesn’t exist, but these tools will definitely make you more prepared to deal with the stresses that will inevitably come your way.

But just as importantly, they’ll help you overcome the fear of failure and fear of discomfort that’s holding you back, that’s keeping you from making positive changes in your life.

These tools will help you launch your new blog, start a business, write a book, put out your first music album online, find your purpose in life, become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

This is what I’ve found. I’m certain you’ll find these tools just as useful.

The Toolset

This list, of course, is not complete. It’s a collection of things I’ve been learning about, and am still practicing, things I’ve found useful enough to share.

  1. Meditation. Meditation is where mindful living starts. And it’s not complicated: you can sit still for even just 1 minute a day to start with (work up to 3-5 minutes after a week), and turn your attention to your body and then your breath. Notice when your thoughts wander from your breath, and gently return to the breath. Repeat until the minute is up.
  2. Be Awake. Meditation is practice for being awake, which is not being in the dream state (mind wandering into a train of thought, getting lost in the online world, thinking about past offenses, stressing about the future, etc.) but being awake to the present, to what is. Being awake is something you can do throughout the day, all the time, if you remember. Remembering is the trick.
  3. Watch Urges. When I quit smoking in 2005, the most useful tool I learned was watching my urges to smoke. I would sit there and watch the urge rise and fall, until it was gone, without acting on it. It taught me that I am not my urges, that I don’t have to act on my urges, and this helped me change all my other habits. Watch your urge to check email or social media, to eat something sweet or fried, to drink alcohol, to watch TV, to be distracted, to procrastinate. These urges will come and go, and you don’t have to act on them.
  4. Watch Ideals. We all have ideals, all the time. We have an ideal that our day will go perfectly, that people will be kind and respectful to us, that we will be perfect, that we’ll ace an exam or important meeting, that we’ll never fail. Of course, we know from experience that those ideals are not real, that they don’t come true, that they aren’t realistic. But we still have them, and they cause our stress and fears and grief over something/someone we’ve lost. By letting go of ideals, we can let go of our suffering.
  5. Accept People & Life As They Are. When I stopped trying to change a loved one, and accepted him for who he was, I was able to just be with him and enjoy my time with him. This acceptance has the same effect for anything you do — accept a co-worker, a child, a spouse, but also accept a “bad” situation, an unpleasant feeling, an annoying sound. When we stop trying to fight the way things are, when we accept what is, we are much more at peace.
  6. Let Go of Expectations. This is really the same thing as the previous two items, but I’ve found it useful nonetheless. It’s useful to watch your expectations with an upcoming situation, with a new project or business, and see that it’s not real and that it’s causing you stress and disappointment. We cause our own pain, and we can relieve it by letting go of the expectations that are causing it. Toss your expectations into the ocean.
  7. Become OK with Discomfort. The fear of discomfort is huge — it causes people to be stuck in their old bad habits, to not start the business they want to start, to be stuck in a job they don’t really like, because we tend to stick to the known and comfortable rather than try something unknown and uncomfortable. It’s why many people don’t eat vegetables or exercise, why they eat junk, why they don’t start something new. But we can be OK with discomfort, with practice. Start with things that are a little uncomfortable, and keep expanding your comfort zone.
  8. Watch Your Resistance. When you try to do something uncomfortable, or try to give up something you like or are used to, you’ll find resistance. But you can just watch the resistance, and be curious about it. Watch your resistance to things that annoy you — a loud sound that interrupts your concentration, for example. It’s not the sound that’s the problem, it’s your resistance to the sound. The same is true of resistance to food we don’t like, to being too cold or hot, to being hungry. The problem isn’t the sensation of the food, cold, heat or hunger — it’s our resistance to them. Watch the resistance, and feel it melt. This resistance, by the way, is why I’m doing my Year of Living Without.
  9. Be Curious. Too often we are stuck in our ways, and think we know how things should be, how people are. Instead, be curious. Find out. Experiment. Let go of what you think you know. When you start a new project or venture, if you feel the fear of failure, instead of thinking, “Oh no, I’m going to fail” or “Oh no, I don’t know how this will turn out”, try thinking, “Let’s see. Let’s find out.” And then there isn’t the fear of failure, but the joy of being curious and finding out. Learn to be OK with not knowing.
  10. Be Grateful. We complain about everything. But life is a miracle. Find something to be grateful about in everything you do. Be grateful when you’re doing a new habit, and you’ll stick to it longer. Be grateful when you’re with someone, and you’ll be happier with them. Life is amazing, if you learn to appreciate it.
  11. Let Go of Control. We often think we control things, but that’s only an illusion. Our obsession with organization and goals and productivity, for example, are rooted in the illusion that we can control life. But life is uncontrollable, and just when we think we have things under control, something unexpected comes up to disrupt everything. And then we’re frustrated because things didn’t go the way we wanted. Instead, practice letting go of control, and learn to flow.
  12. Be Compassionate. This sounds trite, but compassion for others can change the way you feel about the world, on a day-to-day basis. And compassion for yourself is life-changing. These two things need remembering, though, so mindful living is about remembering to be compassionate after you forget.
The Practice

OK, that seems like a lot to digest and remember, right?

Well, there’s hope. I often forget all of this stuff, but then I remember, and say, “Ah, I was doing it again!” And then I practice again.

And then I forget, but I reflect, and I learn, and I practice again.

This is the process of learning mindfulness. It’s forgetting, and then remembering, again and again.

And it’s worth remembering, again and again.

Source: http://zenhabits.net/toolset/

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Sustenance for the Soul

by Madisyn Taylor

Modern life compels us to rush. Because we feel pressured to make the most of our time each day, the activities that sustain us, rejuvenate us, and help us evolve are often the first to be sacrificed when we are in a hurry or faced with a new obligation. It is important we remember that there is more to life than achieving success, making money, and even caring for others.

Your spiritual needs should occupy an important spot on your list of priorities. Each task you undertake and each relationship you nurture draws from the wellspring of your spiritual vitality. Taking the time to engage in spiritually fulfilling activities replenishes that well and readies you to face another day. Making time for the activities that contribute to your spiritual growth has little to do with being selfish and everything to do with your well-being. Regularly taking the time to focus on your soul’s needs ensures that you are able to nurture yourself, spend time with your thoughts, experience t! ranquility, and expand your spiritual boundaries.

It is easy to avoid using our free moments for spiritual enrichment. There is always something seemingly more pressing that needs to be done. Many people feel guilty when they use their free time to engage in pursuits where they are focusing on themselves because they feel as if they are neglecting their family or their work. To make time for yourself, it may be necessary to say no to people’s requests or refuse to take on extra responsibilities. Scheduling fifteen or thirty minutes of time each day for your spiritual needs can make you feel tranquil, give you more energy and allows you to feel more in touch with the universe. Writing in a journal, meditating, studying the words of wise women and men, and engaging in other spiritual practices can help you make the most of this time.

Making time to nurture your spirit may require that you sacrifice other, less vital activities. The more time you commit to soul-nurturing activities, the happier and more relaxed you will become. The time you devote to enriching your spirit will rejuvenate you and help you create a more restful life.

Daily OM

A Guide To Life's Turning Points

by Brian Browne-Walker
Progress is made in steps, not in leaps. Move only as far as the opening allows. Remain neutral and tolerant of adversity. When in doubt, remain still.

By accepting things as they are and not making fruitless comparisons to the situations of others, or some imagined ideal, one engages the power of the Creative.

Though outer conditions appear unpromising, success is possible if you look faithfully for the good in others, yourself, and the situation.

It is a time for moderation in everything. Moderation of enthusiasm keeps you balanced.

Moderation of despair deepens your understanding.

Accept natural limitations. When there is an opening, go forward with balance.

When the way is closed, withdraw willingly into stillness.

Do not enter rashly into a conflict, stand quietly in the center and keep your balance.  This enables a true and lasting resolution to be found.

Shock frightens us, and at first we are convinced that it is bad. When we learn the lesson that it has come to teach, we are thankful for it.

Restless effort undermines one’s interests. It is unwise to charge repeatedly at a closed door. Withdraw into stillness and accept both the challenges and the blessings of the day.

The difficulty is coming to a close, but only if one is firm against harshness, doubt, and despair. Help only comes when there is room for it to enter.

One who gives up a stubborn and harsh way of acting will not regret it. No harm comes if you soften now.

Abandon ambitions, anxieties, and agendas. What is necessary and worthwhile arises from the stillness within.

A true change of heart is possible when we accept the necessity of adversity. Peace comes when we discontinue the strivings of the ego.

Look not at the outward situation, but at the effects of your own thoughts and actions.

Through self-contemplation and self-correction, you arrive at a proper understanding.

Remain patient until the Creative does its work. Modesty will bring greater rewards than the aggressive maneuverings of the ego.

The solution to every situation is always available. By remaining open, innocent, and moderate, you allow the Creative to aid you. Do less, not more.

-- Brian Browne-Walker, excerpted from, "The I Ching or Book of Changes: A Guide to Life's Turning Points"

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Healthy Habits of Mind



This film shows how kindergarteners in Oxford Elementary School in Berkeley, San Francisco are introduced to mindfulness in school. They practice mindful listening, mindful eating, mindful movement and yoga. Mindfulness is a way of being and one of the benefits is that it teaches how to pay attention. As a kindergartener your attention is required in order to learn how to read and write - often in an environment with a lot of external stimuli. Starting early with practicing these healthy habits of mind is a very good idea. Like learning to play an instrument it is much easier early on in life than later on in life. Includes interviews with Neuroscientist Richard Davidson and Mindful Schools Program Director Megan Cowan. Mindful Schools offers courses for educators, psychologists, and parents to learn mindfulness and use it with children and adolescents. Learn more at mindfulschools.org.
Contents
Highlights (by time):
03:45
Dr. Richie Davidson – Brain Science
05:50
Mindful Listening
09:30
Mindful Eating
12:30
Mindful Movement
14:31
Interview with Kids
16:00
Yoga
19:06
Dr. Richie Davidson – Brain Science
21:50
Mindful Schools Training (Megan Cowan & Chris McKena)
25:30
Mindful Schools Training
28:55
Awareness Practice
35:29
Heartfulness

About the Filmmaker of Healthy Habits of Mind

mette-bahnsen-2Mette Bahnsen graduated with an MA in film studies from Aarhus University and has produced educational documentaries since 2001 through her own production company, Persona Film. The vision of Persona Film is to disseminate research, best practices, and create debate while highlighting narrative and visual structures. Mette has produced films on a variety of subjects including mindfulness, language, schizophrenia, relational competence, and more. Her upcoming documentary is about Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction in the Danish Healthcare System, featuring Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn. Learn more…

About the Mindful Schools Curriculum Training Course

Our Curriculum Training course teaches attendees how to use mindfulness effectively in their work with children and adolescents, and provides attendees with curricula for grades K-5 and 6-12. Click here to learn more.

Room to Breathe Documentary

If you found Healthy Habits of Mind interesting, you may also enjoy Room to Breathe, a documentary about how mindfulness transformed the lives of 7th grade children at a San Francisco middle school with the highest district suspensions.


Monday, October 7, 2013

Nine Ways to Help Others Awaken to Consciousness


By simply being yourself, you can help the people in your life see a living example of consciousness.
1. Living by your values allows you to become a positive source of inspiration for others. Don’t hide – express yourself and embrace life without reservation. By simply being yourself, you can help the people in your life see how one person can make a difference by being a living example of consciousness.

2. When you communicate your views, do so casually and in a nondogmatic manner. Allow the people you speak with to ask questions. Offer only as much information as they are ready to hear.

3. Igniting the spark of consciousness can be as easy as giving someone a gift. A favorite book, a medicine bag, or a beautiful gemstone can pique your loved ones’ curiosity and prompt them to begin an exploration of the soul.

4. Teaching a friend, relative, or colleague to meditate or chant can put them on the path to consciousness while simultaneously reducing their stress levels.

5. Others may want to know more about living consciously but are unsure of how to begin. Starting a discussion group – even a virtual one – can help you reach out to individuals that are eager to learn.

6. By recognizing and acknowledging the inherent value in everyone you encounter, you can teach them how to value others. Sometimes, the easiest way to encourage people – even challenging ones - to respect others is to respect them first.

7. Invite people from your personal and professional lives to join you in attending a ceremony or ritual. The experience may touch them in a profound way or introduce them to a new spiritual path.

8. Casually point out the interconnectedness of all living beings using concrete, everyday examples. Many people are unaware of how their actions affect the world and are intrigued when they learn of the power they hold.

9. Introduce your loved ones to conscious living in a lighthearted and enjoyable way. Serve delicious organic recipes at gatherings, volunteer as a group, and show them how wonderful it can feel to be truly aware and connected to the universe.

Source: Daily Om

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Mindfulness


"Mindfulness is a translation of a word that simply means awareness. It's a direct, intuitive knowing of what you are doing while you are doing it. It's knowing what's going on inside your mind and body, and what's going on in the outside world as well.

Most of the time our attention is not where we intended it to be. Our attention is hijacked by our thoughts and emotions, by our concerns, by our worries for the future, and our regrets and memories of the past. Mindful awareness is about learning to pay attention, in the present moment, and without judgement. It's like training a muscle - training attention to be where you want it to be. This reduces our tendency to work on autopilot, allowing us to us choose how we respond & react."
~ Mark Williams

Source: http://www.mindfulnet.org

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Kindly being honest

Kindly being honest

"Say what you mean, and mean what you say… And always choose kind words with a warm melody as you lovingly speak your truth." ~ Doreen

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Teaching your tween mindfulness

By Tania MacWilliam



Practising mindfulness meditation is something I have done to cope with everyday stress for the past four years. Relationship troubles, work pressures and oppressive inner dialogue can all contribute to adult stress. However, stress isn’t reserved for adults.

The science of child development shows that excessive stress could lead to lifelong issues with learning, behaviour and overall health. Though most children deal well with stress, others find coping more difficult. Finding healthy ways to manage stress can help children maneuver through challenging times.

Roy Hintsa, a Toronto area mindfulness-based stress reduction facilitator, says mindfulness allows children to manage stress by creating a pause between the stimulus and the reaction. This gives them the opportunity to choose to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. “Mindfulness promotes well-being,” he says. “Children become happier and kinder. They get in touch with their emotions and learn to regulate them.”

The simplest tool we have for mindfulness is observing our breath. Roy says not to change your breathing pattern. First, focus on feeling the cool air when you inhale and the warm air when you exhale. Then count your breaths in pairs: Inhale, exhale, one. Inhale, exhale, two, and so on for five counts. If your mind wanders, note what you were thinking about and return to counting your breaths.

Mindfulness in schools

Much of Roy’s experience with teaching mindfulness to children is in a school setting. Children are confronted with stress from many areas. Most often, that stress comes from worrying about academic performance. “Even from an early age,” says Roy, “this can cause many youngsters to feel stressed out.”

Not only can students experience anxiety related to academic pressures, they can also come to school with a host of stressors stemming from problems in the home, social conflict and physical or mental vulnerabilities. “There is also the pressure of being accepted,” says Roy. “Mindfulness helps children to be kinder to themselves and this extends to others.”

Mindfulness can also help improve children’s attention, focus and memory, Roy says. These are all important factors for learning.

Roy recommends children take three mindful breaths to help relieve anxiety before doing homework, tests and participating in competitions. The goal is to teach children to focus in simple ways. “It’s really about focusing,” he says.

One exercise Roy does with students begins with sitting in a chair. Kids are asked to concentrate on their breathing while their classmates walk around and try to distract them. “The child’s job is to really try to stay concentrated in spite of all this noise that’s going on around them.”

Get the whole family involved

Roy says parents must themselves be mindful in order to create a mindful family.
“Children will come to mindfulness at their own time and pace,” he says. “If parents are mindful, and I don’t mean just modelling mindfulness, but embodying mindfulness, they may come to it earlier.”
The key is to be fully present when interacting with your family, says Roy. Here are some ways he says you can do that:

  • Just before leaving for school in the morning, before opening the front door, stand together and take three mindful breaths.
  • You can also take three mindful breaths as a family before eating and try to begin the meal mindfully.
  • Go for a walk with your child and pay attention to what you both notice around you, what you see, hear, smell and touch.
  • Before bed, share something that you are grateful for that happened that day – something that made you happy. Have your child do the same. Then continue with some mindful breathing!
Mindfulness exercises for younger siblings

Children can be introduced to the principles of mindfulness from a young age, says Roy Hintsa, a Toronto area stress reduction facilitator. Children of all ages can benefit from different styles of training. Younger children tend to respond more to physical activities rather than practising meditation. Here are some exercises Roy recommends for preschool children:

Mindful listening: Tell your child you are going to ring a bell or a tone bar. Ask them to listen carefully to the sound of the bell and raise their hands when they can no longer hear it.

Breath awareness: Have your child lie down on a mat on the floor, or on their bed, and place their favourite stuffed animal on their belly. Have them rock the stuffed animal to sleep with the movement of their belly as they breathe in and out. This is how they can begin to pay attention to their breathing.

Mindful eating: This is a time when playing with your food is OK. Give your child a piece of fruit and ask them to pretend they are from another planet and have never seen this piece of fruit before. Ask them to describe their experience using all five senses. What does it look like? Smell like? Feel like? Taste like? Does it make a sound when you bite it?

Originally published in ParentsCanada magazine, May/June 2013.

Source: http://www.parentscanada.com/school/tweens/teaching-your-tween-mindfulness

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Be Free from Unhealthy Relationships

by Rhonda Findling

If you want to be free from unhealthy relationships, then the first step is not to call, text, e-mail or even Facebook a person that you:

· Have broken up with or has broken up with you
· Have determined is abusive
· Are highly attracted to but they are not returning your level of interest (for whatever reason)
· Have an unhealthy connection or relationship with
· Is presently in your life but you’re trying to not act needy with

When you contact someone you're not hearing from or trying to let go of, there can be a pleasurable rush of adrenaline from the anticipation of seeing them, hearing their voice or reading their message. But this rush is just a temporary fix, which you may have to pay a tremendous price for.

Even if the person does respond positively when you contact them, it may be momentarily thrilling or electrifying, but soon the anguish will return, because the problem is still there. Nothing has really changed. You're still not a couple or the person remains emotionally unavailable. You'll just have to start detaching all over again, doubling your efforts.

If you've ended the relationship because someone was doing something that you experienced as hurtful or refused to tolerate any longer, contacting them would take away your credibility for the boundary you set. By initiating a contact you would also be colluding with the behavior that you already told them was unacceptable.

Impulsivity

When you contact someone you're trying not to act needy with, it's often impulsive. Acting on impulse can make life exciting and dramatic but it can also put you at risk because you are not reflecting on whether it's a productive behavior. You're not thinking of the future and consequences. You're just acting in the moment.

So if you're thinking of making a contact, take time to reflect. Sit on your feelings. Endure your anxiety. Don't just do something because you feel like it. There could be disastrous effects if you do.

Call people in your support system to discuss any impulsive urges that come over you- whether to see, e-mail, call, or text them. Discuss and process your feelings with safe reliable people Remember that feelings do pass. Feelings are only temporary, which is why it's important to hang in there even when the urge to contact them feels unbearable.
You have to do whatever it takes to endure urges to make a contact and move past them. As you do this more and more, you will feel yourself gaining emotional strength.

Clinging

Clinging is any behavior that demonstrates holding on, not letting go. This can be exemplified by activities ranging from a compulsive phone call, text, or e-mail when they haven't responded to any of your previous contacts. Contacting someone who is not reciprocating your interest, or has rejected you is a form of clinging. The urge to cling can be irresistible. You know with your rational mind that your behavior isn't appropriate, but you are driven by a compulsion you feel you can't control. You may experience actual discomfort when you don't carry out the compulsive act.

It's essential to remember that clinging behavior causes most people to distance themselves even further. If someone has issues about intimacy your clinging will make them feel closed in and claustrophobic. They may feel that they have no room to breathe from your relentless trying to get them to prove that they're not going to leave you. Your clinging also makes you look emotionally hungry making them feel that they'll have to endlessly supply you with reassuring love which will scare them off.

It's human nature to have a hard time falling in love with someone who's bombarding them with phone calls, texts or e-mails. A clinging person doesn't leave someone a chance to long and yearn for them. They are so available another person doesn't have the space to fantasize about or miss them, which unfortunately is sometimes what falling in love, is all about.

Why clinging is not productive

There are people whose psychological problems prohibit them from having a relationship. These people are married to their pathology. Your chasing them will not break through their defenses, resistances and impairment.

Sometimes their lack of response or reciprocating is not even about you. It's truly about them. It doesn't make a difference because no matter who it's about; they just can't do it. They can't be there for you. You must face the truth of their unavailability so you can let them go and move on. Bottom line, you can't force another person's feelings, motivation for relationship, or emotional health no matter how many rules and programs you follow or implement.

In fact if you don't chase them around you'll get an opportunity to see what they do when they don't get any prompts or reminders from you.

Action steps: What you can do when you want to cling

· Go on dating sites online. It will also show you the abundance of people out there. You might also meet someone new who is even better than your ex or a person you're trying to let go of.
· Distract yourself - do whatever it takes to not think about your ex or a person you're trying to let go of even if it feels counterintuitive.
· Call someone in your support system.

Writing exercises

-Think of a time you were clinging to someone you were in love with. What were you feeling? What was behind the clinging? Was there another action you could have taken to not cling?

-What does it feel like to show someone that you have been clinging to that you are now independent? Does it feel empowering?

Action step/ Writing Exercise:

·The next time you feel insecure or lonely, try not to reach out to the emotionally unavailable person you are currently attached to. Instead, see how you get through it on your own. Write about your feelings that come up in your journal.

·Try to imagine life without the stress of an emotionally unavailable person's confusing behavior. Get to know how it feels to have emotional space free of them. Write about your feelings in your journal.

·Visualize yourself in a relationship with someone who's sure of their love for you. Someone who makes you feel secure. Someone who has never disappointed or betrayed you. Describe your relationship in your journal? What is that person like? How do you feel with them?

Spiritual Tip #5: Surrendering To What Is

If you're trying to hold onto someone even though you know it's a hopeless situation then you are resisting the inevitable. When it's time for someone to go you can't fight it. The relationship time with them has passed, even if it hurts. Surrender to what is.

Friday, August 30, 2013

The Power of Meditation and How It Affects Our Brains

Written by Belle Beth Cooper

meditationEver since my dad tried to convince me to meditate when I was about 12, I’ve been fairly skeptical of this practice. It always seemed to be so vague and hard to understand that I just decided it wasn’t for me.

More recently, I’ve actually found how simple (not easy, but simple) meditation can be and what huge benefit it can have for my day to day happiness. As an adult, I first started my meditation practice with just two minute per day. Two minutes! I got that idea from Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits blog, where he points out how starting with a tiny habit is the first step to consistently achieving it. So even thought two minutes won’t make much difference, that’s where I started.

Whether you’re as skeptical as I used to be, or you’re well ahead of me with a meditation habit of several hours, I think it’s always interesting to find out how new habits affect our brains. I had a look into meditation to see what’s going on inside our brains when we do this, and what I found is pretty interesting.

What is meditation?

There are different ways to meditate, and since it’s such a personal practice there are probably more than any of us know about. There are a couple that are usually focused on heavily in scientific research, though. These are focused-attention, or mindful meditation, which is where you focus on one specific thing—it could be your breathing, a sensation in your body or a particular object outside of you. The point of this type of meditation is to focus strongly on one point and continually bring your attention back to that focal point when it wanders.

The other type of meditation that’s often used in research is open-monitoring meditation. This is where you pay attention to all of the things happening around you—you simply notice everything without reacting.

What happens in your brain when you meditate

This is where things get really interesting. Using modern technology like fMRI scans, scientists have developed a more thorough understanding of what’s taking place in our brains when we meditate, kind of similar to how scientists have previously looked at measuring creativity in our brains.

The overall difference is that our brains stop processing information as actively as they normally would. We start to show a decrease in beta waves, which indicate that our brains are processing information, even after a single 20-minute meditation session if we’ve never tried it before.

In the image below you can see how the beta waves (shown in bright colors on the left) are dramatically reduced during meditation (on the right).

how meditation affects your brain - beta waves

Below is the best explanation I found of what happens in each part of the brain during meditation:

Frontal lobe
This is the most highly evolved part of the brain, responsible for reasoning, planning, emotions and self-conscious awareness. During meditation, the frontal cortex tends to go offline.

Parietal lobe
This part of the brain processes sensory information about the surrounding world, orienting you in time and space. During meditation, activity in the parietal lobe slows down.

Thalamus
The gatekeeper for the senses, this organ focuses your attention by funneling some sensory data deeper into the brain and stopping other signals in their tracks. Meditation reduces the flow of incoming information to a trickle.

Reticular formation
As the brain’s sentry, this structure receives incoming stimuli and puts the brain on alert, ready to respond. Meditating dials back the arousal signal.

How meditation affects us

Now that we know what’s going on inside our brains, let’s take a look at the research into the ways it affects our health. It’s in fact very similar to how exercising affects our brains.

Better focus

Because meditation is a practice in focusing our attention and being aware of when it drifts, this actually improves our focus when we’re not meditating, as well. It’s a lasting effect that comes from regular bouts of meditation.

Focused attention is very much like a muscle, one that needs to be strengthened through exercise.

Less anxiety

This point is pretty technical, but it’s really interesting. The more we meditate, the less anxiety we have, and it turns out this is because we’re actually loosening the connections of particular neural pathways. This sounds bad, but it’s not.

What happens without meditation is that there’s a section of our brains that’s sometimes called the Me Center (it’s technically the medial prefrontal cortex). This is the part that processes information relating to ourselves and our experiences. Normally the neural pathways from the bodily sensation and fear centers of the brain to the Me Center are really strong. When you experience a scary or upsetting sensation, it triggers a strong reaction in your Me Center, making you feel scared and under attack.

When we meditate, we weaken this neural connection. This means that we don’t react as strongly to sensations that might have once lit up our Me Centers. As we weaken this connection, we simultaneously strengthen the connection between what’s known as our Assessment Center (the part of our brains known for reasoning) and our bodily sensation and fear centers. So when we experience scary or upsetting sensations, we can more easily look at them rationally. Here’s a good example:

For example, when you experience pain, rather than becoming anxious and assuming it means something is wrong with you, you can watch the pain rise and fall without becoming ensnared in a story about what it might mean.

More creativity

As a writer, this is one thing I’m always interested in and we’ve explored the science of creativity in depth before. Unfortunately, it’s not the most easy thing to study, but there is some research into how meditation can affect our creativity. Researchers at Leiden University in the Netherlands studied both focused-attention and open-monitoring mediation to see if there was any improvement in creativity afterwards. They found that people who practiced focused-attention meditation did not show any obvious signs of improvement in the creativity task following their meditation. For those who did open-monitoring meditation, however, they performed better on a task that asked them to come up with new ideas.

More compassion

Research on meditation has shown that empathy and compassion are higher in those who practice meditation regularly. One experiment showed participants images of other people that were either good, bad or neutral in what they called “compassion meditation.” The participants were able to focus their attention and reduce their emotional reactions to these images, even when they weren’t in a meditative state. They also experienced more compassion for others when shown disturbing images.

Part of this comes from activity in the amygdala—the part of the brain that processes emotional stimuli. During meditation, this part of the brain normally shows decreased activity, but in this experiment it was exceptionally responsive when participants were shown images of people.

Another study in 2008 found that people who meditated regularly had stronger activation levels in their temporal parietal junctures (a part of the brain tied to empathy) when they heard the sounds of people suffering, than those who didn’t meditate.

Better memory

One of the things meditation has been linked to is improving rapid memory recall. Catherine Kerr, a researcher at the Martinos Center for Biomedical Imaging and the Osher Research Center found that people who practiced mindful meditation were able to adjust the brain wave that screens out distractions and increase their productivity more quickly that those that did not meditate. She said that this ability to ignore distractions could explain “their superior ability to rapidly remember and incorporate new facts.” This seems to be very similar to the power of being exposed to new situations that will also dramatically improve our memory of things.

Less stress

Mindful meditation has been shown to help people perform under pressure while feeling less stressed. A 2012 study split a group of human resources managers into three, which one third participating in mindful meditation training, another third taking body relaxation training and the last third given no training at all. A stressful multitasking test was given to all the managers before and after the eight-week experiment. In the final test, the group that had participated in the meditation training reported less stress during the test than both of the other groups.

More gray matter

Meditation has been linked to larger amounts of gray matter in the hippocampus and frontal areas of the brain. I didn’t know what this meant at first, but it turns out it’s pretty great. More gray matter can lead to more positive emotions, longer-lasting emotional stability and heightened focus during daily life.

Meditation has also been shown to diminish age-related effects on gray matter and reduce the decline of our cognitive functioning.

how meditation affects your brain - aging

Getting started with Meditation

Here’s a great infographic that gives an overview of the different kinds of meditation and some tips for fitting in meditation at work.

The Meditative Brain

Source: http://blog.bufferapp.com/how-meditation-affects-your-brain

Friday, August 23, 2013

Going Away to Go Within

by Madisyn Taylor

Going on retreat is a time to cocoon so that we may emerge ready to return to our lives with a new perspective.

Occasionally, we need to pause - and step away from the hustle and bustle of modern life. One way to do this is to get away from our daily life and go on retreat. Far more than a vacation, a retreat offers us time to ourselves to rest, heal, reflect, and renew our spirit. It is a time to cocoon so that we may emerge renewed, refreshed, and ready to return to our everyday lives with a new perspective. A retreat gives us time for uninterrupted meditation so that we may go deep within and spend time with ourselves.

A retreat may offer quiet, solitude, and sometimes even silence. Retreats often take place in humble dwellings with simple fare so that our senses may be reawakened to the beauty of unadorned tastes and the sights and sounds of nature. When we spend days in contemplation, we can more easily hear our heart when it speaks to us. We also are able to really listen when a bird sings, deeply breathe in the smell of flowers, grass, or earth, and delight in a soft breeze blowing on our cheek. When we go on retreat we have time to connect to the sacred geometry of a labyrinth, discover epiphanies through asanas, or take a long, reflective walk through the woods where we can give each step our full attention.

Without the pull of deadlines, relationships, the Internet, or other media, we give ourselves time to go deep into our own solitude where we can fully reflect on our joys, sorrows, and fears, owning and releasing them as needed. We may even come to know and understand our life path more deeply. Hopefully, when we return home, we can take a little bit of this time alone back with us and create the space for deep reflection on a daily basis. We also may come back to our life renewed and ready to take on the world. The beauty of going on retreat is that no matter where you go or how long you stay, you’ll always meet yourself when you get there.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Power of Meditation


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Shield

by Madisyn Taylor

In order to protect ourselves from taking on any negative energy from other people or situations; we can learn to shield.

There are times when you may find that being around certain individuals or groups of people leaves you with feelings of discomfort. It may be that spending time with a particular friend feels draining or that dealing with a specific coworker exhausts you. Being around toxic or angry people is also draining. And you may even find that being surrounded by a crowd of people lowers your energy levels rather than perks you up. This is not that unusual. Each of us radiates energy and is capable of being influenced by the energy of other people. It is important to learn how to shield yourself, so you don’t unknowingly take on someone else’s energy. While some people know how to instinctively protect themselves from being adversely affected by energy, most of us need to discover and practice the technique that works best.

There are a number of ways to avoid being affected by people’s energy. Shielding is one preventative technique you can use. Center yourself and envision being enveloped in a cocoon of loving and protective light. This protective layer should allow you to consciously regulate the energy around you. The intent to shield oneself is all you need for this technique to work. You can even create a trigger word to assist you in quickly creating a shield. Say this word each time you create a new shield, until the word and the shield become automatically associated in your mind. If you run into a person whose energy you find draining, you may want to cleanse your own energy field after your encounter. Sage, cold showers, singing, mineral water baths, spending time in nature, and a simple break to recharge are all ways to accomplish this.

While it is important to know how to shield yourself from energy, there are those energies that you may not want to shut out. The energy of laughter from a newborn baby, the feeling of joy radiating from someone in love, and the frequency of calm emanating from an enlightened teacher are just some of the energies coming from others that you may want to have around you.

Source: Daily OM

The Flexible Mind

By Leo Babauta

When I reflect back on how much happier I am these days compared to my life about 8 years ago, I realize it’s not all a result of better habits (though that’s a part of it).

Here’s what I’ve changed that makes me happier:

  • Instead of stressing out about meeting goals, deadlines, timelines, I have learned a way of flowing.
  • Instead of getting mad at people not meeting my expectations, I’m looser with what I expect of others.
  • Instead of getting mad at things not turning out how I’d like, I accept that things are unpredictable, and accept what happens.

Most of the time, that is.

In other words, I’ve developed a flexible mind.

This is one of the best changes I’ve made, because it gives me more peace of mind and happiness. It took some time to develop this mental habit, and I’ll share with you here why and how I did it.

Why Develop Flexible Mind

The root cause of frustration, irritation, anger, sadness is an inflexible mind — one that wants to hold onto the way we wish things were, the ideas we’re comfortable with. When things don’t go this way, we are then frustrated, angry, sad.

So developing a flexible mind is a way to be open to anything, happy with change, prepared for any situation. Think about it: if there’s a major disruption in your life, it’s only a bad thing because you’re holding onto the way you wish things could be, what you’re comfortable with. If you let go of that wish, the change isn’t bad. It’s just different, and in fact it could be good if you embrace it and see the opportunity.

It’s about developing the ability to cope with change, to be flexible, to simplify.

How: Small Practices

You don’t develop flexible mind overnight — your mind isn’t as easy to change as your outfit. You have to develop mental habits with small changes, consistently over time.

Here’s how:

  1. Make a commitment, for one week, to try to let go of what you’re holding onto when you get irritated, frustrated, sad, etc.
  2. Make a list of the things that trigger these emotions — being interrupted, someone cutting you off in traffic, someone being loud when you’re trying to work, people not washing their dishes, etc.
  3. Create reminders for when those triggers happen — paper notes, a bead bracelet, something written on your hand, a sign on your car’s dashboard, etc.
  4. When the trigger happens, pause. Notice the emotion rising. Feel it, but don’t act. Breathe.
  5. Try to see what you’re holding onto — wishing the driver would be more polite, wishing you could do what you were doing without interruptions, wishing other people would be perfect in cleaning up after themselves. These wishes are fantasies — let them go. Be open to the way things are, to changes that have happened. Breathe, open your heart, accept.
  6. Now respond appropriately, without wishing things were different, with compassion.

Repeat however many times you like during the week, or a minimum of once a day.

Please note that you will not be perfect at this when you start. It’s a difficult skill to learn, because we have emotional patterns that have built up over the years. It’s good enough to become more aware of it, and to attempt this method once a day. Be flexible in your desire to get this exactly right. Practice it when you remember for the rest of the year.

Source: http://zenhabits.net/flex/

Monday, August 5, 2013

7 Simple Things to Do Every Day

By Alex Blackwell

Every day I attempt to go about my life with the best intentions. My goal is not to judge the bad days too harshly or the good days with too much jubilation, but to live somewhere in the middle.

My middle is not filled with mediocrity or an area absent of passion; it’s simply a place of peace, knowing and balance. And part of living in the middle is doing seven simple things every day and then looking for the value in what happens next.

  1. Wake up early
    Early in the morning I am free to start my day on my terms. By waking early, I can set the pace and create a mood that lasts the day. The quiet of my house has a soothing hum that vibrates against my heart. When things get busy later, the memory of this vibration will serve as a reminder to stop and wait for the silence where the truth can be heard once again.

    Give yourself to the early morning. Begin by waking just 15 minutes sooner. Enjoy the taste of your coffee or tea a little longer. Use this time to journal, meditate or pray. Or, if you choose, sit and feel the simple joy of being alive for one more day.

  2. Give back.
    I am a lucky man. My family and I have everything we need and most of what we want. It is with a thankful heart that I accept the gifts provided. Every day my intent is to give back so I can express my gratitude.

    Giving back can be more than just giving money. It can be defined by providing a compliment, making someone’s day a little easier, or taking the time to do what someone can’t do. Giving back is offering a part of you freely and without expecting anything in return.

    A simple act of giving can cascade from one person to another until a landslide of gratitude builds up so much momentum that its force can’t be held back any longer. Contribute to this momentum every day to experience its life-changing power.

  3. Daydream.
    Most of what I have today was once a dream. When I was in college, thoughts of having a family and a place to call home were the usual themes. What motivated me was the promise that one day my dreams would come true. And most have.

    You can daydream whenever you wish. You don’t have to close your eyes; you just need to reach down and fetch a dream that may need a little light and some air breathed back into it.

  4. Connect with someone.
    Life is meant to be shared and the need to connect is an important one for me. While time for self-reflection is necessary, so is the time we share with other people. True connection is seeking understanding and to ask one more question beyond, “How are you doing?” True connection is waiting for the answer.

    I attempt to take one moment every day to stay in a conversation a little longer; call someone who has been on my mind or reply to an unanswered email. Connection provides me with the opportunity to nurture and to be nurtured.

    There is security in knowing the challenges we face, we don’t have to face alone. Connect. Share. And then be fulfilled, inspired and understood, too.

  5. Challenge yourself.
    Living in the familiar, inside your comfort zone, may feel safe but it doesn’t provide the opportunity to stretch and grow. Challenge yourself to do one daring thing every day.

    My challenges typically center on acknowledging my needs. It is my nature to do for others first. So, my simple challenge every day is remember that I am important, too.

    What you do can be simple as well. Ask for one thing you want, start a project or run an extra minute. The point is to do one thing that will take you a little bit closer to where you want to go. With each daily challenge you will see something wonderful happen – you find yourself becoming the person you want to be.

  6. Share your love
    Of the all the things I say or do, the way I love matters most. Love extends a piece of my kindness to someone, or something else. I share my love by helping someone feel special; volunteering my time and talent; sharing my heart through my writing and by providing unconditional love for my family.

    Give a hug, make time, listen, care, support and protect. All good, simple things to do; and especially good to do when they are powered by love.

  7. Rest and refresh.
    My body signals me when it has had enough. When I fail to listen is when I crash and burn. I’m learning to back off the gas a little more and to take the time to unwind, decompress, and refresh my mind and body.

    Life does comes at us hard and fast. Fatigue, stress and exhaustion begins to settle in faster than you may think, or notice. The best remedy for this is rest.

    Disconnect from all of the busyness and reconnect with what brings you the most nourishment. Spend time with your partner, watch a guilty-pleasure television show, read a book, or simply be and enjoy the serenity of doing nothing for a while.

Source: http://www.thebridgemaker.com/7-simple-things-to-do-every-day/

Friday, August 2, 2013

Happy Guide


Happy Guide eBook (free)

I've put together a complete system for health and happiness that anyone can use. It can be read in under an hour and is just what you need to know, no waffle...

Click here to read Happy Guide

To download, right-click the link above and choose
Save Target As or Save Link As(read feedback)

Best wishes,
Michael Kinnaird

Source:http://happyguide.co/

6 simple lifestyle changes for health and happiness

There are six key lifestyle elements — six health boxes for you to check every day by developing good habits… With our busy lives this is a big enough job on its own without getting distracted.

  1. Diet
  2. Exercise
  3. Drugs (get rid of)
  4. Sleep
  5. Organization
  6. Live in the moment

Consistently checking those health boxes every day are the real and true causes of health and happiness. Bang, bang, bang…

Focus there.

And by making these things a habit, you’ll also make them painless, effortless and very soon you’ll be getting the amazing rewards of caring for your body, mind and soul in the best way every day — joy for life.

Best wishes,
Michael Kinnaird

5 Ways To Bring Mindfulness Into Everyday Life

by Headspace.com

What does it mean to be mindful?  Essentially, mindfulness means to be present, and in the moment.  It is important that we remind ourselves of this simple fact.  All too often we can lose the true essence of mindfulness by over-complicating things or putting all our emphasis on the act of meditation alone.  Mindfulness is not something we leave at the chair, but something we can carry through our everyday lives.  If we can apply mindfulness on the chair, then why not while brushing our teeth, catching up with an old friend, or even waiting for our morning train?  All these moments present an opportunity for us to apply mindfulness, and live our lives more fully, in the present moment.

According to recent research, we spend up to 50 percent of our time caught up in our thoughts; a proven contributing factor to our unhappiness. Instead of drifting through our lives in a daze, consumed by thoughts of what could have been or planning those things which our out of our control in the first place, mindfulness allows us to engage with the here and now and approach our lives with greater clarity and peace of mind.

It is often in the more repetitive, day-to-day activities that we find ourselves switching into auto-pilot.  So why not embrace these moments and see them as an opportunity to be more mindful?  In this piecem the mindfulness experts at Headspace provide their tips on how best to incorporate mindfulness into our daily lives.  Remember not to worry about trying to clear the mind of any thoughts or feelings.  Instead, try and see yourself taking a back seat; witnessing the thoughts and emotions as they come and go.  If you find yourself getting distracted simply bring your attention back to the physical senses and focus your attention back on the activity itself.

1.     Being Mindful in the Shower

Unmindful:  Vague awareness of the sensation of water as you step into the shower. A daily battle with the temperature control trying to work out why the temperature never quite hits the spot. Within seconds your mind wanders back to that episode of American Idol last night.  Was Simon Cowell wearing a wig?  Is his hair naturally that glossy? I wonder where he gets those high-waisted trousers from…?

Mindful: You become aware of how good the warm water feels as it washes over your skin.  Being mindful of the smell of the shower gel, and the sensation your hands passing over your skin; being mindful to set the temperature before you step in the shower; mindful of thoughts cropping up; mindful of how much water you’re using; and mindful of the noise of the water coming to a halt.

2.    Being Mindful whilst Brushing your Teeth

Unmindful:  Brushing your teeth furiously, whilst noticing your reflection and bemoaning the appearance of that spot that seems to have cropped up from nowhere. Running around the house with the toothbrush hanging out of your mouth, trying to prepare breakfast, pack today’s lunch whilst hunting out those ever elusive car keys.

Mindful: Becoming mindful of the taste and texture of the toothpaste; mindful of the sensation of your feet on the bathroom floor; mindful of the way that your arm moves to direct the brush across your teeth; mindful of each and every tooth.

3.    Being Mindful on your Commute

Unmindful: You’re squashed into the train or bus in a way that you didn’t think was humanly possible. The resentment builds as you move through the journey and people launch themselves into the space as though the world is coming to an end and this is the only route to safety.  You find yourself holding your breath because you can’t bear the lethal cocktail of body odour and cheap perfume, wishing that you could magically transport yourself to that swim-up bar in the Caribbean you’re gazing at in the newspaper..“Tropicana drinks are free…”

Mindful: Being mindful of the people around you and recognising that they too might be feeling the same discomfort; mindful of the environment as a whole and your resistance to it; mindful of trying to fast forward to dreamt up situations, of escaping the present moment; mindful of the journey and how it feels – is the ride bumpy or is it comfortable and smooth?

4.     Being Mindful while Washing Up

Unmindful: You approach the sink with a heavy heart and set about frantically washing the dishes, trying to get the whole thing over with in as little time as possible. You select the pieces of cutlery you know will cause the least amount of bother (the sieve and that greasy pan come last, obviously!) You find yourself day-dreaming out of the window half aware of that sharp knife lurking at the bottom of the sink.  You catch sight of your cat purring smugly from the comfort of the sofa. Wouldn’t it be great to be the cat…

Mindful: Becoming aware of the sensations as soon as your hands hit the warm and soapy water; mindful of how you clean the dishes, taking your time to make sure each one of them is thoroughly cleaned; mindful of what’s going on around you without getting wrapped up in the storylines; mindful of the satisfaction of a job well done.

5.    Being Mindful in the Queue

Unmindful: You stand twitching, full of impatience in the queue.  You look at your phone and scan aimlessly through old emails and texts, searching for something, anything that might distract you from the boredom of waiting.  You sigh loudly when you notice someone fumbling with their purse at the cashier desk.  Can’t these people be more prepared?  You feel around your bag getting everything out and ready, and realise that you’ve left your credit card on your desk after paying for that concert ticket…

Mindful: You set off mindful and quietly prepared for what you’ll need; mindful of how your mood changes when you first catch a glimpse of the queue for the bank; mindful of how you stand, your breath and where any tensions are as you scan through your body; mindful of the tendency to distract yourself from the present moment; and mindful of how you interact with the people around you.


Headspace is a project designed to demystify meditation. It attempts to make meditation easy-to-learn, fun-to-do, and relevant to your everyday life.


Source: http://www.dailygood.org/story/497/5-ways-to-bring-mindfulness-into-everyday-life-headspace-com/