Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Living a drama free life

You can transform your life by making and keeping just four agreements with yourself. (video) 

Four Agreements that can transform your life.
Four Agreements that can transform your life.
Terri Fraracci
In 2000, Don Miguel Ruiz (with the help of Janet Mills), published a book called "The Four Agreements". Ruiz believes that by making and keeping these four agreements you can "master the dream of your life."
Miguel asserts that human suffering begins with domestication. When we are children we are taught to dream the dream of society. He goes on to say that we are creators, but that our power of creation is invested in our beliefs. He says that we are here to dream, but that we dream without awareness.

His solution is four agreements that you make and keep with yourself. You already have many agreements that you keep; but they are based on what you were taught. For example: you may agree that you will never amount to anything because you were told that; and you keep that agreement with your thought processes and your actions. Or you may agree that you are entitled because you were raised to believe that you are; and so you move about the world going after what you believe is yours.

Once you realize that the dream you are living is not your own, you have come to an awareness that opens the gate to breaking the agreements that belong to others and making agreements of your own that allow you to live your life according to who you are in freedom, joy, and peace.
The four agreements are:
  1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
  2. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
  3. DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
  4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Ruiz explains in the book how we got here and how to reclaim who you were created to be. You are invited to journal and look deep; answering questions about how you look at yourself, your life, and the world. In answering those questions you come to understand who you are and what you were created for. Keeping the four agreements above in general, and the new agreements you make for yourself that ring true to you can transform your life.

If you feel like you are living a life created by beliefs you inherited from others; a life that doesn't ring true to you; doesn't feel like the life God intended for you as a creation of His, it would be worth your time to read "The Four Agreements". Break the agreements that go against yourself and make agreements that free you to enjoy being the creation that you are.

The Four Agreements

Living a drama free life: more with Don Miguel Ruiz and The Four Agreements (video) 

Children are born innocent. Before they are domesticated they live in the moment, love without fear, and don't even think about the opinions of others. As they begin to talk and grow we start to domesticate them very much the same way that we train our pets. Using a system based on reward and consequence; we mold our children to fit into society. We also set them up for a life of drama.

Initially, a child learns to be good to avoid punishment. This is not her idea of good because she doesn't have one. The idea of what is good is the opinion of the person in control. Eventually the child learns that she will be rewarded for "good" behavior. Now she not only tries to avoid punishment, but also tries to get the reward. This requires projecting an image that will please the person in authority.

Drama begins at the point of domestication because the dream of who you are is made up of the opinions of others and the images you must project to be loved, accepted, protected, and rewarded. Thus begins a vicious cycle of trying to please, trying to fit in, and fearing what will happen if you put the real you out there. According to Ruiz, fear zaps your energy and love creates more energy. It does not make sense to replace the natural love a child has with fear. So why do we do it?

We do it because our parents did and their parents did and our friends do and our peers do and because we are domesticated and accept what Ruiz calls "the dream of society". The good news is that we do not have to live lives steeped in drama; and we do not have to pass that illusion on to our children. We can change the dramatic dream of the planet by changing our own dream.

"The Four Agreements" by Ruiz outlines four agreements that you make with yourself to create your own dream of life. If you are impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, make no assumptions, and do your best; you can transform the life you are living based on your domestication to a life of your own creation. And when you do that, you remove the drama because you are no longer living an image that was created by the opinions of others and is sustained by the same.

You no longer speak against yourself or others. You understand that what others say or do is about them; not you. You don't waste energy assuming that you know what others want or that they know what you want. Under all circumstances you simply do your best; avoiding self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

If the opinions of others are irrelevant and your opinion of yourself is based in love, there can be no drama for you. Drama is a series of events involving conflicting forces. If you are living who you are and not trying to control the lives of others, there is no conflict and so no drama.

"When we are children, we learn that everyone's opinions are important, and we rule our lives according to those opinions." - Don Miguel Ruiz in The Mastery of Love. Everyone's opinion is not important. Break the agreements that make you a master of image, fear, and drama. Become a master of authenticity, love, and your own life by making and keeping your own agreements. Be a master of your own drama free life.

don Miguel Ruiz: message to the world.