Sống

“Trên đầu ba thước đều có Thần-Minh giám xét, muốn gặp lành tránh họa là do chính ta”. Một người luôn luôn cẩn thận về lời nói và hành vi của mình, không hổ thẹn với người, không đắc tội với Trời đất quỷ Thần, trong lòng khiêm tốn nhún nhường, sẽ được Trời đất quỷ Thần thương mà giáng phúc . Trái lại kẻ hay tự mãn kiêu ngạo thường là người không có phúc, và dẫu có cũng không được lâu dài .
Người có trí-tuệ, minh lý, tất nhiên không muốn có một tấm lòng hẹp hòi mà cự tuyệt cái phúc trời giáng cho mình. Huống chi một người khiêm-tốn nhã nhặn, có thể tiếp nhận lời khuyên răng chỉ dẫn cuả tha nhân mà học được những cái hay của người. Do đó đức khiêm-tốn là một điều không thể thiếu được trên con đường tu thân tích phúc.
Người xưa nói: ” Có chí nơi công danh tất được công danh. Có chí nơi phú quý tất được phú qúy”. Người có chí như cây có rễ. Lập chí này nên luôn luôn khiêm-tốn, dù chỉ là một sự việc nhỏ nhen, đều nên ra tay trợ giúp người. Như thế Trời đất sẽ cảm động và phúc sẽ đến với ta. Những người muốn cầu công danh , nhưng không được toại là ban đầu tuy có lập chí, nhưng chỉ là cảm hứng một thời mà không có thủy chung.

Một bậc cao tăng phạm hạnh đáng kính đã rơi nước mắt khi nghe người thân của mình ra đi. Chuyện thật bình thường, ấy vậy mà rất lạ, làm cho những đệ tử và tín đồ ngơ ngác, chẳng biết tại sao? Thì ra dù đã đoạn trần duyên, một đời ẩn dật dấn thân cho sự nghiệp giải thoát, bất động giữa muôn trùng biến động nhưng ngài vẫn là một con người tràn đầy bi mẫn, vẫn yêu thương tha thiết trần gian ô trượt này.

Ai đó nghĩ rằng, tu hành càng cao thì tình cảm càng héo khô như gỗ đá thì thật sai lầm. Cũng do vậy mà một thiền tăng ngày xưa sau ba năm tu hành luyện tâm như củi khô, đá lạnh đã bị bà già hộ pháp nổi lửa đốt cốc đuổi đi, vì “vô dụng”. Tu hành mà không còn rung cảm trước buồn vui của trần thế thì làm sao mà phát khởi đại nguyện cứu độ chúng sanh.

Trước khi trở thành Thánh nhân, chúng ta phải đích thực là một con người. Khi đã trở thành bậc Thánh rồi thì lại càng người và đời hơn. Cho nên, cùng là nước mắt nhưng không bi lụy, riêng tư, đau khổ mà chính là từ bi, yêu thương rộng khắp. Sống trong cuộc đời mà bất nhiễm, xuôi theo dòng đời mà không bị cuốn trôi, song hành với cuộc đời để yêu thương và cứu độ. Đó mới là hành động cao cả và bi mẫn nhất mà không phải người tu hành bình thường nào cũng làm được.

(ST)

The Beauty of Living… Slowly

Written by Tsh Oxenreider

Tsh is the editor and writer of this place, and is the founder of Simple Living Media, a little company with the mission to help people live simply. While she waits for her first book to show up in stores late 2010, she spends time drinking coffee, being mama to her two little ones, and eagerly awaiting the arrival of number 3, due this summer.

It’s been about six weeks since my family and I have been back in the U.S. There are blessings and sweet creature comforts we’re enjoying, to be sure (cheddar cheese, anyone?), but there’s one thing we always notice anytime we’re stateside.

We North Americans sure like to be busy.

There’s something about busyness that makes us feel productive, like a useful member of society. It’s nearly frowned upon to kick up your heels and spend time relaxing, especially with piles of work all around you.

It’s one major thing I love about living in the culture where we’ve been the past three years (and it’s common in most non-Westernized cultures) — relationships are more important than events.

Without fail, my husband and I struggle with the American busy lifestyle anytime we re-enter the culture here. It’s probably the one thing I miss the least about my passport culture — the ingrained belief that busyness equals value.

There is real beauty to taking life slowly. Sure, I’m a productive nut — I love checklists, getting lots of things done, and ending my day feeling like my energy was spent on something worthwhile. I don’t admire laziness. And it’s a lot of physical and emotional work to run a family and household, so very rarely do I enjoy the luxury of an afternoon with my feet propped up.

But we Westerners could really take heed to the many cultures worldwide that don’t rush around frantically, spending most of a day’s hours making sure a ton is accomplished.

There is a sweetness missed when we spend more time running errands than we do chatting with our neighbors, enjoying an impromptu coffee date with a friend, or watching our kids play at a park with newly-made “best friends.”

Here are a few ways we can all slow down today.

Photo by Kenna Takahashi

1. Instead of three Most Important Things on our list today, make it just one. Or none, even.

2. Forget the dishes in the sink, and say yes to our kids’ insistent request to play with them.

3. Call up a friend, and see if she’s up for bringing herself and her kids over to hang out for the afternoon.

4. Drag a chair out onto your front porch, watch your kids play in the yard, and see if you can strike up a conversation with a neighbor. Who knows, you may make a new friend.

5. Do something easy for dinner tonight — sandwiches or salad will work just fine. If it’s nice outside, make dinner a picnic.

Photo by Daniel Lobo

6. Call an old friend, just to say hi.

7. Turn up the music and dance in your living room with your children. My kids love this, and it takes 15 minutes.

8. Get out the crafts and work on a project that’s been on your list forever.

9. Go on a leisurely walk. Have no agenda.

10. Have an afternoon movie special with your kids after their naps or quiet times. Popcorn is optional but definitely a fun bonus.

11. Treat your kids to an unscheduled drive to a favorite local spot, such as a park, a museum, or a friend’s house.

Photo by Guilio Bernardi

12. Read a novel.

13. Do what you’d normally do with your kids — read books, sculpt play-doh, help with homework — but do it outside on a blanket.

Don’t stress too much about getting a lot done everyday. It’s something I have to remind myself near daily, but I’ve truly seen the value of a slow lifestyle from the different non-Western cultures where I’ve lived.

We sure like to be productive. But that’s not the only important thing in life.

How are you going to enjoy today? What are some other ways you can take life a bit more slowly?

The Barefoot Philosophy

Walk the barefoot philosophy.

“Empty-handed I entered the world
Barefoot I leave it.
My coming, my going –
Two simple happenings
That got entangled.”
~ Kozan Ichikyo

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on twitter or identica.

Yesterday morning I ran a few miles in my Vibram Fivefingers (more in a later post), designed to mimic barefoot running.

And then I took off the minimalist Fivefinger shoes, and ran completely barefoot for half a mile. It was liberating.

Later, I walked for a couple of hours, taking my sandals off for a good part of the walk. Today I walked barefoot once again. There’s a sensation to barefoot walking that is light, free, simple, joyful.

Imagine walking barefoot on thick grass, or cool night sand. These are wonderful sensations that shod walkers cannot enjoy.

Going barefoot, I realized, is a perfect metaphor for my philosophy of life: the barefoot philosophy.

When you go barefoot, you become naked, you simplify, you become a minimalist.

It’s a hard philosophy to explain, because others often judge it as weird, hippy-like (as if that’s bad), unpractical. It’s very practical, and while it may indeed be weird, it’s also beautiful.

It’s the simple life, in a nutshell.

The Barefoot Philosophy, in Bits

To embrace the Barefoot Philosophy, you don’t actually have to go barefoot. Again, it’s a metaphor for how you might live your life, and these principles can be applied to anything you do.

• Light: When you’re barefoot, you feel light, and you’re not burdened by stuff. In anything in life, if you can be light, it’s a wonderful feeling. Think traveling light, or moving to a new city without too much stuff.
  
• Free: Walking barefoot, you feel free, without the restrictions of shoes. The fewer burdens and restrictions you have in life, the freer you are. Think of how easy it would be to pick up and travel, or move, or change jobs, or do something with a friend in the middle of a work day.
  
• Naked: Without shoes, you feel a bit naked, and being naked in public is scary. But it’s also an exhilarating feeling, and once you get comfortable with that nakedness, it’s kinda fun. Blogging can feel this way — you’re putting yourself out into the world, naked, and that’s scary at first. Doing anything different, where you expose a piece of yourself, is like being naked. But you get used to it, and it’s not so scary.
  
• Pleasureful: The point of walking barefoot is to experience the pleasure of feeling the surface beneath your feet. The sensations are marvelous: cool, warm, textured, plush, smooth, rough. In anything in life, if you can experience the sensations of whatever you’re doing, this is a beautiful thing. Think of the sensations of eating, swimming, washing dishes, sitting on a breezy porch, lying in the grass under the sun, kissing in the rain.
  
• Aware: Walking barefoot, you’re more aware of the ground you’re walking over — when you’re shod, you can walk for miles without really thinking about the surfaces you’re traveling over. In anything you do, increasing your awareness of your surroundings is a desirable thing. Think of walking outside vs. being inside a car, or shutting off the mobile device so you can talk to the people around you or pay attention to the beauty around you.
  
• Present: The beauty of walking barefoot is that it brings you back to the present moment. It’s hard to be stuck in a perceived slight by someone else earlier in the day, or worry about what might happen later in the day, when you are walking barefoot. In anything you do, if you can stay in the present moment, you will experience life to the fullest, will be less likely to be stuck in anger or consumed by worry or stressed by coming events.
  
• Non-conformist: One of the hardest things about walking barefoot isn’t the temperature or possible pain of pebbles, it’s the non-conformity of it all — it’s being worried that others will think you’re a dork, or homeless, or some kind of dangerous radical. And yet, I’ve learned to embrace my non-conformist side, to relish in being a bit different, to be proud I’m not one of the sheep. There’s nothing wrong with bucking societal norms, if it’s for good reason.
  
• Non-consumerist: The shoe companies would hate it if there were a major barefoot movement, because they’re no product they could sell you as a solution. This isn’t true of environmentalism — there are tons of green products that are making millions of dollars for corporations. I believe in ditching shoes like I believe in ditching any kind of product that you buy as a solution to life’s problems. Life is better with less, not more, and when you think of yourself as a human rather than a consumer, you’re breaking free from the endless cycle of earning and buying and using up.
  

How to Live a Barefoot Life

The above philosophy is fine, and might appeal to some, but what you want is a practical guide, no?

I’m not going to give it to you. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, nor is it desirable to live the life prescribed by someone else. The whole point is to do it on your own, without buying one of my books or doing it exactly as I do.

Live this philosophy, in small bits, and see if you like it. It takes some time to adjust to this approach, but it’s lovely in the end.

Some things to consider and try, though:

• Try walking barefoot (tips, faq).
• Get rid of a couple boxes of clutter today.
• When you leave your house, take less with you than usual.
• When you find yourself worried about the future or past, breathe, and focus on your breath going in and out.
• When you find yourself wanting to buy something, pause. Then think of how you can live without buying it.
• Take time to fully enjoy a few simple pleasures today: the slow savoring of a small portion of something delicious, watching nature, spending time with a loved one, walking.
• Try some minimalist fun.
• Think of the restrictions you impose on yourself, and see if you can lift a few of them.
• Smile, and breathe.
• Most of all, be present and enjoy life.

post inspired by Adventures of a Barefoot Geek & Barefoot Ted, among others

Creating Your Family’s Reality

Take time to develop a plan of what qualities are important to you as a family; generosity, volunteering, kindness?

Family planning generally encompasses questions about when to have our children and how to be financially prepared for the future, but it can also include questions that are more creative and visionary for your family. For example, you might consider and plan on what qualities you would most like to emphasize and develop, and which experiences you would like to place the most value on, within your family unit. One of evolution’s greatest gifts is the gift of experience, which teaches us what worked in our own families of origin and what did not. This information will be exceedingly valuable in envisioning our own family’s ethos.

Perhaps you feel that the world needs more people who are practiced and capable in the art of generosity. With this in mind, you might develop a family tradition of setting one day aside each month to give to the people around you. This could be as simple as making extra portions of a delicious soup, or many loaves of bread, and bringing them to friends and neighbors. Most children love the act of giving, and allowing them to be the ones to present the food will make them very happy. It will also give them positive memories and set a lifelong pattern of generosity. On a larger scale, you may decide that travel and education are your family priorities, and design your lifestyle to suit that philosophy by traveling extensively or living abroad. On the other hand, you may decide that putting down solid roots and building community means the most to you and your children, choosing to spend most of your energy and resources in one chosen spot.

The act of determining what you value most and how you will pass that on to your children is both empowering and creative. As your family grows and your children have ideas of their own, you can incorporate them into the process. In this way, you fulfill the additional purpose of teaching your children how to envision and create their own reality. Most of all, they will learn that life is rich with potential and that expressing their deepest values empowers them to create a life that will be of benefit to the whole world. 

• www.dailyom.com

Are Your Relational Channels Strong Enough?

By Mary Jaksch

A key factor of happiness is feeling close to others. When we feel close to someone, just being in their company seems to have a natural, positive value. But when we lose the initial feeling of closeness in a relationship or a friendship – it can be confusing and painful. However, we can cultivate closeness.

Creating close relationships isn’t karma. It’s an art.

The art consists of strengthening our relational channels.

We feel close to others when one or more channels of connection are open. By channels I don’t mean our ways of communication, that is, whether we respond to each other face-to-face, by email, by phone, or in other ways. I mean something more fundamental.

All of us have natural channels of connection that create closeness.

Here are five relational channels:

• Physical.
  Physical touch is a baby’s primary channel of connection. As babies we are happiest when we are cuddled up, skin to skin, with our parents. And throughout adult life we continue to derive a sense of security and comfort from physical closeness with others. In fact, as this article on touch deprivation shows, lack of touch can have serious consequences.

Apture™

by D. Sharon Pruitt

• Emotional.
  Sometimes we feel close to another person because we are emotionally in tune. What that may mean is that the other person is particularly empathetic. In fact, empathetic people tend to feel more connected to others in general.

Apture™

by DeusXFlorida

• Intellectual .
  Do you have friends with whom you have a strong mind connection? It can be inspiring to have friends with whom you can exchange your world of ideas.
  
Apture™
by Sharon Mollerus
• Social.
  I’m talking about tribal closeness here. All of us belong to tribes. Your family can be a tribe, or your workplace, or the groups you belong to on the Net.
  
  
• Apture™

  by Mike Baird
• Spiritual.
  This closeness is more difficult to explain. All I can say is that a closeness from walking a spiritual path together. A deep companionship.

Apture™

by Premasagar

How to Increase Closeness

When you look at the five channels of connection above, it’s obvious that you will feel most connected to someone with whom you can connect through every one of the channels. That’s rare. Most times, our connections run through some of the channels predominantly. The great thing is that if you feel a heightened sense of connection, it’s likely that the other person will also feel more connected to you.

Here are some simple tips on how to increase relational closeness:

• Open more channels of connection
  Let me give you an example. I meet a lot of people through my work on the Net. I have a good intellectual connection quite a few friends I’ve made on the Net. That’s because in the virtual world, the intellectual channel is predominates Now let’s say that I want to deepen my connection with such a friend. How to I do that? Quite simply, through opening other channels of connection. For example, I might email the budding friend using a more emotive tone (emotional channel), or invite them to join me in a social group (social channel).
  
• Be deeply interested in others.
  We tend to feel more connected to someone if we know something about their life, their struggles, and their hopes. Listening deeply to another is a wonderful way to feel more connected.
  
• Be kind.
  Kindness makes us feel connected – whether we are on the giving, or on the receiving side. For example, if you let a driver slip into the bumper-to-bumper queue ahead of your car,  the wave you exchange will make you feel warm and connected.
  
• Hug those you love.
  Hugs are a wonderful way to express your connection. Practice hugging your loved ones and friends. Hug for at least one slow  in- and out-breath.

You may find that some of these relational channels seem easier to you than others. Focus on what you are good at, then expand – little by little.

To feel connected is a vital part of happiness

Sometimes we need to stop and reflect about our connections. Here are two important questions: ‘How can I feel closer to my loved ones?’, and “How can I turn the person I like into a friend?’

Please don’t say, “I’m too busy!” That’s a cop-out. Building connection has nothing at all to do with time. All you need to do is to focus warmly on the other person. All you need to consider is how the other person feels, and what their life is like.

Let the other person be the center of your universe – even just for a moment.

• http://goodlifezen.com/

SMILES

They really are contagious.

A smile is one of the strongest, yet silent forms of communication and expression.

A smile is something priceless and means different things for everyone. The most common is the positive reactions it causes. We are beings that’s thrive in positive energy. We spark to life, our day brightens. A smile can stop tears, stop a frown, ease ones pain, shed light on sorrow, make you blush, even fill one with excitement. The things a smile can do are truly limitless. Every ones smile can cause such different positive reactions in so many different people. The simple greatness of a smile is truly remarkable. It’s true… some of the best things in life are free, yet priceless.

A smile can not only make you look more cheerful and positive. It can also make you feel better, happier, more optimistic and confident about life in general. That’s not to say that people who are smiling on the outside are never feeling down, despondent and blue on the inside. But it can help raise your spirits by a few degrees at least. If it then leads to some friendly conversation with another human being, then the personal benefits are multiplied.

A smile can be like the sun breaking through the clouds on a dismal day. It can restore a person’s faith in their own value and the bigger picture of their world. A smile can make them feel that things might even be getting better.   Enough smiles may give them the incentive to do something even more positive that could potentially improve their outlook on life considerably.

It may sometimes take some effort to overcome your own glum mood enough to lift the corners of your mouth and smile – with your heart in it. Nevertheless, it’s so true that smiling costs the giver nothing they don’t have hidden somewhere within. Once accessed it can be automatically regenerated time and again, radiating warmth throughout your own soul and flowing out in all directions to touch and warm the souls of others. It’s one of the most powerful, magical – and totally free – therapies in the world.

Everyone smiles in the same language.

So put on a happy face!

Does anyone have a story they’d like to share about a smile they once received or gave to another, let’s all try to all put a smile on each other’s faces.  I know I’d love to hear them, and share them with others.

Here is mine:

Awhile back ago I went to a seminar on Michael Bernard Beckwiths “Spiritual Liberation” alone (something which I would normally never do, going alone that is).  During the seminar we all had to do an exercise together, we all had to stand and take each other’s hand of the person to our right, over to the right of me, was a beautiful young girl, but she was born without half of her left arm, as we both looked at each other and she said to me “sorry” I couldn’t believe she had just apologized to me for not having a hand to hold.  We both laughed as I put my arm around her and we carried on together, when we both looked at each other with hesitation and discomfort I’m sure (at first), but when we both laughed and exchanged smiles, that I can truly say for myself that was one of the best smiles given and received for me, and still makes me smile to this day just thinking about it, she truly was an amazing person I met that night.
Daya.

Warren
TheHappySelf.com
 

7 Good Habits for Faith Building

Are you a strong spiritual person?

We have to develop good habits to build our faith. My faith adds meaning, purpose and significance to my life which are all powerful components of living life to the fullest.

So, how can we cultivate a deeper spiritual connection in a world that doesn’t seem to lend itself to such?

It has to be an intentional pursuit. It has to be something we seek on a continual basis. We have to develop good habits for our faith to flourish.

Why does it have to be so intentional? Because the world seems to want to crowd out this part of our lives.

Regular people have a lot going on and if we don’t incorporate these good habits for faith into our daily routines, then we’ll wake up one morning and realize our spiritual lives have all but disappeared.

Making Good Habits for Faith a Priority

When I think about developing good habits for faith, the story Stephen Covey tells in his “Putting First Things First” chapter of The Seven Habits for Highly Effective People comes to my mind. I can’t remember the whole story, but I do recall the following about it:

Some people are given a jar, some sand, some gravel and some larger rocks. They are instructed to get as much of the material into the jar as possible. On their first attempt, they put the sand and gravel in the jar first. But they soon find that once they do this, the jar is too full for much of the bigger rocks to fit. It is only when they put the big rocks in first, pour in the gravel second so it can fill in the gaps between the bigger rocks and then put the sand in last to fill whatever space is left that they get the most into the jar.

This is the way it is with our spiritual lives. If we try to squeeze our spirituality into whatever time is leftover after we work, take care of the kids and mow the grass, then it just doesn’t fit. We have to make these habits our first priority. If we want to really grow our faith, we must put this big priority on our schedule before all the other little things that fill our time so quickly and easily .

Once we’ve establish the proper priority, then we can move on to living out the habits for faith.

7 Good Habits for Faith Building

The following intentional activities will prepare the soil of our hearts and minds for our faith to grow just like a farmer prepares a field before he plants. If we make these activities a regular part of our daily lives, then we will surely harvest a deeper, more lasting faith.

Here are the seven good habits for faith building:

1. Solitude

We live in a noisy, hurried world. There is always something that “needs” to be done. However, faith usually seems to grow best in the small, quiet moments. We need to get alone with our faith so we can get in touch with our spiritual side. Make a habit of practicing solitude for 15 to 30 minutes a day to contemplate and pray. If you are unaccustomed to solitude, then it will likely be hard for you at first. However, if you stick with it, this will likely become your favorite part of the day.

2. Meditate

Meditation is simply a time of focused thought on a deep and meaningful topic. It is a perfect thing to do during your time of solitude. You can begin by clearing your mind and relaxing your body. Try to calm the noise of spurious thoughts in your head. Spend this small fraction of your day directing your thoughts inward and towards your faith. Listen for insights that almost always seem to arise as you make room for your faith during quiet meditation.

3. Study

Invest a little time in your faith to learn more about it. Read, go to a class or participate in a discussion that will help you to go a little deeper. I’d encourage you to really investigate your faith. Challenge your preconceived or long-standing notions. Push the boundaries during your study time of what is commonly accepted about your faith. This is where you’ll often find renewed belief and greater understanding. Sink your teeth into your faith and you’ll enjoy some real nourishment.

4. Worship

Express your devotion to your faith during a time of worship. You may prefer to worship with a lot of other people or by yourself. It doesn’t matter. It is really just what suits you best. What does matter is your ability to let go of your inhibitions and let your heart soar with adoration. Worship is a time of expanding. Let your heart grow so it can hold even more faith. You can dance or stand with your head bowed. Worship is not a specific act. It is letting yourself go to experience the joy and love within your faith.

5. Service

Set aside some time on a regular basis to serve someone else as an act of faith. Do something that helps people and requires you to sacrifice some time, energy and resources. This will stretch you. It is where the rubber meets the road in faith. Giving of yourself to a worthy cause will not only benefit that cause, but you will also reap a reward. The greater your service, the more you’ll grow. I challenge you to give it a try and see if I’m right.

6. Gather

Make it a habit to get together with other like-minded people on a weekly basis. You can spend this time learning, worshipping, serving or just being together. It doesn’t matter so much what you do, it is just the act of gathering together that is helpful. I always grow in faith when I observe others expressing their faith. I also grow from the sense of community and unity I feel when I’m around others that have the same faith as me. This is a great habit to cultivate.

7. Rituals

Rituals or religious traditions often get a bad rap. They are thought of as old-fashioned and a symbol of a puritanical authority that we often reject. However, I think that when practiced wisely, rituals are a pathway to a greater faith. They are rooted in a rich history and are often loaded with abundant meaning. Explore some of the old rituals to see if one is right for you. You might just discover a whole new habit that can take you deeper than ever before!

About the Author

Jeff is a regular guy on a quest to live life to its fullest. He began MySuperChargedLife.com in December of 2007 as a way to share his experiences and to learn more about life.

The Virtuous Marriage: Sincerity

by Corey on March 14, 2010 in The virtuous marriage

Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

What comes to mind when you hear the word sincerity? Someone who is earnest and truthful. Authentic. The dictionary defines it as : “freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; honesty in intention or in communicating; earnestness.”

At the core of sincerity is honesty in conduct and communication. Honesty and integrity are markers of great men and women.

There are a few plagues on our society today. Habits and tendencies people have adopted that don’t build people up or treat others with care – gossip, sarcasm, and lying. These three can be especially damaging within marriage and families.

Gossip

Gossip is everywhere. In fact, some magazines and television shows wouldn’t exist without it. In the world of the Internet and blogs, gossip is particularly rampant. The fact checks have been replaced by the opinion, thoughts and ideas of anyone interested in writing something down.

This places the onus on each of us to be diligent about where we find our information AND what we do with it.

Especially when the information we are given is private or personal in nature.

If a friend shares something personal with you, or something private, treat it as such. When you are privy to something about someone else, guard it as you would a prized possession.

My profession as a marriage and family therapist is built upon this idea, and it’s something I take extremely seriously. But this also extends beyond my clients. I seek to be a man to whom any private thought or concern can be shared knowing that it will never be divulged to others.

When it comes to marriage, we are faced with ample opportunities to share private information, sometimes for a laugh with others, but almost always at the expense of our spouse. Part of the elegance of marriage is the secretness of the things shared between you and your spouse.

When you are faced with the chance to share a piece of information about your spouse or someone else, here’s a few questions to ask yourself:

• Is it true?
• Is it kind?
• Is it necessary?

If you can answer yes to all three, then go ahead. If not? Keep your mouth shut.

One more thing, gossip does not have to be false to be gossip. Gossip can be true, yet still no one’s business.

But what if others press you to reveal something secret that you know?

I recommend the following as an excellent retort: Draw the information seeker close to you and whisper, “Can you keep a secret?” They will then answer, “Certainly!” At this point put your hand on their shoulder and say, “Well, so can I.” End of conversation.

Sarcasm

I’ll admit – I’m a sarcastic person. A well-placed zinger can sometimes produce comedic gold. But it’s a tool that’s often hurtful, especially in marriage. I’m all for the “inside jokes” and playful banter between spouses, but sarcasm can create a rift between you if you’re not careful.

Sarcasm is often the refuge of the weak and is employed by people who are afraid to say what is really on their minds. According to Psychology Today:

Though they may not be aware of it, sarcasm is their means of indirectly expressing aggression toward others and insecurity about themselves. Wrapping their thoughts in a joke shields them from the vulnerability that comes with directly putting one’s opinions out there. Sarcastic people protect themselves by only letting the world see a superficial part of who they are. They’re very into impression management. ~ Steven Stosny, a Washington, D.C. – based therapist and anger specialist.

Sarcasm can hurt people’s feelings. It’s often a fine line between good natured ribbing and a really stinging comment. While you know you are only joking, others may not.

Sarcasm is also easy. Sarcasm can be used as a cop-out rather than a well-reasoned opinion. It is far easier to throw out a sarcastic remark than to make a thoughtful counterargument. It’s best to cut out the sarcasm in marriage and leave it only for the times when you both are engaging in the inside jokes and banter.

Lying

When it comes to lying, most people would say they do okay because they don’t blatantly make up false information. But it is the more delicate lying that is harder to master. Our looks, tone, the parts of a story we leave in and the parts we leave out, may still be being dishonest. I have heard someone say this many times, “No I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell them everything that happened.” Sorry, it’s still a lie.

Lying is easy, especially when telling the truth will bring upon us negative consequences. And lying is becoming more prevalent in society. According to a 2002 confidential survey of 12,000 high school students, 74% admitted cheating on an examination at least once in the past year.

If our kids see nothing wrong with lying, we must up our example of complete honesty. The small lies make it easier for the big ones so it is paramount that we be examples of truth in our words and actions.

But what about the “white lies” to preserve people’s feelings?

This is the age old question. What do you say when your wife asks you if a pair of pants make her look fat? How about if your husband gets a horrendous haircut and wants to know if you like it? Or worse yet, your partner wants to know if the sex was good for you, and it wasn’t?

Telling these lies present sticky judgment calls. The right answer varies from situation to situation. In general err on the side of honesty. Be honest to a fault. Sometimes it may get you in trouble, but generally it will win the respect of those involved.

The problem with telling white lies is that while they may flatter a person in the short term, they hurt the person in the long term. Take the example of the bad haircut. If everyone tells a man that it looks great, he will keep on getting the same horrendous haircut. Now for when your wife asks you “do these pants make me look fat.” Here’s a great response – “I don’t know, I’d have to see you without the pants on.” When said with a playful smile, who knows what may happen!

Muốn thương phải hiểu

Từ bi gắn liền với trí tuệ:

Không hiểu, không thể thương yêu sâu sắc.

Không hiểu, không thể thương yêu đích thực.

Hiểu chính là nền tảng của tình thương yêu.

Mỗi người có những nỗi niềm, khổ đau, bức xúc riêng. Nếu không hiểu, sẽ không thương mà giận hờn, trách móc. Không hiểu, tình thương của mình sẽ làm người khác ngột ngạt, khổ đau. Không hiểu, sẽ làm người mình thương đau khổ suốt đời.

Nhân danh tình thương, người ta làm khổ nhau. Chuyện đó vẫn thưòng xảy ra.

Được hiểu và được thương vốn là một nhu cầu muôn đời của con người. Nhiều người thường cảm thấy không ai hiểu mình. Họ "đói" thương, "đói" hiểu. Họ thơ thẩn, lang thang trong cuộc đời tìm người hiểu mình, thương mình. Gặp được người hiểu mình, thương mình là may mắn lớn của cuộc đời. Tình yêu nảy nở, lớn lên từ đó.

Vậy nên, "có hiểu mới có thương" là nguyên tắc chọn người yêu, chọn chồng/vợ. Dù người ta có đẹp, có giàu đến đâu nhưng không hiểu mình sẽ làm mình khổ suốt đời. Hôn nhân có thể mở ra những con đường hoa hồng, có thể mở ra cánh cửa tù ngục. Chọn vợ, chọn chồng là một sự mạo hiểm lớn. Hãy cẩn thận, nếu không muốn chọn án tù chung thân cho cuộc đời mình.

Chọn người hiểu và thương mình - hãy nhớ - đó là nguyên tắc tìm người tri kỷ trong cuộc đời.

Bốn yếu tố của tình yêu: Từ bi hỉ xả

Tình yêu phải hội tụ đủ bốn yếu tố: từ, bi, hỉ, xả.

"Từ" là khả năng hiến tặng hạnh phúc cho người mình yêu. Yêu thương không phải là vấn đề hưởng thụ, yêu thương là hiến tặng. Tình thương mà không đem đến hạnh phúc cho người yêu không phải là tình thương đích thực. Yêu mà làm khổ nhau không phải tình yêu. Có những người yêu nhau, ngày nào cũng khổ, đó là tình yêu hệ luỵ, chỉ mang tới sự khổ đau. Yêu thương ai đó thực sự, nghĩa là làm cho người ta hạnh phúc, mỗi ngày.

"Bi" là khả năng người ta lấy cái khổ ra khỏi mình. Mình đã khổ, người ta làm cho thêm khổ, đó không thể là tình yêu đích thực. Còn gì cho nhau nếu chỉ có khổ đau tuyệt vọng. Người yêu mình phải là người biết sẻ chia, biết xoa dịu, làm vơi bớt nỗi khổ của mình trong cuộc đời.

Như vậy, "từ bi" là khả năng đem lại hạnh phúc cho nhau. Yêu thương ai là phải làm cho người ta bớt khổ. Nếu không, chỉ là đam mê, say đắm nhất thời, không phải là tình yêu thương đích thực. "Từ bi" trong tình yêu không phải tự dưng mà có. Phải học, phải "tu tập". Cần nhiều thời gian để quan sát, lắng nghe, thấu hiểu những nỗi khổ niềm đau của người yêu, để giúp người ta vượt qua, tháo gỡ, bớt khổ đau, thêm hạnh phúc.

"Hỉ" là niềm vui, tình yêu chân thật phải làm cho cả hai đều vui. Dấu ấn của tình yêu đích thực là niềm vui. Càng yêu, càng vui, niềm vui lớn, cả gia đình cùng hạnh phúc. Cuộc nhân duyên như thế là thành công.

"Xả" là không phân biệt, kì thị trong tình yêu. Mình yêu ai, hạnh phúc của người ta là của mình, khó khăn của người ta là của mình, khổ đau của người ta là của mình. Không thể nói đây là vấn đề của em/anh, em/anh ráng chịu. Khi yêu, hai người không phải là hai thực thể riêng biệt nữa, hạnh phúc khổ đau không còn là vấn đề cá nhân. Tất cả những gì mình phải làm coi đó là vấn đề của hai người, chuyển hoá nỗi khổ đau, làm lớn thêm hạnh phúc.

Này người trẻ, bạn nghĩ về tình yêu của mình đi, có "từ bi hỉ xả không"? Bạn hãy can đảm tự hỏi mình rằng: "Người yêu ta có hiểu niềm vui nỗi khổ của ta không? Có quan tâm đến an vui hàng ngày của ta không? Người ấy có nâng đỡ ta trên con đường sự nghiệp không?..." Và tự hỏi lại mình, liệu bạn có đang thành thực với tình yêu của mình?! Liệu tình yêu của bạn đã đủ "từ bi hỉ xả"?

Thich Nhat Hanh

The Magic of Joyful Relationships

by Kate Corbin

"Shower the people you love with love."

- James Taylor

As most of us have experienced, relationships can bring us our greatest joys as well as our deepest sorrows. Relationships are such an integral part of our lives that the quality of our relationships often determines the overall quality of our lives. How, then, can we experience relationships that lift us up rather than drag us down? By exposing limiting beliefs and replacing them with empowering beliefs, we can all experience the Magic of Joyful Relationships.

To consciously create the happy, healthy relationships we desire, let's start by taking a look at:

WHAT DOES NOT CREATE JOYFUL RELATIONSHIPS:

• Blaming and Complaining. The more we focus on the unwanted aspects of others, the more unwanted aspects we elicit from them. Ouch!

• Expecting Others to Make Us Happy. When our happiness or unhappiness is dependent on the behavior of others, we give away both our power and our freedom. :-(

• Trying to Change / Fix / Control Others. If we need others to change so that we can feel good, we are definitely looking for happiness in all the wrong places.

There's got to be a better way.

WHAT DOES CREATE JOYFUL RELATIONSHIPS:

• Feel Good First. Being independently happy and determined to keep our own vibration high is the perfect platform for creating great relationships. As we know from Law of Attraction, feeling good IS the most important thing.

• Self-Love First. If we want others to love, value, and appreciate us, we must love, value, and appreciate ourselves first. Period.

• Source First. When we tend to our primary relationship with our Inner Being / Source / God, then all our other relationships will be harmonious.

• Think and Thank. As we think of things we appreciate about others and express that appreciation often, we deepen and sweeten our connection with them.

• Look for Positive Aspects. When we focus on the positive qualities of others, they will display more of their positive qualities, at least with us! :-) It helps to remember this: At their core, EVERYONE is Pure, Positive Energy.

• Tell a New Story. We can free ourselves from past hurts and painful memories by talking about relationships the way we want them to be. We can get unstuck by telling a new, improved story, such as: All my relationships are joyful!

Now that we've shined a light on the major factors behind relationship woes and relationship bliss, let's turn our attention to what Law of Attraction considers the key to manifesting wonderfully harmonious relationships:

DIRECTING OUR THOUGHTS

Although we have no real control over what others are doing, we have complete control over our own thoughts and, happily, that is all we need. Our thoughts determine who we attract into our lives and our thoughts determine how these people behave once they get there.

Good relationships are creations. As we direct our thoughts exclusively and consistently toward what we DO WANT in relationships, we begin consciously and deliberately creating the relationships of our dreams.

As we maintain a strong connection with Source, love ourselves and others, appreciate rather than judge, live our lives as we see fit and let others do the same, accept full responsibility for our own happiness, feel as good as we can in every moment, and direct the power of our thoughts toward the positive aspects of others, we are applying the Law of Attraction to create delightful, delicious relationships. When we do these things, we are sure to experience the Magic of Joyful Relationships.

A Buddhist Bible

First Edition

BY DWIGHT GODDARD

[1932, Copyright not renewed]

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This is the first etext of A Buddhist Bible to appear on the Internet. One of the favorite books of the Beat writers, particularly the ultimate 'Dharma Bum' Jack Kerouac, A Buddhist Bible has had a huge influence on the growth of Buddhism in the English-speaking world in the 20th century and beyond. This etext was scanned and proofed from an autographed copy of the first edition. We are indeed fortunate that this book slipped into the public domain due to a lack of timely copyright renewal.
The first edition, which was tightly focused on source documents of Zen Buddhism, was self-published in Vermont by Goddard and had 316 pages. Subsequently, a second revised and greatly enlarged edition of 677 pages was published in 1938 by E.P. Dutton (New York), and later republished by Beacon Press. The second edition, which has been in print ever since (see box to right), covers a much wider range of Buddhist texts including Southern Buddhism, some related documents such as the Tao te Ching, and modern texts. The reprint also includes introductions by Robert Aitken and Huston Smith.
Goddard, particularly in this first edition, took the best available translation of key documents and edited them heavily to eliminate repetitious passages and extraneous material. So this is a readers edition, not a critical edition, of these texts. However, he did nothing to water down or simplify the message of the sutras; quite the contrary. One can read this book repeatedly and still come back with new insights on each reading.

--John Bruno Hare, August 28th, 2004.

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Title Page
Dedication
Advertisements
Table of Contents
Preface
History of Ch'an Buddhism Previous to the Times of Hui-Neng (Wei-Lang)

The Lankavatara Sutra

Preface
Introduction
Chapter I. Discrimination
Chapter II. False-Imagination and Knowledge of Appearances
Chapter III. Right Knowledge or Knowledge of Relations
Chapter VI. Perfect Knowledge, or Knowledge of Reality
Chapter V. The Mind System
Chapter VI. Transcendental Intelligence
Chapter VII. Self-Realisation
Chapter VIII. The Attainment of Self- Realisation
Chapter IX. The Fruit of Self- Realisation
Chapter X. Discipleship: Lineage of the Arhats
Chapter XI. Bodhisattvahood and Its Stages
Chapter XII. Tathagatahood Which Is Noble Wisdom
Chapter XIII. Nirvana

The Diamond Sutra

Preface
The Diamond Scripture

Sutra of Transcendental Wisdom

Preface
Sutra of Transcendental Wisdom

Sutra of the Sixth Patriarch

Preface
Chapter I. Autobiography of Hui-Neng
Chapter II. Discourse on Prajna
Chapter II. Discourse on Dhyana and Samadhi
Chapter IV. Discourse on Repentance
Chapter V. Discourse on the Three-Bodies of Buddha
Chapter VI. Dialogues Suggested by Various Temperaments and Circumstances
Chapter VII. Sudden Enlightenment and Gradual Attainment
Chapter VIII. Royal Patronage
Chapter IX. Final Words and Death of the Patriarch

Examiner Bio How to teach meditation to children

Buddhism ExaminerEmily Breder

In a world fraught with distraction, violence and posturing, it is a major concern for parents that they are bringing up their children in a way that is compassionate and adaptable. They should be resilient against the dangers and upsets that the world inevitably brings. This is why many adults are turning to meditation, secular and otherwise, to create an atmosphere of balance to their lives. The earlier that children are taught to meditate the easier it is for them to resort to it as a useful tool during the stressful teenage years and the transition into adulthood, and beyond.

Teaching meditation to children is a group activity, and does not require expensive equipment. Tools such as special cushions and chimes are really unnecessary and can even be counter-productive in the beginning. Kids (and parents) can become overly attached to their presence and become convinced that they can't meditate 'properly' if the tools aren't present. The best philosophy is to just meditate wherever and however you can, and once the habit is created one can experiment with tools to make the process more fluid. However, it's important to be mindful of attachment during experimentation, and to spend some time meditating without a tool if you become too dependent on it.

The bonding aspect is one of the first benefits that you will reap from meditating as a family. Spending some time together quietly, observing the present moment, can be as fulfilling as a regular family game night or a story at bedtime. The kids (and parents) will not only learn silence and patience, but also the value of quiet company. Especially in stressful times, considerate silence is sometimes the best medicine for a companion who is too troubled to verbalize but desirous of company.

Start with no more than one minute, and use a timer. Position the timer where the child cannot see it, and don't look at it yourself. If your kids see you peeking glances at the clock, they will not take the experience seriously. Don't be rigid, but set a good example. They will probably not be able to keep their eyes closed at first, but that doesn't matter so long as they are sitting relatively still and trying to participate. Practice one minute every night, before reading a story or other bedtime rituals. If you believe the child is ready for a longer meditation, extend it no more than one minute a week. Most kids will 'burn out' if you progress any faster.

It can be too much to ask for a child to sit still for very long. They simply aren't capable, in most cases, to practice meditation with the intensity and depth of an adult. Visualization exercises can be taught in the beginning and simply referred to with a keyword later on for simplification (i.e. "Now the circle meditation"). Allow the child to participate in the creation of their own meditation practices to make them more personal. If they develop a favorite, allow that as a reward after a minute of a different meditation to encourage them to stretch themselves.

Here are some exercises to try with your child:

• The 'circle of color' meditation described in the Asperger's meditation article. This requires a little preparation, but it isn't elaborate.
• Metta meditation  Alter the instructions in the linked article slightly to focus on the child, family, and other children. This simple visualization will help your child learn compassion and to open their hearts to other kids, but it's inadvisable to have them meditate on 'strangers who repulse them' until they are well into adulthood.
• Recite mantra  A simple 'Om' recitation or a short phrase of your own creation can be used here. If your child has issues with frustration, for instance, a mantra about patience can be beneficial.

It does take some time for the practice to really sink in, but results can be seen with regular practice usually within six weeks. Children with ADHD and learning disorders can especially benefit from meditation practice. It is particularly challenging for them, but the gentle care and creativity that is accessed in the creation of the meditation can touch them on a deeply personal level. Touching the quiet inner space that meditation creates can be addictive.

Say 'Come back to the breath' gently and quietly every twenty seconds or so to restart the meditation, as they are sure to have strayed in thought. When you attach the feeling of calm to the breath, the feeling of calm can be accessed by the child anywhere their breath can be experienced. This makes the tools of meditation available to them wherever they happen to be, even in crowded rooms.

Zen For Americans

by Soyen Shaku

translated by Daisetz Teitaro Suzuki

[1906]

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Contents    Start Reading    Page Index    Text [Zipped]

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This is a book of essays by a Zen Buddhist Abbot who visited the United States in 1905-6, translated by another figure who was instrumental in introducing Buddhism to the West, Daisetz Teitaro Suzuki. Originally titled Sermons of a Buddhist Abbot, it has been reprinted in numerous editions as Zen for Americans and is currently in print under that title.
The book includes a translation of The Sutra of Forty-Two Chapters, which was the first Buddhist document translated into Chinese, and which had a huge influence on the development of Zen. Many of the essays are introductions to various Buddhist topics for Christians, and all of them are ideal for a general audience. The two essays which close out the book which discuss the Buddhist attitude towards war and peace, and are of historical interest because they were referenced by Leo Tolstoy in his anti-war declaration.

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Title Page
Translator's Preface
Contents
The Sutra of Forty-Two Chapters
The God-Conception of Buddhism
Assertions and Denials
Immortality
Buddhist Faith
Buddhist Ethics
What is Buddhism?
The Middle Way
The Wheel of the Good Law
The Phenomenal And The Supraphenomenal
Reply to a Christian Critic
Ignorance and Enlightenment
Spiritual Enlightenment
Practice of Dhyana
Kwannon Bosatz
Buddhism and Oriental Culture
The Story of Deer Park
The Story of the Gem-Hunting
The Sacrifice for a Stanza
Buddhist View of War
At The Battle of Nan-Shan Hill
An Address Delivered at a Service Held in Memory of Those Who Died in The Russo-Japanese War

Living a drama free life

You can transform your life by making and keeping just four agreements with yourself. (video) 

Four Agreements that can transform your life.

Terri Fraracci

In 2000, Don Miguel Ruiz (with the help of Janet Mills), published a book called "The Four Agreements". Ruiz believes that by making and keeping these four agreements you can "master the dream of your life."

Miguel asserts that human suffering begins with domestication. When we are children we are taught to dream the dream of society. He goes on to say that we are creators, but that our power of creation is invested in our beliefs. He says that we are here to dream, but that we dream without awareness.

His solution is four agreements that you make and keep with yourself. You already have many agreements that you keep; but they are based on what you were taught. For example: you may agree that you will never amount to anything because you were told that; and you keep that agreement with your thought processes and your actions. Or you may agree that you are entitled because you were raised to believe that you are; and so you move about the world going after what you believe is yours.

Once you realize that the dream you are living is not your own, you have come to an awareness that opens the gate to breaking the agreements that belong to others and making agreements of your own that allow you to live your life according to who you are in freedom, joy, and peace.

The four agreements are:

1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
   
2. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
   
3. DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
   
4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Ruiz explains in the book how we got here and how to reclaim who you were created to be. You are invited to journal and look deep; answering questions about how you look at yourself, your life, and the world. In answering those questions you come to understand who you are and what you were created for. Keeping the four agreements above in general, and the new agreements you make for yourself that ring true to you can transform your life.

If you feel like you are living a life created by beliefs you inherited from others; a life that doesn't ring true to you; doesn't feel like the life God intended for you as a creation of His, it would be worth your time to read "The Four Agreements". Break the agreements that go against yourself and make agreements that free you to enjoy being the creation that you are.

The Four Agreements

Living a drama free life: more with Don Miguel Ruiz and The Four Agreements (video) 

Children are born innocent. Before they are domesticated they live in the moment, love without fear, and don't even think about the opinions of others. As they begin to talk and grow we start to domesticate them very much the same way that we train our pets. Using a system based on reward and consequence; we mold our children to fit into society. We also set them up for a life of drama.

Initially, a child learns to be good to avoid punishment. This is not her idea of good because she doesn't have one. The idea of what is good is the opinion of the person in control. Eventually the child learns that she will be rewarded for "good" behavior. Now she not only tries to avoid punishment, but also tries to get the reward. This requires projecting an image that will please the person in authority.

Drama begins at the point of domestication because the dream of who you are is made up of the opinions of others and the images you must project to be loved, accepted, protected, and rewarded. Thus begins a vicious cycle of trying to please, trying to fit in, and fearing what will happen if you put the real you out there. According to Ruiz, fear zaps your energy and love creates more energy. It does not make sense to replace the natural love a child has with fear. So why do we do it?

We do it because our parents did and their parents did and our friends do and our peers do and because we are domesticated and accept what Ruiz calls "the dream of society". The good news is that we do not have to live lives steeped in drama; and we do not have to pass that illusion on to our children. We can change the dramatic dream of the planet by changing our own dream.

"The Four Agreements" by Ruiz outlines four agreements that you make with yourself to create your own dream of life. If you are impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, make no assumptions, and do your best; you can transform the life you are living based on your domestication to a life of your own creation. And when you do that, you remove the drama because you are no longer living an image that was created by the opinions of others and is sustained by the same.

You no longer speak against yourself or others. You understand that what others say or do is about them; not you. You don't waste energy assuming that you know what others want or that they know what you want. Under all circumstances you simply do your best; avoiding self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

If the opinions of others are irrelevant and your opinion of yourself is based in love, there can be no drama for you. Drama is a series of events involving conflicting forces. If you are living who you are and not trying to control the lives of others, there is no conflict and so no drama.

"When we are children, we learn that everyone's opinions are important, and we rule our lives according to those opinions." - Don Miguel Ruiz in The Mastery of Love. Everyone's opinion is not important. Break the agreements that make you a master of image, fear, and drama. Become a master of authenticity, love, and your own life by making and keeping your own agreements. Be a master of your own drama free life.

don Miguel Ruiz: message to the world.