The Dalai Lama: Why I Laugh

I have been confronted with many difficulties throughout the course of my life, and my country is going through a critical period. But I laugh often, and my laughter is contagious. When people ask me how I find the strength to laugh now, I reply that I am a professional laugher. [...]

The life of exile is an unfortunate life, but I have always tried to cultivate a happy state of mind, appreciating the opportunities this existence without a settled home, far from all protocol, has offered me. This way I have been able to preserve my inner peace.

If we are content just to think that compassion, rationality, and patience are good, that is not actually enough to develop these qualities. Difficulties provide the occasion to put them into practice. Who can make such occasions arise? Certainly not our friends, but rather our enemies, for they are the ones who pose the most problems. So that we truly want to progress on the path, we must regard our enemies as our best teachers.

For whoever holds love and compassion in high esteem, the practice of tolerance is essential, and it requires an enemy. We must be grateful to our enemies, then, because they help us best engender a serene mind! Anger and hatred are the real enemies that we must confront and defeat, not the “enemies” who appear from time to time in our lives.

Of course it is natural and right that we all want to have friends. I often say jokingly that a truly selfish person must be altruistic! You have to take care of others, of their well-being, by helping them and serving them, to have even more friends and make more smiles blossom. The result? When you yourself need help, you will find all you need! On the other hand, if you neglect others’ happiness, you will be the loser in the long run. Is friendship born of arguments, anger, jealousy, and unbridled competition? I don’t think so. Only affection produces authentic friends. […]

As for me, I always want more friends. I love smiles, and my wish is to see more smiles, real smiles, for there are many kinds—sarcastic, artificial, or diplomatic. Some smiles don’t arouse any satisfaction, and some even engender suspicion or fear. An authentic smile, though, arouses an authentic feeling of freshness, and I think the smile belongs only to human beings. If we want those smiles, we must create the reasons that make them appear.

-- The Dalai Lama, in an excerpt from his book "My Spiritual Journey"

Listen online at: http://www.awakin.org/read/audio.php?op=play&tid=995

Be As You Are, The Teachings Of Sri Ramana Maharshi

by Akemi 

• http://reallifespirituality.com/ramana-maharshi/

This book has deepened my spirituality so significantly that I want to do a review. Ramana Maharshi is an Indian sage (1879 – 1950). At age sixteen, he ran away from school and home, and went to the sacred mountain of Arunachala, staying there for the rest of his life.

He wrote very little. This book is a compilation of this dialogues, with the editor David Godman’s introduction at the beginning of each chapter.

Nondualism

The main point of his teaching is that the only thing that ever exists is the one Consciousness. Individuality is only an illusion. Identification with the illusionary self is the cause of suffering.

He uses several words to mean this one Consciousness: Self, sat-chit-ananda (Sanskrit for being-consciousness-bliss), Heart (not the physical heart but the center), and God. So we need to be careful when he says “Self”. It’s not the Higher Self — it includes all Higher Selves. In his view, there is no difference between the Source (Brahman) and the Higher Self/soul (Atman).

For Ramana Maharshi, there is no creator and the creatures. This is the purest form of nondualism. Only one Consciousness being aware of itself.

Although on the surface his theory is different from my idea of how the Higher Selves and souls came to be from the Source, I actually agree with him. That story of creation is a layer of illusion, or what I call virtual reality simulation game.

Advaita

Even though Ramana Maharshi is often categorized as an Advaita (Sanskrit of nondualism and indicates a branch of Hindu teaching) teacher, this book explains the difference:

Advaita teaches “I am Brahman” whereas Ramana Maharshi maintains “I am”. The idea of “I am Brahman (or the Source or God)” is nice, it’s only a notion that is thought or believed. It implies there is “I” and “Brahman”. “I am” is a knowing. For Sri Ramana, there is no subject and object, the seer and the seen.

The “I” cannot become aware of the Self — I can only be the Self.

Self-enquiry

Self-enquiry is essentially a process of removing the illusions so you find what you already know. You are already the Self. There is nothing that is not the Self. But we all have so much gunk caused by the five senses and our conventional thinking that the truth may not be obvious.

When you release thoughts and be silent, you realize the truth, he says. And by silent, he doesn’t mean just shutting up your mouth. It’s a complete silence of the mind. It’s the stillness or non-doing.

I guess this is a tough idea for many. We are taught to think. We are taught not-thinking is ignorant and lazy. And here Sri Ramana says ignorance is holding onto the illusions and we are wiser when we release thoughts.

Self-realization

So what good do we achieve when we realize the truth of “I am”?

Well, none. Achievement is an illusion. We just realize all our problems are illusions and therefore be free from them. Ramana Maharshi says self-realization is bliss — the Self is bliss.

Quantum mechanics

Now here is how I interpret his teaching with what I know about modern science. We are all made of atoms. The atom is like 99% space with tiny subatomic particles flying around as possibilities. In our everyday life, we recognize there is a distinct difference between my body and the space around me, and my body and your body. But really, the difference is only relative. My body is relatively denser than the space around me, but no significant difference.

Energy continues beyond what we recognize as individual objects and life forms. Individuality is only supported by our five senses, which only registers energetic information in a gross, inaccurate way.

We are all one. One taking localized forms temporarily.

Accepting a layer of illusion

For those of you who think his teaching is too far off and impractical, Ramana Maharshi also modifies his teaching and says it is okay to assume some individuality.

So it’s okay to pray. When you know there is only one Consciousness — in other words, when you know you are God — there is no point of praying. I agree with him, but at the same time, I find comfort in praying. So at least for now, accepting this layer of illusion that there is God and me works for me.

Needless to say, when we realize our individuality is an illusion, then reincarnation is an illusion as well. So those of you who really grasp his teaching of nonduality (not just understanding it on the intellectual level, but really know it and live in bliss) don’t need my Akashic Record Reading. You are free already and you know it.

Renunciation

Also, I personally find it interesting that he discourages renunciation even though he himself abandoned his worldly life and led a very austere life. It is said his only personal possession was his loincloth. To his visitors, however, he explained self-enquiry alone is sufficient for self-realization.

So I guess I don’t need to move to India

This is the best book on spirituality I know. I don’t think you need to know anything else about spirituality. Read it, be silent, and realize.

On Praise and Blame

The Dalai Lama reflects on praise and blame in his commentary on lines from Longchen Rabjam's Finding Comfort and Ease in Meditation on the Great Perfection.

By The Dalai Lama

See the equality of praise and blame, approval and disapproval, good and bad reputation,

For they are just like illusions or dreams and have no true existence.

THIS VERSE REFERS to the Eight Worldly Concerns: wanting to be praised and not wanting to be criticized, wanting happiness and not wanting suffering, wanting gain and not wanting loss, and wanting fame and approval and not wanting rejection and disgrace. We all experience these, don't we? Even animals probably have them in some slight measure.

I think all of us are concerned in particular about maintaining a good reputation. For example, when I am up here on this throne teaching, from time to time, somewhere in the back of my mind, there appears the thought: How am I doing? How are people going to react to this? Are they going to praise me? Maybe not . . . Oh! That did not go well. Will people criticize me? Whenever this happens I need to catch myself and say, Look, now that I am here on this throne transmitting the dharma teachings, I should not allow myself to be affected like this by the eight worldly concerns.

However, we will find that hopes, fears, and discursive thoughts of every description will come into our minds. Even very pure monks might sometimes harbor a concern in the back of their mind about whether or not people give them a few words of praise. Even worse, they might start trying to impress others in order to receive offerings or be invited to perform rituals. Thoughts like these are really dreadful. The Eight Worldly Concerns can creep up on us, quite stealthily and sneakily, and even when we do something virtuous, they will try to find a way to slip in.

As it says in The Way of the Bodhisattva, praise and a good reputation do nothing to increase our longevity or good health. Maybe if lots of people praised us we might get a bit richer! But apart from that, praise does not make us live longer or in better health or help us in any other way. If people criticize us, it does not make us sick or unhealthy and nor does it shorten our lives. It does not affect us in any substantial way at all.

If we really stop to think about praise and criticism, we will see they do not have the least importance. Whether we receive praise or criticism is of no account. The only important thing is that we have a pure motivation, and let the law of cause and effect be our witness. If we are really honest, we can see that it makes no difference whether we receive praise and acclaim. The whole world might sing our praises, but if we have done something wrong, then we will still have to suffer the consequences for ourselves, and we cannot escape them. If we act only out of a pure motivation, all the beings of the three realms can criticize and rebuke us, but none of them will be able to cause us to suffer. According to the law of karma, each and every one of us must answer individually for our actions.

This is how we can put a stop to these kinds of thoughts altogether, by seeing how they are completely insubstantial, like dreams or magical illusions. When people praise us and we glow with delight, it is because we think that being praised is beneficial. But that is like thinking that there is some substance to a rainbow or a dream. However much benefit appears to accrue from praise and acclaim, actually there's none at all. However convincing it seems, it is as unreal as a magician's illusion. And so Longchen advises:

Learn to bear them patiently, as if they were mere echoes.

In exactly the same way, when somebody says something unpleasant or hurtful to us, we need to learn to be patient and forbearing and remind ourselves that their words are just like the sounds of an echo, equally insubstantial and unreal.

From Mind in Comfort and Ease, © 2007 by H.H. the Dalai Lama. Reprinted by arrangement with Wisdom Publications, Inc., wisdompubs.org

5 Steps to Stress Relief

If you often find yourself struggling with the effect stress has on your physical and emotional well-being, follow the following 5 steps to stress relief:

1. Acknowledge it. It sounds simple, doesn't it? It might even sound futile. But taking a moment to admit to yourself that something is stressing you out is the first step in letting go of it. As women, studies show that we often take on more than we can handle. By acknowledging that an extra activity will put more added stress on an already hectic lifestyle, you can balance out the pros and cons and make a decision that's right for you.

2. Get a massage. I don't mean one of those extravagant, $200 massages with a hunky Swiss masseuse (though that might be something to put on your birthday list!), but the kind of stress-relieving, muscle-relaxing rubs that husbands and boyfriends are great at providing. And don't underestimate the power of bribery in obtaining these... "If you rub my feet for 10 minutes, I'll... [insert pleasurable activity of choice] for 15." No man can resist!

3. Laugh. You've just had a huge argument with your boss. Your mother called for the third time this week to ask if you're pregnant yet. Your son's teacher called you in to discuss his habit of peeing on walls. When you're stressed, even the smallest annoyance can seem like one more added pressure that you're not able to cope with. So forget about it for a while. Grab a good friend or family member and watch a funny sitcom together. Or a romantic comedy. Or a cartoon. Read the funny pages, or share a good joke. The more you laugh, the more mood-enhancing endorphins you'll produce!

4. Sleep. Not getting 8 hours of sleep every night? You should. If you're already exhausted when you head in to work, you'll be less likely to be able to handle whatever life might throw at you that day. If you have small children, sleeping through the night might seem like a luxury you don't have. Try napping during the afternoon when they do, even if it's just for half an hour. It'll do wonders for your mood, your stress levels, and your patience.

5. Pamper yourself. Do something that makes you feel good, something only for you. Buy a new romance novel and curl up with it after everyone else is asleep. Garden, scrapbook, paint, write. Do whatever brings you joy.

By Ritu Malhotra  

Recover Depression

by Mary Jaksch


Depression is insidious. You can slip into into it without noticing. But you can also climb out again. Most people have experienced at least a touch of depression at some time or other. I certainly have. In this post, I list ten things that have helped me overcome periods of depression – without taking antidepressants.
Are you depressed or just feeling low?
Depression is a word we use in everyday language to describe a number of feelings, including sadness, frustration, disappointment, and lethargy. However, I’m talking about clinical depression here. It differs from everyday lows in three significant ways:

• Clinical depression is more intense
• Clinical  depression lasts longer (two weeks or more)
• Clinical  depression significantly interferes with effective day to day functioning.

Most doctors prescribe antidepressants for clinical, but medication often only addresses the symptoms, and not the cause of depression. However, if you are suffering from serious depression, medication is crucial for your well-being.
I want to show you how to heal from depression using natural means.  The information I offer is aimed at those with light to medium depression. If you’ve been given medication, please continue to take it. The following 10-step strategy will speed your recovery – whether you’re on medication or not.
What are the signs of depression?
Here’s a checklist which will help you see if you’re depressed. The symptom will vary from person to person and also depend on the severity of your condition.

1. Do you suffer from low energy, or fatigue?
2. Do you feel hopeless, negative, or pessimistic?
3. Do you have persistent sad, anxious, or flat moods?
4. Do you have difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decision?
5. Do you suffer from recurring feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness?
6. Have you lost pleasure in hobbies and activities that you once enjoyed, including sex?
7. Do you suffer from sleep disturbances such as insomnia, early-morning waking, or oversleeping?
8. Have your eating habits changed, resulting in weight loss or weight gain?
9. Do you suffer from restlessness, or irritability?
10. Do you have thoughts of self-harm?

If you answered ‘yes’ to some of the questions above, you may be suffering from depression. Depression varies in severity. It may be that you are feeling low and are just hovering on the edge of clinical depression, or that you are suffering a mild to moderate form of depression. (Note: if you have thoughts of self-harm, you need to seek immediate medical help!)
Most medical practitioners suggest antidepressant medication and counseling. Both can be beneficial. But there are also some natural ways to counter a mild to medium depression.

10 Steps to recover from depression

1. Acknowledge depression to yourself and others.

Apture™

by Hartwig HKD

To acknowledge depression can be extremely hard, especially if you see yourself as a strong and decisive person. One of the practical difficulties of suffering from depression is that you may feel unable to continue with some commitments you’ve made. Let your colleagues or friends know that you will have to take a couple of steps back until you are feeling better. They may be able to come up with solutions that will help take the load off your shoulders.
2. Use a powerful natural remedy.

Apture™

by Jun

St. John’s Wort (Hypericum) is a roadside weed that has been used for centuries to treat a variety of disorders. It’s a mood-lifter and is an excellent remedy for mild to moderate depression. There has been some discussion about its efficacy. A research project comparing the effectiveness of St. Johns Wort with the antidepressant Imipramine, came to the following conclusion in the British Medical Journal:

Hypericum perforatum extract is therapeutically equivalent to imipramine in treating mild to moderate depression, but patients tolerate hypericum better.

You can get some over-the-counter preparations of St. John’s Wort at your local drugstore or pharmacy.
3. Step up your exercise.

Apture™

by Mike Baird

Regular exercise releases feel-good brain chemicals (neurotransmitters and endorphins) that may ease depression. Exercise has been found to work as well as medications, but may take longer to take effect. I recommend vigorous walking or slow running. If you have a heart rate monitor, try and stay more or less at 15% below your maximum heart rate. (Your maximum heart rate is 220 beats per minute minus your age). Translated into action, 15% below your maximum heart rate may equate to a purposeful but moderate uphill walk, or a fast walk on the flat. (Your breathing should still be easy.) Try to exercise at least every second day.
4. Use nutrition.

Apture™

by Stacy

Are you following a diet that helps you to combat depression? There are some essential foodstuffs that can help you to recover your wellbeing:

• Omega 3’s 
  Research shows that foods rich in B vitamins and omega-3’s may boost your mood. Make sure that you consume enough omega-3’s by eating two servings of seafood per week or by taking fish oil supplements. Salmon, tuna and trout are excellent sources of omega-3 fatty acids.
  
• Folates
  Many people who suffer from depression are  deficient in folate, a type of B vitamin. Natural food sources of folate are liver, spinach, papaya, lentils, avocados, raspberries, black eyed peas, red bell peppers, beans, broccoli, greens, and orange juice.
• Iron
  Lack of iron, or  anemia, is said to contribute to depression. Natural food sources of iron include meat, lentils, beans and leafy green vegetables.
• Selenium
  A  1991 study published in Biological Psychiatry suggests that lower levels of selenium in the diet correlate with anxiety, depression, and tiredness. Natural food sources of selenium include fish, Brazil nuts, beef and turkey, garlic and whole grains.
• What to avoid
  It’s important to stay off alcohol if you are feeling depressed. Alcohol is a depressant and will lower your mood (even though it may feel good initially.)

5. Improve Sleep

Apture™

by Tambako The Jaguar

If you are depressed, you are likely to suffer from a sleep disorder. It may be that you feel exhausted when you go to bed, but can’t get to sleep. Or that you wake up in the early hours and can’t get back to sleep again. Personally, I use a combination of three sleep strategies:

• Use a sleep hypnosis recording, created by Jon Rhodes. It’s free and you can find it here.
• Use an eye-shade, or block out light with thick curtains.
• Use Melatonin in order to reset the body clock.

6. Enjoy a massage.

Apture™

by Thomas Wanhoff

Besides being physically relaxing, massage may also cause the body to produce fewer stress hormones and may also increase the body’s production of feel-good endorphins and the mood-altering hormone serotonin.
7. Light.

Apture™

by Duane Tate

Natural sunlight seems to work best for people who have seasonal depression, called SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder. In fact, extra sunlight can help all forms of depression. Make sure you go out into the sun for a few minutes whenever it shines. If you live in a climate with little sunshine or find yourself depressed in the winter months, you may want to invest in a Solar Simulator. It’s a special lamp that simulates sunshine.

8. Unburden yourself.

Apture™

by Gianni D.

If you are feeling low, talk to a good friend. Friends can often spot if there is an imbalance in your life. You might also consider consulting a counselor or psychotherapist. Deep down we know what’s bothering us and what would help us to heal. Talking to a trusted person can help you to access your own wisdom.
9. Reduce stress.
One of the main factors that can precipitate depression is stress. Take a step back and refocus your life. Think of ways you can get others lighten your load. Can you push out the looming deadline? Can someone help you with the task that’s getting you down? Can you delegate or team up with someone?

10. Meditate.

Apture™

by Joel Bedford

Learning to focus the mind can be beneficial when you are trying to recover from depression. Meditation helps to control negative thinking, such as thoughts spiraling into failure or worthlessness. Meditation can also work directly on your mood. In my experience, meditation can work wonders for people suffering from depression. But you need to know exactly how to use meditation to recover from depression – otherwise it can make things worse. To be on the safe side, practice  walking meditation.
My next post will focus on exactly how to use meditation to recover from depression. Make sure you read it  – I’m very excited about what I’ve discovered! It might be the one thing that helps you or your loved one to recover from depression.
What is your experience of depression? What helped and what didn’t?
Read these related posts:
 Do you know the first 7 signs of emotional meltdown?
Do You Suffer from Spiritual Fatigue? How to Recover in One Day or Less
 Zen and the Art of Walking
 17 Sure-fire Ways to Lift Your Mood 

Note: this post isn’t meant as medical advice. If you feel depressed, please follow the instructions of your medical practitioner.
Photo by James Jordan

GENEROSITY. The power of Giving

by axinia

 “Generosity is the only way you can express your love for others”

                                  Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi

by Caecilia

Are you somebody who is giving? Feeling happy to share things? Enjoying your generosity? Most of us are that type, though the mass media is trying to convince publics that the society consists of egoistical individuals.

It is amazing how persistently through the last decades we have been told all this ego-oriented nonsense. It is absurd how the modern psychology is trying to explain the motivation of generosity: one gives and gets satisfaction of being appreciated. The people who made this up must have been very greedy people themselves!  – The true Giving never seeks any appreciation. It gives, because it is its nature.
As soon as we stop seeking the ego-oriented motivation in the most beautiful handlings of our fellow men we will live better, for sure!

Lavishness versus efficiency

Let’s look at the Mother-nature: it is tremendously generous und loving to the extend of lavishness! A feast of lavish beauty can be seen every spring and summer in the gardens and meadows. Just the same is with a fish: it produces many thousands eggs and only a tiny part of them will become fish. The Cosmos itself is nothing but a huge arena of lavishness with its billiards and billiards of galaxies, stars and planets – and only the Earth is populated with living beings. Lavishness is naturally the evolutional principle.
If the nature would act according to the economic law of efficiency the whole living process could probably never take place.
But we learn efficiency at universities. We work efficiently. We study efficiently. We teach our children to behave and to think efficiently. And the nature is laughing at us and keeps giving. 

Studies on generosity

While we don’t quite understand all the reasons why giving creates good health, many studies have documented generosity’s positive effects. Michigan researchers who studied 2,700 people for almost ten years found that men who regularly did volunteer work had death rates two-and-one half times lower than men who didn’t. In a separate study, volunteers who worked directly with those who benefited from their services had a greater immune system boost than those whose volunteer work was restricted to pushing papers.

Teaching as generosity

Do you like teaching? Most of people do! Somehow or rather people like to teach each other, in all possible forms: officially and spontaneously, from friend to friend, peer to peer, boss to employee, parent to child… Have you ever thought that teaching is a sign of generosity?  Sharing the knowledge or at least trying to do that for the true knowledge can only be obtained through the personal experience.

Nature of generosity

In fact, every human being has a subtle value centre on the left hand side of the abdomen responsible for generosity. If the power of generosity is awakened you can not but give – your love, care, time, attention, presents, beauty… One can stimulate this value centre by acting generously (though if this quality is not there, people almost suffer while sharing and giving, and it is a long way to learn it).

The easy and fast way is to give vibrations (using your right hand) to the left hand side of your abdomen and may be using some simple clearing techniques of Sahaja Yoga. And it works! Suddenly you do not force yourself but you become that! The generosity, in its most beautiful form starts flowing through you and you enjoy, enjoy and enjoy… 

 by multiflora

Being generous without thinking what one can get in return. Being generous without counting the benefits. Not thinking of image, appreciation, acknowledgement. Just being generous – is it that much? By generosity we nourish our hearts – we are giving what is given to us.

love,

axinia

http://shaktipower.wordpress.com/2006/11/28/generosity-the-power-of-giving/

6 Traits of Real Confidence

 
Post by Justin Dixon Follow me on Twitter Photo Courtesy of Tiago Ribeiro

Confidence is a major key to many aspects of our lives. It can be applied to happiness in the way it frees us from many internal struggles. It can help us in our work lives.  A confident person is more likely to be hired than somebody who is not confident. It can help us in our dating lives; confidence is a very attractive feature.

And with so many great things linked to confidence its no wonder so many people try to give off the impression. There are tells though. Here’s how to tell real confidence apart from faked confidence.



Real confidence does not need the center of attention. When you really believe in yourself you know that you are relevant. You don’t need the attention of others to verify this.

Real confidence does not put others down. There is no need to make others feel inferior, nor to go out of your way to prove some sort of superiority. With nothing prove, and a positive self image, you are left with no reason to put anyone else down.

Real confidence is not fear based. Confidence is the opposite of fear. All fear boils down to us thinking that we are not enough to handle what could come next.

Real confidence lets their opponents speak. Somebody who is truly confident is not afraid of being wrong.

They know it happens, and they know that it is better that they learn. They also know that they will get their turn to speak.

Real confidence can take criticism. Again, they know that it is better to learn the truth than to continue being wrong, and if the criticism is wrong a person with real confidence can make that decision for themselves.
Real confidence always tries again. Someone who is really confident knows that things aren’t always going to work out. What someone with real confidence doesn’t do is decide that just because it doesn’t work out the first time does not make them a failure. It means just keep trying.

Now it is going to happen where you will find others faking their confidence. Do not call them out of on this. Instead I recommend Thoreau’s approach.

“If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see.”

What are some other traits of real confidence you can think of? More importantly how are you going to carry yourself?

How to Stop Being a Workaholic

Post written by Leo Babauta.

Reader Carolyn recently asked, “How can an achievement-motivated workaholic learn to back off, relax, de-stress, and feel good about doing it? I am too driven!”

This is a common problem, and one that has several parts we should look at separately:

1. Being achievement-motivated.
2. Being a workaholic.
3. Learning to relax and de-stress.
4. Learning to feel good about it.

Let’s start by saying that there’s nothing inherently wrong with work — it can be fun, exciting, fulfilling, rewarding. I love my work in a way I never did for most of my life, until a few years ago, and work is one thing I live for, that I jump out of bed each morning to do.

However, the reader recognizes that there’s more to life than work, and that relaxing is important, and that stress is a major problem. When work takes over your life and causes problems — with your relationships, health, happiness — then it’s time to step back and figure out a better way.

Each person needs to figure out what that better way is, and I can’t offer one solution to fit all, but here are some thoughts on the four parts of the problem outlined above.

1. Stop being achievement-motivated.
There’s nothing wrong with achievements or being proud of them — it’s a natural thing to feel good about what you’ve accomplished. But it shouldn’t be the only thing that motivates you.

What’s a better motivation? Doing things you love, creating something great, being with people you love, doing things that are exciting.

If your work is something you love, something that excites you, that’s great. You’re better off than most, actually. But there’s gotta be more — what else gives you joy? Do you have hobbies you love? Do you like doing anything outdoors? Do you have family members or friends you love?

Figure out 4-5 things that truly make you happy and excite you — at least one of them should be a person or persons, and one of the others must be non-work-related. You need some balance in your life.

Get excited about these things, and be motivated by your love for them. If you have a spouse and kids, for example, let your life be motivated with the thought of spending time with them.

2. Stop being a workaholic.
What’s a workaholic? Someone who overdoes work — long hours, can’t stop working even at night, obsessed with work, to the detriment of other parts of his life.

If this is you, you might need help — beyond the help I can give you in an article. You might need to reach out to family members, to a therapist, to a group (online or off). There’s no shame in this — sometimes this is what’s needed to conquer an addiction.

But if you aren’t so far gone, you might be able to implement a few steps to stop from working so much.

First, stop working after a certain time — say 5 or 6 p.m. Make this a hard line: tell your office not to call you after this time, and don’t take your work home. Once the clock hits this time, you’re done for the day. The rest can wait until tomorrow.

Second, don’t check email or do other work-related communication after this point. Turn off the Blackberry or iPhone, even turn off the computer at home, and do something else. Also don’t take your mobile devices to non-work events such as vacations, your kids’ activities, family parties and so forth.

Third, schedule other things into your life. Exercise with a friend after work. Make dates with your partner. Take your kid to soccer practice. Set aside time for a beloved hobby. These things will stop you from working.

This should be good to start you out. The other steps are below, but for now, focus on these three things and be firm about them with yourself. No exceptions!

3. Learn to relax and de-stress.
This should be the easiest step (it’s fun, after all) but for many people it isn’t. There are many ways to relax and de-stress, but we’ll just touch on a couple of points.

First, take it in small steps. If you have a hard time relaxing, you don’t need to take a whole week or a month to do it at first (later, you might want to try this). For now, just try it in 10- or 15-minute increments. You’ll get used to it, and be able to do it for much longer.

Second, schedule a physical activity just about every day. This could be walking or running or cycling or swimming or playing basketball or soccer or whatever. As long as you’re doing something, preferably outdoors if weather permits. Again, just start out with 10 or 15 minutes a day. It might take some experimenting to find an activity you enjoy, so feel free to try out different things.

Third, schedule some solitude. This could be 10 minutes of reading alone, or walking quietly, or relaxing with a hot bath, or meditating. You should do it in silence, alone, with no distractions. A peaceful setting is best, without clutter or people knocking on your door. Ask your co-workers (if it’s at work) or family members (if at home) to please help you out and respect this time of solitude. Slowly stretch it from 10 minutes to 15, 20, 30 and so on until you have 45-60 minutes a day.

4. Learn to feel good about it.
This step is hard to comprehend for those who love relaxing, but for those who have a workaholic mindset, feeling good about relaxing can be tough. This takes a change in mindset.

We have to stop thinking that hard work is the only virtuous way. Sure, hard work is good, but so is being lazy, so is relaxing. We need to give ourselves permission to do this, and to feel good about it.

Relaxing and being lazy are necessary to good health and happiness. Our bodies and minds need to recuperate each day and week, and if we don’t have this downtime eventually something will go wrong: we’ll burn out, ruin our relationships, have deteriorating health. So think of it as a necessity, and a good thing.

Do things that are pleasurable. Forget about all the things you have to do and really be in the moment as you do them. Focus on how enjoyable the activity is, and how great you feel. Breathe deeply and feel the tension leaving you.

Give yourself time. It takes time to learn to enjoy relaxing. You’ll adjust, slowly, gradually. But you need to do it, in small steps, and block out negative thoughts and thoughts of work. Let those thoughts go, and focus on what you’re doing now.

This transformation won’t happen overnight, but it can happen. And it’ll be great.

THE FOUR IMMEASURABLES: Love, Compassion, Joy and Equanimity

PAGE CONTENTS
Introduction Love Compassion Sympathetic joy Equanimity Long version of the four immeasurables

'Compassion and love are not mere luxuries.
As the source both of inner and external peace,
they are fundamental to the continued survival of our species.'
His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama

INTRODUCTION

The four immeasurables, also known as the Brahma Viharas (Skt.) are found in one brief and beautiful prayer:

May all sentient beings have happiness and its causes,
May all sentient beings be free of suffering and its causes,
May all sentient beings never be separated from bliss without suffering,
May all sentient beings be in equanimity, free of bias, attachment and anger.

The Buddha taught the following to his son Rahula (from "Old path white clouds" by Thich Nhat Hahn):

"Rahula, practice loving kindness to overcome anger. Loving kindness has the capacity to bring happiness to others without demanding anything in return. Practice compassion to overcome cruelty. Compassion has the capacity to remove the suffering of others without expecting anything in return. Practice sympathetic joy to overcome hatred. Sympathetic joy arises when one rejoices over the happiness of others and wishes others well-being and success. Practice non-attachment to overcome prejudice. Non-attachment is the way of looking at all things openly and equally. This is because that is. Myself and others are not separate. Do not reject one thing only to chase after another. I call these the four immeasurables. Practice them and you will become a refreshing source of vitality and happiness for others."

If you are interested in meditating on these and many other subjects, see the List of Sample Meditations.

LOVE

The definition of love in Buddhism is: wanting others to be happy.
This love is unconditional and it requires a lot of courage and acceptance (including self-acceptance).
The "near enemy" of love, or a quality which appears similar, but is more an opposite is: conditional love (selfish love, see also the page on attachment).
The opposite is wanting others to be unhappy: anger, hatred.
A result which one needs to avoid is: attachment.

This definition means that 'love' in Buddhism refers to something quite different from the ordinary term of love which is usually about attachment, more or less successful relationships and sex; all of which are rarely without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to de-tachment and the unselfish interest in others' welfare.

'Even offering three hundred bowls of food three times a day does not match the spiritual merit gained in one moment of love.' Nagarjuna "If there is love, there is hope that one may have real families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real peace. If the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue" His Holiness the Dalai Lama from 'The little book of Buddhism'

COMPASSION

The definition is: wanting others to be free from suffering.
This compassion happens when one feels sorry with someone, and one feels an urge to help.
The near enemy is pity, which keeps other at a distance, and does not urge one to help.
The opposite is wanting others to suffer, or cruelty.
A result which one needs to avoid is sentimentality.
Compassion thus refers to an unselfish, de-tached emotion which gives one a sense of urgency in wanting to help others. From a Buddhist perspective, helping others to reduce their physical or mental suffering is very good, but the ultimate goal is to extinguish all suffering by stopping the process of rebirth and the suffering that automatically comes with living (enlightenment).

The attitude of a so-called Bodhisattva is Bodhicitta: this is the ultimate compassionate motivation: the wish to liberate all sentient beings from the sufferings of cyclic existence and to become a fully enlightened Buddha oneself in order to act as the perfect guide for them.

(See also the page on compassion.)

^Top of Page

SYMPATHETIC JOY

The definition is: being happy with someone's fortune/happiness. Sympathetic joy here refers to the potential of bliss and happiness of all sentient beings, as they can all become Buddhas.
The near enemy is hypocrisy or affectation.
The opposite is jealousy, when one cannot accept the happiness of others.
A result which one needs to avoid is: spaced-out bliss, which can easily turn into laziness.
Note: sympathetic joy is a great antidote to depression for oneself as well, but this should not be the main goal.
By rejoicing in others' progress on the spiritual path, one can actually share in their positive karma.
Sympathetic joy is an unselfish, very positive mental attitude which is beneficial for oneself and others. In this case, it also refers specifically to rejoicing in the high rebirth and enlightenment of others.

EQUANIMITY

The definition is: not to distinguish between friend, enemy or stranger, but regard every sentient being as equal. It is a clear-minded tranquil state of mind - not being overpowered by delusions, mental dullness or agitation.
The near enemy is indifference. It is tempting to think that just 'not caring' is equanimity, but that is just a form of egotism.
The opposite is anxiety, worry, stress and paranoia caused by dividing people into 'good' and 'bad'; one can worry forever if a good friend may not be a bad person after all, and thus spoiling trust and friendship.
A result which one needs to avoid is apathy as a result of 'not caring'.
Equanimity is the basis for unconditional, altruistic love, compassion and joy for other's happiness and Bodhicitta.
When we discriminate between friends and enemies, how can we ever want to help all sentient beings?
Equanimity is an unselfish, de-tached state of mind which also prevents one from doing negative actions.

"If one tries to befriend an enemy for a moment, he becomes your friend.
The same thing occurs when one treats a friend as an enemy.
Therefore, by understanding the impermanence of temporal relations,
Wise ones are never attached to food, clothing or reputation, nor to friends or enemies.

The father becomes the son in another life,
Mother becomes the wife,
Enemy becomes friend;
It always changes.
Therefore there is nothing definite in samsara."
The Buddha

"The foundation for practicing the seven-point cause and effect method is cultivating a mind of equanimity. Without this foundation you will not be able to have an impartial altruistic view, because without equanimity you will always have partiality towards your relatives and friends. Realize that you should not have prejudice, hatred, or desire towards enemies, friends, or neutral persons, thus lay a very firm foundation of equanimity."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from 'Path to Bliss: A Practical Guide to Stages of Meditation'

It is said that the awareness of a Buddha is completely even, like the ocean, taking in equally the joys and sorrows of all people, friends, loved ones, relatives, and those never met. This is the meaning of a statement made by so many of the world's great spiritual teachers,
"Love your enemy."
It doesn't mean love the person you hate. You can't do that. Love those who hate you.
From 'Buddhism with an Attitude: The Tibetan Seven-Point Mind-Training'

^Top of Page

THE LONG VERSION OF THE FOUR IMMEASURABLES

How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were to abide in equanimity,
Free of hatred and attachment!
May they abide in equanimity!
I myself will cause them to abide in equanimity!
Please, guru-Buddha, grant me blessings to be able to do this.

How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings had happiness and the cause of happiness!
May they have happiness and its cause!
I shall cause them to have these!
Please, guru-Buddha, grant me blessings to be able to do this.

How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were free of suffering and its cause!
May they be free of suffering and its cause!
I myself will free them from suffering and its cause!
Please, guru-Buddha, grant me blessings to be able to do this.

How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were never separated from the happiness of higher rebirth and liberation!
May they never separated from the happiness of higher rebirth and liberation!
I myself will cause them never to be separated from these!
Please, guru-Buddha, grant me blessings to be able to do this.

LINKS

See this extensive article by ven. Sangye Khadro at Bodhicitta.net.
See also The four Sublime States from the Access to Insight website; a complete free e-book!
See also the Discourse on Loving-Kindness - a short Sutra, by Shakyamuni Buddha

From http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/immeasurables_love_compassion_equanimity_rejoicing.html

Giữ gìn con mắt trong

Trích "Thành Kiến"

Tổ tiên ta thường khuyên “thấy sao để vậy”, hãy nhìn đúng sự vật sự việc như chính nó đang biểu hiện ra, chứ đừng nhìn như chính tâm trạng hay kinh nghiệm mình đang có. Cái đó là cái nhìn của con mắt trong, con mắt không bị bụi đời làm vẩn đục. Từ lâu rồi, ta đã quên sử dụng con mắt thật thà và hồn nhiên vốn có của mình. Nhìn nhau bằng con mắt ấy ta thấy dễ chịu và gần gũi hơn, cơ hội thấu hiểu và thương yêu nhau sẽ dễ xảy ra hơn. Cần có một đời sống tỉnh thức và bản lĩnh.

Ta nên nhớ là bản chất của vạn sự vạn vật là vô thường, thì con người cũng vô thường và kinh nghiệm cũng vô thường. Trong quá khứ người kia còn nhiều vụng về lầm lỡ thì bây giờ họ có thể đã thay đổi rất nhiều, ta hãy cho họ có một cơ hội được sống với con người mới trước ta, và ta hãy tự cho mình một cơ hội sống bằng tâm thức mới trước họ.

Sống với một người không biết ghi nhận những chuyển biến của mình, không thấy được mình đang có những nếp nhăn trên trán hay những khó khăn bế tắc trong lòng, để có một lời an ủi hay giúp đỡ kịp thời, thì đời sống ấy sẽ rất nhàm chán. Đó cũng là lý do tại sao mỗi khi ta gặp một người mới thì ta rất hân hoan vui sướng và muốn duy trì mãi giây phút được quan sát bằng con mắt không thành kiến. Đời sống vốn xuôi theo chiều hối hả, con người lại bị ảnh hưởng quá nhiều bởi kỹ thuật điện tử nên rất dễ trở thành kẻ sống hời hợt và cứng nhắc, cái gì lưu trữ vào não bộ của mình rồi thì không dễ gì lấy ra. Lối sống ấy là lối sống nhút nhát và tụt hậu, không can đảm mở lòng ra để cập nhật thông tin mới nhất từ đối phương, thì đừng hỏi tại sao sống với nhau mà không thể hiểu và thương nhau. Hiểu và thương là một quá trình luyện tập chứ không chỉ là vấn đề của ý chí.

Vì trong khi sử dụng kinh nghiệm cũ thì ta thường không còn thiện chí để tìm hiểu khám phá thêm, mà kinh nghiệm cũ dù hay ho tới đâu cũng không bao giờ diễn đạt hết về thực tại. Cho nên giới hạn lối dùng kinh nghiệm cũ một cách máy móc là để ta không bị nó khống chế và cũng để ta trau dồi kỹ năng khám phá, sáng tạo. Bởi bản chất của con người và vũ trụ này luôn kỳ bí, ta phải có một con mắt trong suốt, vững vàng thì mới hy vọng tìm ra đáp số đúng.

Mỗi ngày ta hãy tập ngồi yên để thanh lọc lại kinh nghiệm vừa mới tích góp của mình. Nếu kinh nghiệm đó không có tính chất nuôi dưỡng khả năng hiểu biết và thương yêu thì ta không cần phải để nó chiếm quá nhiều dung lượng tâm thức. Những kinh nghiệm nào chỉ tồn tại như một thói quen ngẫu nhiên, trong vô thức mà ta đã lưu trữ, thì hãy đem nó ra phân tích và buông bỏ từ từ. Mỗi khi tiếp xúc với bất kỳ đối tượng nào, ta cũng luôn tự nhắc nhở hãy nhìn vào thái độ của mình, xem mình có đeo mắt kính màu hồng thiện cảm hay mắt kính màu đen ác cảm không? Nếu có thì sớm tìm cách dừng lại cuộc tiếp xúc đó mà trở về chỉnh đốn lại tâm lý của mình. Bằng lối sống tỉnh thức như thế, ta sẽ luôn có cơ hội nâng cấp nhận thức, mở rộng tầm nhìn, không để nó bị chai cứng hay xói mòn chỉ vì những quyền lợi ích kỷ nhỏ nhen.

Sự an bình và thảnh thơi của tâm hồn chỉ thật sự hiện bày ra khi nào những phiền não trong ta rơi rụng xuống.

Nhìn bằng mắt trong suốt
Không kẹt kinh nghiệm xưa
Mở lòng thêm hiểu biết
Như đất gặp cơn mưa.

MINH NIỆM

Detached, but not indifferent

Thoughts on the Warrior of Light and renunciation.

Paulo Coelho | April 2009 issue

In any activity, we have to know what to expect, how to reach our objectives and what capacity we possess for the proposed task. The only people who can say they have renounced the fruit are those who, thus equipped, feel no desire for the results of the conquest, and remain absorbed in combat. You can renounce the fruit, but this renunciation does not mean indifference toward the result. This strategy belongs to Mahatma Gandhi. The Warrior of Light listens with respect and is not confused by people who are incapable of reaching any result and always preach renunciation.

Renouncing vengeance

The Warrior of Light holds the sword, deciding what to do and not do in any circumstances. There are moments when life leads to a crisis and we are forced to divorce ourselves from things we have always loved.

Then the Warrior reflects, assessing whether she or he is fulfilling God’s will or acting through egoism. If separation is the path, that is accepted without complaint.

However, if this separation is provoked by the perversity of others, then he or she is implacable in answering. The Warrior possesses the art of the blow and the art of pardon and knows how to use both with equal skill.

Renouncing provocation

Experienced fighters endure insults; they know the strength of their fists and the efficacy of their blows. In front of the ill-prepared opponent, they merely contemplate and show strength through their looks. They win without needing to take the fight to the physical level.

As the Warrior of Light learns from spiritual masters, the light of faith shines in his or her eyes and there is no need to prove anything to anyone. The aggressive arguments presented by the opponent—that God is superstition, that miracles are tricks, that believing in angels is fleeing from reality—are of no importance.

Like the fighter, the Warrior of Light is aware of his or her immense strength, and will never fight with anyone who does not deserve the honor of combat.

Renouncing time

The Warrior of Light listens to Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu when he says that we must detach ourselves from the idea of days and hours and pay more and more attention to the minutes. Only in this way will we manage to resolve certain problems before they happen. By paying close attention to the small things, we learn to protect ourselves from the calamities.

But to think about the small things does not mean to think small. The Warrior knows a great dream is made of many things, in the same way that the light of the sun is the sum of its millions of beams.

Renouncing comfort

The Warrior of Light contemplates the two columns beside the door to be opened. One is called Fear, the other Desire.

The Warrior looks at the column of Fear and reads, “You are about to enter an unknown and dangerous world where all you have learned up until now will be of no use whatsoever.”

The Warrior of Light looks at the column of Desire and reads, “You are about to leave a known world where all the things you always wanted and all that you have fought so hard for are kept.”

The Warrior smiles, because nothing can frighten or hold him or her. With the confidence of those who know what they want, the Warrior opens the door.

Paulo Coelho is the Brazilian author of international bestsellers, including The Alchemist. paulocoelhoblog.com

Are You Bold Enough To Forgive Yourself & Others?

photo credit: tapperboy

Monday’s Magic winner is Patricia. Please contant me and I will contect you with the sponser.

Is there someone of something that has been weighing you down? Are you in conflict with someone you love? Are you angry with a boss who let you go or a friend who let you down.

If so, you may want to lighten your load with a dose of forgiveness. Forgiveness means you surrender the situation or person, your release it, no longer playing scenarios in your mind of “what she said, what he did, how could they, and I’ll get even because.”

Life is too short to carry around a ball and chain. Life is too short to be upset with anyone about anything.

Below are some examples of how to forgive, why you want to forgive and what others say about forgiveness.

My friend Barry Nobles, a retired high school counselor gave me this affirmation on a yellow index card last fall when I was struggling with forgiving myself. I kept it in my pocket as a reminder until I didn’t need it any longer. When I needed to change my self-defeating and condemning thoughts I read it over and over.

“I forgive myself for judging myself for_____________.
When I see myself through the eyes of ___________ I forgive myself for judgeing myself for____________.

Another friend Katherine Nuyens offers this lesson in forgiveness on her website:

“I completely forgive myself for taking on this particular situation. (Name it.) I know I was only doing the best I could at the time. If I was in another state of mind, or if I had more information, I may have acted differently. (As you are ready) I ask Spirit to help me reach the place of forgiveness for myself and for anyone involved in this situation.. I realize they were only doing the best they could also. I love and accept myself with all of my problems and perceived limitations. I don’t need this (name negative emotion) any longer. I am now able to replace it with (positive emotion). ”

Something I found a very long time ago that has helped me and I continue to share it with others:

“I bless you I release you I set you free. I allow you to be you and me to be me. ” Repeat this when the offender comes to mind.

A Course In Miracles offers these lessons:
Love holds no grievances.
Forgiveness offers everything I want.
God is the Love in which I forgive.
Above all else I want to see things differently.
I could see peace instead of this.

The Bible On Forgiveness:
”But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you…”Matthew 5:44

“Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Untill seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”–Matthew 1:21, 22

Other quotes on forgiveness:

“We forgive to the extent that we love.” — Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.” — Norman Cousins

My favorite! “No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” -Voltaire

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.” -Cherie Carter-Scott

Like all things in your life, forgiveness is a choice. By making the choice to grant unconditional forgiveness, you will have brought yourself one step closer to living a life of fulfillment, joy, and deep inner peace. -Chuck Danes

Decide to Forgive by Rober Muller

For resentment is negative
Resentment is poisonous
Resentment diminishes
And devours itself.
Be the first to forgive.
To smile and take the first step.
And you will see happiness bloom
On the face of your human
Brother or sister.
Be always the first
Do not wait for others to forgive
For by forgiving you become the master of fate
The Fashioner of life
The doer of miracles.
To forgive is the highest,
most beautiful form of love.
In return you will receive
untold peace and happiness.

More Forgiveness Exercises from my book, “Flying By the Seat of My Soul.”

1. Think of someone who irritates you. Write down the things you dislike about this person. Ask yourself, “how do I do these things myself?” If the quality you write is judgment, begin to notice how you also judge others. What we judge others for today we will find ourselves doing tomorrow!

Then affirm, “I release the need to judge others and myself.” Be vigiliant for these times and repeat your affirmation as needed.

2. Make a list of all the things that hurt you, that caused you to feel pain, distrust or fear. Now write a letter to a particular person. Tell them, I forgive you.” Decide to make forgiveness a way of life.

3. If you haven’t forgiven yourself make a list of any mistakes you hold against yourself. Remind yourself that you have been forgiven when old issues surface. Be gentle with yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Do something nice for yourself today.

4. Ask yourself the following questions and journal your answers:

Do I judge others?
Do I judge myself?
Do I condemn others?
Do I condemn myself?
Learn to catch yourself, stop and replace the judgement with wishing that person well.

5. Write a love letter to yourself. Thank yourself for how far you have come in life, what you have learned, accomplished and overcome. Put it away for a couple of months and then mail it to yourself.

I would like to end with a favorite quote by Anne Frank, “In spite of everything I still believe people are good at heart.”

Post from: The Bold Life