Contemplation: January 2011

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Values in Family

Sometimes it is not easy to raise our children with good values while the society itself always seems lack of it. And, though we all have values that we want to pass on to our children, we worry that wont success, as we remember ourselves as teenagers, used to reject and disobey most values our parents have taught us, and always tried to figure out everything by our self.

However, besides all rebellion and rejection behaviors from kids (especially in teens – age) toward values, there is a fact that consciously or not, parents can and do strongly influence the way their children treat themselves and others, and the attitudes their children take toward family, charity, honesty, work, environment, and dozens of other moral issues.

By their own instinct as parents, most of them are doing a pretty good job of passing on their values, much as their parents did, and their parents before them; good and solid values seem to run in families. Still, the following recommendation can help parents to pass their torch of values to their children;

Own your values. Your values as parent might have changed quite a bit than what your parents have taught you. Firstly, you must decide your own values that you want to pass on to your kid. List the values in their order of importance, and ask your spouse or partner to do the same.

These could be many things, such as family, health, education, money, possession, environment, tolerance, good taste, religion, integrity, political view, etc. Compare both lists and discuses or compromise the differences. Once you received and accord, you’ll be better able to join forces in passing the chosen values onto your toddler.

Live your values. As much as parents want their children to live by certain values, parents sometimes find it difficult to live by them selves. They want their children to be honest, but they lie about their child’s age to get on the movie or museum admissions. They determine that their children learn not to abuse their bodies, but they fail to show respect for their own bodies, such as by smoking cigarettes, living on junk food, failing to exercise.

To impart values to your children effectively, you must first commit yourself to living the values. Be an exemplary role model, and your child will likely become an exemplary individual. Never cheat or treat your child unfair by saying “I’m an adult so I’m allowed to smoke and eat junkies, you are still in developing process so you can’t smoke nor eat junkies”.

Communicate your values. Being an exemplary role model is not enough. Help your children understand why you love them. Explain why you believe it’s better to be honest than to lie; why taking care of your body is important, etc

Put teaching values in perspective. By building a framework of values for your toddler to follow, you’re heading him in the right direction. But realize that this is the best any parent can do. As children grow older, they add their own experiences and the lessons they’ve learned out in the world to what you’ve taught them at home, to come up with their own unique set of values. Just as you did.

Teaching Values of Nature

Teach them to appreciate the world around them. Teach them to be aware of their surroundings. Teach them the names of trees and flowers, birds and animals. Teach them that it’s our responsibility to take care of our world. After all, we’re only a mouthful of forbidden fruit away from paradise. Read the first part of Genesis again. God’s idea of paradise is working in a garden, taking care of animals, and living in an innocent and happy family.

Craig Harris

Teaching Values of Nature

In the thick of the woods, hiding something small just waiting to be discovered. Lead children into the arms of nature will broaden their horizons and help them to become complete persons. Here are five things you will learn by interacting with nature:JOY: The irregular force of the wind blowing through the leaves will teach your kids the joy of the subtle differences between sounds that reach their ears. The change of seasons their eyes light up with each new surprise. The smell of wood or a skunk can excite even the youngest explorer and teach the effects of wind direction and humidity. The rocks and branches have many shapes, sizes and textures. When you begin to appreciate the diversity in their feet, each output will be an occasion of joy in nature.

SHARING: If you talk to your children that you do together in the face of nature, they will learn the important skills to share. Sit on a log, and see a tree, a blade of grass, a grasshopper or the clouds together and talk about what you see and hear. If you want to be quiet, you can talk while you walk in the woods or meadows. The woods are an excellent environment in which to learn to share their experiences with parents or friends. They can also draw a picture of their favorite natural place – another creative way to share their experiences.

REALIZATION: Give your children tasks in nature. Start with simple things like find a pine cone or acorn. Then move on to more difficult challenges like finding three different lichens and mosses and insects. Follow their times. It makes no sense drown business impossible. They should have fun while they complete a task successfully and learn something new. This will instill in them a sense of positive pride.

CURIOSITY: Together with children, plant flowers in the garden and tomatoes. Let me work the land, put the seeds and then water. Not only you’ll grow your tomatoes, but their curiosity will grow dramatically. Ask how their plants are in bloom and you’ll see their pride and curiosity. Will run regularly to check their garden plants. Learn how plants affect the soil, climate and insects. Similarly, making them simple questions about the birds and the landscape along a path, every time you go around and keep their eyes open are growing their curiosity. Soon you will ask questions to which you yourself look for an answer because it is too difficult.

GRATITUDE: When you get your child walk along a river or a lake, or just rain, surely sooner or later address the issue of water. When they discovered how to work sources, much better appreciation for the glass of water they need to survive. Discover how each part of the ecosystem are linked together and develop a sense of gratitude for our relationship with nature. If you have the opportunity to walk with you in the desert or in a dry environment, will grow even further their appreciation for the main elements of nature, just like water.

http://www.dinikusuma.com/teaching-values-of-nature/#more-618

"The Geography of Childhood: Why Children Need Wild Places"

I read "The Geography of Childhood: Why Children Need Wild Places," written by Gary Paul Nabhan and Stephen Trimble, for my American Studies 401T Culture & Nature course, and presented chapters 1-3 to my class. Below is my PowerPoint presentation along with my notes. (Click on image to enlarge PowerPoint slide.)

"THE GEOGRAPHY OF CHILDHOOD"

Gary Paul Nabhan & Stephen Trimble

"A CHILD'S SENSE OF WILDNESS"

Chapter 1 by Nabhan

Children's outlook on the world differs from adults by:

Unlike the home, children see nature differently than adults
Children can make sense of things more clearly, rather than overlooking and taking things for granted like adults do

On road trips, Nabhan's son's mind was on the destination and what was around him
Nabhan's son didn't like construction he saw; he said construction takes too much earth away

Adults look far away at landscapes as a whole; children look immediately before themselves by digging, playing, etc.

Nabhan's sons photos were close ups of lizards and rocks, while his own were of landscapes

The nest and the playground:

Perhaps the best thing in nature that symbolizes childhood is a bird's nest

Nest: symbolizes the comfort that is found in prenatal development, or the womb

Children retract to comfort in nature, whether it is through fascination with the nest in the natural world, or by playing on the playground in the built environment
Children like playgrounds because there are places on playgrounds that are enclosed spaces with vistas, where children can look out from and see what's going on around them while feeling safe; it's genetically programmed in humans to seek comfort through enclosed spaces with vistas

In nature, people find places like this where they can see the outside world from a protected place, like from a fort with a broad landscape before them

Playgrounds are primarily the place most children play; playgrounds are structured play with boundaries and no vegetation

How does structured play versus play without boundaries affect children?

More space = more creativity:

Naturalist Franklin Burroughs says, it's "better to let kids be a hazard to nature, and let nature be a hazard to them." And Nabhan says, playing in nature "allows children to be part of the tribe of children." Until age 7, playing is children's main form of communication. With those quotes and fact in mind...
Are tree limbs better for a child to play on than plastic slides? If so, why?
More space, and space without boundary, gives children more room to develop talents through trial and practice, so we must find ways to allow children to play, climb and fall
Because playing without boundary is so vital for the prosperity of a child's growth and development, and learning habitat, Nabhan argues that a child's right to play is the same as adults' First Amendment right to speech

Learning in urban areas vs. learning in nature:

Does building a fort in an alley with cardboard boxes give the same or similar experience as building a fort in nature with nature?
We are genetically programmed to develop a sense of nostalgia for childhood. If nostalgia occurred for an adult who grew up near nature when smelling freshly crushed sage leaves, and nostalgia occurred for an adult who grew up in an urban environment when smelling an alley, would the different memories be significant? If so, how? Everyone's childhood is different, but what do these stark contrasts mean or represent?
In 1900, 10% of the human population lived in cities of 1 million or more; by 2000, 38% of the world's population lived in cities of 1 million or more
Confidence and social skills are gained through exploring. Children can explore in urban environments, but these environments are structured and have boundaries.

Nabhan says that growing up in nature gives children a "healthy prospective about humankind."

What do creatures in nature teach us, and what do pets teach us? Pets teach us to love and take care of people and animals, while creatures in nature teach us about diversity, which we'll get to later.
Cities are constructed for only one species, nature exists for many species

Something to keep in mind: cities are constructed; nature exists

My thoughts: Nabhan argues that we should immerse ourselves more in nature because nature helps our growth and development, and learning, but he discusses how we have destroyed nature by building urban environments. Can we be part of nature without destroying it? If so, where does that happy medium lie?

"THE SCRIPTURE OF MAPS, THE NAMES OF TREES"

Chapter 2 by Trimble

The world as a broken puzzle:

My thoughts: Children see the world as a broken puzzle; they spend their childhood trying to make sense of the world by putting it together piece by piece
Robin Moore says in Childhood's Domain, that children use "the landscape as a medium for understanding the world by continually deconstructing/reconstructing it"
Trimble says that every part of a child's environment is spoken for to meet the economic, social and cultural needs of the adult community
Environmental psychologists Rachel and Stephen Kaplan say children first develop a sense of "nearby nature," by discovering and recognizing weed trees, vacant lots and ditch creatures
Then, ecologist and environmentalist Aldo Leopold says, children develop a regard for wilderness, known as "land ethic."
Ecologist Edith Cobb says "land ethic" develops into a "living ecological relationship between a person and a place."
During the age 5 to 7 shift, Cobb says children are "in love with the universe" as they begin to establish a sense of culture through nature
In this stage, Trimble says hildren will run with what they know; metaphorically and symbolically, parents are careful to not let their children fall off cliffs (meaning parents are simply worried about their children's safety, but are also careful to keep their children from losing their innocence through the curiosity they have practiced throughout their childhood, much like Holden Caulfield in Catcher In the Rye)

#1 Childhood developmental stage: Mapmaking, spatial and symbolic skills (ages 3-4)

Soon after age 3, we develop spatial and symbolic skills

When children this age hear a landmark's name, they see it, like we do at our ages now

Recognizing landmarks comes with the full development of the brain, around age 4

Stories help us tie landmarks together (initial mapmaking skills)

Mapmaking skills are in our DNA, so our descriptions of environments consists of landmarks
Accurate mental mapmaking increases with active participation in our environments, like walking

Mapmaking is a learning skill and to walk is to be part of nature; therefore, activity in nature, like crawling and playing, leads to learning

#2 Childhood developmental stage: Sense of security

During infancy and while a toddler, a tension exists within children between safety and the unknown, and the old and the new; to disband this tension, children must develop a sense of security
Security is established by gaining a sense of worth by connecting with the land and environment

Exploring space and place as a child is important; Trimble says this is so important that "nowhere do humans matter more" than in nature in this stage of childhood development

#3 Childhood developmental stage: Sense of awareness and place

By developing a relationship with nature, children have enough space to develop and invent their own personalities and identities, opposed to developing identities in the material world of a built or urban environment
By immersing themselves in nature, children develop a sense of awareness that knowing and being are interconnected and continuous; by realizing this, children establish a psychological balance

It's interesting and amazing that children can develop such an advanced sense of awareness and psychological balance so early in life through nature, because adults who practice yoga spend years, and sometimes a lifetime, trying to achieve a similar balance between body and mind, and awareness of place with their body in the environment

#4 Childhood developmental stage: Self-esteem and tolerance of diversity

Children can develop self-esteem through nature because the natural world doesn't judge"

Trimble says that elements of nature like the sun and trees can "strengthen" and "energize

Children are taught tolerance of diversity by learning that difference is the norm by seeing the vast range of contrast among different animal species
Children further learn to accept others for who they are and to not judge because the earth is constant and will always go on whether we wear what is considered the "right" clothes or not

#5 Childhood developmental stage: Autonomy and power

When developing autonomy, children assert their sense of control through possession

Children demonstrate possession by discovering and/or collecting objects, which stimulates curiosity, a trait that encourages learning
Discovering objects establishes a sense of intimacy and uniqueness with children because that object is their own; what they found is different than what any other child finds
Children's possessions are unique, so children themselves are also unique

Native Americans develop power by appreciating power; for example, they see how an animal has established its power among other animals, and they appreciate that, then develop their own sense and form of power

My thoughts: Can it work the opposite way, where Native Americans lose a sense of power this way, because by viewing and appreciating power, won't they see that the natural world is a force to be reckoned with?

My thoughts: Children develop a sense of freedom in nature because there are no societal norms; no one is telling them what's right and what's wrong

"GOING TRUANT: THE INITIATIAN OF YOUNG NATURALISTS"
Chapter 3 by Nabhan

Lack of nature in school systems:
- American author Franklin Burroughs says that "'nature education' is a contradiction of terms," because it's a cross between formal education, where you're "supposed to be," and nature, where you're "truant"
- Most schools teach that nature is a distant abstraction because nature is not integrated into the school system
- Like playgrounds, recreational activities in school are structured and exist in built environments, like gyms, ball courts and pools
Nature in school systems:
- According to Nabhan, 28% of high school students do not complete their coursework
- Nabhan argues that immersion in the natural world is essential to learning because it offers a lasting value with its constant nature, opposed to the temporary (and sometimes negative) value that today's graffiti, videos and rap music offer in the urban environment
- Some programs, like Vision-Quest, founded by Bob Burton in 1972, help high school drop outs find and construct their path in life by removing troubled teens from the material trappings of urban life
Nature as a vehicle for rite of passage:
- Today, sometimes adults with jobs involving nature are not taken seriously, and are considered "overgrown but harmless juveniles," according to Nabhan
- Nabhan says people who think this are "dead wrong" because...
- Although sometimes overlooked today, nature has always been a prominent vehicle for the rite of passage
- Those who fail to go through rites of passages through nature develop a sense of immaturity because they lack tangible experiences with "symbolic touchstones" that connect the world together and explain it as a whole (like children piecing the world together as a puzzle)

Posted by Melissa Hoon

Outdoor play gives children the opportunity to value nature, and see it as an important part of of our world. This is a tangible way to ensure that we help them developing environmental stewards who will be both appreciative and respectful of nature as they grow.

Here are a few ideas for incorporating natural play into children’s everyday lives:

* Find a nature trail (or any place in nature, really) and encourage children to play, rather than just hike. Help children make up a game or collect bugs or leaves

* Allow children a small patch of land as “their own.” This can be in a backyard or a school yard. One school where I worked had a children’s garden in the strip of land that ran right next to the side of the school building. Let them use their imagination to dig, garden, build, etc.

* Invest in a few inexpensive outdoor exploration tools: bug box, magnifying glass, butterfly net, shovel, spade, and compass

* Rather than working indoors, take lessons outdoors. Learn about water cycles from the true source, use nature to teach about categorization, or compose a symphony of nature sounds. Even a language or math lesson is more fun when done outside on a beautiful day

How to get your child excited about nature

By Greg Seaman

Parents need to teach children in a simple but deliberate way how to understand and interact with the natural environment. If this curiosity is not stimulated, it gradually dulls as the many distractions of modern life fill the child’s interest.

When a child becomes excited by nature, he/she gains access to its inherent rewards – inspiration, entertainment, comfort and perspective. As our modern life becomes more complex and over-stimulating, an appreciation of our natural world offers the child a gift that will last a lifetime.

Start when they’re young

First impressions are lasting impressions. Even babes in arms, birth – 6 months old, will respond with interest to the wonders of their natural environment. The first year or two of a child’s life is a special time when the child looks to the parent for guidance in all areas of learning. Seize the moment to instill in your child an interest and a reverence for nature.

As an example, when my children were babies I would take them to a quiet spot near the house before dinnertime to listen to the evening bird songs. As each bird gave its distinct call, I would simply say the name of the bird – varied thrush, grouse, towhee, robin, woodpecker…. Invariably, my child would be fixated in silence, concentrating on the attention we gave to the sounds of nature. Beyond the learning experience, these were precious moments, rewarding for both child and parent.

Go with them

Your participation is essential, as it underscores the importance of learning about our natural environment. As guide and mentor, your example sets the benchmark for your child’s level of interest in nature.

Begin by taking your child out in nature with just yourself. Avoid bringing your child’s friends along for the first few outings; children listen to their peers more than their parents and all it takes is one snicker from a friend saying ‘this is dumb’ to throw a wet blanket on your efforts.

Also, sending your child off to camp or school field trips is no guarantee that he/she will have a successful experience in wild nature. With children, social interactions can distract from their experience of nature.

Help them observe

Equip your child with the means to better explore and observe the natural world, from the miniature world of the insects to the local flora and fauna, and the swirling night sky constellations.

Binoculars/monocular

Give your child his/her own child-sized binocular for use during outings in nature. A monocular may be even preferable to binoculars for young children because a monocular is smaller, lightweight and easy to pack in a pocket or pack.

Journal

A sturdy, hard-bound journal with blank pages enables your child to keep a record of personal observations. Coloured pencils are also useful for nature drawings or bird sketches. As journal pages gradually fill with drawings and observations, the child gains a sense of pride and accomplishment which deepens the growing bond with nature.

Local wildlife books

Find a book which details the birds, mammals and wild flora specific to your locale. Reading a guide will greatly enhance your child’s outings. The children’s book section of the library will have lots to offer.

Topographical maps

Your town’s bookstore will likely have topographic maps of your area. Pin a large (poster-size) copy on a wall at home as a reference. The child can highlight areas explored or pin small numbers that correspond with pages in their journals. Over time, the child develops an intimate knowledge of the surrounding area and its wild attractions. It’s also useful to have a laminated copy of the topo map to bring along as a pocket guide during outings.

“How can we expect to preserve and protect biodiversity if we don’t even know the names of the plants and animals that share our neighbourhood?”

- Robert Bateman, wildlife artist

Let them lead

Although you may have a preset route to follow, give preference to the child’s interests. Follow their interests, and let your child set the pace. Keep the outing easy and fun. And, you may be surprised by what your child’s keen eye can teach you.

Encourage your child to be a ‘trophy’ hunter (by camera, of course!)

Keep a checklist of local wildlife and flora and try to “discover” them in the wild. Give your child a small camera to document their find, and mark it off on the checklist. By documenting their discovery, the child sees progress and can take pride in their accomplishment. Use copies of the child’s photos for Christmas cards to the relatives. This adds value to the child’s efforts.

Bring your child to a wildlife rehabilitation center

Many communities have wildlife shelters and recovery centers which provide the public with an opportunity to see local wildlife species close-up. This is also a chance for your child to see local people engaged in stewardship activities. These people are modeling to young people their dedication to wildlife.

Give your child an area to steward

Whether it’s a small wild corner of your yard, a child-sized section of a garden bed, or a nearby special spot in nature, give the child responsibility for its stewardship. For young children, this can be as simple as monitoring the changes in this area over the seasons, setting out seeds to help the birds in winter, or freshening the water in the birdbath. These seemingly small acts of stewardship instill the notion of individual responsibility for the care of our environment.

Older children can take on a task such as creating a backyard wildlife habitat, maintaining birdfeeders, or growing their own vegetable patch. It may be necessary to help the child get started, but know when to stand back and let the child take ownership.

With the threats facing our environment nearing a precipitous threshold, we must increase our efforts to teach our children the wonders of nature. This is our best assurance that they will make wise choices throughout their lives which benefit the environment and promote the values of sustainability for the benefit of all.

Greg Seaman is the founder of Eartheasy, and the father of two sons.

Practical Things You Can Do

Most children are good at introducing themselves to nature; they just need a little encouragement. The garden spider, the ant highway, the bluegill taking a worm—these are all doorways into that other world, the one outside the Nintendo universe. As parents, we can help open those doors. Particularly in urban areas, exposure to nature doesn’t come naturally. We need to bring nature to our kids. We can:

Join nature organizations, and encourage them to pay attention to kids. The National Audubon Society, the National Wildlife Federation, the Nature Conservancy, the Sierra Club or other organizations are beginning to address the breach between kids and nature. Most have monthly publications with spectacular natural photography; some have special memberships and magazines for kids.
Take a nature break. Take children for a walk in the woods. If there isn’t one nearby, visit a local zoo. Look for insects under leaves and birds in the trees. Get dirty. Play in the mud. Stand in the rain until your clothing is soaked. Show kids how good nature can feel.
Go camping, boating, hiking. “When we go camping, I try to tap a vein of mystery I remember when I was a child,” says John Johns, a Los Angeles businessman. “I get them up before dawn so we can see the coyotes. We hike under the moon, no flashlights. On camping trips, if the parents have a good time, the kids will have a good time. They’ll connect with nature.”
Take nature vacations. Families that don’t enjoy camping can still vacation in natural settings by renting a mountain or beach cabin for a few days. Ski trips give kids a chance to roll in the snow. Dude ranches give family members a chance to ride horses, sleep under the stars, and pretend they are cowboys and cowgirls.
Encourage schools to incorporate nature into the curriculum. Some schools adopt nearby canyons, fields or woods and, as part of biology class, clean up the trash, remove the non-native plants, and study the animal life. These programs help kids experience nature up close, and improve science education by making it personal and hands-on.
Conduct family or school nature treasure hunts and nighttime explorations. Anne Lambert, mother of three and former high school teacher, quotes Rachel Carson: “It is not half so important to know as to feel” when introducing a young child to the natural world.

http://eartheasy.com/blog/2009/05/clearing-a-path-to-nature/

The Real Cost of ‘Virtual Nature’

How to get your child excited about nature

Spending time in nature, a natural remedy for ADHD

Connecting with nature close to home

Our Psychic Connections to Nature

Leave No Child Inside

Be everyone else's Lucky Charm

Loving words can help dissolve sorrow and enmity, bringing benefit and happiness to humanity. Loving words are truthful words that represent a person's compassion, wisdom, moral demeanor, and virtue.

You can live a charmed life, and that there is a formula by which you can make this work.

Here is the formula: You can live a charmed life by causing others to live a charmed life. That is, be the source of charm' -- of charming moments and experiences -- in the life of another.

Be everyone else's Lucky Charm! Make all who you touch today feel 'lucky' that you crossed their path.

Do this for a week and watch things change. Do it for a month and you'll be a different person.

Neale Donald Walsch

“Happiness belongs to those who are easily contented.”
— Aristotle

Friday, January 14, 2011

Tips for a long and healthy relationship

Allow kindness to create a mood of love.

Do things that bring both of you joy.

Prepare for love. Set a loving intention each morning.

Give up blame.

Know your partner isn’t the source of your pain.

Be generous–give more than you think you can.

Be adventurous.

Eat together…slowly.

Seek outside help.

Learn to hold your own hand.

Focus on changing your own annoying habits.

Lower your expectations.

Remember love is a verb.

Accept imperfection in all things.

Know to “be” in love and

“feel” in love.

Seek comfort within your relationship.

Focus on the beauty within your partner.

Connect with your heart and soul.

The more love you share, the more love you have.

Dance and play together.

Point all of your actions to love.

Decide to forgive.

Release judgment.

Never underestimate the power of touch.

Be willing to change.

Thrive on simplicity.

Fill your life with adventure.

Learn new things together.

Appreciate each other.

Take risks together.

Create a spirit of unity.

Learn to ask for and receive love.

Give more than you receive.

Let go of past hurt and resentment.

Establish a daily spiritual practice.

Abandon the need to be right.

Turn your burdens into blessings.

Believe the best is yet to come.

Have dinner by candle light.

Leave time for hobbies and fun.

Schedule alone time and vacations.

Smile and laugh together.

Respond to each other with love.

Be grateful for challenges and lessons.

Live in a relaxed, peaceful flow.

Respond in a calm and peaceful manner.

Don’t fix what isn’t broken.

Affirm: “I can let this go.”

Allow each other space to breathe.

Seek out the good in each other.

Keep your heart and mind open.

Surrender control.

Embrace the unexpected.

Apologize and offer to change your behavior.

Lighten up! Find humor in difficult situations.

Disengage from all drama.

Volunteer together.

Create a plan for your future.

Leave time for family and fun.

Be spontaneous.

Create room for intimacy and sex.

Pay attention to what doesn’t feel right.

Remember only love matters.

http://theboldlife.com/2011/01/62-tips-create-love-story

Are You Ready for Marriage? Simple Tool #1: Humor

by Susanne

Post written by premarital columnist Susanne Alexander of Marriage Transformation.

Your ability to laugh together is one of the vital facets of your relationship that will be important throughout marriage.

Does this mean you both have to laugh all the time with each other?

No way. You could both be serious and rarely laugh together and still be compatible!

It’s very common for people to list “sense of humor” as something that they are looking for in a relationship. Relationship expert Amy Spencer says, “Do you think you want someone with a good sense of humor? You don’t. What you want is a relationship in which the two of you crack each other up”.

So, it’s more about the quality of the interaction between the two of you than looking for that particular quality in someone.

Take this quick quiz and see how your relationship scores:

1. Do we find similar things funny? Think about cartoons, movies, TV shows, books, accidental happenings, human quirks…

2. Do we understand and appreciate each other’s jokes or humorous stories?

3. Does one of us laugh more easily than the other? How does that work or not work in our relationship?

4. When we do activities together, do we generally feel a sense of enjoyment in the experience and in sharing it?

5. When difficult circumstances arise, are we both able to see the humor in the situation, or help each other see it?

Some people naturally generate positive, humorous feelings and an outlook that has them always looking for what makes them laugh. Other people tend to be more serious until they have a partner who helps them to lighten up.

What works best for you in a partner?

No matter how compatible partners are, there will be times when one of you just doesn’t get the joke.

One of you is cracking up and one of you is lost. You will just end up shaking your heads and agreeing you are on a different page.

If this is happening a lot, then step back, and assess: Is this relationship one that will work long-term?

Marriage, like the rest of life, is full of both joys and challenges.

Sharing humor and laughter can be the grace that saves you when the baby spits up for the umpteenth time, the car tire goes flat for the third week in a row, your mother-in-law descends for an unexpected visit, or there is a difficult medical diagnosis to deal with.

Couples who can find humor in even the most dire circumstances have a unique strength. You aren’t laughing at each other, you’re laughing with one another. And couples who can laugh together are more likely to stay together.

http://www.simplemarriage.net/are-you-ready-for-marriage-simple-tool-1-humor.html

4 Ways to Make Marriage EASY

by David Patrick

A few weeks ago my concept of the difficulty of marriage was challenged. We are so used to saying that marriage is hard. And there is no doubt that it can be challenging, but the institution apparently is not hard, it’s the parties involved. Our marriage mentor was once again, the “burster of bubbles” for me again on this subject.

He said, “We keep saying that marriage is hard. Marriage is not hard, it’s easy. All you have to do is Humble Yourself, Serve One Another, Shut Up, and Pray”

I listened to that advise and turned it over and over in my mind. Humble myself, serve my spouse, shut up and pray. Humble myself, serve my spouse, shut up and pray. That’s it. It made sense. I’ve always believed that there is great simplicity in wisdom. Over the next few weeks (and up to today) I rolled that over in my mind and made sure that whatever came up in my home daily that I remembered these four things.

* Humble Yourself: To humble yourself means to take a lower position or rank. Or to think more highly or others than you do yourself. When dealing with your spouse… humble yourself. Make your spouse’s needs, desires, problems and concerns more important than your own. You are sowing good to your spouse, you are bound to reap it.

* Serve Your Spouse: Once you’ve got humbling yourself on your mind it will be easier to serve your spouse. Do what they’ve asked of you and take initiative to do what they haven’t yet asked. And let me let you in on a secret about service. You haven’t really served your spouse until you’ve been inconvenienced. When they asked you to do something that will also benefit you or something that is “along the way” to something you were going to do already that’s not really serving. It’s when you’ve been asked to do something that will put you “out of your way.” Remember the Bible scripture, “when asked to go one mile, go two”? That’s service.

* Shut Up!: This is probably the biggest issue. Most of us don’t know when to shut up. We can’t seem to let things slide. Simple advice: Just shut up. Nobody wants to hear your two cents. Keep your two cents, and save it up until you have enough to say something worthwhile.

* Pray: I’m not sure how any relationship thrives without prayer. Pray over your marriage, pray over your spouse, pray that God shows you how to be a better spouse, pray for mitigated distractions in your marriage, pray on how to navigate the obstacles, and pray for the strength to do these four steps and the reminder to continue.When you and your spouse can’t agree and you think you’re right, pray that God causes whoever is wrong to see their error. Prayer is an investment in your marriage. What you pray for and about you are less likely to tear down with your words and actions.

Nope, marriage is not hard, it’s easy. These steps aren’t really hard either, it’s our inner selfishness. 4 tools to your marriage success: Humble yourself, serve, shut up and pray.

http://happilymarriedafter.org/2011/01/11/4-ways-to-make-marriage-easy/

The Fastest Path to Happiness

By Tina Su

“Happiness belongs to those who are easily contented.”
— Aristotle

Here’s a gentle reminder that Happiness is a state within us. It is a chemical reaction based on where we put our focus, and from which perspective we choose to experience the world.

We are the ones who hold the key to lasting happiness. And we are the only ones who can deprive ourselves of the happiness that we all desire and deserve.

Sometimes, all it takes is a whisper of gratitude, to draw our focus back to our hearts and away from the discontentment and negativity that our minds are naturally attracted to.

This past Christmas, I took on the responsibility of cooking for our extended family. And when I was in the kitchen, preparing the food, I found my mind wandering off, thinking about negative things, thinking about things to complain about, thinking about certain people who made me upset.

I caught myself doing it, and was alarmed by the negative feeling it drew into my inner space.

And then I started to consciously redirect my attention towards being thankful. It was like a game.

As I was chopping vegetables, I would say –sometimes verbally- “I am so thankful that I have the resources to buy vegetables. I am so thankful for this knife, without it would be difficult to cut vegetables.” Standing at the sink, I would say, “I am so thankful that I have water. I am so thankful for this beautiful sink. It’s so useful and cool looking.”

Going to the fridge to get the ingredients for the next thing I was cooking, I’d say, “I am so thankful I have a fridge. I am so thankful for the fridge full of food.” Standing over the stove, “I am so thankful for this pot. I am so thankful for the beautiful gas stove, it has provided so much for our family’s needs. I love that it’s stainless steel and black.”

When I dropped something on the floor, as I picked it up, I would admire the beautiful wood floor, which we never take the time to appreciate, “I am so thankful for the wood floor, I love the red tint it reflects.” And as I am saying this, I would be reminded, “I am so thankful for this house. A house with all the characteristics we once dreamed about, and it became a reality. Thank you Universe for always watching out for my needs and always fulfilling my dreams.”.

This went on for some time.

At first, it felt fake and forceful, but slowly, the feeling of love and warmth over took me, and the whole experience of cooking became a dance with the flow of life; a pleasant experience; a meditation.

I became lost in the presence of that blissful hour, in the kitchen, lost in the abundance of each moment, with overflowing love.

It doesn’t take a lot to get you started on the path of being thankful.

Gratitude is the fast track to contentment, and contentment for our present life situation, contentment of this moment regardless of what is in front of us is the key to happiness. Simple.

Next time you find your mind wandering off to the land of discontentment, complaining, or negative thoughts, don’t give yourself a hard time. Instead, try the simple method above of giving thanks, to those things you are immediately interacting with.

http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/fastest-path-to-happiness

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Choose our words the way we plant a garden – thoughtfully and with an eye to beauty

Words hurt and words heal.

World peace begins with peace in the family. As a therapist, I’ve heard many adults recite hurtful words they heard decades ago from a parent or sibling. Care in speaking to children requires a degree of self-possession, the ability to see past the blind emotion of the moment to the needs of the child. Good words come from that greater vision.

For example, words of extreme praise can do wonders for the injured ego of a child or spouse. Sometimes it’s helpful to give words to what is usually left unspoken. “I appreciate what you did for me. I’m happy that you’re with me.” Simple, direct and felt words of praise, appreciation and gratitude often go unsaid, when they could be a handy means of healing. Words hurt and words heal.

Every day offers opportunities to say words of encouragement and recognition. No matter how strong or successful we are, we all need such words. But often they may seem unnecessary. My rule is: if the thought occurs to me to say something supportive, I say it. You can never speak too often in praise and appreciation. You can also receive that praise, when it comes, gracefully – with words. “Thank you for saying that. I need to hear that.”

Everywhere today marriage partners and children are in distress. I have no doubt that one simple solution would be to offer them words of support. When used with care, language can be therapeutic. Even, and maybe especially, when a person is being difficult and belligerent, words of understanding and affirmation, realistic and felt, can often help.

Our physical world is polluted with dangerous chemicals, but our language, too, suffers its own kind of pollution. This is an ecological problem that we can solve in our personal lives by learning about language and using it with care and imagination. The flow of our words could be as clear and fresh as the cascade of an unpolluted, free-flowing stream. We could then choose our words the way we plant a garden – thoughtfully and with an eye to beauty.

Thomas Moore is is former Catholic monk and author of many books including Care of the Soul and Original Self. http://www.resurgence.org/magazine/article3284-the-power-of-language.html

True leadership

True leadership is focused on inspiration, motivation and right action.

Every acorn is a potential oak. And if the right conditions of soil, water and sunshine are met, something as small and insignificant as an acorn will become a mighty oak tree. In a similar manner every human being is a potential leader – provided that the right conditions are met so that leadership qualities of courage, commitment and selfless service can grow.

Just as every oak can offer shade for the weary traveller, a branch for a bird’s nest or a beam for the farm barn, every human being has the potential to care for the Earth, serve the poor, liberate the oppressed and scale the heights of imagination and self-realisation.

The kind of leader we are concerned with in this issue of Resurgence is not a rare hero, not an ego-driven dictator, not a self-conscious superstar, not a self-centred celebrity or a power-manic manager, but a humble host to humanity – a servant of the Earth and an ever-vigilant conscience of the people. Such a ‘servant’ leader is as mindful of the process and purpose of life as she or he is aware of the goals; there is no conflict between the means and the ends here. In the work of such a leader there is complete harmony between what is to be done and how it is to be done.

True and effective leadership is more about inspiration, facilitation and right action than about outcome, achievements and unrealistic targets.

A real leader leads by example. Anyone who demands, “Do as I say and not as I do!” is not a good leader. Integrity between words and deeds is an essential quality of inspirational leadership. Mahatma Gandhi was once asked: “When you call upon people to do something, they follow you in their millions; what is the key to your successful leadership?”

Gandhi reputedly replied: “I have never asked anybody to do anything I have not tried and tested in my own life. We have to practise what we preach. In other words, we have to be the change we wish to see in the world.”

One living example is more effective than a million words; congruence between preaching and practice is a prerequisite for purposeful leadership.

We are all potential leaders, because we can all lead our own lives in the right direction.

We can show the world that a good life can be lived without exploitation, subjugation or domination of others, or of natural resources. We can show that a simple, wholesome and equitable life can be joyful and good. We can show that happiness doesn’t flow from material goods or the amount of money in our bank accounts: rather, happiness flows from the quality of the life we live, and the kind of relationships we have with our families, with our communities and with the natural world.

This is bottom-up leader-ship. We don’t have to wait for a messiah. Genuine leadership is not going to emerge from parliament or presidential palace. Leadership is not about legislation. The end of apartheid in South Africa, the establishment of civil rights in the USA, the dismantling of the Berlin Wall, the dismemberment of the Soviet empire, and many other such transformations occurred in the history of humanity because millions of people took action at grassroots level and refused to accept the unjust order of the day. The feminist movement and the environmental movement are examples of people taking personal responsibility to participate in the process of the great transformation necessary for a just, sustainable and resilient future for the Earth and her people.

True leadership is not about heroic headline-grabbing actions: true leadership is to live and act with integrity and without fear. Leadership has nothing to do with power, position or office; nor anything to do with birth, class or status. Leaders can emerge from anywhere: from the Royal Family, like Prince Charles, or from a Maasai community, like Emmanuel Manjura – both of whom are featured in this issue.

Leadership is an inner calling to lead ourselves and the world from subjugation to liberation, from falsehood to truth, from control to participation and from greed to gratitude.

We can all be leaders. All we have to do is wake up, stand up, live and act.

Satish Kumar is Editor-in-Chief, Resurgence magazine.

http://www.resurgence.org/magazine/article3272.html

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Real Family Values 9 progressive policies to support our families.

by Sarah van Gelder


		Every family needs a place to live. When banks use our homes and mortgages to make bets in the global casino, we wind up with predatory lending, financial bubbles, crashes, and foreclosures: Shared Equity Home Ownership is a way to make homes permanently affordable. Community groups or local agencies invest in homes and share the equity with homeowners. When a homeowner sells, the agency shares in any gain, recycling the funds to keep homes permanently affordable. The foreclosure rate in Community Land Trusts, one example of this model, is 1/8th the national rate. Protect families from foreclosures by allowing judges to modify unaffordable loans.

		Government stimulus spending should be aimed at a recovery that can support families, communities, and the natural environment. Green and locally based jobs are our best bets: Fund job programs that create and retain jobs at the local level. Give preference to communities with high unemployment and to green jobs. Increase the minimum wage so that those who work can support their families and increase local economic activity. (In most of northern Europe, the minimum wage is $12 an hour or more.) And end pay discrimination against women, people of color, and single moms.

		Many families care for disabled children and spouses, and elderly parents. Here are ways we can support them: Protect Social Security from those who would like to cut it to pay for tax cuts for the rich. Help the elderly and disabled live at home by financing upgrades that make homes more accessible and weather proof. Provide full VA benefits and protection from job discrimination for veterans with PTSD, traumatic brain injuries, and other disabilities. Support community-based centers with services and mutual support for veterans. Support home caregivers through tax credits, payments toward their Social Security, and respite services.
		Time is essential to good family life. Children, couples, and elders need companionship, vacations, and time to respond to life’s crises. In Europe, workers have at least four weeks paid vacation, and in Germany and the Netherlands, they have the right to switch to part-time hours: Make part-time schedules available with equal (pro-rated) wages, benefits, and opportunities for promotion. Part-time work spreads jobs and income around and allows time for family. Make paid sick leave available to all, and allow parents to use it to care for ill family members. Give both parents paid leave following the birth or adoption of a baby. Guarantee paid vacation for all workers.

		One in five children live in poverty in the United States. Many children attend failing and even dangerous schools. Our kids deserve better: Fully fund Head Start and K-12 education. And give kids opportunities for exercise, art, music, and self-expression—don’t let tests rule. Strengthen community colleges and the Pell Grant system so all qualified young people can go to college and contribute to the future of their families and our nation. End the “cradle-to-prison pipeline” through local collaborations that intervene when young people get into trouble. The funds saved by lowering the rate of juvenile detention can be invested in substance-abuse treatment and education. Protect our kids from advertising, especially in schools, that promotes an unhealthy, consumer-oriented lifestyle.

		Health and health care costs are big worries for American families. Extend Medicare to everyone 55 and older, to pregnant mothers, and to children. Better yet, extend Medicare to all. End tax write-offs for advertising fatty, sugary foods that are making Americans sick. Fully fund domestic violence shelters, which are in high demand during the recession. Protect families from exposure to cancer-causing contaminants. Use precautionary regulation, which forces manufacturers to prove chemicals are safe before putting them in our homes, workplaces, and schools, instead of the current approach, which puts the burden on consumers or regulators to prove harm. Give special attention to vulnerable groups—like children, farmworkers, and those in cancer “hot spots.” Fund research into safe alternatives to toxic chemicals.

		Making our tax system more equitable could bring down the deficit; sustain family-friendly local, state, and federal government programs; and help reduce vast inequality, which threatens the health of all families, rich and poor. Make the first $20,000 of income free from payroll taxes. Make up for it by applying payroll taxes to incomes above $250,000. Tax capital gains at the same rate as other income. Under President Eisenhower, the top marginal rate was 91 percent; today, it is just 35 percent. Bring Back the Estate Tax on estates over $2 million ($4 million for a couple). Close offshore tax-havens that corporations use to hide profits and evade at least $100 billion in taxes each year. Share the revenues with struggling state and local governments for programs that support family well-being.

		Our children, grandchildren, and great-grand-children deserve to inherit vibrant ecosystems, a strong democracy, and opportunities for a good life Transition to renewable, clean energy. Invest massively in energy efficiency. Build infrastructure—like bike lanes and efficient transit—that makes sense in a time of energy constraints and climate disruption. Free elections from wealthy special interests. Start by overturning the Citizens United Supreme Court decision allowing corporations to spend unlimited amounts on campaigns. End subsidies to Wall Street. Invest in local jobs and sustainable communities. Protect our heritage of diverse species and healthy habitats.
		... by making it available to all committed couples, gay or straight. Hospital visits, family leave to care for an ill partner, and spousal health care and pension benefits should be available to both straight and gay couples. Reform immigration law and stop separating families through detention and deportation.
Sarah van Gelder wrote this article for What Happy Families Know, the Winter 2011 issue of YES! Magazine. Sarah is YES! Magazine's executive editor. Editorial interns Tiffany Ran and Alyssa Johnson contributed research to this article.

http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/what-happy-families-know/what-happy-families-know

10 Must Read Life Lessons from Buddha

By Mr. Self Development

Siddhartha Gautama was a great spiritual leader from ancient India who founded Buddhism. In most Buddhist traditions, he is considered the Supreme Buddha. “Buddha” is interpreted to mean “awakened one” or “the enlightened one.”

Siddhartha is the primary figure in Buddhism, and the accounts of his life, teachings, and monastic rules were recapitulated after his death and memorized by his followers.

Today I want to discuss some very important life lessons which I’ve derived from the teachings of Buddha.

10 Must Read Life Lessons from Buddha:

1. Its Okay to Start Small

“A jug fills drop by drop.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every artist was once an amateur.”

We all start small, do not despise small beginnings. If you’re consistent, and if you’re patient, you will succeed! No one succeeds over night; success belongs to those who are willing to start small and patiently work until their jug is filled.

2. Thoughts Become Things

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.”

Buddha said, “The mind is everything. What you think you become.” James Allen said, “Man is mind.”

In order to live rightly, you must fill your mind with “right” thoughts.

Your thinking determines your actions; your actions determine your outcome. Right thinking will grant you everything you desire; wrong thinking is a vice that will eventually destroy you.

If you change your thinking you will change your life. Buddha said, “All wrong-doing arises because of mind. If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain?”

3. Forgive

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

When you release those who you are holding captive in the prison of un-forgiveness, it is you who is released from prison. You can’t keep someone down, without staying down with them. Learn to forgive, learn to forgive quickly.

4. It’s Your Actions That Count

“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?”

They say “Talk is cheap,” because it is. To progress you must act; to progress quickly, you must act daily. Greatness will not fall upon you!

Greatness is for everyone, but only those who are willing to act consistently will experience it. There’s a proverb that goes, “God gives every bird a worm, but he doesn’t throw it into their nest.” To be great you must act great. Buddha said, “I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.”

5. Seek to Understand

“In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.”

Stephen Covey said, “Seek to understand first, then to be understood.” Easily said, very difficult to do; you must labor to understand the “other” person’s perspective. When you feel anger rising, let it cease. Listen to others, understand their perspective, and you will have more peace. Be more concerned with being happy, than being right

6. Conquer Yourself

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.”

He who can conquer himself is greater than the mighty. To conquer yourself you must conquer your mind. You must control your thinking. Your thoughts cannot be tossed to and fro like the waves of the sea. You may be thinking, “I can’t control my thoughts, if a thought comes, it comes.” To that I say, you may not be able to stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can certainly stop him from building a nest in your hair. Dismiss thoughts that are contrary to the life you desire to live. Buddha said, “It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe that lures him to evil ways.”

7. Live in Peace

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

Don’t look without for something that can only be found within. Many times we may look without only to distract ourselves from the reality we know is true. That reality is that peace can only be found within. Peace is not a new job, peace is not a new car, or a new spouse….peace is a new perspective, and that new perspective begins with you.

8. Be Thankful

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.”

There’s always something to be thankful for. Don’t be so pessimistic that for a moment, even a split moment, you fail to realize the thousands of things you have to be thankful for. Everyone didn’t wake up this morning; some people went to sleep last night for the last time. There’s always something to be grateful for, recognize it, and give thanks. A grateful heart will make you great!

9. Be True to What You Know

“The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.”

We know a lot, but we don’t always do what we know. If you fail, it won’t be because you didn’t know; it will be because you didn’t do what you knew to do. Work to do what you know to do. Don’t just consume information, but ponder on thoughts that are conducive to what you desire to become until you have a burning desire to manifest it.

10. Travel Well

“It is better to travel well than to arrive.”

Life is about the journey! I’m not trying to arrive, I’m already there. I am happy, and content, and satisfied where I am today. I may experience nicer places, and finer wines, but I am traveling well. Don’t put off your happiness into some nebulous time in the future based on some goal that you think will bring you happiness. Travel well today, enjoy the journey.

About the Author: Mr. Self Development is an author who teaches a practical guide to success and wealth. Please visit him at Mr. Self Development.com. If you’ve enjoyed reading this article, then you may want to subscribe to his feed, follow him on Twitter, or read one of his most popular articles, “How I Manifested a Seven Bedroom Home at 24.”